Smoke Clears

"You and I, against the world"

That's what you told me

You remember feeling rather excited for this night.

Your long-time friend, Aubrey, sent you the invitation to a 'Back 2 School' party, and you felt yourself become giddy inside.

Even at your 27-year-old self, you still felt butterflies thinking about her.

Beca Mitchell.

Your first thought was, 'that can't be her.'

You thought your eyes were deceiving you as they landed on her figure, leaning against the bar with a beer in hand.

She looked... drained.

Her eyes then fell on you and you felt yourself gasp.

Her once, full of life stormy blues were dull, and red-rimmed with dark undertones. And as she reached up to take a swig from her drink, you watched as her hand shook.

You felt yourself taking slow steps towards her.

You remembered hearing about all the news surrounding, "DJ Mitchell," and you chose to ignore it. Knowing (hoping) that none of it was true.

You knew Beca.

Or so you thought.

The Beca you knew, didn't drink excessively while partying every night.

The Beca you knew didn't smoke pot on the regular and god knows what else.

The Beca you knew, back in your late teens, didn't smoke period.

Your eyes caught with hers, and you felt tears brimming at the edge of your own and before you knew it, you had wrapped your arms around her, pulling her in tight.

You think a breathy, "Beca," came from you, but you can't be sure. You just remember pulling back to see that lopsided grin on her face that you always loved.

The Beca you knew, wasn't as pale as a ghost.

The Beca you knew, was full of life and ready to fight.

The Beca you once knew wasn't standing in front of you.

DJ Mitchell was the person facing you. Not Beca.

"What happened to you?" You found yourself asking later that night as you and the DJ sensation were on the back-patio steps of the building. She had a cigarette in her hand.

"What sort of question is that?" Beca had fired back.

"Becs." You threw out the old nickname, catching her attention. When she faced you, you watched as her features changed before landing on one of deep remorse.

"Chlo..." She paused, staring down at the cigarette. "I don't know." She answered, honestly. Throwing the cigarette away, she slumped back onto the steps. "I think I've lost myself." She admitted, and you felt your heart aching for her. And reaching out, you rubbed soothing circles onto her back.

Then suddenly you felt yourself stiffen as she said in a quiet tone.

"You left."

You couldn't bring yourself to look her in the eye.

"Y-you left out of nowhere- and I started making a name for myself but you left and I..."

"I'm sorry," You remember cutting her off before she rambled on. "I'm so sorry, Becs." You felt tears forming in your eyes and you tried to push them aside. "I didn't mean to leave but- but..."

"But what?" Beca interrupted, staring you down. "Why did you leave me Chloe?" She then asked, sounding tired.

Had this been any other person, you would have made up a lie.

But this was Beca.

So, you decided to tell her the truth.

"Chris... Chris died." You said to her. As much as it hurt to say it, you had to. Beca deserved to know why you left.

As you glanced at her, you found her staring back with a blank expression.

"You never heard?" You asked. Beca shook her head. "N-no..." She replied. She glanced down, "Chloe, I didn't know. No one... No one told me."

"Well he did. Overseas. Mom called me and asked if I could fly back home for the funeral. And once I was home, I couldn't bring myself to come back, so I stayed." You explained.

It was really tough on your family. Chris had been 24 when he'd been shot fighting overseas in Afghanistan. The army he served had sent his body back over to your home state for the funeral.

You couldn't bring yourself to tell Beca.

You're not sure why.

Maybe it was because she was living the high life as an upcoming DJ superstar and you didn't want to be a downer.

But who knows...?

You watched Beca lean her head onto her hands.

"I thought you hated me." She said after a few moments. "I thought I did something wrong to upset you and that's why you left." She admitted. "And then I was making a name for myself and earning so much money that I started to just drink to forget about you."

It was a stab to the heart, hearing her say those words. You never wanted her to feel that way. You never hated her. And you never would.

You wonder if you had just told her why you left, would she have ended up like this?

"Oh my god..." She sighed, her hands falling to rest on her lap. "Oh my god." She repeated sounding slightly panicked, she reached out for the bottle beside her- her hands shaking in the process.

But before she could take hold of it, you grasped her hand in yours.

Beca's eyes shot up to you, tired and drained looking.

"Chloe..." Her eyes began to well up. "I don't like the way I'm living." She said, her eyes falling to your joined hands. "I'm scared." Her lips were trembling.

Seeing her like that caused your own tears to flow. Holding onto her hand tightly, you squeezed. "Becs, we're gonna get you through this, okay?"

"We?"

"Yes," You nodded. "We. I'm not going anywhere again." You said, a soft smile on your face.

Beca nodded.

"You and I?"

Pulling her into a hug, you pressed a kiss into the crook of her neck.

"Against the world..."

And I know you meant it

Holding my hand so tight