Not Alone
by Mountain Hive
-This is based by a true story I read in the newspaper and I found it touching. Originality doesn't belong to me. I simply edit the grammar and that's it.
My husband is not himself anymore; he seldom touches Youchi or even looks at him. And every day, his words torture me: "This is your fault! I wasn't supposed to marry you. We shouldn't be together!"
June 2009
What makes a woman perfectly happy? Tying a knot with her loved one and having a baby? Of course! That's how I feel now. Natsume is perfect, from head to toe. He's rich and everything that a girl wants. I'm lucky! Marrying him makes me feel complete.
I touch my belly; it's almost six months now and baby is moving. I always communicate with him.
"Hello mummy's boy. How are you?" I ask.
Natsume wants a boy and when the scan confirmed that, he was ecstatic.
The door opens and I turn.
"Hey, how are you?" Natsume says, hugging me from behind. He just got back from the office.
"I'm fine."
"How's our baby?" he asks, touching my bump.
"Why not ask him yourself?"
Natsume kneels before me and puts his ear on my belly.
"Hello, baby. Daddy's here. Hello…." He laughs and I joined in.
September 2009
I deliver on the day the doctors calculated. Natsume says the baby looks like him. He's been holding him all day. I smiled even though I still feel weak and tired. He gives Youchi to me to be breastfeed. That's the name chosen by Natsume's father; it means smart and cute.
I don't know about names but as long as Natsume is happy, I'm fine. As I look down at Youchi, I cannot believe the seed of our love is in my arms.
"Yes darling, he looks exactly like you," I say as tears roll down my cheeks.
January 2010
We attend a music-garten class in town as we have been told that the programme is very good for babies and new parents. It stimulates baby's brain cells through music while nurturing the bond between parents and child.
Throughout the thirty minutes, Natsume sat next to me, watching Youchi smile and laugh. It looks like he's enjoying the session. Seeing both of them happy is the perfect moment for me.
February 2010
Madam Anna at the music centre notices that Youchi does not respond like the other kids, especially when his name is being called. Natsume and I have not been aware of this. She suggests we take him for a checkup.
We've seen four different doctors but we're not satisfied with their diagnosis. They say Youchi is deaf and mute.
Natsume is badly affected by the news. He blames me for what had happened, saying that I must have a genetic defect. He says his family has perfect genes, so it must be my side. I asked my parents if we have anyone with genetic problems and they say, "No!"
My husband is not himself anymore; he seldom touches Youchi or even looks at him. And every day, his words torture me: "This is your fault! I wasn't supposed to marry you. We shouldn't be together!"
He slammed the door in the middle of the night and leaves the house. I hear Youchi crying in the next room. I pull out a blanket and wrapped it around him. I tried to calm him down by singing some songs, and tapping to it, like how Natsume and I did at the music-garten. When I gazed into his innocent eyes, I wonder if he can understand me.
July 2010
For two weeks now, Natsume has not been home. Every time I give him a call, he either hangs up or switches off his mobile. I lie back in bed with the radio on - loud. I know Youchi is sleeping, but who cares. He's deaf. Suddenly, a song came out on air and one phrase of the lyrics seems to speak to me: 'What's wrong? You're tired? Where is our promised happiness?"
I reached for a pillow, cover my ears and sob. I miss Natsume dearly.
August 2010
Youchi tries to take a few steps but keeps falling down. Natsume comes home after a month of avoiding us, but not for good. He is packing all his stuff. As Youchi plays on his mat, I sit quietly a distance away. I feel bad for him.
Natsume comes down the stairs and stands in front of me. "I have signed my part of the papers. After you're done, just pass them to my lawyer. He will settle everything on my behalf."
He puts an envelope on the table, picks up his bags and walks towards the door. I closed my eyes; I dare not watch him walk away from me and out of my life. I knew this was coming sooner or later.
As I hear the door close, I open my eyes and burst into tears.
I'm all alone now. This is not my perfect ending, I cry and cry…
Suddenly, I felt someone touching me. I turned and there is Youchi, tapping my back and holding his blanket. I am surprised that he can understand what I'm going through. Then, it just hits me – I am not alone!