"No," Tony said firmly, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.
"My brother has changed his ways, Stark, he is not a threat to the spider child," Thor said, clapping him on the shoulder and pulling on his coat to walk out the door.
"Come on, Tony, we haven't had a night out ever since we adopted him. I'm sure Loki can handle one night." Steve said pleadingly.
"I'm sorry I am not so easily persuaded to let the man who tried to destroy New York babysit my son!" Tony said.
"Haven't I told you I didn't have a choice," Loki quipped, leaning against the couch with a smug look on his face. "Besides, the child likes me, how hard could it be?"
Tony considered this, and though he was still terrified he really wanted a night with Steve. "Fine, but he can be quite the handful." Tony pulled on his suit jacket and walked over to Peter, who was in his high chair.
"I love you, Pete, be nice to Loki okay?" Tony kissed his head, followed by Steve. Peter made a bubbling sound and grinned while he stuffed a mashed banana into his mouth.
Steve wrapped his arm around Tony's waist and the walked out the door together with a few final glances to their son.
"Well, Midgardian." Loki said, squatting down to Peter's level, "you seem to be rather easy to care for," he reached to pick Peter up.
"Blahhhhh," Peter blurted before wiping his banana covered hands on Loki's shirt.
"Ugh," Loki said, just barely managing to not drop him on the floor. "You dare use the god of mischief as a napkin!" Peter giggled ferociously in Loki's arms, which were outstretched far from his body.
He carried Peter over to the sink to wipe off the banana. The paper towel made a "rip" noise, which once again made Peter laugh.
"You are a very humorous child," Loki says, not so gently rubbing the banana off of Peter's face. "I suppose you need your shirt to be changed now," he sighed and carried Peter to the nursery.
"Stay here," he commanded, placing Peter on the changing table and traveling to the dresser to grab a shirt that happens to have Iron man's face on it.
"Typical Stark," he scoffed, turning around to find Peter was gone.
"Peter?" Loki said nervously, "Where did you go,"
"Blahhhhhh," he heard the laughing coming from… up?
"What in Odin's name-" he looked up to see Peter, dangling from his feet, walking upside down across the ceiling.
"Get down here this instant!" Loki yelled, placing his hands on his hips. Peter laughed harder, waddling to the other side of the room.
"I Loki, son of Odin command you to come down here this instant!" He stomped his foot on the ground.
Peter stuck out his tongue and hobbled through the doorway.
Loki unsuccessfully lunged for the toddler and ended up falling ungracefully onto his back.
"Gah!" he shouted, painfully standing up and rubbing his back. "You will pay for that!" he pointed an accusing finger at Peter, who was sitting upside down above the sofa.
"Spiman!" Peter said clumsily in incoherent baby language, gesturing his hand to the tv.
"I will not stoop to watching television," Loki scoffed.
At this accusation, Peter began crying on loudly, still sticking high up on the ceiling.
"No, Peter doesn't cry," Loki said in a deflated tone, jogging over to the couch and standing on the cushions, he reached his arms up toward Peter. "Come down, and we can watch it."
Peter sniffled and then unlatched himself from the ceiling, falling roughly into Loki's arms.
Loki, albeit reluctantly, turned on the television with Peter sitting next to him and put on The Amazing Spider-Man.
"You really want to watch this nonsense?" he asked the grinning toddler, who still had not changed from his banana stained shirt. Loki honestly couldn't be bothered anymore, so he accepted his fate of watching a wretched child's television show.
Things were relatively smooth for an hour or so, Peter occasionally laughing at the tv and Loki groaning at the terrible storylines.
"Baba," Peter mumbled, looking at Loki with big brown eyes.
"What?" Loki asked, confused.
"BABA," he said, more harshly this time, clapping his hands together.
"What is baba, I don't know what you want!" He said angrily.
"WAN BABA," he shouted louder, clenching his tiny fists.
"Do you mean a bottle?" Loki said cautiously.
"Baba," Peter chattered happily.
"Baba," Loki repeated, unpausing the show and getting up to grab the bottle.
"Midgardian children are obnoxious," he said under his breath as he read the note on the fridge explaining how to warm the milk. With much trial and error, he was finally able to warm the milk, and, feeling proud of himself he strutted over to the couch.
"Here you are Peter," he said happily.
He should have predicted that Peter would not be on the couch.
"Where are you, you petulant child!" he shouted, checking the ceiling only to not find him there.
Loki proceeds to check the rest of the living room, and then his nursery with no luck.
"Peter where are you," he groaned and wished he hadn't been so hasty to stop watching the show.
That's when he noticed the master bedroom was ajar.
"Peter," he said quietly, pushing open the door. There he was, wrapped in between his dad's pillows, clutching one of their shirts in his tiny fist. He had wet streaks down his rosy cheeks.
"What are you doing, child, was I wrong to assume you wanted a bottle?" He crossed his arms and raised his eyebrow.
"Dada," he said in a quiet voice, sniffling.
"Your father is not here right now, he will be back later," Loki said, annoyed.
"Papa," Peter said even sadder, visibly gripping the shirt harder.
"Peter, he is not here either, they will be back soon. Let's just watch the show alright?" He walked over and picked Peter up, gently pulling the shirt from his hands. He decided this was a good time to change Peter's shirt, so he brought him to the nursery and, learning from last time, held him as he got the shirt and pulled it over his head.
"Let's have your bottle now, ok Peter?"
"Blah," Peter joyfully shouted.
"I will take that as a yes," Loki said, picking up the now luke-warm bottle and handing it to Peter. He sat on the couch again with Peter in his lap. He sucked happily on the bottle, his eyes trained on the television and head resting on the back of the couch.
"Perhaps children are not that bad after all," he said quietly.
They watched the show for a while longer, and then Loki saw that it was 8:00.
"It's bath time, Peter." He said, shaking the toddler next to him.
"Yuck," he bumbled.
Loki carried Peter over to the bathtub and magicked water to fill the tub. Peter gasped in surprise.
"Majic," Peter said in an awestruck voice.
"Yes, Magic." Loki said happily.
"More," Peter clapped his hands.
"Later, it is time for your bath." so Loki slowly sat Peter comfortably into the warm bubbles and watched him splash in the foam.
He laughed, splashing the bubbles all over Loki's shirt.
"How dare you! You insolent child! He roughly grasped the towel and padded his shirt, Peter laughing hysterically. "You think that is funny?" Loki said angrily, receiving yet another cackle.
"Your fathers will be hearing about this," he poked Peter's chest and received a nervous glance. He smirked at his accomplishment.
After scrubbing Peter's hair and getting wetter, he turned to grab the towel.
"Now, Peter, it's time to-" he turned and Peter was gone. Again.
"Not again!" he shouted in anguish, "This is the end of you, child!" He stomped out the bathroom, following the puddles of water accumulating on the ground from where he could see a wet, naked Peter scampering across the ceiling.
"STOP NOW!" he shouted, receiving far-off laughter. "I am never babysitting for you again!" he mumbled under his breath, trampling over the floor to where Peter hung by one hand over his crib.
"If you come down now, you can have some ice cream, how does that sound?" Loki said, approaching him slowly with his hands raised in defeat.
"Bffff," Peter said, sticking his rear end in Loki's face.
"I didn't want to have to do this," Loki said, preparing to snap his fingers, "but you leave me no choice." he snapped his fingers and Peter lay in his arms, still soaking wet.
Peter made a disgruntled noise of anger and formed his lips into a frown, but allowed Loki to dry and dress him in defeat.
"Ice cweam?" Peter said once they were sitting on the couch again.
"You didn't come down I had to magic you down." He said, looking down at the toddler sitting next to him.
They watched more of the show and then Loki felt a warm body snuggle up into his side. He glanced down and saw Peter, in his pajamas, sucking his thumb with his body snuggled up against Loki.
"I didn't say you could cuddle with me," Loki said, annoyed.
Peter gave him a hurt look but didn't move.
Loki sighed.
Half an hour passed, and with one last look at the child snuggled up to him, he felt his eyes close and he fell asleep.
"Well, looks like Petie can tire out even the god of Mischief himself," Tony said, strutting into the living room holding in a laugh.
"On the contrary, it was easy to watch the child," Loki said defensively.
Steve snorted.
"Papa?" a drowsy Peter said to Steve.
"Yes it's papa and dada," Steve said, gently picking up Peter, who hugged him tightly and reached for Tony at the same time.
"I guess it's time for bed," Tony said, placing a kiss on Peter's forehead.
"Goo nigh uncew woki," Peter mumbled from Steve's shoulder.
"Uncle?" Tony said curiously.
"I have no idea where he got that from," Loki said, standing and adjusting his still damp shirt.
Steve and Tony laughed, walking off together into Peter's nursery.
Loki rolled his neck and cracked his fingers. Maybe babysitting Peter wasn't that bad after all.