Chapter One: Hit Me Baby One More Time!

"The hell do ya think you're doin'?!" a prominent Brooklyn-based accent cursed. As usual, the ghetto slang gave away the identity of its owner, mirroring the sophistication of a toddler going through a temper tantrum.

Without even looking up, the brunet on the couch replied, "Fuck off, Jou. I'm in this spot now."

"That doesn't give ya the right to stuff your face with my Starburst, though!" protested the blond angrily. He sounded pissed enough to take a beer bottle and whap the prissy bastard he saw.

"Shut up." commanded Kaiba, who couldn't care less about what the amber-eyed teen said or did. "It's only ten in the morning and you're already annoying me." Casually, he reached down to his left, retrieved a brightly wrapped piece of candy, and started to free the sugary substance from its packaging.

"Oh don't you even--" warned Katsuya in a threatening voice, "Don't you even dare. Not while you're in front of me."

Seto snorted condescendingly. "Who died and made you God?"

"None of your damned business." snapped Joey. "I just want--"

"To annoy the living shit out of me." finished the blue-eyed boy, twirling the pastel colored snack between his fingertips. "Tell me something I don't know."

Gritting his teeth, the honey-haired person balled his hands into tight fists, shot a horrible glare at his acquaintance, then spat, "That if you eat my junk food, I'll kick your ass so high up that you'll be bed ridden before your next birthday rolls around."

The executive rolled his eyes with great exaggeration. "Oh, deliver me! Is that the best insult you can come up with?" Muttering under his breath, he snidely added, "I can only imagine what pathetic grades you must be getting in English."

"What was that?" raged Jounouchi, walking right into his classmate's baited commentary. "Ya tryin' ta start something with me?"

"No, of course not." smirked the other adolescent coldly. Slowly, he lifted the pink cube he held to his lips, savoring the look of absolute hatred on his companion's face. "I wouldn't dream of it."

"Put it down, Kaiba!" ordered the blond while making authoritative gestures with his hands. "I'm not in the mood for any of your bullshit now!"

"Aw," mocked the dark-haired individual nastily, "the class clown can't take a joke. What a pity."

"Don't test me today, man. Like I said, I don't wanna deal with your little princess cockiness, so--"

Seto's face darkened. "You've got a lot of nerve calling me "princess", Jou. After all, aren't you the one who came to school wearing make-up?"

"Christ, it was just eyeliner!" the aggravated male cried.

"Which just so happens to be a cosmetic."

Angered even further, the amber-eyed boy shouted, "Serenity was studyin' how ta be a cosmetologist! I was just helpin' her by bein' a model for her last exam! Is there somethin' wrong with that, or are ya gonna keep goin on about it?"

"No, I guess I'm going to have to let it go."

Katsuya raised a suspicious brow. "Really?"

Nodding, the blue-orbed male answered, "Yes. I'll just think of that whole incident as something I'll have to come to accept."

"Which would be…?

"That you're more of a whining wanna-be Spice Girl than I had realized previously."

As his jaw dropped open, the blond felt waves of pure animosity bubble beneath his skin and wash over his features, overriding his good judgment with an emotion he experienced only when he was in the CEO's presence. That was it. He officially loathed the other teenager to the point of dragging him by those precious brown strands into a dark room, stripping him nude, and slapping on the brightest, most frilliest yellow dress he could find. Add some lipstick, a few coats of nail polish, costume jewelry, and lacy socks to go with a pair of glossy heeled shoes, and the arrogant asshole could pass for Little Miss America. The perfect punishment for someone always worried about protecting his dear, sweet reputation from the eyes and ears of any potential reporters. Wouldn't that be interesting to see in the paper, some corporate businessman who was so high and mighty that he was caught parading around in silk panties.

"Y'know, Set," Jou said as casually as he could, "you'd make an awesome pop star."

Raising a brow, the executive looked at his acquaintance as if he were crazy. "Oh my God, is the apocalypse here already?" gasped the brunet, a horrified expression plastered over his features.

Joey wrinkled his nose. "I'm serious, dude! You really would be a great singin' idol!"

"Lord help us…" Kaiba prayed, making the sign of the cross. "The mutt is actually giving me a compliment for once instead of making an ass out of himself. What is this world coming to?"

"I guess I'm finally seein' the error of my ways and am able ta realize how much of a perfect guy ya are." snapped the honey-haired teen sarcastically. "Sorry for bein' wrong about ya for so long."

Seto smiled haughtily, obviously enjoying the lackluster praise. His ego, which was larger than the profit that his dueling technology made, was next to impossible to injure. Not even the caustic remarks of a certain clueless canine could damage his ridiculously high self-esteem. "It took you long enough to realize that." snickered the blue-eyed boy cruelly. "I swear, Jounouchi, God must have been asleep when he was creating you." Placing a forefinger on his chin, he paused for a moment, appearing to be in deep thought. His dark sapphire orbs studied the ceiling, scanning the white surface with disinterest. Suddenly, a sly grin lifted one corner of his lips, molding his mouth into an odd little curved line. Turning his attention back towards Wheeler, he added, "Either that, or He was in the bathroom taking a--"

"Piss off, ya smart mouth!" cursed Katsuya furiously. Aggravation was getting the better of him, but as usual, he could care less. "Can't ya do anythin' other than feed that ego of yours? I mean, would it kill ya to be nice for once?"

"To you?"

"Well, yeah, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout now--"

"Yes." interrupted the CEO, who didn't even give the matter a second thought.

"GYAAAAAH!" yelled Joey, gripping handfuls of golden tresses in his palms. "YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!"

"And…?" replied the other male in an I-don't-give-a-damn kind of voice. Moving his arm in a circular motion, he inquired, "Is that…it?"

Realizing that his statements had no real impact on Kaiba, Jou calmed down some. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled some fresh air, held it in his lungs for a few seconds, and then let it out in an easy, meditative manner. Silently, he vowed to himself that he would not, under any circumstances, give in to Seto's conceited taunting and insults. Straightening his posture, he lifted his chest to a proud height, flung his shoulders back, and flicked his wrist carelessly. "Ah, ya ain't worth my time." answered the amber-eyed teen at last. Turning his back to the stupid snot on the floor, he muttered under his breath, "Bitchy Britney Spears look alike."

Instantly, the businessman's cheeks flared a wild shade of scarlet. Like an enraged cat with his claws extended, he jumped to his feet, looking as deadly as ever. In his sweetest, most syrupy tone of voice, he called his classmate's name. "Oh Joey, don't go, because I have a surprise for you…"

"What's that?" asked the blond, still smiling to himself. "Ya gonna mimic ya favorite girlie star an' do some sorta funky strip tease?" Laughing out loud he added acerbically, "C'mon, don't make an idiot outta yourself, 'cuz we both know ya don't got the boobs for the--" Peering over his shoulder, he was just in time to watch the brunet shove the fluorescent candy into his mouth. "You didn't--" sputtered Wheeler, staring at the head of KaibaCorp. with shock and rage. "I know you just didn't--"

"Mmm…" Seto said with a huge amount of self-satisfaction, "Very tasty, if I do say so myself. It's as succulent as a duel monster victory, wouldn't you agree?" Ignoring Katsuya's expression of absolute disgust, he pretended to search the carpet for another sugary treat. Running his long, tapered fingertips over the material, he faked a disappointed frown. "So sorry, Jou-kun…it appears to me that I just had the last piece. How very inconsiderate of me!" Heaving an overstressed sigh, he continued to add more fuel to the fire blazing inside of Jounouchi's mind. "Tell you what. If you get down on your knees and beg me to get you some more while wearing the same outfit that the Spears tramp wore in her music video 'Hit Me Baby One More Time," I just might do so." Folding his hands together, he rested his head on his limbs while regarding his comrade with steely blue eyes. "So," he asked, just waiting for the moment when World War Three would erupt, "Do we have a deal, Sweet Thing?"

Joey didn't even think twice about what his next actions would cost him. Like a fierce bull, he spun around, glared at his target with burning hazel orbs, and charged straight for the maker of duel disk systems all while screaming at the top of his lungs, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YA SELFISH BRAT OF A STARBURST STEALER! GOD AS MY WITNESS, I'M GONNA KILL YA!"