Fear, of Lack Thereof
Summary: What is fear, really? Everyone has fears, but do you let them control you, or do you control them?
Disclaimer: This is just for fun, I think, even though it's kind of dark. Don't own TMNT.
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Fear is a powerful emotion. Fear can make even the calmest person act wild. Fear leads to uncontrollable reactions, and unwanted results, if it is allowed to run rampant, without being controlled. Fear of loss is one of the most powerful types of fear.
Loss of control, loss of a loved one, even loss of self can be a powerful force, if not controlled. Teaching yourself to let go and not let the fear rule you can be the most difficult life lesson of all to learn. Letting fear control you is one of the most devastating types of personal failure I have ever experienced.
My fear should not control me, but I am not too proud to admit that sometimes it does, control me, that is. I have many fears, some are valid, some are not. Most I am able to hide, not even my brothers know the true level of fear I have. A ninja should not allow fear to control them. But this lesson is one that I have yet to master.
A ninja is a master of his mind, body, and environment. Does that mean that I am not worthy to be ninja? I hope not. My greatest wish, is that as time goes on, I can learn to let go of these fears, these weights that are holding me back from being the ninja and brother I should be.
Fear and anger go hand in hand it seems. When I fear, I hate; I am angry, and there is nothing I can seem to do to stop the cycle. The only way out that I can see is to conquer the fear, to stop the self-hate, and end the anger.
It is natural for a being to have fears, but a large part of our training is to retrain our instincts, so that we control our every reaction. Nothing should occur without our permission. Allowing a fear to control me is severally unacceptable for a ninja at my level of training. Is it a shortcoming of the student or the teacher? Should I blame myself or my training? I think the fault lies with me, my inadequacies. None of my brothers seem to suffer from these weaknesses; that I can see, at any rate.
But that is another matter all together, another fear. How well do I know my family? My brothers are, for the most part, a mystery to me, in many ways. Sometimes I think we are only playing parts for each other, and hiding our true selves. Out of fear, perhaps? Maybe, I hope not. I actually hope that I am the only one hiding like this. I would not wish this suffering on any of my family. I hope they are not living in fear as I am.