My poor little car was going to fall apart…… "If I could …. Could forget him…. I would please believe me….." I turned up the volume on what had become my favorite song. "In Love with Another Man" by Jazmine Sullivan…… I swear.
It laid out my life in black and white….. Except the "Man" part. I was on my way to La Push….. Jacob wouldn't answer my phone calls….. My notes attached to the dinners I sent down with Charlie…. Nothing. Not. A. Word. So I'd decided to go down there myself and either talk with my best friend (Ex Best Friend?) Or get eaten alive. Either way I had to stop this hurt that had been caused by the Jacob void in my life.
"A Girl who treats you like you treat them boy I know there's plenty women who'll love to have a man like you….." Maybe Jake didn't have time for me because he had moved on maybe he had another girl….. I didn't quite know how to feel about that.
I took a deep breath…… and rang the door bell. It took what seemed like hours… finally he answered. He almost took my breath away. My friend. My partner in "illegal" bike activity. My best friend. My Sun. My Jacob.
Still standing 18 foot 7 in all his werewolfy glory. "Jake". We made eye contact. I saw the same fondness the same care the same love reflected in his eyes…. At least until he hid it underneath a mask of… Calm? Indifference? I don't know.
"Bella, Is there something I can do for you"? He looked at me with disdain… I was so hurt. How dare he! "Jacob Ephraim Black! Don't you look down your nose at me! I accepted the fact that you can go from a boy to an enormously oversized bear wolf in the blink of an eye and YOU'RE upset about the company I keep? I think NOT!!!!!!!" I stamped my foot and he couldn't help but snort.
"Again with the foot stomping. Look my dads sleep… Let's go to the truck and talk". That was much more than I had asked for. We slowly meandered over to the back of my truck leaning against it casually. I had no idea where to begin……. Everywhere seemed to… wrong. "It sucked when you left". Apparently Jacob knew exactly where to start. "It sucked when you left me … for him". I looked down in shame. That's exactly what I'd done.
"I tried my damndest to piece you back together after he left you to dry. And that's exactly what you did Bells. You shriveled up and you dried. Your soul, your spirit, your entire existence. And I took my time my energy to revive you… or at least try. Not that I minded I just wanted you to …… live…. Again. And you were….. Then he needed you and it seemed like …… I wasn't doing a good enough job. So you simply left me. Without a care… without a glance backwards….. Without a second. Fucking. Look. That's why I've been so angry with you Bella. Because you quit on me when I wouldn't give up on you".
He took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. I was awe struck…… I'd never looked at it that way. As me leaving him. I had never occurred to me that Jacob had needed me even a fraction of the way that I needed him. Actually it had never occurred to me that Jacob might have needed me at all. I wrung my hands out and opened my mouth once….. Twice…. The third time I had actually come up with something decent to say.
"Jake…… I …….. Love him". Why did it feel as though I was saying more than that? He was suddenly in front of me. He grabbed my face and tilted it up to meet his gaze. "But does he love you the same Bella"? I looked down and he placed a hand on either side of my face. "Bella I saw how it hurt when he left you. Maybe if you'd let me heal it…."
I looked up….. I knew where this was going. As our faces gravitated towards each other I wondered …. Why did I come over here again? And then we were kissing….. And then it didn't matter. What was "it" I had no clue but whatever it was……. Fuck it. My entire body lit up like a Christmas tree. My soul caught fire and my brain exploded in fireworks. This…. This was ……. Heaven. Our lips met as my hands drifted upward and fisted in his hair. I breathed through my nose as his lips parted.
His tongue darted out to taste my lower lips. Brushing across it slightly as if asking ever so quietly for entrance. Permission was granted, our tongues melded together as his body pressed against mine. I felt my legs hit the cab of the truck…. Jolting me back into reality. I pulled our lips apart with a resounding "pop" and looked him in the eyes. He was grinning from ear to ear. I wasn't. "Edward" I stumbled out….. "I …. I have too". I've never seen Jacobs face so………… calm. He kissed me again. T
his time fiercely and with what I felt was all the frustration and passion his way too damn tall body could hold. "Edward huh"? He trailed his burning hot tongue from my lips to my neck. "You love Edward"? He lifted me up onto the truck. "Could your Edward do this"? He ripped open my shirt and began his assault on my neck.
His lips, tongue, teeth were everywhere…. And I couldn't stop him……… As if I wanted too. His lips and fingers burned a path so beautiful down my chest and all over my neck. I could hardly breathe. Only his continued mention of his name brought Edward to my mind. "Edward left you. He broke you". He muttered as he planted kisses over my breasts.
Hands pulling my shirt down my shoulders and off of me. "I'll worship you. Bella…." He took his shirt off and I worshipped him. His bare chest was so perfect it HAD to have been sculpted by Gods. "Don't you want me Bella"? He whispered across my neck…….. He bit that soft spot right above where my pulse hammered seemingly beating his name……… While I screamed it. "Yes Jacob"…… "Please Jacob".
He unattached his lips from my neck and looked me in the eye. "Will you let me Bella? Let me make love to you". He kissed my palm. "With you". The other one. "Just for you". My lips. I looked him in the eye…………………………. "Yes". And with a whisper of my lips and a nod of my head I let Jacob cleanse both himself and I of all the hurt….. All the pain…… All the sorrow. It was just him and I. Together…………… Perfect.