A/N: Hmmm, I'm not sure about this one. It's just that sometimes you cannot sort your thoughs, and when you write them down the result seems incredibly random and rushed. Trust me, it's not.
Story Details: The words that follow are revolving around the whole "Sam leaves for college" theme. Sam's POV.
Disclaimer: I do not own the boys. To be honest, I'll never will and that saddens me. *frowns troubled*
It felt like I was fading away.
I didn't even have the courage to be mad. It didn't matter if you'd catch me, cause I had fallen before you had the chance to even realize it.
And even as you stretched your arm I couldn't grab it and hold on. I stayed stubbornly hovering above the edge, thinking that it wouldn't do any good, to drag you down with me...
But I did. I dragged you at the bottom I landed on, when I finally fell. And I showed you my new world. And you got scared.
I had you used into high flights and waving suns... Now, all I had to show you was darkness and pain. You were speechless...
But you didn't walk away.
And I told you. If you want you can go. Now. I won't hold you back.
But all you did was to open your arms further, to shelter me inside.
But I wouldn't step into the protective circle of your embrace.
You decided to stay anyway.
You stayed.
When I couldn't bare myself.
When I couldn't recognise my own face in the mirror.
When I had nothing left to give.
And you'd say "everything will work out".
And I'd get furious and yell right to your face that nothing will work the fuck out.
And you'd remain silent... But you wouldn't leave.
And so, I did. I left. So afar, and so unfairly I left.
Will you ever truly forgive me?
I'd leave and then come back, and you'd always be there and every time you were I'd get up and walk away again.
Not because of you. Not because I ever stopped loving you. But, because I couldn't handle the person I had become. I couldn't handle fighting an uneven war. I didn't know how to go back into being my old self again.
I was tired of all these battles, and I didn't recognise you were only trying to make things easier for me.
I was seeing another battle. One I wasn't ready, or willing, to give.
A/N: It feels like I've left unresolved issues, so I'm thinking about continuing this with a companion fic in Dean's POV.
Till then, tell me your thoughts about this one. *waves*