AN: A very belated birthday one shot for Maddy... And by belated, I mean that this may as well be an early birthday fic, lol. Based as a back in the day timeline – When Jenny shot that guy in Paris and Gibbs covered it up (as per mentioned in the show, in season 3 – When McGee shoots that Metro cop)
A lovely shout out to Maddy whom is amazing. (Oh and uh... Happy Birthday)
Enjoy!
Her eyes stung from the lack of sleep and overdose of cigarette smoke.
It wasn't what she'd expected to be completely honest.
Perhaps it was nights like these ones that made her question her own judgement or at the moment lack thereof, she'd screwed up.
And it wasn't like it was a small thing that could be easily corrected.
No.
She'd shot him.
Unintentionally, of course.
But now that she looked back on it, she couldn't particular put her finger on it, something didn't feel right.
Each time she recalled the event, it changed.
Maybe it was from the lack of sleep and her brain was in overdrive trying to excel and do her best like always, however, she was for once in her life, truly petrified.
Not only had she shot him, she'd killed him.
Without a second of thought, she saw his face and pulled the trigger, unaware that she'd shot him 8 times until his body hit the ground with a loud thump.
She grimaced at her thoughts; he was an innocent man that she killed with no mercy.
Was this how it would always feel as the aftermath?
He could have a family, a wife and a child and possibly a dog and they could have lived in a big white house surrounded by a white picket fence in the middle of suburbia for all that she knew, regardless of the fact that that was highly unlikely if he was caught up with this area of town.
But now of that mattered, he was dead and there was nothing she could do.
Except hand in her badge.
It seemed like a perfectly logical explanation in her eyes, she stepped into the realm of the big boys as Jethro so often called it and now she was afraid that she wouldn't ever get out of it.
Oh God, she thought, Jethro is going to kill me before I can even hand in my badge.
She wasn't sure what was worse, leaving or facing her lover.
A small sigh escaped her lips as she began to move the body into a nearby dumpster, out of the shivering moist cold air.
She guessed that this would have to do, at least until she could come up with a better idea. Besides, this was the seedy area of town with a high crime profile, with any luck; the police would overlook this alleyway.
Wishful thinking, she told herself, even Metro PD cops aren't that thick.
A shower a set of new clothes later, she felt like a new person as she gulped down some more coffee from her mug.
She began packing her belongings, it would be easier this way, and Jethro wasn't in the apartment; he was at a meet with the enemy.
Drug and arms rings weren't her favourite thing in the world but she had accustomed herself to dealing with them at the time she had to, she saved the dwelling and bitching for later.
And she would later in her diary, where she always documented everything, and it had become her most useful information source over the years with plenty of blackmail material.
She walked through the tiny studio that had become her home over the past couple of months; there were a lot of memories that came to mind which made her shudder.
What was she doing?
Trying to prove a point that she was a wuss?
No.
That wasn't it at all; or so she tried to tell herself that.
In fact all she felt at the moment was incredible guilt.
If anything, she knew that feeling well, especially when she came home to tell her father that she'd passed her degree in criminology to find him dead in the study with blood seeped into the freshly lain carpet.
She wanted to kill everyone close proximity to her, she wanted blood on her hands; she wanted to find the person responsible and make sure that they paid their dues.
It wasn't fair, it was sadistic and cruel.
Little did she know that that was how she was going to end up in her older years.
She would take no prisoners and as for limits, she had no boundaries.
This was not going according to plan at all, if anything, it was all going horribly wrong.
He was meant to be home right now with Jenny, two hours ago.
His gut didn't need to alert him that things were going to get messy tonight, he already knew.
It had all been arguments tonight, at first it was over a delivery order gone wrong and then onto feds.
His stone cold expression didn't change throughout the entire meet, it was all the same, personally, if he was an arms dealer he wouldn't keep going on and on about pointless bullshit.
In order for Jenny and him to get out clean, they needed to wrap this up, and quickly.
"Enough." he said loudly enough that it got attention from the rest of his acquaintances.
"What we should be worrying about is the fact that we are now down by weapons and money has been lost." he continued as a slow murmur of agreement went around the room.
"He is right." concluded a man sitting towards his left
"Yes, we shall meet tomorrow at sundown." said a deep voice before anyone else could answer.
Silence filtered the room as the men began to slip out of the room and onto the cold damp streets.
He did begin to tire of such meetings as not only were they immensely boring but stupid, it was simply a cockfight.
She rolled her neck in a perfect circle, releasing the tension that she held there.
It came with the territory of the job and the boyfriend.
Being an NCIS Special Agent on an undercover mission was never easy; pretending to be her boss' wife was even harder.
A) Because deep down that's what she wanted them to be and
B) Because she knew that this wouldn't last.
Her things were all packed and now and they were sitting beside the door but here she was second guessing herself yet again.
She sat down on the couch, nursing a fresh cup of coffee, contemplating her options.
A) They could go back to DC and live happily ever and get married or
B) They could go their separate ways and she follows her five point plan, honouring her father's memory by getting justice and living unhappily ever after.
She threw her cup of coffee on the table in sudden anger, it smashed to pieces, the hot liquid absorbing itself into the carpet, and she was so goddamn conflicted.
Her mind was in overdrive.
She hated every second of it.
She had to avenge her father, there was no option there however in order to succeed for that, she would need high enough clearance, like the actual Director of the company not a federal agent.
So that was what she would do.
Aim high and not look back.
AN: Hope you liked it. Xx