Author's note: Hey everyone. This is actually only my second ever attempt at fan fiction, so I do genuinely appreciate any constructive comments people might have. This is a one off story, set just after season 3, 'Jamie' character is completely fictional, obviously all the L word characters are not mine. It's a story about one of those rare moments when you meet a complete stranger who has so much in common with you that it really makes you look at yourself in a whole different light. I hope you enjoy it! Rated M for scenes of a sexual nature; so don't like, don't read!

So here I am, wasting time in some nowhere lez bar, in Portland, upstate Oregon. No reason other than I can, because I want to, because I'm here to forget. To run away. And this backstreet bar seems like a pretty good place to hide.

This bar, some total dive, crammed full of the usual scene. Everyone drinking too much, dancing too wildly, and generally not giving a fuck about tomorrow. All of them, vying for the attentions of this one girl. A new girl on the scene. Just appeared out of nowhere a few days ago.

I lean against the bar, drink in hand, and try to figure out what it was about this chick that had everyone throwing themselves at her. I gave her the once over. Nothing special. Scrawny, not much meat on those bones. Could have been some kid boy. Converse, baggy jeans, t-shirt. Wild unruly hair. Actually we were wearing pretty similar stuff, except my hair was too short, I wore a hat and glasses to cover my face instead of a fringe, and I've got some actual curves. I sigh, bored. Not my type.

She was facing away from me, engaged in conversation with some vacuous cutsie blonde. I say engaged, actually looks to me like this girl was pretty uninterested. As I watch, the girl politely declines the advances of the overeager blonde. She turns towards the bar, leaving the blonde to sulk and walk away. I notice she's rubbing her ring finger; bare but for the faint impression of an encircling band. Right...it makes sense someone this hot has to be pretty damaged as well. As she motions to the bar tender for another drink I catch a glimpse of her face, beneath that ragged, untameable fringe.

Woah.

I peer out over the tops of my aviators to get a better look. Those eyes. Jet green. Startling.

Those eyes are so...I dunno; intense. Mesmeric somehow. I find myself staring at her, unashamedly, until she turns suddenly catching my gaze. I feel a flush of heat as my cheeks redden at the sheer embarrassment at being caught oggling. I look down, at my beer. Take a swig. Look back up. She is still watching me.

Another swig. Shift position against the bar. She's still watching; a strange look in her eyes. A look I can recognise. I give that look out all the time. To girls. Girls in bars, girls in bars that I want to take home and fuck till the morning. I'm just surprised I guess, surprised at being on the receiving end of such a look.

"Ah fuck it" With a final gulp, I screw the courage up to put down the empty bottle and make my way over to her. I can sense her sizing me up as I walk. I realise I'm nervous and have to force my face into an easy, sexy, confident smile. No-one makes me nervous, what the fuck is it about this girl? I clear my throat.

"Hey"

She smiles back, and turns to face me fully.

"Hey"

Her voice is deep, rich and husky. It catches me off guard; doesn't match up with her elfin frame.

"a friend of yours?" I ask, referring to the pretty blonde she just blew off.

"ah, no...just some girl I know" and I get what she means. 'Girl I know' equals 'Girl I fucked once sometime.' I use it too.

I grin, and wink at her "Right...I'm glad I'm not going to be stepping on anyone's toes here"

She laughs at my forwardness, a murky, throaty chuckle. Damn...this girl is hot. I finish my drink, trying to ignore the fact my knees feel just that little bit weak.

"The name's Jamie by the way," I proffer a hand,

"Shane" She takes it, her fingers so fine and so smooth, shakes it lightly. I feel a crackle of electricity at her touch.

She motions towards my empty bottle, "want another?"

"To be honest...I'd rather we skip the social niceties, and just get out of here."

I look her straight in the eye. I can sense where this is leading, and I'm not sure I can wait around. She holds my gaze, and as I watch, I can see the darkness of lust creep into those jet green eyes. But there's something else there...a different kind of darkness. Almost like sorrow, guilt, shame? I can't help but gasp slightly as a realisation hits me, of just how alike we are...we're both running from something. Both just trying to forget.

She chuckles, biting her bottom lip, a gesture that sends a shot of heat to my centre and brings me back with a jolt to reality.

"yeh, 'kay."

She grabs her coat, downs the whisky straight without flinching, takes me by the wrist and leads me out of the bar. As we exit the doors out onto the street, she frantically scans around for a taxi

"How far away is your place?" She asks, sounding breathless.

"Too far" I growl, biting my lip with impatience.

Taking her by the wrist, I pull her down a conveniently dark alley way just outside the bar, and barely have time to make sure we're alone before her lips crash against mine. I moan as her teeth drag along my bottom lip, as she coaxes my mouth open with her tongue, as she backs me roughly against the hard brick wall.

I laugh slightly; normally I'm the one in control, but this girl's clearly a top too. I struggle against her, flipping her so she's the one pinned up. We're both pretty evenly matched; she's slightly taller but I'm stronger. Even the kiss reflects the battle for dominance, our tongues sliding over each others', our hands roaming over every inch; trying frantically to overpower, to control. In a sharp, quick movement, almost bordering on aggression she grabs my wrists and slams them over my head, and pulls away to look me in the eye. I stop and hold her gaze, searching her eyes for some hidden reason.

"Please..." Her voice, even though I can barely hear it, sounds desperately needy, strained almost. She leans in towards my ear, her hot breath rushing at the nape of my neck. And then I get it. She needs this. She needs to fuck the pain away.

And so I let her.

I stop struggling against her hold on me, and nod ever so slightly.

She leans further forward still and plants ghostly kisses all along my jaw line, my neck, my collarbone. Her hands move down my body, under my t-shirt and back up to grasp at my chest, to trace her nails down my side. I shudder, hard. Jesus, this girl drives me fucking crazy. I can hear the blood pounding in my ears as my pulse quickens.

I feel the wetness of my centre as she presses a thigh coarsely, deliberately against me, and I have to bite my lip hard to keep from crying out. She lifts up my shirt, and starts kissing down my stomach, her tongue fluttering over my hip bone. I lose my fingers in her tangle of hair, as she makes her way down, her fingers quickly unbuckling my belt, and unbuttoning my jeans.

She roughly pulls my jeans and girl boxers down, exposing me to the chill of the night air. Not that I can feel the cold; there's an inner fire racing through my blood right now. Then, with a low possessive growl, she fastens her lips to my aching cunt. My whole body bucks up towards her, and I can't help but let out a hoarse cry.

"ahh, fuck." I have to bite the back of my hand as she licks my slit from top to bottom, and settles down to work at me with a flurry of strong, slow strokes of her tongue. I tighten my grip in her hair, as the waves of pleasure shake my frame. This Shane girl clearly knows what she's doing, I've never been so close so quickly. I'm struggling to breathe, my chest heaving sporadically. I can't focus, my mind's going blank from sheer ecstasy.

And then suddenly she stops. I let out a whimper as she unfastens her lips from my skin and moves back up my body, pressing her body hard into mine, her leg hard against my swollen clit.

"Jesus christ" I cry as she starts rocking against me, snaking a hand down in between us and rubbing me hard.

"You like that?" She asks, her breath impossibly loud in my ear, her voice harsh and thick with lust.

"Uggh, fuck.. Yeah, Fuck yeah" I'm never this vocal, but the words escape me before I can even stop them.

"Good, say my name. Say it." Her voice cold and heavy like metal, with a domineering sharpness to it.

"nnggh, ahh fuck!" But I can barely hear her, my clit is pounding, and I'm teetering on the edge of impossible pleasure.

"Say. It" Her actions speed up, and every sense is filled with her. Her heavy breathing in my ear, her smell, her taste; JD and smoke on my tongue, her soft skin as she crashes her whole weight against me with each thrust. My mind is filled with thoughts of her. Only her.

Rachel...my Rachel

And at last I can't hold on any more. Her actions become to much and I'm overwhelmed by my climax as it rips through me.

"uuugh...Jesus fucking Christ, Shane! Oh Fuck, Shane!" I cry out her name as I come, clutching her close to me as another series of waves crash over me as she brings me over again.

I eventually catch my breath, leaning on her to keep me up as I don't trust my legs to hold right now. I lean in to kiss her, and turn the tables, flipping her against the wall.

She pulls away breathless, "No..don't..." she starts, but I can see in her eyes the unfulfilled lust. She was still so turned on and frustrated, just didn't want to break her 'rules' or whatever, I get it.

"Please..."I leant in close, looking her in the eye, trying to make her understand "I need this too..." my voice breaks as my emotions threaten to get the better of me.

And there's empathy in her eyes, just before she closes them as she presses her lips against mine. I slide my tongue into her mouth and start to caress her own, relishing in my taste on her breath. I mirror her actions from before as I snake my hand down the front of her jeans and into her pants. I almost laugh to myself as I realise she's wearing girl boxers too, this is just scary.

Her breath hitches as I coat my fingers in her prominent wetness and rub at her slit, making small fast circles around that most sensitive bud of nerves. She gasps and groans as I push inside her with first one, and then two more fingers and start to thrust into her, rocking against her with my whole body.

Her cheeks redden and I can tell she's close already by the way she covers her eyes with her hand and grabs at her own hair, as I continue to move against her. She lets out a grunt, as I move faster and faster against her, using all my strength.

My heart's pounding. I'm buzzing from the rush I get whenever I'm fucking any girl, I just love hearing them get off because of what I'm doing. I love that power, that control, that brief moment of possession.

"Ughh" She cries out, her eyes screwed tightly shut, and her back arches away from the wall as her body is wracked by her orgasm. I lock my arms around her, keeping her up, holding her close, her head resting on my shoulder.

"...Carmen...."

I hear her, barely a whisper, but know better than to question it.

Gradually as her breathing slows, I let go of her, pausing only to wipe a strand of hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. She slowly opens her eyes, and I could swear I saw a brief spark of recognition in her face just before it was replaced by the unmistakable look of disappointment.

I don't take it personally. I was doing the same the whole time she was fucking me. We were both doing this to forget about the one we wish we were really with.

I gave her one last quick kiss, before doing my jeans back up and turning to walk away.

"Hey..." She calls after me, and I turn to face her, getting one last look from those incredible eyes. A look filled with unspoken gratitude, and a surprising amount of empathy.

I nod silently, and head off into the street lit night.

I only saw her once again after that, the night after in fact. But I didn't go to her. 'm not sure I could do that again. Some days I wonder how she's doing, what she did to lose that 'Carmen' girl, whether or not she'll ever find forgiveness for herself. Some days I half think about trying to find her again. But she's long gone from this town, and besides...she scares me.

We were too alike. Looking at her reminded me too much of just what I'd become, just what I am, and who I was going to be; like looking in a broken mirror.

That night cut too close to the bone. Too close for comfort.