Without Peter

Peter/Wendy

by: bittersweetmelody47

Story in Wendy's POV

I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now

I want to give you back
I want to give you back
Somewhere out of here
I want to give you
I want to give you
I want to give you back

Somewhere out of here...

-- "Give You Back" by Vertical Horizon

It was quite a sight. The Lost Boys had tackled Mr. Darling in sheer delight the moment "Welcome to the family" was uttered across his lips, and Wendy had watched with amusement shining in her eyes, a grin plastered on her face. Never had she dreamed that her father would be this relaxed; for a moment previous to this she was almost one hundred percent sure that he would decline her inquiry of letting the Lost Boys stay. Now she was proved wrong, but she had been wrong about a lot of things before this. Seconds, along with minutes easily passed, as everyone happily chatted with each other, and Wendy found herself regailing to her parents exactly everything that went on in Neverland, with some exaggerations, of course, for that was a habit she could never break when telling stories. Her parents had briefly turned their attention away from her to answer a question Michael asked, and while Wendy patiently waited, she spotted a certain movement out of the corner of her eye, near the window. She had looked just in time to see Peter lifting off in the air, and after berating herself for forgetting about him for even a minute, she had rushed to the window, her hands resting against each side of it.

"Peter!"

To her relief, Peter heard her, and he swirled his body back around effortlessly to face her. He stared at her, his face calm, waiting for her to speak.

" You won't forget me, will you?" She asked hopefully, for she was familiar with his strong tendency to forget.

He crossed his arms across his chest in mock offence, a surprised smile tugging at the corners of his lips. " Me, forget? Never."

Wendy smiled, tears glistening in her eyes from the fact that the boy who had showed her all the things that no one else could, now had to depart.

Peter had seemed to sense her sadness, for his boyish, innocent smile had vanished quite suddenly from his face, and he just looked at her, not saying anything else. But he didn't have to say anything, for the unspoken words reflected from his sky blue eyes like a mirror. He was presenting her with a silent thank you for her help, before he knew he had to leave her for good.

Wendy made a slight nod at him, to show that she understood, and she knew he received the message, for he turned his body facing the horizon a little bit. He put up his hand and waved a solemn goodbye to her, a light smile upon his face.

He was already retreating farther into the air, when Wendy had the sudden urge to ask him another question: a question that she truly already knew the answer to. But she had to ask, just in case.

" Will you come back?"

She tried to raise her voice a little to make sure that he had not missed her words. But she knew he would hear her whichever way, loud or feeble.

He moved himself around to face her again, and that mischevious grin she had gotten so used to lit up his face.

"To hear stories... about me!" He exclaimed.

Wendy face broke out into a wide grin, for that was really how he was, so conceited with himself. At first she wasn't a big fan of that trait of his, but as time with him in Neverland went on, she had learned that without that certain attribute to his personality, he wouldn't be the boy that he was.

He left her with his smile, and she watched as his figure grew smaller and smaller against the vast sky. It was only when she could see him no longer that she finally moved away from the window and back to her family.

Wendy awoke with a start. She has had that memory replay itself in her dreams almost every night. At first it was welcoming to her, but now, after so much time has gone by, it was more like a burden. A burden of remembering.

That was the last time she had seen Peter's face, and two years had gone by. Before, she was a cheerful, entertaining nine year old, and now... well, now she was eleven, and not so much those things.

The Lost Boys had no trouble becoming a part of their family instantanously. Her parents had now considered them as their own sons, and the boys, since they were no longer in Neverland, had grown quite quick. They were all taller than her, and did all the normal things that kids do, for they became fluent in reading, and they attend school, which they find the subjects there to be very fascinating. John and Michael had grown as well, and they now keep to themselves, or usually talk with the Lost Boys ( or should I say, not-so-lost boys). Wendy did not blame them, for growing up can be a grueling process as well as an enjoyable one. Lots of times she found herself thinking about how much of a genious Peter really was, for he had refused to grow up. And look where he is now! In Neverland! A place that she wishes with all of heart that she could go back to.

Things were all right for a while after Peter had left. She missed Neverland, but at that time it was only a dull ache, for she was too preoccupied with the happiness of being back home and reunited with her parents and Aunt Millicent. She had told her parents every little detail about Neverland, about the swordfights she had been in, and about Captain Hook, while in the middle of her story had realized that somehow, in the facial features, Captain Hook looked a lot like her father. Her father reacted to that comment by a fascinated smile, and with the widening of his eyes. Everyone else, including her mother, had laughed, while John had remarked, " Imagine that! Father as a pirate!" That had only made them dissolve into laughter even more.

Then, after a while, the stories began to fade and their normal life took up its place once again. And, along with the disappointment that months had gone by and Peter had still not returned, she began to get sad.

The treasures that the boys had brought back from Neverland did indeed help their expense, to the point that it was basically fact that her father would never have to worry about financial matters again. Her parents spoke about possibly moving to a new house, but the subject was brought up only briefly, for as soon as Wendy had heard of it, she put her foot down on the idea immediately. When they had asked why, she simply replied that she loved where they currently lived too much, and would hate to leave it. It was a lie, of course, but it seemed to be a good enough lie for them, for after thinking about it a little longer, seemed to come to the conclusion that Wendy was right. After that, they spoke of moving to a different house no more. But the true reason she didn't want to leave her home was the possibility that if Peter came back and found her gone, he wouldn't know where she was at in her new house. And that idea just terrified her.

Wendy got back into her schedule of attending school, and she became temporarily blinded by the schoolwork, which made her thoughts of Peter lessen and lessen, which was good for her for a while. Then everything changed drastically.

She had just turned eleven, was a month into it exactly, and she was just returning home from school. She was now in a higher grade than John and Michael, so she no longer walked home with them. She had been feeling under the weather all day, but needless to say, she had been feeling sad for quite a while, so she only thought about her current condition vaguely. It was only when she stepped into her house that her stomach began to wrench painfully; some kind of stomachache she had never experienced before. It was enough to make her double over, and it was at that precise moment that she had this sort of damp feeling between her legs. Alarmed, she dropped her school supplies at the foot of the stairs and ran to the bathroom clutching her stomach, having no choice but to ignore her mother's call for her at the time being. She reached the bathroom and even before she checked herself she realized what had happened. Her mother had spoken of it a little to her years before, but, being as young as she was at the time, had squirmed out of the conversation, saying that John and Michael were waiting for her in the nursery to entertain them with her stories. Her mother did not stop her from going, and didn't speak with Wendy again on the matter up to today. At that time Wendy was grateful, but now she felt a tinge of regret from ignoring her mother's words. Did she think it really wouldn't happen to her? Maybe she really did.

Her mother's light knock on the bathroom door startled her. One arm against her stomach from the increasing ache, she slowly opened the door.

" Mother..."

That was all Wendy had to say. Her mother's gentle eyes took in her body behavior and then she smiled at her sympathetically.

Her mother put her arm around her and led her out of the bathroom. " Come with me, sweetheart."

Wendy followed her mother to her parent's bathroom, and, to Wendy's confusion, her mother turned on the knobs of the bath, the warm water spewing heavily out of it.

"A nice, warm bath is what you need right now." Her mother looked up at her. " My mother did the same thing for me when it happened."

Wendy nodded, for she strangely couldn't bring herself to speak right now.

" You know what your body is going through, don't you, Wendy?"

" Yes, mother." Her ability to speak came back. " You've told me about it once before, remember?"

Her mother nodded at her, a caring smile upon her face. " Yes, I did, didn't I?"

Her mother turned her attention back to the bathtub, which was now full, and reached up to turn the knobs back to the original position.

" I'll get some clean clothes and a towel for you." Her mother declared softly, and moved swiftly out of the room. Wendy could barely think properly; the pain in her stomach was so intense. She wasn't used to it, therefore, it hurt more.

Her mother came in and handed her the clothes and towels. Her mother stared at her a little, bringing her hand up to smooth Wendy's hair back.

" Relax in the bath; your brothers won't be home for another hour, and your father is out for the day. It's just you and me in the house." With those last words Wendy's mother nodded at her with a reassuring smile.

Wendy let forth a small smile.

Wendy's mother nodded at her again and turned to leave the room. At the door she turned back, and this time, to Wendy's embarrassment, she had tears in her eyes.

" My sweet Wendy, a woman."

Wiping her eyes, Wendy's mother finally left the room, not knowing the negative effect those words had on Wendy.

That night, once the realization of the changes in her body had sunk in Wendy's mind, she had started to cry. She didn't have to worry about the boys hearing, for they had all moved in separate rooms down the hallway, while Wendy had the nursery room to herself.

All she could think about is how things would be different for her now. She was no longer a little girl. She is now a woman. And she hated it.

She hated it because she had grown up, when she really shouldn't have. She had become what Peter most despised, what he had run away to Neverland for just to avoid. She had betrayed him in the worst way imaginable, and he would not want to see her anymore because of that.

With those thoughts of despair spinning in the realms of her mind, she fell asleep with tear streaks on her cheeks.

Two months had passed from that night. And things really weren't any better.

Wendy rose up from her bed with a sigh. She usually woke up earlier than everyone else, even her parents, because of the dreams. She wishes the dreams of that last night seeing Peter would just go away. All they do is add on to her guilt.

She walks to the window as softly as she can, and stares out of the paneled glass. Judging from the tiny amount of light on the horizon, she guesses that it must be around five in the morning, maybe six.

She slides her thin fingers under the wood of the bottom part of the window and pushes up, the window opening up easily.

The October breeze from the outside exhales its breath into the room, and blows her long, wavy golden hair back.

The memory that comes this time is comforting: her standing at the window, anxiously looking down for the source of the figure she thought she had seen, but seeing nothing.

Just like this time, as her glacier eyes gazed out of the open window, she was seeing nothing. And she was looking for nothing. She had learned to stop doing that a couple of months before.

She turned away from the window and back toward her bed. Maybe she can try to get back to sleep.

Something flickered out of the corner of her eye. She turned back toward the window sharply. There was nothing. Surely she was just imagining it.

Great. I've wished for it so much that now I'm actually seeing things that aren't there.

Now bitter, she turned away from the window once again, making her way back toward the bed.

" Wendy."

Wendy went rigid. Surely she couldn't have imagined that?

The familiar whisper spoke again. "Wendy."

Wendy spun around. And there he was.

He looked exactly the same, of course, standing on the windowsill with the tangled blonde hair and bare feet.

If she looked any different, it was up to Peter to affirm.

"Peter." She replied. She couldn't manage more than a whisper.

The declaration of his name was like an invitation to Peter, for he stepped into the room, a wide smile caressing his young face.

She moved closer to him and reached out with her hand to touch his shoulder. Her hand connected with a solid shoulder. He was real.

At this, she began to cry, the tears leaking out of her eyes and blurring her vision.

" Wendy?" Peter asked, his tone of voice concerned. " What's wrong?"

Wendy shook her head and hastily wiped the tears from her eyes, a smile breaking free amidst all the tears.

" I'm just happy to see you."

Wendy could see Peter was confused.

" But you're crying."

" I know." Wendy said, with a laugh. " Sometimes people cry when they're happy."

Peter's facial expression didn't change. " But I thought people are supposed to only cry when they're sad."

" Well, they can sometimes---" Wendy was losing patience with the subject. " Oh, forget that. What are you doing here?"

Peter's face suddenly adopted a devious and joyous expression. " I've come to take you to Neverland with me."

Wendy's heart sunk at his words. She couldn't go back. She's grown up, and even though she would never hear those words emitted from her mouth to Peter, she knew that she could not go. She loves her family very much and couldn't bring herself to leave them in worry again, if she went away.

Wendy shook her head sadly. " I can't."

Peter frowned. "Why not?"

" I can't leave my family. I must stay here."

Her tone of voice must have been firm and decisive, for Peter did not ask her again.

"Well, can you at least fly with me for a little while?" His voice was hopeful.

Wendy's face brightened. " That I can do."

But her face quickly darkened, like a lamp being turned off. " But I don't remember how to fly."

She looked up at Peter expecting him to be deep in thought, but he just waved a hand dismissively at her, the devious smile back on his face. " I'll teach you again."

Peter took Wendy's smile as a yes.

" Tinkerbell!" He whispered, his eyes searching the room.

A tiny glow of light appeared beside him, and Wendy fixated her eyes on the fairy she had grown quite accustomed with in Neverland two years ago. As Wendy looked at her, she was glad to find that Tinkerbell's dislike and jealousy for her had vanished, for Tinkerbell merely waved at her, a shy smile upon her small face.

Peter took Tinkerbell in one of his hands and shook her lightly over Wendy's head. The effect was instantaneous. It was a feeling that she hadn't experienced in so long, yet it seemed like yesterday. It was a warm feeling all over, and you felt like you weighed absolutely nothing. Wendy looked down at her feet and saw that they were no longer touching the floor. She rose more and more into the air, and as she looked for Peter, and found that he was in the air directly in front of her, she was reminded of the first time she learned how to fly from him. It was a reenactment of before, the similar white nightgown flowing out around her legs and her hair, though now slightly longer, let down and blowing about her face from the outside breeze. This remembrance gave her the urge to cry again, but this time she held the tears back.

She held out her hand to Peter, and he took it. Then he pulled her out of the window of her bedroom and out of the Darling house, and into the morning sky.

They glided over the clouds and raced each other from distance to distance. He took her hands and spun her around like he did before, when he had shown her the fairies. They must have flown for hours and laughed until their sides ached, but when they both descended upon the windowsill to Wendy's bedroom, Wendy looked toward the horizon and saw that it indicated no sign of any immense amount of time going by. The Darling house was still as well.

It was there outside her bedroom that Wendy and Peter simply stared at each other at a loss for words.

Peter finally broke the silence. " I guess I better go now."

Wendy nodded, and looked down, so Peter couldn't see the hurt in her eyes from the fact that he had to leave so quickly, but knew that he must.

He was silent once more. When it seemed to take a second too long, she looked back up, only to suddenly feel his lips on hers.

Her eyes widened, and they were still open wide even when he broke the kiss.

She didn't know what to say.

Peter looked away awkwardly, then seconds passed and his eyes met hers again, his face highlighted with a shy grin.

" I felt bad that you gave me a thimble, and I never had the chance to give you one." He said.

Before Wendy could say anything, he added with a little shrug, " It's only fair."

She thought of correcting his reference to a kiss by "thimble", but she decided not to. Besides, she was the one who told him that a kiss was a thimble anyway, and she should just let him be ignorant. Ignorance is a big a part of who Peter is. So Wendy merely nodded, then smiled gratefully.

" I'll come back soon." Peter said, then lifted off the windowsill.

" Goodbye." Wendy replied softly. He exposed his pearly white teeth in a grin, and their gaze on each other lingered, until he finally soared away into sky, and once again, just like years before, she watched until he disappeared against the orange-pink horizon.

It was then that she knew that she had given him what he needed back then to defeat Captain Hook. And now, he had given her exactly what she needed to move on in her life. And even if he doesn't come back, she will be all right.

She mentally thanked him, and even though she didn't thank him in his presence, and he was already hundreds of miles away by now, she knew that he heard her. There was no doubt in her mind to that.

She retreated back into her bedroom, but she decided to leave the window open, for old times' sake.

She slipped back under the covers of her bed and closed her cool blue eyes.

Everything would be better in a few hours' time.

Fin