OK so this story's about JJ Emily and Garcia. Their out buying a wedding dress, shoes and a cake for JJ's wedding but none of them want to. JJ's in panic mode and the other two are just plain annoyed and tired after a case.
Disclaimer: Nope not mine... I asked really nicely to!!
Enjoy =)!
"Jeez JJ calm down." A tired and, to be quite honest, pissed off Penelope Garcia said to her friend as she stood beside Emily outside the changing rooms of a wedding dress shop.
"Calm down! How the hell am I meant to calm down! My wedding is two fucking weeks away and I don't have a damn dress, because some ass hole in Rochester decided it would be fun to cut women up and throw them away on the side of the damn road!" JJ shouted back.
"Don't worry Jayje; the shit hasn't hit the fan yet." Emily called through the door. "If it were one week away you'd have a reason to be worried, but we're not so don't worry." She said the last words slowly, hoping they would be listened to.
"DON'T WORRY! Not only has the shit hit that fan or yours, but the fan is now on fire and burning the bloody house down as well." JJ shouted, "So don't tell me not to bloody worry, it was ok for you and Hotch, your mother took care of everything at your wedding and you didn't have to lift a damn finger."
"Ok," Garcia said, raising her hands in the air to signal quiet, "I love the both of you and because I don't want you to kill one another before the wedding I'm telling you both to shut the hell up and let Jayje show of the dress that I'm hoping by now she's managed to get on."
"Ok, fine I'm coming out now, but don't you dare laugh or there will be hell to pay!" With that the lock on the door clicked open and JJ walked out looking disgusted at the dress.
"Holy shit." Was all Emily managed to say before bursting into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
Not even the 'how-about-I-shove-this-dress-where-the-sun-don't-shine-and-then-we'll-see-who's-laughing' look she got from JJ could stop her.
"Oh I think it's beautiful!" Garcia said with an over enthusiastic squeak.
"Yea if you want to look like Barbie's long lost sister." Emily managed to say before being overcome with laughter once more.
"This is the reason I agreed to make you joint chief bridesmaid Pen, your choice of dress has me looking like a spoilt prom queen so I'm going to go with Em on this one." JJ said, before turning and shuffling back into the changing room to get out of the giant, frilly, puffed out monster she was wearing.
"Ok Barbie, try on the other one we picked out next." Emily called, wiping a tear from her eye, due to the amount of laughing she'd been doing.
"I swear to god Em, you call me Barbie one more time and I'll snap your head of just like a damn Barbie!" Came JJ's muffled voice as she pulled the dress over her head.
This caused Emily to start laughing again but she was quickly stopped when Garcia elbowed her and pointed to the angry looking shop assistant that was coming over to them.
"Is everything ok over here ladies? Only you seem to be making quite some noise." She said in her obviously fake posh accent.
"Everything is absolutely fine, just bloody marvellous, I'm getting married in two weeks and I don't have a dress, or shoes or a damn cake, but oh no everything is just splendid, a walk in the bloody park don't you think." JJ said, her voice dripping in sarcasm.
"I'll just leave you to it then." The assistant said, in total shock, forgetting to use her posh accent this time.
"Um, yea I think that'd be best, thanks." Said Emily, looking slightly sorry for the woman, as she ran off like a scolded cat, who'd obviously never dealt with anyone this pissed off before.
Not that that was surprising, most people got their dresses weeks in advance so were all happiness and light when they came in.
JJ however had done it BAU style... getting called away on a bitch of a case and having to leave dress, shoe and cake buying to the last minute.
"Damn Jayje that was pretty mean of you!" said Garcia, also looking at the woman run off in pity.
"ME MEAN! I'm not the one who decided to go on a killing spree and have our asses dragged out to Rochester for a whole damn week!" JJ shouted again, as she zipped the dress up at the back. "Right, I'm ready." She called as she opened the dressing room door.
"Oh wow!" both Emily and Garcia said at the same time when she came out in a simple ivory strapless dress, with nothing but a simple bow at the back and a small train falling behind.
"Oh JJ that's beautiful." Emily said, it total awe of the dress.
"It's really gorgeous." Said Garcia, her mouth hanging open slightly, "Why the hell wont Kevin propose to me so I can get a dress like that?"
"You guys really like it?" JJ asked, smiling at her friends responses.
They both just nodded their heads as a reply, not taking their eyes of the dress for a second.
"Good because I love it and it fits perfectly, so I'm going to buy it now." She said smiling like a hyper five year old and practically skipping back into the changing room to get it off herself so she could pay for it.
"Well about damn time." Muttered Emily as she sat down on the floor to wait.
"I know any longer and I was going to make a bloody dress for her." Said Garcia as she joined Emily on the floor.
Five minutes later the three women finally... and much to the relief of the shop assistant who looked at JJ as if she was a ticking time bomb... exited the shop with JJ's wedding dress.
They all got into Emily's car and drove five minutes to the shoe shop where Emily had gotten her wedding shoes.
This place made their own designs so all shoes were unique... if not a little expensive.
They went in and first looked for all shoes that would match the dress; they then narrowed it down to all shoes in JJ's size.
Finally after they had narrowed it down... or as Garcia put it 'survival of the fittest shoe'... they began trying them all on to find the perfect one.
"Oh these are lovely, what about these with the dress?" JJ said walking over and back in the simple ivory shoes.
"They look hot on you Jayje, you're rocking them." Said Garcia from her spot on the bench.
"I don't know Ms Jareau you seem to be limping in them a bit, are they sore?" the shop assistant who had gotten the shoes asked.
"Hey if they're sore that's all the more reason to buy them, if you're willing to risk blisters the size of Mt Rushmore to wear them you must like them." Emily said from her seat. "And they do look gorgeous."
"Oh no, no." Said the shop assistant. "This shops slogan is 'the perfect shoes for the perfect day' so if there not comfy we'll find you a new pair."
"Listen" Emily said, getting up to use her two inch height advantage to intimidate the woman. "I've been shopping with this woman for the last six hours and we still have a cake to get for this wedding, so I don't care if she has to get her feet amputated after she wears them, she likes them so she's getting them."
"But..." said the assistant.
"But nothing. I got my shoes in this shop to and I couldn't walk for a week after I wore them but I still had the perfect day, so don't recite your little slogan because I'm tired, and this close to breaking something... or someone."
"Right., of course... I'll get the box for them now." Said the assistant before scurrying of.
"Wow, we're shooting down these assistants left right and centre today." Said Garcia, laughing at the woman rush off. "How about a just 'Morgan' the baker and you two rush in and steal a cake so we can be home by eight ?"
"Morgan the baker?" JJ asked, as she sat down and took the shoes off.
"I think she means tackle them." Said Emily who was also laughing.
"Oh right, sounds like a plan." Said JJ who was only half joking.
Once they had paid and thanked the assistant – who looked ready to shit herself as Garcia pointed out – they left the shop and again bundled into Emily's car and headed to the bakery.
It was a small family run shop that specialised in cake's for special occasions, and JJ had gotten Henrys first birthday cake here so they knew the cake's tasted good – or as a slightly drunk Emily had once said, an orgasm in your mouth.
The bell above the shop door chimed as they walked in, and they were immediately greeted by a small, jolly looking man.
"Hello!" He said in a voice so full of enthusiasm he made Garcia sound almost depressing. "How may I help you three lovely ladies on this fine day?"
All three women rolled their eyes internally.
Not only was it freezing cold outside, making it not such a 'fine' day, but after almost seven hours of shopping none of them were in the mood for happy little men patronising them.
"Hey." They all said at the one time, all of them sounding far less enthusiastic.
"I'm looking for a wedding cake." JJ said looking around the shop, hopping one would just be sitting there waiting for her.
"Oh a wedding, how exciting." The little man squeaked, which caused another internal eye roll. "One moment ladies until I go and get out wedding cake book." He said again before skipping of into the back of the shop.
"JJ you are going to like the first cake you see... I don't care if it's made of green slime." Emily hissed to her friend. "That little man's already giving me a migraine!"
"Yea he's making mine worse, do as Emily says." Garcia said rubbing her temple.
"Shut up both of you, I'm not leaving here until I have the perfect cake, wear ear plugs if it's that bad." JJ hissed, just as the little man came back with a huge book.
"Ok there are fifty cake designs in here and I'll talk you through all of them." He said, even more excited than before at the thought of getting to talk about cakes for so long.
"You have got to be fucking joking me." Emily said into her hands, so only JJ and Garcia could hear.
JJ elbowed her and Garcia took a similar position to Emily, cradling her head in her hands, looking like she'd just been told fluffy pens were banned from the FBI.
So that's how they sat for a whole hour and a half until Emily was seconds away from drawing her gun on the man, Garcia was trying to decide the best angle to tackle him from and even JJ was so irritated with the man's voice she was seriously considering just buying the cake from the supermarket.
"OK ladies, here's samples of the three best cake's on the list... shall I stay while you try them or would you like if I left and let you have a chat about them your selves?" He said with the most annoying giggle ever!
"GO!" They all practically shouted at the one time, which earned them a shocked look from the man.
"Uh... aright-y then, give me a call if you need anything." He said, recovering from the shock of being shouted at quickly and bouncing away to the back room.
"Yea when hell freezes over." Emily muttered, finally lifting her face from her hands. "JJ pick a damn cake so I can get home and sleep." She said as she lifted one of the slices that'd been left out and began to eat.
"Yea Jayje, pick a cake before he comes back and I have to go to prison for murder." Garcia said picking up another slice and starting to eat.
"You'd get off on manslaughter once they heard his voice and don't worry I know which one I want but let's eat the cake he left first, because my stomach thinks my throats been cut." JJ said before picking up her slice and starting to eat.
Once they had eaten all the cake they went to tell the man which cake they wanted – they were tempted to just leave a note and money but he came back as Garcia was getting the note pad out of her bag.
"We'd like option three, the four tiered white icing cake with bow design, please." JJ asked, bracing herself for the voice that would answer her.
"Of course, when would you like it for?" The man squeaked back.
"Two weeks from today please." Said JJ, already looking in her purse for her credit card, wanting to get out of the shop and away from the man as quickly as possible.
"Two weeks!" He squeaked looking shocked. This caused the three women to look at him. "That's a very difficult design to do in two weeks, it'll cost you extra."
"Oh... bad move squeaky." Emily muttered before looking over to JJ.
"Nice knowing you buddy." Garcia said before taking a step back from JJ who was at her side.
Both woman stared at JJ and could see the anger bubbling up inside... if it had been a cartoon there would be smoke coming out her ears right now, because boy did she look mad.
"Extra... you want me to pay you extra!" She said, stepping closer to the already cowering man with every word. "How bloody long would it normally take you to make a damn cake, how many other customers do you have if it'll take you that long!" She shouted.
"Well at the moment we have no other customers but you never know." He said, but from the 'better-hope-you're-good-at-running' look he got from the two other women he knew that wasn't the right answer.
"Right then squeaky, you'll be able to make it then... for NO extra cost." JJ shouted, now standing so close the man could feel her breathing.
"Of... of course Ma'am... I'll g-go g-get your bill." He said before rushing of.
"Wow." Garcia said. "You were so mean to that guy you gave him a stutter."
Five minutes later the three women exited the shop with the cake ordered – and with the shop owner mentally scarred for life – and headed once more to Emily's car this time to go home and sleep for what felt like the first time in weeks.
The End!
So hope you liked it. I've decided to do a short epilogue about the actual wedding, which should be up soon.
Tell me what you thought. =)!