I don't own twilight.

Staring at the screen I only saw the golden hair, blue eyes, an innocent and beautiful boy smiling at the camera, not the brown haired girl who was draped over his arm, or her blood painted nails which were too close to his throat.

"What the fuck Ed? What is Jasper doing with the Bella bitch, posing all lovey-dovey, look at the bitch- clinging to Jazz like a fucking cat in heat! He's supposed to be here, in Seattle, in his fiance's arms! How can he miss your graduation?"

"Maybe he just forgot about it?"

"Yeah, just like he has forgotten about his fiance, and not to mention his own family and friends." She said while glaring at the headlines of the news channel- 'The new heartthrob of Hollywood caught getting cozy with the co-star Bella Swan on the sets of their upcoming project.'

"You know Ed? There was a time when I wasn't sure about you, your relationship with my brother, but now I am sureĢ¶ that fucking pig doesn't deserve you."

"No Rose, I am sure he's just overburdened because of all the mayhem happening around him. I know he would be very sorry and upset once he realizes that he has missed my graduation. He loves me." I said with conviction. I couldn't hear the desperation in my voice, the underlying fear.

Finally tearing my eyes from the way to glittery screen, I looked up to find Rosalie's teary eyes, and flaring nostrils. Her lips were quivering slightly, and my pathetic attempt of failed conviction was confirmed. She heard the defeat in my voice.

Her expression soon turned into one of those, the one people throw at you while you are crying your heart out and they look at you with kind eyes and half smile accompanied by an outburst or a lame joke or my favorite 'it's going to be okay'.

I will never understand why people think that it helps when they tell someone they understand when they understand shit.

The so called support makes the pain much more real and more painful.

Rather than telling Rosalie to shut the fuck up and then break down like a teenager who got dumped by their soul mate, I hoisted my pathetic self, off the couch. Getting a glimpse of the calendar I flexed my sore muscles.

"Do you want some coffee?" I asked the white gold ring on my finger, before I tugged the band off its place. The small stripe of uneven skin looked unwanted and unusual and instantly I wanted to turn it the way it was in the beginning.

"No, but you should. It would be good for you." She too replied to the now hollow metal loop. "Take care of yourself Edward. I love you." The slightly blurred image of blonde hair person said before I felt the tightness around my ribs and heaviness on the chest. A parting embrace, a consolation.

"Good bye." Rosalie uttered from her place on my chest and her hands tightened their grip a little more.

"Love you too." I returned to the southern beauty.

With the cold metal still in my hands I forced my legs to move towards the black granite kitchen island.

I leaned down midway to pick up the gold wizened frame from the side table. A relatively different yet similar picture of the golden boy of Hollywood. Golden hair, azure gaze but with a teenage exuberance, who was looking straight at the camera, tainted by a slightly flustered, side faced bronze haired boy. Jasper always loved the camera.

Setting the frame face down along with the ring I heard the bang of the door and the slight click of the lock.

The only path to me was closed to everyone now.

Resuming my earlier task, I fished out my old and manual coffee maker, one of my prized possessions. When I finally found what I wanted and desperately needed, it slipped out of my hands, breaking into several pieces.

I desperately tried to fix it, but it only got worse. Defeated, I threw the remains against the side table, and collapsed on the ground. A sudden tremor rippled from my spine and possessed my body, I griped the counter edge in an attempt to get up but my fingers slipped away from the edge and I found myself falling back again. I closed my eyes and cradled my face, heaving for air.

The tremor subsided as I finally leaned against the wood support. I was still somewhat shaken when I felt this deep twist in my chest and clutched it tightly with my hands, fisting the pale blue shirt that I realized was two sizes big on me and wasn't mine. The shirt was just another reminder of what was mine, what was lost.

Startled by the chime of the old wall clock, that didn't belong to me; I averted my eyes to the mirror showpiece.

I caught the reflection of a red headed guy puffing large amount of air and wild red rimmed eyes, while his face was pinched with the color of bloody roses.

As he raised a shaking hand I zeroed my eyes to the back of my right hand, and with a loud and rather strangled gasp realized that the guy in the mirror was my own reflection. Pulling the hand back I touched my cheeks, only to find the wetness and heat. The room shook with a wailing noise as I suddenly felt the coolness of tiles soothing my wet cheeks.

"Thud!"

I was disjointed and groggy as I blinked at the noise, a book, a magazine in front of my eyes. Squinting I could see a clear picture of a blonde boy, my blonde boy, my Jasper kissing a girl at the cover of the magazine.

I felt a pressure traveling from the spine of my neck to the front of my skull; a splitting pain blurred my burning eyes.

I was still somewhere in my sleepy haze, when a sudden commotion behind me alerted me of a presence.

"Get your lazy ass on the couch, darling brother of mine." Shouted a high pitched and annoyingly chirpy voice from behind the cabinet.

"Huh?"

"I said, instead of sulking on the floor of your kitchenette; get your lazy ass on the couch!" A prissy Alice replied, with her hands on her hips, the added effect.

It worked as I got up on my wobbly legs, clutching the counter for the support and felt the pain shoot throughout my body, my muscles protested vehemently to the strenuous task.

While my eyes were glued on the slightly folded and shiny cover of the glamour magazine, my fingers were searching for the metal band, lost metal band.

It was like my mind had finally processed the loss. My heart ached at the thought of never touching, kissing, or even seeing my Cowboy, my sweet forever, my Jasper.

"No! Please no!" I cried out as I felt the wetness on my neck, the tightness of my chest, the burning of my soul.

"I love him, I love him so much."

Almost instantly I was engulfed by warmth, which only made the ache more profound.

"It hurts Alice, it hurts so bad."

"I know honey, let it out. Let it all out." Was whispered to me.

"Why Alice? Couldn't he even make time for a small phone call? A single text? It's been about fifteen months since I last saw him, seven months and I am still waiting for his call. I have almost forgotten his voice." I somehow articulated all the words as I said it in a broken whimper.

"I can't do this anymore."