All righty. This fic is based on a series of odd dreams I've been having lately involving the main Irkens of IZ (Tallest and Zim), my fancharater Jendai, GIR, Dib-who pops up from time to time to make my job harder-and my trip to Europe. Okay, so this kind of SI is overdone, but I hope this one won't be too terrible... ^_^;; *prays to God* Jendai is mine, but the Almighty JV owns everyone else.
It's 5am at the house of Aliet Faslami. She is about to embark on a looooooong trip to the horrible, peanut-butterless and IZ-less place called Europe. The only way to keep herself sane is to drag along five lucky people from her fanfics. How they were chosen is a mystery, and how they got into her house I can't say, but they're there, all sharing one guest room. We can only imagine what havoc this will bring! In the guest room, there is one bed, a couch, and a chair. Not exactly great accommodations but, hell, it's AF's house and they're obeying her. We can see Zim and GIR sleeping in the chair, Red is on the couch, Purple's in the bed and Jendai's on the floor.
Red (can't sleep cause the couch is too small for him): Stupid Purple... Why does he get the bed?
Jendai (Hears Red grumbling and wakes up): Shut up, go to sleep. (throws pillow at him)
GIR: Weee! Pillow fight! (starts throwing pillows at everyone)
Needless to say, there is much yelling, shouting and general bad feelings as the "fight" continues. Finally, at 5:30, AF comes down from her bedroom to get her "saviors" ready to get to the airport. They all packed the night before, now all they have to do is get out the door and into AF's Ford Explorer. This is easier said then done...
AF: okay, everyone, get in cause the plane leaves in... Shit! An hour! Hurry up with the bags Jendai! We need to get going!
Jendai (comes into the garage grumbling cause he's carrying about 20 bags, 15 of which are Red's): I am... oh god! What the hell is in these things!?
Purple (comes up behind him): Red's lazer collection, he never goes anyplace without it.
AF (goes over and inspects the baggage): Does Lazer Ass actually think security is going to let him take those on a plane? I mean, security is pretty stupid, but I don't think they're THAT stupid...
Jendai: Good point. What are we gonna do?
Purple (thinks up a plan cause he's so smart!): Fill the things with bricks?
AF (looking at him funny): I thought you were supposed to be smart.
Meanwhile...
Zim&GIR at once: Shotgun!
Red (whining): No! I want shotgun!
GIR: I want to play with the radio...
Zim: Mother of Irk no! Not that again!
Red (acting all important, yet still whining): Zim, I am your superior, and I order you to sit in back with Pur and Jendai and GIR.
Zim (sits on his bag and pouts): fine...
GIR (begins digging in a bag and emerges with AF's prized Gameslave): Ooo! Dark Harvest Moon 3!! (settles down by Zim punching random buttons)
Jendai, AF and Purple finally get the bags stowed, after switching the lazers with rocks. AF takes the driver seat, makes Red get in back, Zim and GIR get shotgun, and all the tall Irkens get in back. The Explorer, a black one with a "Z?" license plate, begins its half hour drive to the airport. Everyone is pretty sleepy but GIR knows just what to do!
GIR: Pa-leeze get me a towel! Do do, Mr. Tangerine Speedo! (continues singing the horrible song)
AF (almost going crazy while trying to drive and tune out GIR at the same time): GIR, can we listen to the radio instead? Please? For the sake of my sanity?
Everyone else in the car: And mine?
GIR (puts on a big smile): okeydokey, Pyro!
Zim (looks up at AF, terrified): P-pyro? Doesn't that mean you have an obsessive desire to burn... stuff?
AF (turns on the radio): How about we forget that and just listen to some music? Kay?
Purple, Jendai, Red and Zim: 0_o;;
An equally horrible song comes on the radio...
Red (excited): No! Don't change the channel! I love this song! (reaches forward and cranks up volume, then begins to sing along.. off-key) Ooh dat dress so scandalous! And ya know another nigga couldn't handle it! See ya shakin' that thang like who's da ish with a look in ya eye so devilish! Ya like to dance at all the hip hop spots, and ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots. Not just urban she likes the pop, cuz she was livin la vida loca!
Jendai (groans): Oh god... not this song! This is... the horror!!
Purple (clutches his head in agony): Turn it off turn it off!
Zim (begins to twitch): Can't... stand... the noise!
AF (turns channel): God, I can't stand Sisqo! Who let Red listen to him in the first place? (watches as everyone points to GIR) Oh, well, that explains a lot... (hands Zim her precious CD case) Pick out a good one, okay Zimmy? There's nothing on the radio at this hour.
Zim (pulls out Weathered, Creed's new CD): How's this everyone?
AF puts the CD on. Bullets is first, which is too loud and a bit too dark for GIR's happy innocence, so, it's on to My Sacrifice, then Weathered, then Hide, then Don't Stop Dancing and lastly, Lullaby. By this time, the six-some have made it to the airport. The Irkens and GIR don disguises-wigs and contacts for all! As usual, it's hell getting through the lines and making it to the x-ray thingies. Everybody puts their carry-ons onto the conveyor belts and goes through the metal detectors. GIR is in one of those see-through pet carriers as Zim's carry-on. Unfortunately, there are a few problems. We all know Irkens can take the things on their backs off, but... would you take yours off if some human said to?
Security Guard Bob: I'm sorry, you'll all have to remove your backpacks for inspection. Please do so and put them on the belt.
Zim (almost throwing a fit): What do you mean, 'take them off'!? We can't take them off! Stupid human! They're implanted in our spi-OW! (rubs his foot where AF has stepped on him) I mean, uh, we're very protective of them.
Jendai (almost panicking): Yeah, and I can't walk without mine!
Purple (also almost panicking): We'll all die if we take them off!
Red (distracted by SGB's gun): Niiiiiice Lazer..
SGB (notices Red staring): What are you looking at?
Red (drooling): Lazer... thing..
AF (ignoring him): Isn't there some way we can convince you to let them keep them on? (motions to Jendai and Tallests. They come up behind her and loom menacingly over SGB) There has to be a way...
Ten minutes later SGB is pale, shaking and allowing them to go through. Irkens are awestruck by AF's "bargaining" ablatives.
Zim (looks up at her): Remind me never to get you mad...
AF: No problem Zimmy (grins evilly) Now... where's our gate? (walks off a few feet, pondering her choices and ignoring the tall Irkens) Okay, so... Zim, what do the tickets say?
Zim (reaches into GIR's case and pulls out shreds): Oops... Note to self, never let GIR play with tickets...
GIR (from inside its case): I'm a paper shredder! Paper shredder! Heeeheeheeheehee!
AF: Oh god no... what else can go wrong today...? (hears tall Irkens yelling at each other) oh crap... (turns around to see Red, Purple and Jendai fighting over a cup of coffee) Not now... (looks at sky) Why do you do this to me? (sighs and goes to break up giant dust cloud that's formed) Knock it off you genetic freaks.
Red (yanking Purple's antennae while freezing in the process of kicking Jendai in the stomach area): They started it!
Purple (hands around Red's throat): Red wants all the coffee for himself!
Jendai (trapped between them, holding his places of injury): Geh... squeedly-spooch in pain...
AF (marches up to them, frees Purple's antennae and shoves Red's foot away from Jendai): We have to get on that plane in fifteen minutes! If I HAVE to get dragged to Europe for skool, I'm not going to miss the plane! (glares) If you children can't keep your tempers under control... (pulls hairspray and candle out of trenchcoat pocket) I swear to God I will go pyro on all of you.
After a minute, the Tall Irkens meekly follow her, fearing the wrath of the pyromaniac. They piece the tickets together-1001 uses for scotch tape!-and manage to get to the gate with little more than tired feet. However, once their rows have been called, someone develops a serious phobia of all human things that fly-and it isn't Zim.
Jendai (bracing himself against the door with his robo-legs): God no! Not the plane!! PLEEEEEEASE NOOOOOOOOOO! (screams girlishly as everyone begins to pull him in)
Purple (pulling on Jendai's legs): Right... 'Dai... like anything... is going to happen... to you...!
Zim (also pulling on his legs): I thought... you were brave!
Red and AF (pulling as well): Same... here!
Jendai (pouts): I was until I saw the thing! Don't make me go! Please!!! I... I'll throw up!
Red (being his usual evil self): Good, it'll be easier to strap you into your seat...ON THE FRICKIN PLANE! Holy crap, this guy is strong!
AF (lets go of his legs): This isn't working... (moves to where he can see her and uses her *dun dun dun!* SUPERIOR BARGANING TACTICS!!) Jendai, if you go on the plane, you can have my aisle seat so you won't have to see how high up we are and I'll sit on one side of you and Pur can sit on the other. If you get real scared, we'll let you squeeze our arms, okay? (elbows Purple)
Purple (realizes what's going on): Oh, right! Yeah!
Red: I thought you were the smart one, Pur.
Jendai (letting go of the wall and following AF down the pathy thingy to the plane) Okay... (he makes little scare-ed noises)
Zim (looks up at him): Baby.
Jendai (glares at him: Midget.
GIR (from inside its case): Paper shredder!
The Europe-bound six finally get in their seats for takeoff. It's one of those fancy double-decker planes where first class is on top and coach and business are on bottom. Aliet Faslami isn't exactly the richest person in the world, so she and her IZ friends get to ride coach! Yay... all those screaming babies and bad food and huge bathroom lines.... The seats are in three rows, a middle, and a left and right side. The right and middle rows have three seats each and the left has two. Zim gets window-side on the right, with AF in the middle and Jendai in the aisle. Purple gets the aisle seat next to Jendai's with Red in the middle and GIR beside him.
GIR (crawls out of the case and sits in the seat): Mister Reddy? What's this for? (holds up seatbelt)
Red (demonstrates by putting his on): It keeps you from flying out of your seat of we crash in a fiery ball of death. (looks over at Jendai when he says the last part)
GIR: Oooo... (puts seatbelt around its neck) I have a necklace!
Zim (to AF): So... why are we going to Europe again? Some skool thing?
AF (flips through a SkyMall magazine cause there's lotsa cool gizmos in there): Cuz my parents are there and the skool decided it would be better for my education if I went too. And then there was this whole big thing with social workers and crap like that. (rolls her eyes) Personally, I think I was doing better in skool with them there.
Zim (looks a little confused): So.. your family went to this Europe for a vacation and left you home alone?
AF: Yup (evil grin)
Zim (more confusion): Do you even know where they are?
AF (shakes her head): uh uh.
Zim (looks scared now): So we're just going to wander around some foreign human place calling out your parents' names and hoping they hear us before the authorities!?
AF (yet another evil look): Yessir! (starts to explain herself) Okay, so I kinda know where they are...
Before she can explain further, the people who give all the safety instructions come out and do their little thing. Everyone is doing pretty much anything except watching them. Including our little group. Purple gets bored and starts humming to himself, GIR plays with its "necklace," Red stares at the tight uniforms on the stewardesses, Zim watches the people loading the bags, and AF continues reading her magazine. Jendai is the only one who isn't calm.
Stewardess Jane: And in case of emergency water landing, please use your seat bottom cushion as a floatation device.
Jendai (starts hyperventilating): Oh god, I knew it! What does she mean by that!? She's threatening us! The plane is gonna crash!! We're gonna die! We're all gonna drown!! (grabs AF's arm and squeezes it) We're gonna burn and drown!
AF: Calm down 'Dai! (winces as the life is crushed out of her hand) Crashing is a very rare thing! We're not even off the ground yet! This is just the safety lecture they give every time in case dumb asses like Red get onboard! (pats his shoulder comfortingly) I promise you won't die.
Jendai (stops hyperventilating and whimpers): Okay... (whimpers some more)
The plane finally takes off, albeit the screaming of one very terrified Irken mechanic. Everything goes normally for hours, Zim messes with his plans, AF and Pur read books, comics, magazines, ect., GIR annoys the crap out of other passengers with AF's Gameslave, Red has his mind on things other than lazers for once, and Jendai screams in absolute panic every time there's a tiny piece of turbulence. The little carts come around every five minutes, learning to ignore row number 15 after the first few attempts.
Zim (taps AF on the shoulder): Uh... Aliet?
AF (reading Tenchi manga and not noticing him): hee hee, Washu and Catbunny... thing. Funny!
Zim (louder cuz he's an impatient little guy): Aliet!
AF (still reading Tenchi): Mawhah, chickfight! Go Ryoko!
Zim (shouting so loud the entire plane can hear him): ALIET FASLAMI!!!! (everyone on the plane turns and looks at Zim, including AF herself in shock. Zim blushes) Uh... sorry... heh heh... (to AF) What is all that blue stuff?
AF (leans over to look out his window): Oh, that's the Atlantic Ocean.
Jendai, Zim, Red and Purple (all suddenly terrified): Ocean...?
AF (realizes she's made a mistake): Er... Atlantis I mean! It's a big, blue continent that nobody can find.
Jendai, Zim, Red and Purple (relax): Oh...
AF (mutters under her breath): Thank god I didn't chose the cruise liner...
GIR (points out the window): Looky! I found Atlantis! (giggles)
AF: Good for you! (big smile at GIR)
Several more hours go by with everyone attempting to be on their best behavior. AF and Purple fall asleep, their interest in their reading material exhausted. Jendai's still scared out of his mind. Zim continues his plotting, Red stares into space and GIR has used up all the batteries in AF's Gameslave. Needless to say, GIR and Red are bored.
Red (gets up out of his seat): Time to go find some action. (to GIR) Stay there. If you move, AF'll eat you alive. (walks toward the back of the plane)
GIR: Yay! (oblivious as usual) Ooo, wazzat? (sees space under seat, gets out of seat and crawls into it) Heeheee! Sticky stuff! (peels gum off seat's bottom in front of it) Gummy stuff! (Gets gum stuck on doggy costume) Uh oh... It likes me too much! (gets scared cuz the gum won't come off) AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaF!!!
AF (wakes up-as do pretty much all the sleeping people on the plane): Wha..? Oh! GIR, what's wrong?
GIR (pops up, getting gum all over Purple): I got gummy...
Purple: Eew... (pushes GIR off) I just got this skirt dry-cleaned too...
AF (gets out of her seat, climbing over Jendai to do so): *sigh* C'mon GIR, let's go get you cleaned up. (to Jendai) Squeeze the life out of Zim if you get scared while I'm gone. (leads sticky little robot away)
As usual, there's a huge line for the bathroom. AF and GIR wait for 30 minutes, tapping their feet and staring into space to pass the time. The line never moves. People are starting to get reeeeeaally pissed off. AF is one of those people. She's also one of those people who bang on doors and cuss until the person in the bathroom comes out. Just about as she's going to start doing her normal routine to get the bathroom hog out, Stewardess Jane comes running out the door.
SJ (screaming while running towards the front of the plane, her skirt his hiked up really far...): AIEEEE! An ALIEN!! GOD SAVE US ALL!!
AF (looks in the bathroom suspiciously): Alien?
Red (sitting on the floor with his disguise gone and severely disheveled clothing): Hiya AF... (gets an embarrassed look)
AF (looking exasperated): Red.. what the hell did you do now?
Red (stands up, putting disguise back on and smoothing out his skirt and armor stuff): Heh heh... I said I wanted some action, I got some. Until the human went all psycho on me.
AF (shoves him out): Men! Okay, GIR, let's get you cleaned up (goes into the bathroom, not noticing the angry plane people behind her) You sit in the sink.
GIR: Why can't I sit in there? (points to toilet) It's so pretty and blue! (sniffles) I wanna be bluuuuue...
AF (relenting): If you're good for the rest of the plane ride, you can have some blue paint when we get to... where we're going. But for now just sit in the sink, kay?
GIR: Okay Pyro! (biiiiiiiiiig smile)
Meanwhile, back in row 15...
Jendai (about three seconds away from a total panic attack): Not gonna die... not gonna die... not gonna die... (squeezes Zim's head in sheer terror)
Zim (turning purple cuz there's hardly any blood going to his head): Jendai... will you please... stop doing that...?
Purple: We're not even having very bad turbulence! You think this is bad, you should have been on the flight to Earth. Mother of Irk! Everything was shaking and stuff was falling off the walls and there were lights flashing and people screaming how we're all gonna die-(sees Stewardess Jane running down the aisle, screaming about doom and how everyone is going to die cuz there's an alien on the plane)
Jendai (goes white and starts hyperventilating again): OH SHIT!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIE! (curls into a whimpering little ball, screaming in panic every few seconds)
Zim and Purple look at each other, then shake their heads. Red eventually comes back and falls asleep as soon as he sits back down. AF and GIR return, the robot going to bother the Tallest and AF going to make sure a certain other Irken doesn't either kill Zim or pass out in fear. Eventually, Jendai goes to sleep-knockout pills, never leave home without 'em-and the pilot announces they're about to land. Everyone buckles up.
Red (looms over GIR): Put your necklace on.
GIR: Why? (innocent as usual)
Red (frustrated because he's spent 14 hours on a plane next to a psycho robot he never should have seen again in the first place): Because if you don't we can't land, AF will go pyro on my ass and the paralyzed chicken will have to go through more bottles of KO pills than anyone's got.
GIR (not catching on): Why?
Purple (leans over Red): If you don't put your seatbelt on, AF won't buy you blue paint.
GIR (terrified at the thought of not getting its paint, goes into red-mode): YES SIR! (blue mode) YAY! Paint!
And so, the plane lands, unwittingly bringing Doom to Europe...
This was supposed to be really dumb. I don't care if you R&R or not. But, I'm having major problems finishing the next chapter of Collateral Damage and needed an EGO BOOST! Major thankies to Shatai (formerly known as Sether) for his help in this. Wanna thank him yourself? Go read his fics! If you want me to continue this.. thing, tell me, kay? I dunno if I'll finish it otherwise. For those of you who are eagerly awaiting chapter 6 of collateral damage, it'll be up soon! Promises!
It's 5am at the house of Aliet Faslami. She is about to embark on a looooooong trip to the horrible, peanut-butterless and IZ-less place called Europe. The only way to keep herself sane is to drag along five lucky people from her fanfics. How they were chosen is a mystery, and how they got into her house I can't say, but they're there, all sharing one guest room. We can only imagine what havoc this will bring! In the guest room, there is one bed, a couch, and a chair. Not exactly great accommodations but, hell, it's AF's house and they're obeying her. We can see Zim and GIR sleeping in the chair, Red is on the couch, Purple's in the bed and Jendai's on the floor.
Red (can't sleep cause the couch is too small for him): Stupid Purple... Why does he get the bed?
Jendai (Hears Red grumbling and wakes up): Shut up, go to sleep. (throws pillow at him)
GIR: Weee! Pillow fight! (starts throwing pillows at everyone)
Needless to say, there is much yelling, shouting and general bad feelings as the "fight" continues. Finally, at 5:30, AF comes down from her bedroom to get her "saviors" ready to get to the airport. They all packed the night before, now all they have to do is get out the door and into AF's Ford Explorer. This is easier said then done...
AF: okay, everyone, get in cause the plane leaves in... Shit! An hour! Hurry up with the bags Jendai! We need to get going!
Jendai (comes into the garage grumbling cause he's carrying about 20 bags, 15 of which are Red's): I am... oh god! What the hell is in these things!?
Purple (comes up behind him): Red's lazer collection, he never goes anyplace without it.
AF (goes over and inspects the baggage): Does Lazer Ass actually think security is going to let him take those on a plane? I mean, security is pretty stupid, but I don't think they're THAT stupid...
Jendai: Good point. What are we gonna do?
Purple (thinks up a plan cause he's so smart!): Fill the things with bricks?
AF (looking at him funny): I thought you were supposed to be smart.
Meanwhile...
Zim&GIR at once: Shotgun!
Red (whining): No! I want shotgun!
GIR: I want to play with the radio...
Zim: Mother of Irk no! Not that again!
Red (acting all important, yet still whining): Zim, I am your superior, and I order you to sit in back with Pur and Jendai and GIR.
Zim (sits on his bag and pouts): fine...
GIR (begins digging in a bag and emerges with AF's prized Gameslave): Ooo! Dark Harvest Moon 3!! (settles down by Zim punching random buttons)
Jendai, AF and Purple finally get the bags stowed, after switching the lazers with rocks. AF takes the driver seat, makes Red get in back, Zim and GIR get shotgun, and all the tall Irkens get in back. The Explorer, a black one with a "Z?" license plate, begins its half hour drive to the airport. Everyone is pretty sleepy but GIR knows just what to do!
GIR: Pa-leeze get me a towel! Do do, Mr. Tangerine Speedo! (continues singing the horrible song)
AF (almost going crazy while trying to drive and tune out GIR at the same time): GIR, can we listen to the radio instead? Please? For the sake of my sanity?
Everyone else in the car: And mine?
GIR (puts on a big smile): okeydokey, Pyro!
Zim (looks up at AF, terrified): P-pyro? Doesn't that mean you have an obsessive desire to burn... stuff?
AF (turns on the radio): How about we forget that and just listen to some music? Kay?
Purple, Jendai, Red and Zim: 0_o;;
An equally horrible song comes on the radio...
Red (excited): No! Don't change the channel! I love this song! (reaches forward and cranks up volume, then begins to sing along.. off-key) Ooh dat dress so scandalous! And ya know another nigga couldn't handle it! See ya shakin' that thang like who's da ish with a look in ya eye so devilish! Ya like to dance at all the hip hop spots, and ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots. Not just urban she likes the pop, cuz she was livin la vida loca!
Jendai (groans): Oh god... not this song! This is... the horror!!
Purple (clutches his head in agony): Turn it off turn it off!
Zim (begins to twitch): Can't... stand... the noise!
AF (turns channel): God, I can't stand Sisqo! Who let Red listen to him in the first place? (watches as everyone points to GIR) Oh, well, that explains a lot... (hands Zim her precious CD case) Pick out a good one, okay Zimmy? There's nothing on the radio at this hour.
Zim (pulls out Weathered, Creed's new CD): How's this everyone?
AF puts the CD on. Bullets is first, which is too loud and a bit too dark for GIR's happy innocence, so, it's on to My Sacrifice, then Weathered, then Hide, then Don't Stop Dancing and lastly, Lullaby. By this time, the six-some have made it to the airport. The Irkens and GIR don disguises-wigs and contacts for all! As usual, it's hell getting through the lines and making it to the x-ray thingies. Everybody puts their carry-ons onto the conveyor belts and goes through the metal detectors. GIR is in one of those see-through pet carriers as Zim's carry-on. Unfortunately, there are a few problems. We all know Irkens can take the things on their backs off, but... would you take yours off if some human said to?
Security Guard Bob: I'm sorry, you'll all have to remove your backpacks for inspection. Please do so and put them on the belt.
Zim (almost throwing a fit): What do you mean, 'take them off'!? We can't take them off! Stupid human! They're implanted in our spi-OW! (rubs his foot where AF has stepped on him) I mean, uh, we're very protective of them.
Jendai (almost panicking): Yeah, and I can't walk without mine!
Purple (also almost panicking): We'll all die if we take them off!
Red (distracted by SGB's gun): Niiiiiice Lazer..
SGB (notices Red staring): What are you looking at?
Red (drooling): Lazer... thing..
AF (ignoring him): Isn't there some way we can convince you to let them keep them on? (motions to Jendai and Tallests. They come up behind her and loom menacingly over SGB) There has to be a way...
Ten minutes later SGB is pale, shaking and allowing them to go through. Irkens are awestruck by AF's "bargaining" ablatives.
Zim (looks up at her): Remind me never to get you mad...
AF: No problem Zimmy (grins evilly) Now... where's our gate? (walks off a few feet, pondering her choices and ignoring the tall Irkens) Okay, so... Zim, what do the tickets say?
Zim (reaches into GIR's case and pulls out shreds): Oops... Note to self, never let GIR play with tickets...
GIR (from inside its case): I'm a paper shredder! Paper shredder! Heeeheeheeheehee!
AF: Oh god no... what else can go wrong today...? (hears tall Irkens yelling at each other) oh crap... (turns around to see Red, Purple and Jendai fighting over a cup of coffee) Not now... (looks at sky) Why do you do this to me? (sighs and goes to break up giant dust cloud that's formed) Knock it off you genetic freaks.
Red (yanking Purple's antennae while freezing in the process of kicking Jendai in the stomach area): They started it!
Purple (hands around Red's throat): Red wants all the coffee for himself!
Jendai (trapped between them, holding his places of injury): Geh... squeedly-spooch in pain...
AF (marches up to them, frees Purple's antennae and shoves Red's foot away from Jendai): We have to get on that plane in fifteen minutes! If I HAVE to get dragged to Europe for skool, I'm not going to miss the plane! (glares) If you children can't keep your tempers under control... (pulls hairspray and candle out of trenchcoat pocket) I swear to God I will go pyro on all of you.
After a minute, the Tall Irkens meekly follow her, fearing the wrath of the pyromaniac. They piece the tickets together-1001 uses for scotch tape!-and manage to get to the gate with little more than tired feet. However, once their rows have been called, someone develops a serious phobia of all human things that fly-and it isn't Zim.
Jendai (bracing himself against the door with his robo-legs): God no! Not the plane!! PLEEEEEEASE NOOOOOOOOOO! (screams girlishly as everyone begins to pull him in)
Purple (pulling on Jendai's legs): Right... 'Dai... like anything... is going to happen... to you...!
Zim (also pulling on his legs): I thought... you were brave!
Red and AF (pulling as well): Same... here!
Jendai (pouts): I was until I saw the thing! Don't make me go! Please!!! I... I'll throw up!
Red (being his usual evil self): Good, it'll be easier to strap you into your seat...ON THE FRICKIN PLANE! Holy crap, this guy is strong!
AF (lets go of his legs): This isn't working... (moves to where he can see her and uses her *dun dun dun!* SUPERIOR BARGANING TACTICS!!) Jendai, if you go on the plane, you can have my aisle seat so you won't have to see how high up we are and I'll sit on one side of you and Pur can sit on the other. If you get real scared, we'll let you squeeze our arms, okay? (elbows Purple)
Purple (realizes what's going on): Oh, right! Yeah!
Red: I thought you were the smart one, Pur.
Jendai (letting go of the wall and following AF down the pathy thingy to the plane) Okay... (he makes little scare-ed noises)
Zim (looks up at him): Baby.
Jendai (glares at him: Midget.
GIR (from inside its case): Paper shredder!
The Europe-bound six finally get in their seats for takeoff. It's one of those fancy double-decker planes where first class is on top and coach and business are on bottom. Aliet Faslami isn't exactly the richest person in the world, so she and her IZ friends get to ride coach! Yay... all those screaming babies and bad food and huge bathroom lines.... The seats are in three rows, a middle, and a left and right side. The right and middle rows have three seats each and the left has two. Zim gets window-side on the right, with AF in the middle and Jendai in the aisle. Purple gets the aisle seat next to Jendai's with Red in the middle and GIR beside him.
GIR (crawls out of the case and sits in the seat): Mister Reddy? What's this for? (holds up seatbelt)
Red (demonstrates by putting his on): It keeps you from flying out of your seat of we crash in a fiery ball of death. (looks over at Jendai when he says the last part)
GIR: Oooo... (puts seatbelt around its neck) I have a necklace!
Zim (to AF): So... why are we going to Europe again? Some skool thing?
AF (flips through a SkyMall magazine cause there's lotsa cool gizmos in there): Cuz my parents are there and the skool decided it would be better for my education if I went too. And then there was this whole big thing with social workers and crap like that. (rolls her eyes) Personally, I think I was doing better in skool with them there.
Zim (looks a little confused): So.. your family went to this Europe for a vacation and left you home alone?
AF: Yup (evil grin)
Zim (more confusion): Do you even know where they are?
AF (shakes her head): uh uh.
Zim (looks scared now): So we're just going to wander around some foreign human place calling out your parents' names and hoping they hear us before the authorities!?
AF (yet another evil look): Yessir! (starts to explain herself) Okay, so I kinda know where they are...
Before she can explain further, the people who give all the safety instructions come out and do their little thing. Everyone is doing pretty much anything except watching them. Including our little group. Purple gets bored and starts humming to himself, GIR plays with its "necklace," Red stares at the tight uniforms on the stewardesses, Zim watches the people loading the bags, and AF continues reading her magazine. Jendai is the only one who isn't calm.
Stewardess Jane: And in case of emergency water landing, please use your seat bottom cushion as a floatation device.
Jendai (starts hyperventilating): Oh god, I knew it! What does she mean by that!? She's threatening us! The plane is gonna crash!! We're gonna die! We're all gonna drown!! (grabs AF's arm and squeezes it) We're gonna burn and drown!
AF: Calm down 'Dai! (winces as the life is crushed out of her hand) Crashing is a very rare thing! We're not even off the ground yet! This is just the safety lecture they give every time in case dumb asses like Red get onboard! (pats his shoulder comfortingly) I promise you won't die.
Jendai (stops hyperventilating and whimpers): Okay... (whimpers some more)
The plane finally takes off, albeit the screaming of one very terrified Irken mechanic. Everything goes normally for hours, Zim messes with his plans, AF and Pur read books, comics, magazines, ect., GIR annoys the crap out of other passengers with AF's Gameslave, Red has his mind on things other than lazers for once, and Jendai screams in absolute panic every time there's a tiny piece of turbulence. The little carts come around every five minutes, learning to ignore row number 15 after the first few attempts.
Zim (taps AF on the shoulder): Uh... Aliet?
AF (reading Tenchi manga and not noticing him): hee hee, Washu and Catbunny... thing. Funny!
Zim (louder cuz he's an impatient little guy): Aliet!
AF (still reading Tenchi): Mawhah, chickfight! Go Ryoko!
Zim (shouting so loud the entire plane can hear him): ALIET FASLAMI!!!! (everyone on the plane turns and looks at Zim, including AF herself in shock. Zim blushes) Uh... sorry... heh heh... (to AF) What is all that blue stuff?
AF (leans over to look out his window): Oh, that's the Atlantic Ocean.
Jendai, Zim, Red and Purple (all suddenly terrified): Ocean...?
AF (realizes she's made a mistake): Er... Atlantis I mean! It's a big, blue continent that nobody can find.
Jendai, Zim, Red and Purple (relax): Oh...
AF (mutters under her breath): Thank god I didn't chose the cruise liner...
GIR (points out the window): Looky! I found Atlantis! (giggles)
AF: Good for you! (big smile at GIR)
Several more hours go by with everyone attempting to be on their best behavior. AF and Purple fall asleep, their interest in their reading material exhausted. Jendai's still scared out of his mind. Zim continues his plotting, Red stares into space and GIR has used up all the batteries in AF's Gameslave. Needless to say, GIR and Red are bored.
Red (gets up out of his seat): Time to go find some action. (to GIR) Stay there. If you move, AF'll eat you alive. (walks toward the back of the plane)
GIR: Yay! (oblivious as usual) Ooo, wazzat? (sees space under seat, gets out of seat and crawls into it) Heeheee! Sticky stuff! (peels gum off seat's bottom in front of it) Gummy stuff! (Gets gum stuck on doggy costume) Uh oh... It likes me too much! (gets scared cuz the gum won't come off) AaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaF!!!
AF (wakes up-as do pretty much all the sleeping people on the plane): Wha..? Oh! GIR, what's wrong?
GIR (pops up, getting gum all over Purple): I got gummy...
Purple: Eew... (pushes GIR off) I just got this skirt dry-cleaned too...
AF (gets out of her seat, climbing over Jendai to do so): *sigh* C'mon GIR, let's go get you cleaned up. (to Jendai) Squeeze the life out of Zim if you get scared while I'm gone. (leads sticky little robot away)
As usual, there's a huge line for the bathroom. AF and GIR wait for 30 minutes, tapping their feet and staring into space to pass the time. The line never moves. People are starting to get reeeeeaally pissed off. AF is one of those people. She's also one of those people who bang on doors and cuss until the person in the bathroom comes out. Just about as she's going to start doing her normal routine to get the bathroom hog out, Stewardess Jane comes running out the door.
SJ (screaming while running towards the front of the plane, her skirt his hiked up really far...): AIEEEE! An ALIEN!! GOD SAVE US ALL!!
AF (looks in the bathroom suspiciously): Alien?
Red (sitting on the floor with his disguise gone and severely disheveled clothing): Hiya AF... (gets an embarrassed look)
AF (looking exasperated): Red.. what the hell did you do now?
Red (stands up, putting disguise back on and smoothing out his skirt and armor stuff): Heh heh... I said I wanted some action, I got some. Until the human went all psycho on me.
AF (shoves him out): Men! Okay, GIR, let's get you cleaned up (goes into the bathroom, not noticing the angry plane people behind her) You sit in the sink.
GIR: Why can't I sit in there? (points to toilet) It's so pretty and blue! (sniffles) I wanna be bluuuuue...
AF (relenting): If you're good for the rest of the plane ride, you can have some blue paint when we get to... where we're going. But for now just sit in the sink, kay?
GIR: Okay Pyro! (biiiiiiiiiig smile)
Meanwhile, back in row 15...
Jendai (about three seconds away from a total panic attack): Not gonna die... not gonna die... not gonna die... (squeezes Zim's head in sheer terror)
Zim (turning purple cuz there's hardly any blood going to his head): Jendai... will you please... stop doing that...?
Purple: We're not even having very bad turbulence! You think this is bad, you should have been on the flight to Earth. Mother of Irk! Everything was shaking and stuff was falling off the walls and there were lights flashing and people screaming how we're all gonna die-(sees Stewardess Jane running down the aisle, screaming about doom and how everyone is going to die cuz there's an alien on the plane)
Jendai (goes white and starts hyperventilating again): OH SHIT!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIE! (curls into a whimpering little ball, screaming in panic every few seconds)
Zim and Purple look at each other, then shake their heads. Red eventually comes back and falls asleep as soon as he sits back down. AF and GIR return, the robot going to bother the Tallest and AF going to make sure a certain other Irken doesn't either kill Zim or pass out in fear. Eventually, Jendai goes to sleep-knockout pills, never leave home without 'em-and the pilot announces they're about to land. Everyone buckles up.
Red (looms over GIR): Put your necklace on.
GIR: Why? (innocent as usual)
Red (frustrated because he's spent 14 hours on a plane next to a psycho robot he never should have seen again in the first place): Because if you don't we can't land, AF will go pyro on my ass and the paralyzed chicken will have to go through more bottles of KO pills than anyone's got.
GIR (not catching on): Why?
Purple (leans over Red): If you don't put your seatbelt on, AF won't buy you blue paint.
GIR (terrified at the thought of not getting its paint, goes into red-mode): YES SIR! (blue mode) YAY! Paint!
And so, the plane lands, unwittingly bringing Doom to Europe...
This was supposed to be really dumb. I don't care if you R&R or not. But, I'm having major problems finishing the next chapter of Collateral Damage and needed an EGO BOOST! Major thankies to Shatai (formerly known as Sether) for his help in this. Wanna thank him yourself? Go read his fics! If you want me to continue this.. thing, tell me, kay? I dunno if I'll finish it otherwise. For those of you who are eagerly awaiting chapter 6 of collateral damage, it'll be up soon! Promises!