(Another song fic! It's based off of Miranda Lambert's "There's a Wall". It fits with "It Ain't Easy Bein' Me" another song fic I did. It's just Haley's version. It's what made her finally leave Dean. I hope you enjoy it!)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything!
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"I'd run away but I can't escape
the power of your pride
your eyes are cold like an empty soul
And I'm burning up inside
There's nothing wrong with letting go
And you're still digging in
We're racing to the bottom
And I can't find the end"
Haley was sitting on her and Dean's shared motel bed. Dean was…God only knows where. He did that a lot. Disappeared. Left her alone. She knew he cared, but he didn't show it. He never had. She met him through her uncle Bobby and there was undoubtedly a spark. He just couldn't let her in. Not all the way at least.
She wanted to run. Well, she didn't want to, but she felt she needed to. She just felt like she would never escape him if she ran. It was like he rushed through her veins like blood. How could she escape that? He was what she breathed and what she needed to live. How could she leave him?
His eyes haunted her. They showed a mixture of hatred and love for her. It was like he hated her for loving him. Or he hated that he loved her. They showed so much fire, his eyes that is, but sometimes they would be empty and dull. That scared her the most. He never wanted him to give up, but he had already been through so much and he was only twenty-four.
He had been hurt so much in the past. His mother died when he was young. Then his father turned to hunting and started abandoning him and his brother. He had to practically raise his brother! Then said brother left him for a normal life. Haley couldn't blame him for not wanting to let somebody in completely. But it was her. He should know that she could be trusted! There was nothing wrong with letting go of hurt and pain. But she knew he never would. It wasn't in her nature.
"And there's a wall standing here between us
and that's all that's keeping you from freedom
and I keep pushing harder
and you keep getting stronger
You won't break 'cause you're afraid you'll fall
And there's a wall"
One could only be hurt so much before they couldn't take it anymore. Dean had been hurt and hurt and hurt. So he finally built up a wall to keep people out and away from his heart. That's what was keeping her out. She doubted he would ever lower it, but he needed to. Because she was there! And she loved him! She just hadn't told him yet. Haley tired to break it down on her own. She had tried everything. She had given him her body, heart, and soul and had gotten nothing in return. She was tired of pushing.
Every time she pushed he just got stronger. He wouldn't let her in. He never would and she deep down knew that. She wouldn't accept that though. She wasn't one to accept defeat. He was afraid to let himself fall in love with her. He was afraid that she would leave him. The wall was up to protect his heart, but she couldn't live with it up. She had to get it down or leave. Those were her only two options.
"You love me when you want to
And you find reasons to fight
Another lame excuse
To keep the devil on you side
You're trying hard to hide those scars
That I've already seen
Your beat up heart's not the only thing
that's keeping you from me"
Dean walked in the motel room thirty minutes later. He smelled too much like alcohol for her liking. She knew he would never cheat on her, but he loved the attention of the bar skanks. They hadn't seen him at his lowest while she had. They only wanted his body while she wanted hi heart.
It seemed like when he was drunk like that he was his sweetest. He told her how beautiful and special she was. He walked up to her when the motel door shut and took her in his arms. He kissed her passionately and she gave in. She broke free a minute later.
"You can't just choose when you want me, Dean," Haley told him breathlessly.
"What?" Dean asked confused. He just wanted to kiss his girlfriend? What was wrong with that?
"You get drunk and then you're nice. And you want me. And I'm special. And hell! Sometimes you even tell me you love me! I'm getting emotional whiplash here, Dean," She told him desperately.
"No ones making you stay," he said darkly and went over to the bed. He stared at one of the walls.
"Don't do that Dean," she pleaded and he just looked at her with blank eyes. "Don't go into your shell and hide from me. It's me. You cannot hide from me. I know you inside out. I've seen your scares. Just please let me in!" She said desperately. Dean just lay back on their bed and considered speaking. He considered telling the truth and telling her how much he loved her. He just couldn't though.
"And there's a wall standing here between us
And that's all that's keeping you from freedom
And I keep pushing harder
And you keep getting stronger
You won't break 'cause you're afraid you'll fall
And there's a wall"
She knew it was then or never. He was either going to lower the wall or she was leaving. He couldn't have her and yet keep her at a distance. Life didn't work like that.
"You said no one was keeping me here," she started. She climbed on top of the bed and strattled him. He looked at her with a smirk and lust in his eyes. "But you are," she finished and kissed him passionately. Right when he started getting really into the kiss she pulled back. "I love you, Dean Winchester." She smiled a thousand watt smile that was almost blinding. He lifted her off of him and got off the bed.
"I don't…I can't give you that Haley," he told her gruffly. The wall protecting him yet again.
"What do you mean you can't give me that? You either love me or you don't!" She exploded. He looked at her sadly. "Do you love me?" She asked. She was trying to be strong, she really was, but her voice broke in the middle of her question.
"Haley, I can't!" He told her and then left. He just left her standing there like an idiot. She broke down into tears.
"Pain has made you weak and hard
I will never be as strong...As strong"
After a while she got up. She stopped crying and grabbed her only duffle bag. She would never be as strong as that damn wall. He wanted to protect himself them he could protect himself! She was not going to stay there and continue to get hurt. She wasn't that big of a masochist. Maybe pain had made him weak and hard, but she wasn't going to let her turn her that way. Not happening. She heard the door start to open and knew he was coming in. She braced herself for a fight.
Hopefully it would end in him begging her to say.
"As this wall standing here between us
And that's all that's keeping you from freedom
And I keep pushing harder
And you keep getting stronger
You won't break cause you're afraid you'll fall
And there's a wall"
He didn't stop her. He didn't beg her to stay. He just told her to not forget her shirt on her way out. She came up with her own catty response to it. She then got the hell out of the motel and the hell out of North Carolina. She wanted to go to her uncle, but she didn't want him to hate Dean. They were practically family. So she stole a car and started driving. Dean Winchester and the wall that kept her from his heart could live a happy life together for all she cared. Love was over rated anyways.
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(Reviews are love!)