A/N: Just a very brief and very stupid little thing I wrote on the train home today…hope you enjoy!
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August 28th.
So, today is exactly one year since my son Stan told me he was gay. He and his friend Kyle have been 'seeing each other' ever since. I know I usually use this as an ideas log, but I thought I would write a little entry about that instead (on a side note, Sharon called this journal a 'silly fad', but I'm still using it…).
Anyway, here are ten useful things I've learned about gays in the last year:
Number one: They can still like sport. I guess I was worried that Stan and I wouldn't watch football together anymore, and even worse that he'd only ever pretended to like it to keep me happy or something, but that hasn't changed. We don't spend a whole lot of time together (which Sharon's always on my back about, jeez) and I'm not sure I could deal with watching hours of Project Runway or something, so it's kind of a big deal that we still catch the odd game together.
Number two: Oh my god, they get easily offended, or at least Stan seems to anyway. For the first couple of months every time I opened my mouth he'd get angry or upset, and then Kyle would step in and be all like 'Stan, just leave it'. Jesus Christ. I'm like, ninety percent sure it's them being too sensitive and not my fault, but I do know dozens of 'not cool' words now: bender, queermo, even homo is offensive, apparently.
Number three: They don't all fuss about their appearance. The pair of them still dress like slobs – I thought that was against gay code or something? I had some clothes leftover from my 'metrosexual' phase that I thought I should offer to Stan if they fit, but it seems like a bad idea now.
Number four: They don't have to love shopping. Shelley is annoyed that Stan won't help her pick out dresses. Go figure.
Number five: They aren't all friends with each other. Okay, I'll admit this one was maybe a bit stupid of me, but I can confirm that Stan and Kyle don't always know how Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave are doing and I should stop asking. Kill a guy for trying to make some conversation, God. I thought maybe they saw them in Les Bos or something…
Number six: There's not always a 'girl' in the relationship. The pitcher doesn't always pitch and the catcher doesn't always catch, and they didn't like me asking. I still think it's Kyle though.
Number seven: No, they don't get turned on by their own junk. Hey, in fairness that's something I've wanted to know for a while!
Number eight: Even for gays, gaydar isn't foolproof. I asked Stan to tell me who in town he thinks is in the closet, and he said his school friend Butters and his teacher Mr. Mackey. When I asked Kyle the same thing though, he said he thinks Mackey is straight and Stephen Stotch is gay, so someone's antenna is a little off. Oh, and my brother Jimbo and his 'friend' Ned, but we all kind of know that already.
Number nine: Don't call their relationship a 'lifestyle' or being gay a 'sexual preference'. EVER. I refer you to point number two.
Number ten: I guess the last thing I've learnt about having a gay son is that…I'm fine with it. Yeah, I am.