Disclaimer: My muse decided to throw this at me so I posted it here to keep the bugger quiet ;) A parody of "The Naming of Cats" by T.S Eliot and also part of the Andrew Loid Webber musical "Cats". No profit, don't sue me (no pun intended)
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The Naming of Sues
The naming of sues is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You will know of course I'm quite right on the matter
When I tell you a sue must have three different names
First there's the name than the canon use daily,
Such as Kelewyn, Natia, Halista or Jewel
Such as Praiha or Fehlia, Angel or Serenity
All of them beautiful, perfect sue names.
There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Marco, Admetus, Electra, Demeter-
But all of the beautiful, perfect sue names.
But I tell you, a sue needs a name that's particular,
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can she keep the men's…err you know…perpendicular
Or spread out her hair or flash violet eyes?
Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Goldeneye, Merriweather, or Lightfoot,
Such as Greenleaf , or else Lorellorum-
Names that never belong to more than one sue.
But above all there's still one name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no readers research can recover-
But the writer still knows, and will never confess.
When you notice a sue in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
Her mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of her name
MARY SUE!
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If any of the above mentioned names belong to your character I do not wish to imply that your character is a mary sue. Many of the names do come from sue fics however, but I can't remember them all. If you do wish to confe…I mean claim your characters name, leave a comment so people know.
Note: Kelewyn belongs to Kielle, and Merriweather belongs to Key. Both are characters of excellent parodies and can be found at the aforementioned writer's Bio's.
Oh, look down there, a little blue button. I wonder what happens when you press it…
- *Grins most charming smile*