Yes, I do realize I must be updating my AxN fic right now. However, for some reason I just cannot get myself to continue the chapter I am working on. I do swear I will finish it at some point and time though.

Here is a very short oneshot for the time being. Thanks to A.L. for giving me inspiration for this.

Disclaimer. If I owned any series and stopped updating during random intervals, people would probably shoot me. So no, I don't own.

Shiho picked up her gun from the discarded uniform that lay on her bed, and gently put her finger through the trigger. The cold metal was oddly soothing, especially when her heart was flaring up inside her, threatening to burn her to death.

"I hate that man."

She muttered grimly to her reflection on the mirror across the room. She saw tears streaking down her cheeks, but her eyes were empty. Dead. Devoid of all emotion, despite the endless flow of salt water flowing out of those eyes. She remembered a time when they carried a spark, the fire burning in her soul. That fire had turned cold long ago, and now it was completely gone.

"I hate myself."

She gritted her teeth and rammed the muzzle of her gun to her temple. It sent a dull pain in her head, but it hardly mattered. That part of her heart that had been ripped out when the fire went out, that was more painful. And that empty part of her kept throbbing constantly, reminding her of her utter and complete hopelessness.

What in this wide goddamned world she did to earn this, she honestly did not know.

What she did know, though, was what the cause for her agony was. It was all because of one stupid, infuriating, inconsiderate, soulless bastard who unfortunately happened to be her superior. She hated him with all her soul. She hated how his lips would curl into a sneer whenever she made the tiniest mistake. She hated how he acted like he was the king of the world. She hated how he could be such a merciless, cold human being. She hated his arrogance, his confidence, his denseness, his hard-headedness…and she honestly could go on forever.

More than anything, though, she hated how this soulless fucking bastard had somehow gotten to her. She hated how she'd find herself staring into his ice-blue eyes. She hated how she found herself listening to his every word. She hated how she'd find herself fishing for a smile, a look, acknowledgement, anything from him.

She hated him because she didn't hate him.

And she hated herself because she couldn't hate him.

With her trembling thumb, she released the safety lock on her revolver. She remembered that he had complimented her once on her aim, and how she had to force back the "unprofessional" smile that was creeping up to her face. She absolutely loathed how that memory still almost made her smile.

She knew she had to do something about it. But no matter how many times she tried to put an end to the hopeless situation she was in, it never worked. That stupid bastard had somehow gripped her heart and was slowly killing it.

Well, if she was dying anyway, why not do it herself? It was going to be a much faster, and probably ultimately a less painful process to pull that trigger and spill her guts out to the floor…

She slowly lowered the gun into her mouth, and put her other hand onto it. She tightened her grip, and took a deep breath…

Then, her cellular phone rang.

She felt like throwing up when she found herself wondering if it was a call from him. She paused for a few seconds, then threw her gun across the room to her reflection on the mirror and glared at it.

"You sicken me, Shiho Hahnenfuss. I don't know why I put up with you at all."

Her voice seemed dead, too. Or maybe she was just going insane. Either way the end result was going to be the same.

She picked up the phone, and sure enough, the incoming call was from Yzak Joule. She pressed the answer button, and raised it to her ear with her still unsteady fingers.

"Yes, Commander."

"Major Hahnenfuss? I realize you are currently off duty, however, we are a few people short in the office right now. Would you mind coming in? I will make sure you get some sort of reward for it."

"…Why me, Commander?"

"Because you are the most efficient subordinate I have. Will you?"

She hated him.

"Yes, Commander. I will be there in half an hour."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it."

The phone started beeping, indicating that the bastard on the other line had hung up. She felt another small part of her die with the fact that that one, short, impossibly formal phone conversation was making her heart jump.

"I hate you."

She looked back to the reflection in her mirror.

"…I hate you."

She whispered, her voice now hoarse, one last time. She picked up the red ZAFT uniform …the only thing that tied her to him in the first place…and slowly put it on.

She smoothed her hair with one hand as she opened the door with another. She glanced at the gun that lay at the foot of her mirror, but left it there and slammed the door behind her.

Thanks for reading, reviews are much appreciated!