B-

When he left Forks that afternoon- he left more than rain clouds and snow tires. He left a lonely field of lilacs still covered in the morning dew. He left declaration of eternal love floating out of an open bedroom window into the blackened midnight sky. He left inside jokes, prom pictures, and an empty lunchroom seat.

He left me.

He left Charlie and Renee. He left the future family I had already begun to imagine we could create together. The family I had, unbeknownst to me until I had to mourn it, already begun to love. And so, as I lay on the leaf strewn mossy ground of the forest floor still savoring the final kiss he left on my forehead before disappearing into the trees, I shut down. In an effort of self-preservation I willed my brain, which was overwhelmed by the vastness of its sudden loss, to concentrate on each breath escaping my lungs. All of my senses clung to the progressively less jagged exhalations pushing through my lips and hanging heavily in the air around me. Like clouds. Like ghosts.

Despite the lush surroundings, I found pleasure in only the numbness that began to soothe each achingly empty body part as it worked its way up my body. I was thankful for the deadness as it stopped my feet from continuing their empty search of the woods for him. It hushed my knees' silent cries of shame- We should have begged for you to stay-, and momentarily quelled the desire I had felt for him since the second I saw his crooked smile.

And my heart- the numbness froze the burning edges of its newly shattered pieces.

I closed my eyes tightly and waited patiently for the ice to spread to my hands, which still reached out for him in vain- finding only the deepening twilight to embrace instead of his loving arms. My lips were still parted slightly in anticipation of his honey-toned kisses, while my eyes and ears waited to behold his laughter as he teased me for being gullible enough to believe he could ever leave.

My mind, stuck somewhere between cursing him for suddenly departing, leaving nothing more than a postcard of the life we could have had, and disgust at myself for clinging to the nicotine-laced emotion of hope that still ran through my blood.

He never came back for me that night. Warmth, not coolness lifted me eventually from my cocoon of emptiness in the woods that night.

In fact, Edward had not come for me on any of the nights in the two years that have passed. And while I've moved on with my life the best I could, I've come to terms with the fact that some wounds never heal. That numbness never drowned me completely, leaving parts of me scarred and tortured by his memory. I still feel his breath on my neck, and hear his voice in my ear, but every time I turn around to face him – he's gone. And as much as I now loved Jake, I wondered if I could ever love him the way that I had loved Edward- all moonshine and nightingales, innocence and revelry.

"Bella, the wedding's in a month and you still haven't picked a dress out yet! For the love of God, this is one thing I can't do for you," Jessica lectured me.

I put down the dream catchers we were assembling as wedding gifts and looked up at the poorly spackled yellowing ceiling before sighing loudly.

"Ughhh. I know, I know. I don't know what's wrong with me. Everything I look at just isn't… me. There are too many sequins, pearls and ribbons. Why the hell does every wedding dress now-a-days look like it has spent a night in the hands of a twelve year old and her bedazzler after a Dr. Pepper binge?" I groaned.

Jessica turned to me barely suppressing a laugh, "Okay, you are ridiculous. You are so old fashioned Bella. Sometimes I think you were born in the wrong century. You and my grandma would have been BFF's back in the roaring 20's" she joked.

I refused to get annoyed with Jessica. She was only doing what a Maid of Honor was supposed to do- which according to the plethora of Bride's magazines she's been flipping through for months - is actually to keep the bride on track rather than help them make decisions. This task was proving especially difficult for her however, as the closer the wedding came, the more and more distracted I became. If I was being honest with myself, I used the dress as an excuse. I kept telling myself no one carried what I really wanted: a simple floor-length, off-white dress. No sass, no glitter- just plain. Like me. But honestly, I hadn't put too much effort into dress shopping. Everyone knew that getting the dress made it real, and every attempt I had made at trying to shop for one had ushered in a torrent of painful memories. I was trying to stifle them as best as possible.

Jessica knew this though and over lunch one afternoon she told me I hadn't gotten a dress because I was still waiting for Edward to show up and tell me not to go through with it. I felt the shame of the truth of her recognition rise up my back like a wave of heat. Even I hadn't realized that as a possible answer for my previously assumed laziness.

"… I mean, what was it like to live through Black Tuesday?" Jessica asked.

"Huh?" I stammered.

"You are so out of it today. What's your problem?" She was less amused now.

"Nothing. Seriously, just thinking about all of the stuff I still have to get done over the next few weeks. It's kind of… really soon." I assured her, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Ya think?!" She had one eyebrow arched and her jaw was hanging open. "One of those HUGE things being your dress."

"Okay. I promise tomorrow we can go to Port Angeles to that dress shop you've been chatting up for the past few weeks" I gave in.

"AND…" She tapped her foot expectantly and gave me a pointed glance over her shoulder.

"Annnnnnd… I'll put a smile on my face and genuinely try to enjoy myself" I answered half-heartedly.

She turned to face me saying, "I was hoping more for something like 'And I'll find the dress of my dreams and as a thank you- I'll take you out to a lovely lunch at that amazing Italian restaurant on Main Street." She crossed her fingers, bit one side of her lip and peeked at me through a squinted eye.

"Ummm… I can't promise the first part but I'll keep an open mind. And I really do owe you lunch for the invitations…and the bridesmaids dresses, flowers, reception hall… Jesus. Why don't you and Mike just go ahead and get married since you've pretty much planned the whole thing" I joked.

"Oh you're soooo funny, aren't you? As if I'd get married in a field, Bella! And we only JUST got engaged two weeks ago. Though, let's not kid ourselves- the entire thing is pretty much already planned. Down to the lingerie I'll be wearing on my honeymoon." She looked at me and her eyes gleamed.

I blushed emphatically.

"Oh, God T.M.I. Jessica! That poor boy doesn't know what he's in for, does he?" I didn't want to picture the twenty ways Jessica had figured out how to torture Mike with feathers, lace, and satin so I picked the thin leather rope up and began to tie more knots for the dream catchers.

"You're only blushing because you're still in possession of your v-card. Just you wait Bella, before you know it you'll be making me blush with sex stories of you and your giant, delicious, wolf of a husband. Did I mention you are a cradle robber, by the way?"

"Umm, nope. Not today Jess. And you're right, I'm going to think of the most disgusting things two people can do to each other during…that, and then paint pictures of them so you can carry the images of us performing them with you forever. The way I get to with the terrifying things you tell me you do with Mike." I turned back to her and attempted to appear as serious as possible.

She held my gaze and wrinkled her nose. "Oh em gee Bella! I will gauge my eyes out! Though I doubt anything that young man does could be considered disgusting. Does he even know what sex is?" She winked at me.

"JESSICA! That's my almost husband you're talking about! And he's eighteen! Of course he knows what … sex is."

"Okay, okay. I'm kidding. But yeah, back to what we were saying earlier before I was affronted with images of you and Jacob makin' it - you do owe me. And admit it- you're getting off pretty easy with just buying me lunch," she had a serious tone in her voice but her eyes betrayed her sarcasm. "I'm practically working magic here with what little information you've given me. I mean, what twenty year old woman doesn't have a vision of what she wants for her wedding?"

I had no intention of answering that question so I turned back to the table deciding to start tying ribbons around the silvery sacks of birdseed we were handing out to the guests for our departure from the reception. I had told Jessica I'd never really wanted to get married as a kid. That after spending a few weeks every summer with Charlie in Forks and the rest of the year in Phoenix with my mom- marriage seemed pretty destructive and quite frankly- pointless. Of course that had changed the first time I kissed Edward and suddenly every image I'd ever seen from various magazines and television shows flashed in my mind. I knew exactly what type of wedding I wanted with Edward. Candles, a quartet, an antique lace dress, things that were perfect for us. But that dream was gone and I now had to scramble to create a new one.

"You know, I have to admit, this wedding- with the Quileute elements combined with the traditional wedding elements- is going to be awesome. I've never been to a wedding on the reservation. And even though I know I've done an amazing job, I'm kind of excited to see how it turns out!" Jessica was beaming and I let her obvious excitement lift my spirits as I smiled back at her.

I had had my doubts about Jessica when I first moved to Forks, but after Alice left with the rest of her family, Jessica sort of just fell into place as my best girl friend. She could never replace Alice, but then again, she never tried.

I had been out of school for a week after the Cullens left. I couldn't bring myself to get out of my bed, let alone take a shower, get dressed and interact with my peers in a school setting. Everyone would be looking at me, reminding me that I was only one half of what I used to be with him. Five days into my nightmare, Jessica and Angela both showed up at the front door with nail polish, ice cream, a copy of Steel Magnolias, and their pajamas. Charlie took one look at them, mouthed the words 'Thank God', and stepped aside. He had been staying home from work the entire week just in case I needed him- mostly spending his time pacing the floor, checking the various sports scores on TV, and trying to think of the right thing to say to his brokenhearted teenage daughter, while drinking his Vitamin R. Jessica and Angela practically shoved me in the shower and once I was dressed in some clean PJ's we settled in for what I was sure would be torture. Angela started the movie and sat on the bed next to me and begun painting my toenails in a pale pink. Jessica sat behind me and took a brush to my wet hair and whispered, "just relax Bella. I'll give you a French Braid if you want."

I hadn't been touched since Charlie had lifted me up to my room five days prior and I forgot how wonderful it felt. The act was so gentle, so selfless, so unlike Jessica that I tasted salty tears on my lips before I even realized they had spilled from my eyes.

The girl time hadn't taken away the emptiness, it hadn't made me determined to move on with my life the second the film was over, but I found myself smiling and I even managed to laugh at one point- an act that had seemed a major feat only two hours prior.

When I asked them later how they had known what I needed, even after I had practically ignored their existences since Edward and I started dating, they just smiled softly, looked at each other, and Angela said,

"We missed you. Even when you stopped hanging out with us because you were always with him - we still enjoyed seeing you happy. And when we heard the whole Cullen family had left and then you didn't come to school after a few days, we imagined you here… with Charlie..." They both looked at each other and then back to me.

"…so basically, we imagined you all alone and in pain. We had to come Bella." Jessica finished.

I will never again underestimate the power of female bonding over ice cream and a chick-flick.