Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it. JK Rowling owns it. I am just a HUGE fan who likes to write.
AN: I didn't really touch up this monologue much. One reason is when a person rambles on they don't always make perfect sense now do they? (Or as my friend says, when do we ever make sense?!lol) So its not perfect, but I really wanted to work on Hermione as a character, because I feel like there is so much about her, behind that stack of books. (Which is how I came up with the title!)
Hidden Behind the Stack of Books
Freezing Charms. I flipped through the pages of the book. Five pages. Five whole pages dedicated to one extremely difficult charm, that no one should even use. On top of that I still had to write a Transfiguration paper, study for a Arithmancy test, and do my Herbology homework. I could count on not getting any sleep tonight.
What if, I thought. What if I didn't do my Herbology homework, just once. Its only worth two points. Prof. Sprout likes me anyway. I'll just have to explain to her I didn't have time. I could already imagine Harry and Ron's astonished faces. In fact, the whole class would be astonished. It would give Neville a huge opening to get to the top of the class. Not to mention Hannah Abbott, whose grade was only a few points behind me. If I didn't do it Neville and Hannah's grades would be so close to mine, they'd be breathing down my neck. Besides it would give the whole class the satifaction of seeing me get a zero. Well Harry and Ron would be worried. Nobody else would though. Nobody else would really care. Come to think about it, nobody else at Hogwarsts probably even cared about me. Maybe if I didn't act like such a know-it-all in first year. Really, I couldn't help it. It wasn't supposed to happen.
The day I got that letter from Hogwarts, I was so excited. After I sent my reply in was when it really hit me. I chose this over leaving my muggle (of course I didn't call them that at the time though!) friends and going to school with them. Over being able to go home to my parents everyday. I wasn't always Hermione the Smart One, Hermione the Bookworm. I used to be a good student, but not overly ambitious in an annoying way like everyone thinks I am now. Its just…I mean… I was entering a new world all alone. Everyone was going to be used to living with magic. They all probably already knew some magical people. I, on the other hand wasn't used to magic and didn't know anybody. So I tried to know eveything I could. Know more than everyone else. Then maybe they wouldn't notice how insecure I was if they saw me as a really bright person. Maybe they wouldn't notice how scared I was. Well it worked. I hid behind those books. Now I'm Hermione the Know-It-All. Hermione the smartest witch in her year. And…well…that was about it. Nothing else. I'm not anything else. I got so carried away with it I never became anybody else. I wish I could let people see I was more than that, but I cant.
Once they almost found out. It was in Dinvination class, third year. Who knew if Madam Trelawny was a fraud or not? I wasn't taking any chances! I was so nervous everyday I went to that class. What if she found out I wasn't really who everyone thought I was and told the whole class? Sure I want to be knwn as more, but if they found out they wouldn't think I was more than that. They would know me as nothing. Nobody. Hermione, the Smart One was my identity. I wasn't anything else. I never will be. I brought it upon myself. I'll have to stay hidden behind the stack of books forever. I sighed and opened my Herbology book.