Dramatic Mystery Music: DUN! DUN! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
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I don't own Neon Genesis Evangelion.
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A ghostly white Rei rose from the land. Her mission
was clear. She leaned towards Unit-01
with outstretched arms. Then she
noticed that unit one was rocking slightly.
She whipped out a magnifying glass from God's hand.
"Hey, that's mine!" boomed the mighty voice from the
sky.
"Shut up!" Rei shouted back.
"Yes dear."
Rei held the magnifying glass over the teeny tiny
giant monster.
"That's strange.
Its nose is bleeding."
Rei shrunk herself down and hopped inside
Unit-01. She can pass through several
floors of tempered steel, so lets just assume it's possible.
Inside the entry plug, Rei looked in the pilot seat.
Kaworu was jerking off.
"I thought you were dead." Said Rei.
"Hey, me too.
I remember dying, then going to the land of large, white breasts." He
said. Rei recoiled with a blush, then
snapped her fingers. A white robe
appeared over her naked bosom. 'Aww.'
Thought Kaworu.
"But, you're gay." Rei exclaimed.
"No I'm not!
That Anno dick said I was."
"No, you said you loved Shinji."
"I'M NOT GAY!"
"That's not what I heard..." Rei said coily.
Back on earth, Shinji pressed a button.
BOOM!
Unit-01 exploded, taking Rei, Lilith, Kaworu, and the EVA series with
it.
"NICE-A WUUUUUURK, SHINJI!" Dexter exclaimed.
"GO BACK TO YOUR OWN CARTOON!" Shouted Asuka, and
then booted him through a rip in the time space continuum.
"Yay!" shouted Shinji, "No more screwy world!"
"Shinji, there's just ones thing more..." Asuka said
matter of factly.
"What's that Asuka?" Shinji retorted. Asuka cracked her knuckles.
"Oh... um... That thing in the hospital... uh..."
The sounds of breaking bones and ripping flesh could
be heard.
"Well, there you have it." Yui stated. "The world is saved, no more angels, and we
have mysteriously come back."
"Hey, Yui!
We found SEELE and they've all been beaten to death."
"Excellent."
Yui crossed her fingers. "It's all
going according to plan..." She disappeared into a dark corner. Then she reappeared with a strawberry short
cake in hand. "Dessert's on everybody!"
The gang materialized out of nowhere and
cheered. Shinji collapsed from
head-trauma. Asuka whistled
innocently. Asuka drew attention from
Misato. Kaji sneaked up behind Misato
and grabbed her breasts. Misato whipped
out a comically sized mallet and wacked Kaji into orbit. Maya groped Ritsuko. Ritsuko wondered what the hell got into Maya
while she tried to loosen her grip.
Gendo showed no emotion at all.
Yui gave him a big, hello kiss, then nailed him in the balls. Gendo's face showed pain. Lots of pain. Touji and Hikari glanced nervously at each other. Kensuke thought girls were yucky. Makoto fantasized about Misato. Aoba played air guitar. Fyutsuki laughed at Aoba. Aoba hit Fyutsuki with his air guitar. Fyutsuki didn't feel it, so he looked at
Aoba oddly. Pen Pen ate the cake. Everyone ate Pen Pen. The next day, Pen Pen pieced himself back
together from everyone's ficies.
The day after that, things were back to the way they
were around the time of the seventh angel, except Rei wasn't there. Nobody missed her, because all she ever
seemed to do was take up space. Ritsuko
danced on Rei's fake grave.
Yui nailed Gendo again for sleeping with the entire
Akagi family. Then she forgave him for
the sake of not fighting in front of Shinji.
Shinji knew exactly what was going on.
Kyoko came back and reunited with her daughter. Asuka spent the rest of her teenage years
being nagged about how she dresses, behaves, and flirts with people. Asuka wished her mother was dead again.
The angels played a poker game in heaven. For fun, they took on the form of dogs. God sighed and went for another nap on his
cloud. Kaworu secretly concealed photos
of Shinji in his plug suit. Rei found
them and never let Kaworu live them down.
About twelve billion years later, the sun exploded,
and everyone living on earth died.
THE END
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Author's notes:
How's that for funny?! I'm sorry, but I just had to work on something else other than
EFF or Reincarnation for once. They'll
be updated soon. Also, if anyone knows
how to upload an HTML story to a GEOCITIES web site and successfully display
it, could you please tell me? The only
reason my stories aren't posted yet is because they won't display and I don't
feel like re-writing them on the web page.
-Written by Vicil 2000
vicil2000@hotmail.com
