Make Straight Your Own Path to Destiny
A play by Winnalynne27
Time: Present day USA
Characters:
The Chorus
Antigone, a high-school student
Ismene, her sister
Haemon, her boyfriend, also a high-school student
The Furies
(Enter Chorus, who walks to center stage, dressed in a black cape and talks proudly, but sadly and wistfully, while standing erect. The hood of her cape is thrown back, and the light is strong and white. )
Chorus: When I look back, I wonder
How could this have been me?
I was never innocent,
Never think that.
Too much has passed
In front of my eyes
For me to be naïve.
But something has gone from me,
Stripped like a garment
Of modesty or chastity.
I remember,
There was once a simplicity in my life:
I simply didn't want to live.
Really, what is the reason
When there is no one to live for?
All around me crumbled down;
Everything I touched
Shrank away in disgust,
And nobody was left but me.
Those feelings, that time
Have all faded, faded away
Into a faint blur of memory.
Pain, suffering and joy,
Even the kisses of a sweet boy
Are blunted by the mind and
Dim with the pass of time.
How did I get so jaded?
When did I change?
(Opening scene: Antigone is on her knees, stage right, fingering a rosary. She is surrounded a soft light from behind. She is mumbling intently.)
Antigone: Sweet God, guide me! (She continues mumbling) Please, please, God, give me strength!
(She crosses herself then stands up, then walks to midstage, where she is lit by a dimmed spotlight. Enter Ismene, who is more brightly lit than Antigone.)
Ismene: Hey. You've been in there a while.
Antigone: Yeah, I have.
Ismene: What do you do in there? You disappear for hours and come out with your eyes all red and you sulk all day afterwards. You know, now with Mom gone, I could really use your help.
Antigone: I do too help out. I help you cook and I do the dishes. Plus I take out the garbage. What else do you want from me?
Ismene: (sighs) But you never do it cheerfully. I don't like doing everything around the house either, since Dad's never here, but at least I try to do it without whi—
Antigone: I don't whine!
Ismene: Whatever. Dinner's ready, if you want it.
Antigone: Fine.
(Both women sit at kitchen table, across the longer ends, with both of their bodies in profile. Antigone picks at her food.)
Ismene: Oh, by the way, Haemon called, he wants you to call him back. He wants to know if you're doing anything tonight.
Antigone: OK, I'll call him back. I haven't seen him in a while.
Ismene: How are things going with you two?
Antigone: Alright. I think he's taking our relationship a lot more serious than I am. He wants me to meet his parents at some point. He's a great guy, but I don't know.
Ismene: Yeah, he is great, but it's weird how he has his life all planned out.
Antigone: I know. Law school, and marriage of course, and then a career in politics. I just wish I were as certain as he is what I want to do. It's hard enough living through today.
Ismene: I know what you mean. Time seems to pass slower since Mom died.
Antigone: It feels a lot longer than four months since… since she died.
Ismene: Plus we spent forever waiting in all those waiting rooms for months before.
Antigone: Waiting to see if the chemo would work. Waiting to see if she'd get better. But she didn't.
Ismene: I miss having Dad around too. He's never here anymore.
Antigone: He used to hurry home to see Mom and us, as fast as he could.
Ismene: When do you think he'll be home tonight?
Antigone: I don't know. It was 9 o'clock last night, and it's only 7 now. It's not like he'll do anything but eat dinner and pass out in bed, as usual.
Ismene: Antigone, he took Mom's death hard too, and this is the only way he can cope with it.
Antigone: You know he wanted to die with Mom that day. He just had that look that he was tired of living. It's no fair for him to do this to us! It's like losing both parents at once. He'd be a lot happier dead.
Ismene: Don't say that! Don't ever say that! Do you want to tempt fate?
Antigone: You're just being superstitious again.
Ismene: Still…my horoscope said not to push my luck.
Antigone: And mine said not to believe silly older sisters who read the horoscopes to decide what they're going to do. I'm going to go call Haemon.
(Both characters exit, Chorus enters with hood drawn with restless posture and anger in her voice, illuminated with red light)
Chorus: No matter what she says,
I am still angry.
I miss him. I miss
Who he used to be.
We could talk about anything,
And he would hold me so close.
I felt safe and invincible,
Strong in his arms.
Parents are supposed to be
Better than kids.
Even Ismene's cracking
Under the strain of it.
I want to yell at him!
I want to tell him
How stupid he is!
I want to be mad at God
For this too.
But I can't be, because
There must be a reason for this.
I hope.
Maybe I'm doing something
Wrong. Maybe I should do more.
Pray more, work harder.
God is more just than this.
He can't do this.
That wouldn't be fair.
I will be strong,
I will bear this.
(Enter Haemon and Antigone, who walk slowly across the stage, which is lit a light blue.)
Haemon: So I finally got my paper done. I don't think it's very good, but I don't have to worry about it anymore. How are you?
Antigone: I'm alright. The same as usual I guess. Can I ask you something?
Haemon: Sure, anything.
Antigone; How do you know what you want to do, with your life and everything?
Haemon: I don't know. Somehow I just know what I want. I haven't really thought about it much. I really don't want anything that unusual. Just marriage and to take over Dad's law practice. It was always an assumed thing in my family. Hopefully have a long life with lots of grandchildren and a chance to travel. I want to die in my sleep, then go to heaven. Probably the same as most people. What do you see yourself doing?
Antigone: That's the thing. I can't see myself much beyond college. I don't know what I'd study, or what I'd o after that. I don't think I could take care of myself.
Haemon: You have me. What else do you need? (Antigone glares at him.) You're so strong. Really.
Antigone: (snorts) Thanks. A lot of good it's done me.
Haemon: You'll find something. Besides, that's a long time away.
Antigone: But sometimes, don't you just want to stop living because it's so hard? It doesn't feel worth living?
Haemon: Not really. Are you sure you're feeling alright?
Antigone: I don't know. I just feel…off. Not quite right.
Haemon: You've been kind of blue since your mom died. If you ever need someone…
(Antigone's cell phone begins ringing)
Antigone: (Into phone) Hello? Yes. What?!? Wait! I don't understand what you're saying. I'll be there in a minute! Bye. (To Haemon) I have to go. Something's wrong at home. I'm sorry. (She rushes off stage. He calls after her.)
Haemon: Call me!
(He looks to where she's gone, with a worried look on his face. The lights fade to black.)
(Antigone rushes to center stage, where Ismene is crying.)
Antigone: What's wrong? What happened with Dad?
Ismene: He got into an accident. While drunk.
Antigone: Is he alright? Is he in the hospital?
Ismene: (dully) No. He's dead. He hit another car while driving across the median on the expressway. He ran right into another car, and killed everyone. Two parents and a small child too. They all died on impact.
Antigone: What? Wait! There must be some mistake! This can't be happening. You're kidding.
Ismene: I'm not. Really, I'm not.
Antigone: What are we going to do?
Ismene: I don't know.
(Antigone rushes off the middle of the stage, to stage right, where she is backlit. She sinks onto the floor and begins crying.)
Antigone: Where am I going? What do I want in this life? Everything's crumbling around me. And who's going to help me? (Listens.) As usual. No one. Why do I bother? (Sinks down on the floor, with head resting on her forearms, then looks up at crucifix)
(Sobbing.) God please help me, for I cannot help myself! (Continues sobbing)
(Knock from offstage. Enter Haemon. The lights come up, illuminating his face, full of concern.)
Haemon: Hey. I dropped by and your sister said you were here. What's wrong? What happened?
(He crouches down next to her, as the light follows him and comes to illuminate both of them, although the focus is on him.)
Antigone: My father's dead. He was driving drunk and hit a car full of people. Everyone died. Everyone's…dead. Haemon, please just hold me.
(He holds her, one hand around her waist, the other holding her head against his chest, rocking her back and forth as the lights dim on them, leaving only a soft backlit glow, softer than before. The chorus emerges from the left side, and is slowly lit a light blue-purple as the left hand side is dimmed. She stands with her hands clasped in front of her, shoulders slumped and head bent, speaking slowly.)
Chorus: I always thought death would come
To me first, not to him,
Who I remember being
So full of life, so like Ismene.
I am like Mom, fragile as a lily,
Unable to live long alone.
We're not ruddy Black-eyed Susans
Able to withstand summer storms
And searing heat, coming back
More proficient than ever.
He shouldn't have died,
He was supposed to live, take
Care of us, be our rock.
Instead he crumbled.
Oh God, why did you take him
And not me?!
No one would miss me,
Not really. Even Haemon,
Loyal Haemon would move on.
I don't deserve his love.
See how he dotes it on me.
As if I were a lost soul,
A lost puppy, a lost cause
That could only be fixed
With a little more love from him.
Everything's fixable with
Just a little more caring,
The right words, the right solution.
But life is messy and can't be fixed.
Why does he not see that and
Just give up like I have?
That is what I have done.
Something has snapped,
Something has broken.
My faith has fled me,
My God has left me.
I loved my father, with a love that hurt,
So deep and so powerful was it.
I love him for the man he once was
Before the drinking began
And his heart hid deep in his hollow body.
Daddy, my soul wants to follow you,
Find you so far away,
Hug you and say I love you.
God, cruel as usual denied me this.
I'm so afraid to lose more, lose everyone.
I'm afraid of being alone.
It's not his fault, but even in
Haemon's arms, my soul is alone.
(Light fades on Chorus, brightens on Haemon, who helps Antigone lie down on the bed behind them.)
Haemon: Are you feeling better?
Antigone: (Weakly lying and saying resignedly) Yeah, I'm fine.
Haemon: I'd stay, but I have classes tomorrow, early. I'm sorry.
Antigone: It's ok. I'm ok, really. I'm just weary, really weary. I'll be better tomorrow.
Haemon: Take care of yourself. I love you. (He kisses her on the forehead while tucking a blanket around her. The scene goes black)
(The chorus enters, gets on her knees, and speaks, with resignation, illuminated by a blue-purple light.)
Chorus: The familiar ache returns again.
Throw back your head and howl.
How will I remove
This coldness in my heart?
Searing blackness is all I see.
Pain is all around me.
Without family I am nothing.
Demons, for once let me be.
Sweet-suffering God, release me!
I am hopelessly alone.
The weight crushes until
I can no longer breathe.
Her I sit in a tomb of thoughts
Beyond the point of saving,
Beyond the point of waking.
The torture of unending time.
How can I live without him in my life?
Sweet man in my mind.
You shall come home no more,
Your soul is gone.
Where are you buried?
Why are you so covered
In the mud of troubles?
Come back and love me.
My heart is torn asunder,
Empty space is within me.
I want to join him
In that land of shadows.
Oh, sweet pain,
Joyful agony.
(The light slowly rises, to a light pink, softly lighting Antigone. She gets up, stretches, and then walks to the table at center stage. She sits down. She looks up, surprised as she realizes Haemon is there.)
Antigone: What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at class?
Haemon: I skipped. I wanted to see you.
Antigone: You shouldn't have. You always say you miss so much when you do.
Haemon: Well, I was worried about you.
Antigone: You shouldn't be.
Haemon: Your sister says you've been sleeping most of the time. You don't go to school. You don't eat.
Antigone: And? Why do you care?
Haemon: It's not normal. You're not taking care of yourself. It's like you don't care anymore.
Antigone: Maybe I don't. Maybe I'm taking some mental vacation time. Don't you think I deserve it after my own father died?
Haemon: Taking three other people with him, including a two-year-old child. He was the one who made the mistake, who broke the law. The other people are the ones you should be sorry for. It wasn't their fault.
Antigone: It wasn't their fault? And I suppose it's all Dad's fault too!
Haemon: He was just looking for a reason to die, taking other people along with him. That's selfish. And I think you're taking this to heart way too much. Your dad wasn't that great of a guy. He cheated on your mom while she was in the hospital. He spent all of your money on cars, and then on booze. He was a very weak man.
Antigone: He loved Mom and he loved us! He just…couldn't deal, so he looked elsewhere. He wasn't perfect, but at least he wasn't a sleazy lawyer like your dad!
Haemon: I think you were just looking for a reason to mope. And now here's your chance. So go, pout. I hear it's very in nowadays, to be on your pity pot for weeks, not giving a crap about anyone else but yourself.
Antigone: I'm sick of this! I'm tired of everything! I just want to die!
(She shows him the long, angry red lines running up and down her arms)
Haemon: Antigone, I think you're a coward. You want to die but can't bring yourself to do it, so you make up some excuse for someone else. But can't you see that you're hurting us? We *don't* want you die, we want you to live out your life in happiness. There's so much to live for that you haven't seen. Life gets better. I swear.
Antigone: When do you get tired of fighting the good, fight, of being the perfect person, of keeping up the façade? Why can't I die if I want to? I'm exhausted. I've done my bit. I've fought and gained nothing except a bone-aching weariness. Yes, I'm only doing this for myself. Why can't you understand? Why can't anyone understand? This hole gnaws within me, the pain pierces me, and I'm supposed to live with it, and deny the leprosy of my heart! How am I supposed to go on pretending it doesn't hurt when it does?
I know you think I'm a selfish bitch, and I think you're right. I don't even want to be with myself. I certainly wouldn't suspect other people to put up with me. This gives them a good reason to hate me. I don't mind being the villain, I don't mind taking the blame, and I don't understand how you can value my life so much. I don't. Life is worthless.
Haemon: I think you're taking this way too personally. Life isn't a Greek drama. Just because your honor's been hurt doesn't mean that you can get out of it by killing yourself. That's the easy rout, the route of cowards, and I know you're not a coward. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again: you're strong, Antigone.
Antigone: You have no idea what I'm going through. You don't understand. Stop trying to explain it away, like it isn't really there. You want me to put up a wall, say that everything's ok. But it isn't. My father is dead, my mother too. As if you've ever felt that. You were born with a spoon in your mouth, money, intelligence, and parents that are both alive. What would you know of hardship?
Haemon: You're right, I don't know what you're going through. But I can sympathize.
Antigone: I don't want your sympathy! And I certainly don't want your pity!
Haemon: Well, at least I can be there for you. I love you, Antigone, and I don't ever want to lose you. I…I just don't know what to do for you other than that.
Antigone: Well, you can start by getting out! Get out of my house and out of my life! Now!
(Antigone storms out, collapses on her knees by her cross and leaning over with her clasped hands to her head, sobbing.)
(Enter Chorus, in deep purple, who kneels and slowly delivers her speech)
Chorus: They are afraid of it.
I know this by the
Looks on their faces.
They fear death,
They run away from
What they think they cannot see.
But I dare. Am I
The only one brave enough
To stare at the great abyss
And not be terrified
Of what I see?
Pain, I know,
Suffering too.
I know there is a great
Well of happiness
Just beyond, if I want to
Take the dive.
I want to feel that
Love so great it hurts.
I long to see God's face.
God, why do you test me
To the point of breaking?
You know I wish to be
With you only,
Yet you delay the meeting,
Stall the time,
When you free me from
This bond of flesh.
(Ismene enters and sits on Antigone's bed, next to her. Antigone's face is in shadow, and she sits huddled on the bed.)
Ismene: Antigone, hun. What's the matter? (She tucks a strand of hair behind Antigone's ear maternally.) Is everything alright?
Antigone: Nothing's the matter. Everything's the matter. I…I just don't know.
Ismene: You've been hurting yourself?
Antigone. No! Who told you that? Did Haemon?
Ismene: No, I can see your forearms.
Antigone: Oh. It won't happen again. I promise.
Ismene: Antigone, I'm worried about you. You've been so different lately. Something's changed.
Antigone: What do you mean?
Ismene: It's a look in your eyes that I can't define. It's like fear and despair and emptiness and anger all rolled into one. It doesn't look right and it frightens me.
Antigone: (turns away.) Go away. I can deal with this myself. I'm fine.
Ismene: Can't you at least see how much pain you're causing everyone? You're making your own life miserable. But your death won't make our pain any less then, it'll make it worse. It'll be one more funeral we'll have to go to. I want to help you.
Antigone: But you can't help me, not really.
Ismene: Then can you get some help? I know a therapist who's really good, and they have drugs that stop you from feeling this way. Will you at least go see them? For me? Please?
Antigone: Why do you always want to fix me? You're not Mom, and you'll never take the place of her, so stop trying. You can't begin to understand what I'm going through. The nearest thing is like being attacked by the Furies. You know the goddesses of guilt and shame? They keep telling me that I'm not good enough, that if I had done more, Mom and Dad wouldn't have died, that I should live up to Haemon's love, that I don't deserve his love, that I'm worthless and stupid. They attack me, like gnats, like flies, like an oppressing darkness. And I can't get away. God, I've tried. I'm so tired. (She begins to cry and Ismene puts her arms around her.)
Ismene: It'll be ok. I promise. You look tired.
Antigone: Yeah, I think I'll go to sleep.
(Ismene leaves, the light dims to backlighting as Antigone prays for a bit, then stares at the mirror.)
Antigone: Who am I really?
(Antigone stares at the mirror for a bit longer, then goes out)
(Blue light shines on the Chorus as she slowly walks out and stands at center stage. Enter Harpies, dressed in black rags and sharp metal spikes who proceed to attack the Chorus. They initially succeed, getting the Chorus on the ground, as the lighting dims, but then she gets angry and fights back fiercely and the lighting gets brighter, with orange tints. The Furies are beaten down, until they lay on the ground. The Chorus goes back to center stage, where she kneels, with her head in her hands, thoughtful. The light goes out on her, but comes on highlighting Antigone in the glow of pink, like that of sunrise, who then turns to face the audience. )
Antigone: They fade, they go, they leave for now.
The battle for now is won, with me
As the victor. The worst lies behind.
I see the dawn, it touches me
With the soft rays of healing,
The soft caress of God in me,
Throughout me, surrounding me.
I still am trapped in this well,
Scrambling to get out, prying
For only a foot or handhold,
Battling against the darkness below.
They think I'm strong, but in truth
I'm just stubborn, and who can fail
With God protecting them?
I've found the true gift,
Valuable beyond gold or silver.
That is hope, pure hope that
Today will be better, to live
Just for today.
I still miss them sometimes.
I always will. Parts are gone,
Parts of my innocence.
Yet as hard as it has been,
I would not give up
My hard-won knowledge.
He was right; life isn't as simple
As Greek drama. We live on.
We are never victims of fate.
(Stage goes black.)