So, here I am, all one my lonesome, in CAMELOT!

I've recently been completely obsessed with Merlin and in hopes of being able to think of something else other than the upcoming series four, I wrote this.

It isn't helping, but it's a lot of fun.

So, please, if you like it, tell me. Even if it's a 'you're crazy' because that's totally a compliment.

Each of the chapter names actually have a meaning.

Chapter 1:

Consign Me Not To Darkness

I was running, am running. Both, really. Either way, I wish I was in more shape than I'd allowed myself to fall into. There had been bouts in the past of me being in incredible shape and then I'd huddled against the internet in hopes that I could claim my sanity back. There's a faint glimmer of such a fear as I held now in the past but it was fading as I lept over a tree trunck, forcing my body to remember the times when it had been fit enough to run without stop for much longer than this. Not quite at that speed, but close enough. I didn't know the men who were chasing me though I wish I did, so they wouldn't go yelling about 'getting me' or anything worse than that.

Then I remembered advice, people see movement more than the actual person. So I was glad they were wearing heavy chunks of armor and I was in my very light clothes and running shoes (though I half wished to be found in my glorious airwalk boots) and knew how to travel in thick foliage. As soon as they were out of sight, I shoved my hood over my face and stopped, forcing myself to breath slowly. I was again thankful that I was wearing something that had some sort of camouflage ability. Green running capris. Black cami with a green camouflage cut off over it. A grey, long sleeved t-shirt with a hood underneath both of those. I listened carefully and heard the sound of armor tromping over innocent twigs and ferns and stopped breathing altogether and praying my heart wasn't actually that audible as I thought it was. Now that I'd stopped running, the fear took over my eyes and tears were starting to cascade down them but I don't dare whip my hand up to stop them, hoping the rapid blinking will steal them away.

"There he is!" He? I waited until they were actually heading my way, wondering if it was a fake out, but when I heard the sound of their leader rallying them, I sprinted again. The stop had killed below-par stamina and I was wishing I could keel over and clutch my aching sides but I didn't dare. I'd slowed because of the pain and they were gaining. Then I felt something warm, almost burning but in that way of a hot shower after a cold winter day or how hot chocolate/jello stings your mouth at first. A tree root seemed to lift itself and my foot got caught in it. With a yelp I fell, instinctively rolling. The only think of Parkour I knew and it was actually useful.

I started running again but didn't make it one step as my ankle gave out on me. Letting out a pained cry, I fell, then scrambled up as I put all of my weight on my left foot. The armed men surrounded me and looked about in horror. I was going to die. God was taking me home. I hoped it wouldn't hurt much before I was eternally happy. Closing my eyes, I started to frantically pray. My breath stole away my voice and there were shouts of panic and I felt the cold of steel against my throat.

"Not a word, sorcerer."

I let out one of those weird laughs people make when they have two choices; laugh or cry. To stand or collapse and with a sword at my throat, collapsing wasn't the best option. Then the tears started falling again. My legs trembled from cold and effort. Opening my eyes, I stared at the blonde knight with his cold blue eyes. Behind him stood a boy who was watching my every move, waiting for something I couldn't explain.

"Now that isn't very nice to say." My voice trembled so any points I would have had for sarcastic bravery were gone. "My father will be displeased." Plus, it really is hard to sound like you aren't ready to start bawling even more when you can't breath correctly.

"Why should I care what your father thinks?" The steel came an inch nearer and I held my hands up in surrender.

"He's a king."

Was he? I searched my memory and realized I couldn't remember a thing. My memory had stopped the moment the knights had caught me. Just the sense that my father was going to look after me, no matter what and that he commanded a great army and that this fear I had was silly, but it still wasn't going away.

Yet the sword lowered slightly and I got a suspicious look from the blonde.

"Yes, believe it knight. His kingdom is great and he's preparing it for me. Until he deems me ready, I must prove I am his and that he is waiting for me."

My accent felt foreign, I realized. It wasn't my natural one but I still used it. It was theirs, not mine. I was taking it from them for now, to put their minds at ease.

"Yet you ran."

My breath wasn't burning anymore but my voice was still shaking as I looked around at the other knights in red and silver and gold, ready for me to do something entirely stupid like attack him.

"To be quite honest, what I've just told you is the only thing I remember." Emotion struck me as I realized I really did know nothing about myself except stupid details like what Parkour is and that I like something called the internet. "And that's only just come to me. I really don't know what's going on at the moment."

The tears that had stopped while I remembered my father started raining down again and my knees shook.

"Arthur, he's terrified."

"Merlin, shut up."

I let out a sob, my hand flying to my mouth. This was pathetic. I was stronger than this, wasn't I? Could I really be this frightened weakling trembling after being caught?

Then I felt a sudden rush come through my head and I stumbled, trying to find a tree. Voices surrounded me but I didn't care.

The next thing I knew, I was staring up at the one called Merlin as he lightly slapped my cheek. I blinked and tried to stand up. It was fine until I was up for more than a moment when my legs gave out on me and my head felt too full again.

"Whoa, my lord. You've fainted." Laugh. He'd called me my lord. They really thought I was a prince. And along with that, a someone of the male gender. Or, at least Merlin did.

"It really is an interesting experience, fainting. Nothing like it." I let myself be laid down again, with the boy's help.

He smiled thinly, looking at the blonde who stood nearby, sword still in hand. "I suppose not."

"May I have some water, or am I an enemy of the state because I ran away from a bunch of armed, shouting men that seemed to not like me?" Merlin let out one of those little nose laughs (a snort) and Arthur glared at him.

"Give him some water."

I thought to point out at this time that I was a girl but decided against it for some reason. If they couldn't see my...girlish features or just from looking at my face (not to mention my legs), then they could find out later. Dense fools. And, of course, I was too busy trying to sip the water so I didn't make myself sick gulping it down like someone who's never experienced band camp...had I experienced band camp?

"So what is your name?" Arthur was curt, to the point. He moved his sword for effect and I knew he wouldn't hesitate to use it.

Several names popped into my head, all feeling utterly familiar. Kortnee, Clarissa, Lacey...which one was mine? Were any of them mine? Wait...I was now posing as male. All of those were female, though Kortnee was once a male name (how did I know that?), I wouldn't feel comfortable with it here. It was too close to who I really was. (Is that such a bad thing?)

"I am Gabriel." I couldn't figure out why I wanted the name so badly, but it seemed to correspond with a phrase that struck me, I am the messenger for some reason I couldn't explain. Especially how Gabriel connected with such a phrase.

"Well, Gabriel, it seems you have a date with royalty." Merlin said quietly, helping me sit up against a tree.

"Should I clap with glee and start dancing like fool?" I asked him, equally as quiet.

"If Uther believes you, you should have no problem."

"Uther?" I asked, trying to squat to see if I could stand without falling flat on my fact.

"The king." He grabbed my wrist and I followed his example, clenching onto his. Luckily, I was as much as a lightweight as he was and I stood easily. My head now felt too light but I didn't see any risk of falling.

"Of course." I turned to Arthur and nodded my head in the most manly way possible.

"Thank you for sparing me, Arthur. I did act a bit...guilty."

"No, really." He rolled his eyes as he motioned for two of his knights to escort me to a horse. A sudden image popped into my head of me disarming both knights, taking one of their sheaths and both of their swords and riding off into the sunset and my body seemed to yern for me to put it into action but I didn't. I had no memory, and there was a tentative ally in these men. If I attacked them now, any small chance of that would be completely gone. Besides, after the initial chase and sword-to-throat thing, I hadn't actually been that threatened, not really. They'd actually been a bit kind. Gruff, but kind.

My hands were tied to the pommel of the saddle to a spare horse and I wondered why they'd have a spare horse. It wasn't very likely a rescue mission, they didn't have that look about them, searching for something precious to at least someone. No. They'd been looking for something and I'd suddenly given myself to them and they took it. Perhaps they'd been looking for a sorcerer, so they'd found one in me so they could go home and do whatever horrible things to them. And then I'd fainted; a very manly and sorcererly thing to do. There must have been some conversation about how thin I was, and I imagine some insults if I'd gathered Merlin and Arthur's relationship correctly. Like brothers. Awkward, I-really-don't-get-why-we're-close brothers, but brothers.

It was rather hard getting used to the horse when I was tied to it, but after a while I grew comfortable and my back was razor straight as I move with the wonderful animal. Merlin rode in front of me, as my horse was being led by his. I was glad because I rather liked him.

"So, Merlin, why was I chased after?"

He looked at me, then at Arthur, who was in front, then seemed to decide not to care. "You just...appeared in front of us, running. It was like you didn't have anything better to do than run in the forest. It startled Prince Arthur—"

"I was not startled, Merlin." Arthur said, and I stifled a laugh. "I was surprised to find someone suddenly running by us when they hadn't made any sound approaching us but made a lot as soon as they were right by us."

I started berating whatever inclination that made me run silently and then make noise next to a bunch of men ready to attack. Then I realized that I didn't remember anything beyond me enjoying a run and then suddenly being yelled at.

"Well, I'm not so prideful to admit that I was startled by the lot of you." Merlin gave me a smile for that as we ambled on.

"Well, you surprised Arthur and then he started yelling and then you started running faster."

"A lovely good time." I was glad that I finally knew what he was talking about. It wasn't exactly comfortable territory, but I knew what he was talking about finally. Then I noticed some of the knights had crossbows. "Why didn't you shoot? As much I I'd hate to admit it, that probably would have worked as much as me tripping over some tree root."

Merlin looked proud of himself for a moment, but then the look passed. "You were too fast, once we yelled at you to stop."

"I'm starting to wish I'd stopped," I muttered, then nodded for Merlin to continue. "And it does take time to reload those things. I prefer a..." I trailed off as both Merlin and Arthur looked at me, then at each other as if they were accessing some kind of telepathy. "Longbow. How would I know that?"

"Maybe you hit your head when you fell? That would explain you passing out and your memory loss and why you're remembering things now." It was actually Arthur who offered that bit. Too bad I knew it wasn't correct.

"No, I'm afraid not. I used a break fall when I tripped."

"What?" It was Merlin's turn and I laughed.

"It's a roll that takes a lot of the momentum of my own weight off of falling. If I were to jump off of a the second floor of a building, that would save my knees and back from as much wear as they should have gotten." I explained, wishing I actually had the talent to jump off of a two story building, much less the courage to do so, but they didn't know that so they'd be impressed.

"Why would you jump off of a the second floor of a building?" The he/she's-an-idiot tone of Arthur's voice suddenly sent angry chills up my spine. Or so I imagined.

"It's a sport...I think. Or I'm just a very odd person. Besides, it could come in use someday." I felt my chin go upwards I tried to defend something I really didn't remember any fine details about. Merlin shook his head and muttered something about 'princes'.

Then I saw where we were going and barely kept my jaw firmly closed though I admit I did lean forward. Merlin noticed my movement and smiled.

"Wonderful, isn't it?"

"Where..."

"Camelot." Arthur said, sounding as if he'd built it all by himself and was the sole reason it was standing.

Which was impossible because it was absolutely beautiful. Stunning. A force that could not be ignored. I was about to say this all out loud but my mouth still wasn't working right. It seems as if I like castles because the city of Camelot had a very large one at the very center of it, banners flying high.

"It's..." I trailed off. If I'd been a girl to them, I'd say girlish words like beautiful or amazing or 'gimme' but instead I let them imagine all the manly things I was going to say and they accepted the answer as me being at a loss for words. The thought of me not knowing words was suddenly very amusing and I let out one of those weird breath chuckles and shook my head as we continued.

When we got to Camelot, I unceremoniously was dragged off the horse and wondered who or what I should thank for the reflexes my legs had as they flew underneath me so I didn't end up on my rear end. Even then, my ankle nearly gave out on me. Glaring at the knights, who ignored me completely, I followed with my chin high. I was a prince, according to my broken memory and I should definitely look it as much as I could in my current state. Arthur led the way as we weaved through halls until we came to some double doors. All eyes turned towards us as I was forced to kneel to the king at the throne.

"Sire," Arthur said and I looked up, "We found this boy, Gabriel in the forest."

"Why have you brought him to me?" Uthur said, looking at me with accusing eyes even though he didn't know if I'd done anything yet. Heck, I didn't even know that.

"He suddenly appeared in front of from thin air and ran from us when we called out to him." Arthur looked at me as if examining me truly for the first time and I resisted glaring at him. He did not 'call out to me.' He yelled, "get him," and I did the thing any normal person would do when a bunch of knights with swords yell at you to halt. I booked it.

"Magic?"

"It appears so but he also claims to be a prince and seems to have no memory of before today."

"Well, what do you have to say about this?" All eyes turned to me.

I took a deep breath and thought over what I should say, the short moment feeling like a few minutes but it was only a few seconds by the reaction I got."Sire, I truly don't know why I suddenly appeared in the forest. I ran because it was instinct to run away from such an intimidating group of knights when outnumbered and weaponless. Without my memory, I admit I was rather afraid."

"And you remember you're a prince?" Sceptic. Anyone would be

"Only that my father is very noble and powerful and commands an army. This led me to think he was a king as only kings have such power. I'm afraid I can't even tell you where I'm from."

I could tell Uther wasn't buying the truth for what it was. Something was keeping him from believing what I was saying. So I jerked my elbows out of the iron fists of the knights and stood up as straight as I could, my eyes fire. This made everyone nervous, as I my skills with my peripheral vision showed a great many hands fly to sword hilts, but I continued then to bow, low and elegant. Someone must have taught me, really, because it felt completely familiar. I didn't lift my head at all, showing the deepest respect I really didn't have for the man. Only when five full seconds passed did I finally straighten.

"I know you have every right to disbelieve me, and I'll accept whatever you have in mind. I am at your mercy, sire."

Then he said, after a few long—very long, like, eternally long—moments, "Take him to a cell while I figure out what to do with him."

I was taken by each arm, more gently now that I'd shown an ounce of whatever nobility I had myself believing I possessed. They took me down to a badly-lit dungeon and shut the barred door behind me, locking it. Trying not to question the closeness of the space, I sat down on the thin mattress and leaned my head against the wall, trying to figure everything out.

The first thing I thought was that I should probably tell the king I was a girl. It was never a good idea to lie to a man who could order your head on a platter without much reason other than the one I was giving him. Even less than what I was giving him. Yes, I'd tell him, but ask him not to reveal it to Arthur. For some reason, my father (a king) would give me these less-than-stellar clothes and set me through the woods. A test. It must be some sort of test and letting any but Uther know I was a girl could hinder that as men could go places women could not. The minutes I thought through this were long and many and I wished I had more room to think because the space was so small and I was starting to feel almost claustrophobic.

"What the heck were you doing, Gabriel?" Or Kortnee, or Lacey, or Risa. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my dirty hair. It was then that I realized every inch of my hands and face were covered in dirt, with a loud groan.

"Are you hurt?" My head jerked up to it's proper place and I saw Merlin looking at me, all concerned.

"Only my pride. Appearing in front of King Uther like this. A prince, I'm sure." I stood with a smile, all of my weight on my left leg, rubbing off some of the dirt with my sleeve. Merlin laughed and the guards opened the door. He handed me a plate and a goblet. The food didn't look entirely appetizing but my stomach didn't much care what it consumed at the moment so I gratefully took it. Even through my hunger, something reminded me to be polite and I offered some to Merlin, who shook his head with another of his smiles and I realized he probably had better tasting food waiting somewhere for him.

"It's not that bad. You were running through the forest and managed to fall, then passed out-"

"Hey, I was under a bit of stress!" I defended myself and he smiled, again, and took the now empty plate from me. He turned to go after I emptied the goblet. "Merlin?"

"Yes, my lord?"

"Do you know what's going on right now, you know, concerning me."

He hesitated, then moved closer and spoke, his voice low, "Arthur wants to give you a chance but Uther suspects you used magic and only barely believes you're a prince."

"Magic?" The only reason I kept my voice so low was because of it's hoarseness. "What do you mean, magic? People can use magic?"

Merlin looked incredibly surprised, "Yes. Well, some can, but it's against the law."

"Well, then, I'm screwed. I didn't even know about magic and it has to look like I used it. Anyone can fake amnesia..."

So I was to die.

Merlin must have seen my face pale, even beneath the light layer of dirt and he grasped my shoulder, as if to hold me up. He looked into my eyes, a very serious expression taking my attention away from my imminent death and to him. "I will do everything I can to save you, Gabriel."

There was a moment of silence as I registered this, "I promise."

"Why..." I shook my arm out of his grasp and stepped away in shock, "Why the heck would you do that. You've known me for, what, two seconds?"

Gone was my princely speech as I stared openly at the boy, who looked as surprised as I felt.

"How do you know I'm not lying? I don't even know if I'm lying!" I shook my head. "No, give your trust to someone who deserves it."

"For all I know, you deserve it."

This answer shocked me, and I was stunned into silence. Merlin was the epitome of goodness and, as it seemed, was unbelievably naïve. He wanted me to be trustworthy, so he was giving me the chance to be when, for all I knew, I deserved the death Uther was contemplating for me.

"Merlin..."

"I have to go. Arthur—"

"Don't get in trouble for my sake." I tried staring him down but he just smiled and left the cell and me wondering who he was. He seemed like...more.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I murmured, resuming my place on the mattress. Closing my eyes I tried to think.

And proceeded to sleep.

SO much work ethic.

It was the guards that woke me the next day, forcing me on my rather groggy feet and I limped in pace with them while trying to wake myself up. Of course I had to mutter to myself in that way that writers do when they don't realize anyone is watching. Which, when the king of Camelot thought I had magic was such a great idea.

I held no dislike for the mornings, but they don't exactly like me back, apparently.

When we reached the double doors, I was practically thrown into the room and I limped up to the king, half relying on the momentum the guards had so lovingly provided. I looked in his eyes for one moment and then dropped painfully (in more than one way) to my knee, my good leg supporting me.

"I have decided to spare your life." I looked up in one swift moment and tried to keep the surprise out of them as while keeping the gratitude. "You will be accompanied everywhere you go, and," it was then that he started with that look in his eye that told me he had the power to change his mind, "if you show one sign of being anything other than being trustworthy..."

"I understand, Sire."

"You will be treated as a visiting dignitary as we investigate your claims."

I swallowed, looking around the room and seeing both Arthur and Merlin (who looked insanely proud of himself) and other members of the court. "If it pleases the king, I would like to be treated as a servant."

A murmur was struck up as I looked back at the king, who looked both interested and as if he was thinking hard on my words.

"You claim royalty and you ask for servitude."

"If what little I remember is correct, Sire, I am supposed to learn how to serve so I can serve whatever people my father rules over. It is how he showed how much he would risk for them and..." I trailed off, trying to remember another scrap of memory. "I also am very nervous about my memory, sire. I completely understand how any of this court could not believe my nobility as I have questioned it myself."

Just THROW yourself in the fire, why don't you?

"As you wish." He looked to a man with white hair standing near Merlin. "Gaius, can you use an assistant?"

"I will see if Lord Gabriel can be of assistance if you wish, Sire." The older man looked at me underneath his crooked eyebrows.

"See to it." He looked to me, "Go with Gaius, the court physician."

"Thank you my lord," I stood and then remembered my ankle was done for as I stumbled. I barley caught myself and Merlin rushed to my aid with Gaius on his heels.

"What is it?" Gaius asked.

I laughed it off, not daring to look at either of the royals for my pride's sake, "Just a twisted ankle, nothing big." I shrugged off Merlin and nodded to Gaius, "Sir?" I think he saw how absolutely stubborn I was feeling and nodded.

"Follow me."

I could feel Merlin's eyes as he played follow the leader behind me as I tried my best not to limp yet put my full weight on my ankle. My acting skills were put to the test as I refused to cry at the shooting pain. Gaius led me to his chambers and promptly turned around and pointed to the bed.

"Sit."

"I—"

"Sit." I finally let myself hobble and did it right over to the bed where I sat down. A sigh escaped my lips as the weight went from my legs to the bed. "Merlin, get his shoes off."

Merlin started towards me, "Right." He knelt and merely touched my ankle and I sucked in my breath. He started to untie the black running shoe and I clenched my fists with my eyes tightly closed. Gaius watched my reaction, frowning. The boy managed to get off my shoe, "I've never seen shoes like this."

"They're rather comfortable." My voice was tight.

"Excuse me, Merlin." Gaius.

Gaius then poked my ankle and and gripped the edge of the bed as if my life depended on it. I would not scream.

"What happened to your ankle, my lord?"

"Please, I'm supposed to be your assistant, Gaius."

"Then answer the question."

"He fell, when we were chasing him." Merlin pointed out.

"No, I tripped." I said, glaring at him.

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"Well."

Merlin laughed, until Gaius asked him to wet some bandages in cold water, though he was still chuckling as he left. Gaius used feather-tip fingers as he probed my ankle and I noticed that it was a bit bigger than normal.

"Oh my..."

"You've sprained your ankle, Gabriel." Gaius said

"The tree root I tripped over helped."

"I'm sure."

I smiled until he tilted my foot slightly when it transformed into a grimace "So you're the physician." Gaius said nothing, lightly putting my foot down as he searched for something, muttering to himself. "I have a knack...hey, I remembered something!" He looked at me expectantly. "Well, it isn't very important, but I have this feeling I'm very good at getting myself into trouble and I end up hurting myself in some way."

"Not another one." He sighed, "Now where is that stool?"

"Well, anyway, I thought you should know that I'm a girl in case I do anything incredibly stupid."

The man didn't speak but continued to search for the stool that must be hidden under one of those piles of books that were scattered around the room. It was a comfortable place, lived in and hospitable. One could have never seen it before and yet feel at home if welcome in like I was.

"Of course you are, my dear." He finally seemed to find a stool and brought it over to where I sat in silence. It made sense that he wouldn't be surprised, being a doctor. Arther and Merlin had first seen me as a boy running in the woods and when I didn't contest the matter, they trusted I was and with that set in their minds they saw one of their own gender.

"I'm going to tell Uth...king Uther. I just don't want Prince Arthur and Merlin to know quite yet."

"Why in the world not?"

I was about to answer when Merlin burst through the door with a sloshing bucket and an arm full of bandages.

"Merlin, bring those over here and find a pillow."

"Is he alright?"

Hooo, boy, I might have understood why he still saw me as a guy but still. I know I'm not very...endowed, but come on.

"Only a sprained ankle. It should heal within two weeks."

"Within means before two weeks, right? I'm not so good with the sitting still."

Merlin laughed and Gaius's mouth twitched upward warmly, "Yes, most likely in a few days, Gabriel." He then proceeded to put the now utterly freezing cloth. I hissed and Merlin suddenly looked concerned.

"Did you honestly have to get the coldest water necessary, Merlin?"

"Well, fine, if you don't want Gaius to heal your ankle, I can take them back." He reached for the bucket and I shot him a glare. The punk smiled.

"You're lucky I like you, Merlin."

His smile widened and I couldn't help but accept it as completely contagious and smile with him. Gaius cut in on our bonding moment, "Doesn't Arthur need something done?"

"Right." The blue eyed boy nodded a I'm-totally-manly goodbye and left.

"Now, explain to me why you wish to be known as male?" Gaius said, giving me eye contact for a second before he started to wrap my ankle in the cold bandage.

"Men can do things that women cannot; they can fight without others questioning if they should, wear pants every day, earn trust without putting on pretty clothes, and can muck out stalls without people worrying about how they smell."

"Are you that fond of mucking out stalls?" Gaius smiled up at me and I grinned as a reply. I let him finish and rested my foot on the pillow.

"Thank you, Gaius. That feels much better. And I just don't want to be treated differently before I prove myself."

"You should be worrying about Uther before you worry about Arther and Merlin." Gaius said standing and wiping his wet hands on his clothes. I had the urge to stand and actually started to until the physician gave me one of those looks that said if you move, you will suffer consequeces. To say it bluntly; I sat.

"That's why I'm going to tell him."

"He might not agree with your reasons, child."

"No one ever does." I muttered, "Then I suppose I'll do as he says. I mean, he does pretty much have my life in his hands."

"Forgive me, Gabriel, but you do not sound like prince—or princess—for that matter, at the moment."

I shrugged, "You know better than I what peculiarities I have. I'm relearning them myself. Besides, it's rather uncomfortable to speak like that all the time."

"Now, my dear, I'll fetch the crutches and you must rest."

I yawned and nodded, "Who am I to argue?"

Gaius gave me a crutch and helped me stand up. He led me to a nearby door to a room and I went inside. It was a complete mess, but I was more comfortable in messes than I was in perfect cleanliness. For some reason, it the thought of everything being in perfect order was messing with my head. I wonder if it was some shadow of a memory or just me trying to find reasons to like my hosts. Either way, I collapsed into the bed and adjusted myself, closing my eyes.

So there you have it! I beg reviews of you!