AN: Hello again! I've done that thing where I don't write for months and then suddenly reappear. Yeah, sorry about that... I have still been writing, but it's all Christmas related stuff, so I'm going to post it around December time instead. I did manage to write this though - it's just a collection of little drabbles from Nell's point of view during some of the most Neric shippy episodes. Anyway, I've kept you all waiting long enough, so here it is! Enjoy!
o-o-o-o-o
On that one afternoon in October, you wish that you'd never got out of bed.
During your first morning at the OSP, you managed to not only interrupt your new boss and one of the agents in the team, but also to alienate yourself from the man you think you're going to have to work with for the rest of your career. Taking his whistle may not have been one of your best ideas now that you reflect on it, and he certainly didn't enjoy having his sentences finished by you if the look on his face was anything to go on. But you can't help it. You try to stop once you notice his reaction, but the words just seem to spill out on their own. So when he finally reaches his limit, you decide it's best to come clean and just tell him about your personality flaws.
The look on his face quickly changes when you let slip the word 'admiration'.
By the end of the day, when the team are slightly more intoxicated at Hetty's party and you start to learn a little more about them, you begin to think it might not be so bad after all. Maybe you could make this place work.
o-o-o-o-o
On that one day in November, you realise you've become good friends.
It was a very stressful week, full of black books, spy codes and explosive rescues. You have to admit that everything was almost too close for you. So when he suggests a movie night at his place to relax after work, you can't find a reason to say no.
You watch the entire Back to the Future trilogy together in his apartment that night, quoting almost every line. You find yourself laughing more than you expected, and you don't really relax so much as end up in a reference battle with each other. The kidnapping and the shooting and the murder are a fading memory now, and you say you'll have to do this again soon. He just grins and tells you to pick a film. You smile back, then head home around midnight.
During the drive back, you think of some movies you could try to see together sometime. It isn't a very short list. But you're sure there will be plenty more stressful cases out there.
o-o-o-o-o
On that one evening in April, you're hit with the fact that you could almost have lost him.
It was your idea to have him go undercover in the first place. You were the reason he was on that site, pretending to be Gary Clay, the FAA inspector. You were the one who saw the door closing in the chamber. You saw his face when it activated.
Callen and Sam got to him in time. They managed to press the button and get him out of there. They saved his life. You tried to help him from the Ops centre, but nothing you did would work. If it hadn't had been for the team on the site… Well, you're trying not to think about that.
For a while following the incident, long after you'd spoken to him again and weakly convinced yourself that he actually was alright, your mind keeps flicking back to the moment both of you head the lock click into place. Back to that second where the panic swept over his face, when your heart started beating almost out of your ribcage. You realise that you're starting to sweat, and slow down your breathing once more. You can't let anyone else in the office see you reacting like this.
In that one moment, you realise you've really, really started to care for him.
o-o-o-o-o
On that one morning in November, you see something from him you haven't seen before.
In hindsight, you know it would have been easier to tell him right away that the flowers were from yourself. But when he seemed almost shocked that you might have received them as a gift, you just wanted to see the reason behind it. You weren't expecting the response he gave.
He obviously didn't mean it the way it sounded. He couldn't have. He often made slip-ups or little mistakes in conversation. Yes, that's what it was. Just a bad choice of words.
When, later in the day, you reveal the truth to him in the Ops centre, you try to apply the same argument to some of the other things he has said, like 'someone else'. For a reason you cannot explain it seems to become somehow less convincing.
o-o-o-o-o
On that one afternoon in January, you see the same emotion again. This time, however, you're not feeling especially forgiving.
After your undercover assignment was over, you returned to the OSP not in the brightest of moods. You hadn't been exactly cheerful when you left, thanks to your slightly awkward encounter with Granger in the gadget room, but since Thruster had arrived to deliver the files, your patience had been going steadily downhill. He was being completely immature. Acting like an eight year old. You had to call him out on it.
But before you knew what you were doing, you had already accused him of something else. You swear, you only meant to call him childish. That was exactly what you had planned to say. Somewhere between your mind and your mouth however, the word twisted and changed itself around. You kept a straight face, but when you heard it leave your lips, your brain filled with panic.
Jealous. Why had you called him jealous?
It's not like you actually thought he was. He probably wasn't. No, he definitely wasn't. Like he said, he was just looking out for you.
As you're leaving the bullpen, you start to think that maybe you were a little hard on him. It's too late to do anything by this time though, and you decide that you can easily apologize to him tomorrow. You might even tell him your IQ – a partner deserves to at least know that.
o-o-o-o-o
On that one night in April, you really start to notice how things have changed.
By the time you get back home after work, you've convinced yourself that you are definitely not to blame for your own near-nervous breakdown.
It's all Nate's fault, really. He got inside your head, he planted these ideas and now you can't get them out. It obviously isn't true. You weren't flirting with him, and if you had been it wasn't to try and make Eric jealous. No, he's like your brother. There's no way you could ever think of him like that.
Or at least there wasn't any way, not until now. Nate's mind games have got all kinds of things that couldn't happen started. The point is, you definitely didn't think of him like this before.
...Did you?
o-o-o-o-o
On that one field trip in October, you get more than a little carried away in the moment.
You're not entirely sure how it came about, but the idea to turn up at Atama Security dressed in matching clothes was definitely one of your best. It's about the only time you've ever been able to get him to wear real pants during work hours.
What wasn't one of your finest moments, however, was your decision to step very close to him when he was acting weirdly. Of course, you've been that sort of distance away from him before, but that was always shoulder-to-shoulder or standing next to each other. This time you were face to face. You were touching his arms, he was looking up at you with those frightened puppy eyes, you were standing just between his legs. Even before he spoke, you started questioning your actions in your head.
But almost as if that wasn't enough, the accidental reference comes tumbling out of his mouth. The moment he says it, he realises what it sounds like and quickly tries to backtrack, but by then it's too late. You can't help yourself any more, and for a second you just let your mind run wild.
Barely, you manage to catch yourself again before you lean in too close. For a moment, you let your fantasies become real, but you had to stop yourself before you made some kind of irreparable damage to your friendship.
You step away from him, then wordlessly turn back to your equipment and your thoughts. Pretending to yourself seems like a waste of energy by this point, so why bother? The one problem with admitting your feelings to yourself is that you know he couldn't possibly feel the same way about you. But you're okay with that. Keeping a secret from everybody else couldn't be half as exhausting as keeping one from yourself anyway, and you're sure you can handle that.
...And that definitely wasn't a hint of disappointment in his eyes when you stepped away, right?
o-o-o-o-o
AN: So... what did you guys think? Please leave me a review if you have time. If there are some more decently shippy episodes in Season 4, I might come back and add to this later... that is, if you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!