Love so veiled by an eye filled with troubles
Distant soul, distant heart fading like dream
Unsettled dust drifts over all the rubble
Of a broken heart it would seem
The heart reined by fear, the master
Held back by the terror and dread
Bets withdrawn by the castor
Only to lament after alls done and said
O weeps the willow among the trees
Oh mourn with song, the birds
Seen so much, brought to the knees
Eyes whisper of want without a word
Hurt makes you want to regret to love
Rejection makes you question when to love
Death makes you want to forget to love
Your heart wants you to try again, to love.
He walked down a worn parkway, a cobblestone one almost all covered in moss. So many memories come and go makes his realize he's seen too much, either that or he remembers too much. Here he was twenty-two walking all alone on a moonlit night reminiscing of how it was, how it's been, and how it is right now.
It was almost like a depressing poem that went on and on, the ending turned out good. Why would anyone care about that when they're too busy crying over the whole poem. He looked at park he used to hide when he was young, and naive. Where his whole world was dark and he was he tortured soul under the hands of his relatives. It was kind of like how he is now, but there was a glimmer of hope then, a glimmer of family. Someone to whisk him away and live happily ever after like some sort of fairytale.
Voldemort was gone, but oh it seemed so short-lived. He gained no happiness at all for he just fell to the floor at that moment of seventeen years of age and whispered, "It's all over." It was at that moment that all the things he pushed away while trying to kill Voldemort, fell onto him.
He saw a chipped white bench and took a seat. It lay on hill giving a whole view of a park. He laid his head on his hands rubbing his eyes slowly; his tired and worn eyes. It had been almost five years since Voldemort's fall but he was just so tired.
"Harry!" a voice rang out through the empty park. He abruptly looked up to see a red-haired girl, women he corrected himself, running towards him. He gave her a soft smile.
As she arrived she game a sigh of relief sitting on the bench with exhaustion.
"I've been looking everywhere for you, this is the last place I'd expect you." She said giving him a confused look. He shrugged, and gave her an apologetic glance only to look upon the playground. He was remembering swinging there at ungodly hours.
"Is there something wrong, Harry?" he heard her ask softly.
"Same as always." this was becoming a very repetitive answer.
She gave me a skeptical look, "You always say that, what exactly does it mean?"
"It means nothing." He lied.
"Why won't you tell me?" she said softly.
"What do you mean?" He said faking confusion.
"Harry, I' not stupid, I've loved and known you for as long as I can remember. I know something's wrong but you won't tell me!" She said mildly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled, looking away from her. She gave a frustrated sigh.
"Don't you trust me!"
"I-,"
Don't you care about me!"
"It's-,"
"Don't you love me!" she said the last part softly looking away, a tear rolling down her cheek. His heart gave a pang of regret. All his words were jumbled in his head and all he could gasp out was,
"I do love you!" He said fiercely.
"If you do, why do you avoid me. Why do you ask Ron questions about how I am instead of asking me? How come you never want to get close to me?" She said her voice elevating.
"I just don't want you to get hurt! Okay!" He said harsher than he intended.
"What if I don't care?"
"There still are death eaters around, and being around me will make you more susceptible to them!" He said, his voice rang through the park.
Tears rolled quickly down her cheek,
"You've been tracking and capturing them for almost five years!" she said desperately.
"That's not the point there still are some out there. I don't want you to get hurt like Sirius, Dumbledore and Remus! I don't want anymore deaths!"
"There always will be death eaters! That's fine! If you said you didn't love me it probably would hurt less! For your information, I can take care of myself!" She said storming away. He watched her disappear and looked down feeling in an even worse way.
He saw a star fall and one tear fell down his cheek, "I wish you were here Sirius." He said softly, thinking what advice Sirius would give. How he would react if he told him he just rejected the love of his life because he didn't want her to die.
Suddenly Harry felt a sharp smack on the back of his head, "That's exactly what I would do, if you were wondering." Harry heard a familiar voice say behind him. Harry turned around quickly to see his godfather and almost fainted.
"Whoa Harry, don't get too excited there. I'm only here for a little while." He said with a lopsided smile.
"B-but how!" Harry said incredulously.
"You wished on a falling star and you're magic, so voila." He said, "The deities sometimes send a falling star to a magic person once in a while when they need it most." He said. Harry just nodded still wide-eyed.
"Well I didn't come down here to tell you how the deities work I came to tell you how dense you are!" He said with much reproof. Harry blinked in surprise.
"What?" he said with a lot of confusion. Sirius raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms, making Harry felt like a teen who just caught sneaking out. He squirmed a bit under Sirius' penetrating gaze
"You know exactly what I'm talking about." The day's events fell through the wall of surprise he had built.
"Oh." Harry said.
"Yeah, oh." He said mockingly. He sat down and looked at Harry sadly.
"Are you really going to let go of the one you love because you are afraid?"
"I'm not afraid. It's just not the right time." He said, trying to convince himself.
"It will never be the right time, will it?" he asked knowing the answer all to well.
"I can take care of myself, Sirius." He said looking away quickly.
"Yet you're still so blind to love as to when I first met you in that shack."
"I'm not blind to love!"
"Oh, and choking me in a shack has nothing to do with it." Sirius said wryly.
"That's different." He mumbled.
"I know you want it, you've wanted it all your life. Take it now; you deserve it after everything….." Sirius trailed off sadly. There was a silence of them looking at the stars.
"I don't think so." Harry says. Sirius looks at him with confusion written on his face.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"It's just that I'm not all that great, I'm not good enough for her. I'll just get her hurt someway or another."
"You're 22 years old and you still think you don't deserve her or anyone's love. Harry don't you see it; you need to let go of me and Remus and Dumbledore. You need to ignore anything the Dursleys ever said or did to you. Look at yourself just like I see you. I see you hungering for love but you're not taking any chances."
"Sirius I just can't. You're not seeing want I'm seeing; she should have some adequate man, not one full of scars and problems. I'll hurt her, I'll overbear her. I'm not good enough for her."
"What happens if she doesn't care?"
"That's not my point. Caring or not caring I'll still be more of a problem than a help."
"Yes and destroying Voldemort definitely makes you the ultimate problem."
"Stop with sarcasm, I'm being truthful Sirius!"
"You've mistaken my truth for sarcasm. You've got to be out of your mind to give up love just because you think you're not good enough!"
"It's not stupid; it's something I should have gotten through my mind a long time ago."
Harry shivered slightly from a cold breeze and Sirius drew him near. It was slow realization on how his death had affected Harry so much. It panged him to see Harry so hurt. Minutes passed as Sirius gathered himself.
"No matter what you do, they'll all still love you. They'll still hang on to you, they'll always be there." Harry looked up in surprise as if he had never heard anyone say it, but changed quickly; a mixture of doubt and sadness lined his tired, young face.
"They need to move on. I'm not worth it, I'm always in trouble or hurt, I can deal with it myself."
Sirius gave a humorless laugh that made Harry start.
"Yes you can deal with it yourself, but telling them to move on, telling me. Oh, you never really understand this love thing do you? Key to it is, is its unconditional. Sometimes we mess it up, sometimes we slip, but if it's pure it'll always be there. You can tell Ginny to go away all you want, but deep down she'll always be in love with you."
Harry rubbed his eyes roughly, "Uh, I'm so confused. It's like two different people are telling me two different things. One is telling me to love her and be with her and the other is telling me to let it go!"
"One is your heart." Harry looked up looking as if he was going to give in but his face abruptly changed to that of one who is determined not to let go.
"No one is supposed to love me, I'm not good enough, and I'm worthless I have a purpose and it's fulfilled. I've done what everyone wanted you're all supposed to ignore me, get bored of me. I'm of no use anymore!" Harry growled, Sirius furrowed his eyebrow with much incredulity.
"We're not the Dursleys!"
"I know that."
"Well you seem to act like we are! No matter what happens all of us are loving you. You can say anything about me but to say I don't love you, that's insane! To say no one loves you should be entered into an asylum!"
"I- I guess I'm afraid, if I love I'll be turned away. Like I've always have. I'm just waiting for it to happen, but no one is doing it. It confuses me. I'm just so confused!" Harry groaned a deep sadness in his eyes. Sirius pulled Harry closer.
"If it helps, I've never stopped loving you since I first laid eyes on you. I still love you."
"It helps." Harry said softly.
"Does it help if I say that Ginny loves you the same way?"
"How would you know?"
"Because for the first time in my life I saw someone with Lily's eyes more than you. The look Lily gets when she said I love you to James."
"I love her." Harry said, his heart slowing warming.
"I know." Sirius said slowing fading away.
"Don't go, how do I know she still loves me"
"Trust me, she does." Harry touched Sirius one last time as he watched his beloved godfather fade. After he disappeared Harry ran for all he was worth conveniently forgetting about apparating after running for a mile.
He smacked his head and apparated to the Weasleys. He was flush in the face breathing hard, he saw Ginny in sitting in the oak tree looking forlorn.
He called out to her, trying to catch his breath. She looked down in surprised and climbed down.
"I'm sorry Ginny, I m sorry" he said gasping with breath. She looked about to speak but he interrupted her again.
"I love you, I need you, will you take me, please." He said desperately. She was about to speak again and he interrupted.
"I know you probably don't love me after all of this but I really love you, I was scared." She put her finger over his mouth, shushing him.
"You've got to be the stupidest man in the world," he looked like he had lost everything for that moment but she continued, "To think that I don't love you." They drew close and kissed, backed away and hugged tightly. That very moment a star fell and Ginny wished, "I wish we could be together forever."
Up in the nightly sky a grey-eyed man winked.