You know the drill: I don't own Degrassi (obvi) but totes wish I was an actor on the show!
CLARE'S POV:
My alarm clock seemed louder than usual as it began to beep. I wasn't used to getting up this early. The past two weeks, sleeping in at my grandma's has kind of become the "norm." Oh, how I wish I was back there. It was the perfect distraction from my perfectly terrible life.
The past two weeks I felt like I had been isolated from the world, especially Eli. We hadn't spoken since the dance. He tried to call and text me a few times, but I wasn't ready to deal with all of it yet. I needed some time apart from him. Coincidentally, the break gave my mom and dad a chance to get some space. These days, all they seemed to do was fight. They blatantly loathed each other, so Dad just kind of took off while Mom and I went to my grandma's house. Not that I was complaining, or anything. Trust me, it was a much-needed break for all of us. The fighting had become so bad I was turning in assignments late, and barely getting any sleep at all.
To be honest, I was prepared for these past two weeks to be one big mope-fest after what happened at Vegas Night. Luckily, I think I was still in such shock that I was able to completely block out any emotion I've had these past weeks. I was thankful for that. I would much rather be a sociopath than be hurting nonstop. I wasn't stupid. If I let the pain in, I'm not sure I would ever be able to let it back out.
"Clare, sweetie, first day back! I made you French toast, your favorite!" My mother called up to me as I rubbed my eyes. First day back. Great. I peeled back my layers of blankets and looked around me. My room was spotless except for a few tissues haplessly thrown about my floor. My new uniform sat confidently, unlike me, on my bureau. It reminded me of what I used to wear to school before I let Alli pick out some new clothes for me. This uniform felt completely different to me, though. Instead of it being a symbol of my individualism and self-assurance, it loomed as a reminder of my insignificance.
I slipped it on and smoothed out any wrinkles. This is it. I stole a quick glance at myself before exiting my bedroom and shutting the door. As I slowly tiptoed down the stairs, I let out a few deep breaths. I was trying to emotionally prepare myself for the day ahead of me, but nothing seemed to be working. I still felt uncomfortable and trapped. I turned into the kitchen and sat down at the table drearily.
"Here you go," my mother said with her best "happy face" as she placed the French toast and Maple syrup in front of me. The heat from the breakfast rose to meet my nostrils and burned them. I wasn't even hungry. I honestly felt too nervous and unhappy to eat anything.
"Mom," I started.
"Yes, Clare?"
"How would you feel about me not going to school today?" I was prepared to do anything to get out of this day.
"It's your first day back! Don't you want to see your friends? You haven't seen them in two weeks! How is Alli doing? Clare, you haven't talked to anyone at all since this break started, and now you are telling me that you don't want to see your friends? Honey, what is wrong?"
Of course she wouldn't understand. She knew I was there when Fitz stabbed at Eli, but she had absolutely no idea that I was involved. I couldn't bring myself to tell her. I hurt too much to talk about it at all, let alone reveal to her my part in it. I didn't want her to even know that I was mixed up in acts of such primal violence. Going to school again would mean seeing Eli again, which would mean talking to Eli again, which I was not prepared to do. I wasn't sure if I was still angry with him or not. I wanted to forgive him. I wanted to follow Jesus and turn the other cheek, but there was something stopping me. God didn't really seem all that important to me these days, anyway. How could I believe in something that allowed things like this to happen? First Darcy's rape, now my parent's divorce. If He was looking out for me, I was pretty damn confident my family wouldn't be this messed up.
"I'm fine, Mom." It wasn't even worth explaining to her. "Look, I'll go to school today. Forget I even said anything. Can we just leave? I'm not very hungry."
She gave me an unsure look before finally retreating. "Sure," she said picking up her car keys. This was going to be the worst day ever.
NOTE: Thanks for reading! I know this chapter is really short, but trust me, it'll get good in the next few chapters when Clare has to deal with family issues and reuniting with Eli. Review and tell me what you wanna see happen!