TITLE: Leaving You Breathless
AUTHOR: Ananova Crowe
SUMMARY: The future isn't what anyone expected...
SHIPPER: Logan and Marie (for better or for worse, you decide...)
DEDICATED TO: Khaki. for everything she'll always be to me...
Do you know what true pain feels like? It's indescribable. The way it tears at your gut, trying to rip your heart out through your ribcage while it's still beating. It's strange the way a sudden wave of nausea comes over you and you can do nothing but drop to your knees and lament.
You pray that someone will come along and kill you, or that you're heart will suddenly explode and send shrapnel to pierce everything inside of you, all because of how much it hurts. But the worse fact is that - if you don't have the pleasure of dying - you are eternally haunted by the fact that you know everything exactly the way it was.
The year, the month, the day, the time, the hour, the minute, the second, who was around you, what was around you, where you were, what you were thinking, how you ached, how you couldn't breathe, how you couldn't move, but especially what made you that way.
I thought watching him walk out the door without even a backward glance was hard. The way my heart constricted and my breath became short. The way a cold chill rolled across me and a little voice whispered in my ear. "…He's not coming back…"
"You're wrong!" I had screamed out to no one, clamping my hands over my ears and running as fast as I possibly could back up the stairs, avoiding everyone. I knew he would come back, he had said it to me, looking me straight in the eye, he told me he would be back. I made myself believe he would come back.
Oh, how I wish I would have been wrong.
I had thought that watching him walk out that front door was painful.
But watching him come back was even harder.
* * * * *
I had gotten the news of his return on December 16, 2003. Three years after he had first walked out that door. But the strange part about it, was that I hadn't gotten the information from one of the adults. Neither Jean, Scott, Ororo, nor Professor Xavier had bothered to even tell me, the fact of the matter was that the information came from two girls talking behind me in class.
Apparently, the side-effects from Logan touching me and saving my life while I was hooked up to Magneto's twisted machine in the torch of the Statue Of Liberty, had actually enhanced my hearing, by which I was able to hear exactly what they were saying, even though they were barely whispering.
"You know the big, hairy guy with claws? The one who left a while ago?" One girl said in a whisper, moving closer to her friend that was sitting beside her.
I had froze immediately, my body going rigid, but I didn't turn around, because there was a certain caution in her voice that made it seem that she would go silent if I looked back. So I sat there, forgetting all about the lesson, and listened as intently as I could.
"Yeah?" Her friend had asked, her voice was unmistakable, it came from the girl with the bushy hair and weird eyes.
"There's a rumor going around that he's back. They brought him in yesterday." The original girl whispered settling back into her seat before the teacher would notice.
'Brought him in?' I had thought to myself, completely perplexed at the way she had said it.
I strained to listen as their conversation went on.
"So?" The bushy haired girl asked under her breath, tapping her pencil against the desk to try and cover her words.
"They say he's-" But I wasn't able to hear that last part, because Miss Ororo's voice had broken into my head and covered it up.
"Rogue? Rogue?" I had suddenly realized that everyone in the class was staring at me and suddenly felt my cheeks flush bright red.
"Huh? What?" I had said, hunkering down in my chair in pure embarrassment.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine…" I had tried to cover for myself. "I was just thinking…"
"About Joan of Arc's leadership over the French Army?" Miss Ororo had asked, surprisingly trying to cover for me as well.
"Uh…sure…" I had felt like a fool. A small laughter had rolled over the classroom, but was suddenly silenced when Miss Ororo gave them the eye.
"You look a little pale, perhaps you would like to get a drink of water…" Miss Ororo had mentioned.
"Yes, thank you." I had stood and walked towards the door with my head hanging, not wanting to look at anyone as I heard Miss Ororo continue with her lesson, before I shut the door behind me.
I had let out a deep breath and leaned back against the door, the embarrassment flooding out through my feet as I waited for it to leave. Then the conversation had come floating back into my head, filling my mind.
'Logan was back…yesterday…' It didn't seem right, surely someone would have told me. Even Logan would have come looking for me, and even if not for me, then for his dog tags. Something was wrong, and I had been determined to find out what it was.
Wasting no time, I took off in the direction of the kitchen, walking past the drinking fountain with not even a glance. My mind had rolled over the thought of Logan's return until I reached the kitchen. Looking in, I found no one, just as part of me had suspected.
So I continued my search, eventually finding Scott sitting on the couch in the lounge, drinking a bottle of water. He was in a gray tee shirt and jeans, his sunglasses shining dully in the bright light of the day that streamed in through the windows and the foyer.
I had walked straight in, not breaking stride, even as he jumped in astonishment of seeing me.
"Rogue? What are you doing here?" He had said, his voice faltering oddly. "Aren't you suppose to be in class?"
But I hadn't heard him.
"Is it true?" I had asked, stopping right in front of him with my hands clenched in fists at my side.
"Is what true?" He demurred.
"Don't give me that shit." I had growled, a piece of Logan suddenly floating into my mouth.
Scott's eyebrows furrowed at my unexpected curtness.
"How come no one bothered to tell me?"
"Rogue, what are you talking about?" Scott had seemed too puzzled for his own good.
"Where is he? Where's Logan?" I fumed, my patience becoming short.
Scott fell awkwardly silent.
"He's here." I sniffed the air, smelling the subtle smell of Logan. "Where is he? I want to see him-" I began, but Scott stuck up his hand.
"Rogue…" He began, but suddenly fell short.
"What?" I had asked, raising an eyebrow at his behavior. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Scott only shook his head.
"No." I stated, forcing myself not to believe. "There's something wrong. Tell me. Tell me what it is. I want to see him. Where is he?"
"Rogue, you can't-" But I had cut him off, and he stood up from the couch.
"Fuck that!" I had suddenly screamed, sniffing the air one more time to confirm my thought before I tore off out of the room, heading towards the elevator.
Why was everyone keeping him from me?
I could hear him chase after me, calling out my name as I ran blindly. I turned the corner and stepped into the elevator, frantically pushing the down button as I heard Scott's voice and footfalls close in.
Then, at the last possible second, the doors had hissed closed on his face as I began going down, finally going to figure out what the hell was going on.
It had seemed too long to reach the basement, precious seconds of my life completely wasted on that stupid elevator. I began to shove myself out before the doors even had a chance to open fully and I immediately turned in the direction of the Med Lab.
The smell of Logan was strong now, wafting into my nose and tingling along my brain as I took off running down the hall, as fast as my legs would carry me.
I had been close. So damn close that I could've touched the doors if I had wanted to, but suddenly something heavy had plowed into my back and wrestled me to the ground. Scott was on top of me, trying to keep me from getting up.
"No!" I had screamed, tears beginning to burn forward in my eyes. "Let go of me! Let go! I have to see him! Let me go!"
"Stop it, Rogue." Scott had said back, his voice surprisingly calm as he easily pinned me to the ground without touching my skin. He had his knees pinning my thighs and his ankles keeping mine locked to the ground. He had trapped my hands above my head, locking my wrists with only his fingers.
"Scott god dammit! Let me up!" I screamed continuously, trying to squirm away from him in complete vain. "I have to see him! Don't you see? Let go of me! Why won't you let me see him?!"
Tears streamed down my temples as I fought to get him off me, the more I moved, the more it hurt, and the more I fought against him. His strong fingers chafed my wrists and his knees brought a stabbing pain to my thighs, bone grinding against bone.
"You can't see him Rogue." He whispered as my energy began to suffer, my movements becoming less frantic. My breath had become short due to my screaming and crying and it took an effort to breathe, until the air didn't seem to go past my teeth.
"Please! I NEED to see him! You don't understand! Why are you keeping me away from him?!" I still struggled though, my straining causing my throat to nearly collapse around itself to a point where I couldn't even make out the words I was saying.
"Rogue please," Scott lowered his head against my shoulder, his lips brushing past my ear as he said the two most horrible words that I have ever heard in my entire life.
"He's dead."
AUTHOR: Ananova Crowe
SUMMARY: The future isn't what anyone expected...
SHIPPER: Logan and Marie (for better or for worse, you decide...)
DEDICATED TO: Khaki. for everything she'll always be to me...
Do you know what true pain feels like? It's indescribable. The way it tears at your gut, trying to rip your heart out through your ribcage while it's still beating. It's strange the way a sudden wave of nausea comes over you and you can do nothing but drop to your knees and lament.
You pray that someone will come along and kill you, or that you're heart will suddenly explode and send shrapnel to pierce everything inside of you, all because of how much it hurts. But the worse fact is that - if you don't have the pleasure of dying - you are eternally haunted by the fact that you know everything exactly the way it was.
The year, the month, the day, the time, the hour, the minute, the second, who was around you, what was around you, where you were, what you were thinking, how you ached, how you couldn't breathe, how you couldn't move, but especially what made you that way.
I thought watching him walk out the door without even a backward glance was hard. The way my heart constricted and my breath became short. The way a cold chill rolled across me and a little voice whispered in my ear. "…He's not coming back…"
"You're wrong!" I had screamed out to no one, clamping my hands over my ears and running as fast as I possibly could back up the stairs, avoiding everyone. I knew he would come back, he had said it to me, looking me straight in the eye, he told me he would be back. I made myself believe he would come back.
Oh, how I wish I would have been wrong.
I had thought that watching him walk out that front door was painful.
But watching him come back was even harder.
* * * * *
I had gotten the news of his return on December 16, 2003. Three years after he had first walked out that door. But the strange part about it, was that I hadn't gotten the information from one of the adults. Neither Jean, Scott, Ororo, nor Professor Xavier had bothered to even tell me, the fact of the matter was that the information came from two girls talking behind me in class.
Apparently, the side-effects from Logan touching me and saving my life while I was hooked up to Magneto's twisted machine in the torch of the Statue Of Liberty, had actually enhanced my hearing, by which I was able to hear exactly what they were saying, even though they were barely whispering.
"You know the big, hairy guy with claws? The one who left a while ago?" One girl said in a whisper, moving closer to her friend that was sitting beside her.
I had froze immediately, my body going rigid, but I didn't turn around, because there was a certain caution in her voice that made it seem that she would go silent if I looked back. So I sat there, forgetting all about the lesson, and listened as intently as I could.
"Yeah?" Her friend had asked, her voice was unmistakable, it came from the girl with the bushy hair and weird eyes.
"There's a rumor going around that he's back. They brought him in yesterday." The original girl whispered settling back into her seat before the teacher would notice.
'Brought him in?' I had thought to myself, completely perplexed at the way she had said it.
I strained to listen as their conversation went on.
"So?" The bushy haired girl asked under her breath, tapping her pencil against the desk to try and cover her words.
"They say he's-" But I wasn't able to hear that last part, because Miss Ororo's voice had broken into my head and covered it up.
"Rogue? Rogue?" I had suddenly realized that everyone in the class was staring at me and suddenly felt my cheeks flush bright red.
"Huh? What?" I had said, hunkering down in my chair in pure embarrassment.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine…" I had tried to cover for myself. "I was just thinking…"
"About Joan of Arc's leadership over the French Army?" Miss Ororo had asked, surprisingly trying to cover for me as well.
"Uh…sure…" I had felt like a fool. A small laughter had rolled over the classroom, but was suddenly silenced when Miss Ororo gave them the eye.
"You look a little pale, perhaps you would like to get a drink of water…" Miss Ororo had mentioned.
"Yes, thank you." I had stood and walked towards the door with my head hanging, not wanting to look at anyone as I heard Miss Ororo continue with her lesson, before I shut the door behind me.
I had let out a deep breath and leaned back against the door, the embarrassment flooding out through my feet as I waited for it to leave. Then the conversation had come floating back into my head, filling my mind.
'Logan was back…yesterday…' It didn't seem right, surely someone would have told me. Even Logan would have come looking for me, and even if not for me, then for his dog tags. Something was wrong, and I had been determined to find out what it was.
Wasting no time, I took off in the direction of the kitchen, walking past the drinking fountain with not even a glance. My mind had rolled over the thought of Logan's return until I reached the kitchen. Looking in, I found no one, just as part of me had suspected.
So I continued my search, eventually finding Scott sitting on the couch in the lounge, drinking a bottle of water. He was in a gray tee shirt and jeans, his sunglasses shining dully in the bright light of the day that streamed in through the windows and the foyer.
I had walked straight in, not breaking stride, even as he jumped in astonishment of seeing me.
"Rogue? What are you doing here?" He had said, his voice faltering oddly. "Aren't you suppose to be in class?"
But I hadn't heard him.
"Is it true?" I had asked, stopping right in front of him with my hands clenched in fists at my side.
"Is what true?" He demurred.
"Don't give me that shit." I had growled, a piece of Logan suddenly floating into my mouth.
Scott's eyebrows furrowed at my unexpected curtness.
"How come no one bothered to tell me?"
"Rogue, what are you talking about?" Scott had seemed too puzzled for his own good.
"Where is he? Where's Logan?" I fumed, my patience becoming short.
Scott fell awkwardly silent.
"He's here." I sniffed the air, smelling the subtle smell of Logan. "Where is he? I want to see him-" I began, but Scott stuck up his hand.
"Rogue…" He began, but suddenly fell short.
"What?" I had asked, raising an eyebrow at his behavior. "What is it? What's wrong?"
Scott only shook his head.
"No." I stated, forcing myself not to believe. "There's something wrong. Tell me. Tell me what it is. I want to see him. Where is he?"
"Rogue, you can't-" But I had cut him off, and he stood up from the couch.
"Fuck that!" I had suddenly screamed, sniffing the air one more time to confirm my thought before I tore off out of the room, heading towards the elevator.
Why was everyone keeping him from me?
I could hear him chase after me, calling out my name as I ran blindly. I turned the corner and stepped into the elevator, frantically pushing the down button as I heard Scott's voice and footfalls close in.
Then, at the last possible second, the doors had hissed closed on his face as I began going down, finally going to figure out what the hell was going on.
It had seemed too long to reach the basement, precious seconds of my life completely wasted on that stupid elevator. I began to shove myself out before the doors even had a chance to open fully and I immediately turned in the direction of the Med Lab.
The smell of Logan was strong now, wafting into my nose and tingling along my brain as I took off running down the hall, as fast as my legs would carry me.
I had been close. So damn close that I could've touched the doors if I had wanted to, but suddenly something heavy had plowed into my back and wrestled me to the ground. Scott was on top of me, trying to keep me from getting up.
"No!" I had screamed, tears beginning to burn forward in my eyes. "Let go of me! Let go! I have to see him! Let me go!"
"Stop it, Rogue." Scott had said back, his voice surprisingly calm as he easily pinned me to the ground without touching my skin. He had his knees pinning my thighs and his ankles keeping mine locked to the ground. He had trapped my hands above my head, locking my wrists with only his fingers.
"Scott god dammit! Let me up!" I screamed continuously, trying to squirm away from him in complete vain. "I have to see him! Don't you see? Let go of me! Why won't you let me see him?!"
Tears streamed down my temples as I fought to get him off me, the more I moved, the more it hurt, and the more I fought against him. His strong fingers chafed my wrists and his knees brought a stabbing pain to my thighs, bone grinding against bone.
"You can't see him Rogue." He whispered as my energy began to suffer, my movements becoming less frantic. My breath had become short due to my screaming and crying and it took an effort to breathe, until the air didn't seem to go past my teeth.
"Please! I NEED to see him! You don't understand! Why are you keeping me away from him?!" I still struggled though, my straining causing my throat to nearly collapse around itself to a point where I couldn't even make out the words I was saying.
"Rogue please," Scott lowered his head against my shoulder, his lips brushing past my ear as he said the two most horrible words that I have ever heard in my entire life.
"He's dead."