Oct 29* - Amended at the bottom with an added rap verse from a wonderful cover of "Hello" from Conor Maynard & Anth.
An: Hey! I'm still here! I know I've been off the radar for a while but to put it simply: life happens.
This was inspired by the genius that is Adele's "Hello" which is also used in this fic and the title comes from the fact that I sometimes think I hear 'hollow from the outside' rather than 'hello from the outside'. Is it just me?
Her video… cinematic genius! Chilling! The movement of dust… wow! The words "Hello, it's me" after years of her absence… it's like she never left. And Tristan (Mack) Wilds… we need more of him! Had me feeling nostalgic from The Wire and the reboot of 90210. Anyways, the song just gave me the feels… which of course leads to Dair feels as if the wounds were just inflicted yesterday, even though it's been almost 3 years. Which of course, led to this…
Generally after S5-ish but details are different. It's split into 3 parts: an objective view, Dan's POV, and Blair's POV. You'll notice the difference.
This is for all those Dair writers, readers, and reviewers that are still out there. This is for all those Dair shippers who still hope (including me). Maybe with enough encouragement and inspiration this could be more than just a oneshot. Maybe.
I don't know when… or if (unfortunately) I'll update my other fics. So here's to hoping.
Still don't own GG.
Sidenote 1 – There's a poem I wrote a long time back called, "The Monarch of Manhattan" that was also Dair inspired. I've always wanted to incorporate it to a fic somehow, so I inserted here. Thoughts on the poem itself are appreciated! The formatting isn't what I wanted exactly... but what can you do?
Sidenote 2 – Congrats to Leighton Meester and Adam Brody – marriage and now a baby! They're going to be awesome hipster parents!
Sidenote 3 – Anyone who watches How to Get Away with Murder and/or Empire are automatically my BFFs! Love both shows!
Hollow on the Outside
Blair just wanted to clear the air. Clear her conscience. That's all. No. She wanted to see him. Dan wants a drink… actually 10. He wants to be anywhere but here. More than anything, Dan wants to stop feeling hollow over her.
"Hello…?"
It was close to midnight. Dan had picked up the phone, not bothering to check the caller ID. Of course, Blair would get in the first word.
He stays silent. Not from sleepiness or a lack of words but because there is something in the urgency of her voice.
"Dan, can you meet me at the Met Steps? Now?"
Dan doesn't even hesitate. "I'm on my way." She's always had the effect on him.
When he gets to the Met Steps, nothing seems amiss. "What am I doing here?"
"We needed to talk. I know you couldn't stay away this time."
Of course. Blair exploited his complex of trying to save her when she was vulnerable. Scheming was in her blood. He should've known better. Dan Humphrey really is a fool when it comes to Blair Waldorf.
"I want us to be friends again. I mi…"
Dan cut her off.
"Dammit Blair! Even though you're through with Chuck and it's been 3 years, we can't do this anymore… I can't do this anymore. Stop forcing me to be in your presence."
Blair just wanted to clear the air. Clear her conscience. That's all. No. She wanted to see him. But she never meant to hurt him. This hurt that she can see in his eyes. So naturally, she attempts to do what she does best and change the subject.
"Christmas is around the corner. I'm still hoping for a decent snowfall. We haven't had a white Christmas since…"
"Yeah…"
Flashback – 5 years ago
"How is Christmas not your favorite holiday?" Dan asks in total surprise from across the living room. He and Blair were hanging ornaments to the tree. Their first Christmas together and in their new apartment. In Brooklyn.
"Well… I hated all the flashing lights that caused neighborhood wide seizures. Oh… and the fact Santa can't give Rudolph a break. You'd think Santa would clue in to the fact a red nose means allergies, or at least a very bad cold? But nooo… Santa's got to exploit poor Rudolph to haul his ass and loads of toys across the world in one day," Blair says dryly.
"C'mon, you can't be serious?"
Dan's question is only met with a smack to the arm and a warning glare.
"Eggnog and mistletoe were never really my thing," she replies truthfully.
"Well, maybe that's just because you never shared either with the right person," Dan throws back as he cocks his head to one side, a smug smile tugged on his lips. "Speaking of which" he pulls something out from behind his back and dangles it above them, "Mistletoe. Mistletoe hanging over your head. So… what are you gonna do about it?"
"Not what you're hoping."
"Why? Are you afraid to kiss me?" He asks cheekily.
Blair tries to bite her lip, but fails to repress her laughter. "No, I'm just not easily manipulated into a kiss by a guy holding a glorified piece of parsley over his head."
"Mistletoe really isn't your thing, then." And with that, Dan tosses the mistletoe aside and puts his hands up in defeat as Blair continues to laugh while leaning into his kiss.
She looks over his shoulder and out the window; she notices Brooklyn being blanketed in white.
A white Christmas in New York. A gift she's always secretly wanted but hadn't received in years. Another reason why Santa was a bad guy. Well… until now. A white Christmas and a great guy. Alright Santa, I forgive you.
Dan mumbles something about a gift, which pulls Blair out of her thoughts. She does love gifts.
It's a short poem he wrote about her a while ago called, "The Monarch of Manhattan." She takes the papers and reads the poem aloud:
The Monarch of Manhattan
Manhattan penthouse suite,
a doe-eyed, brunette Queen rests her head.
Queen Bee,
that is her.
Wannabes
are her minions.
No, not friends,
minions.
The Monarch,
she hides behind a façade
of perfection.
Perfect
daughter,
student,
girlfriend,
Queen.
Her mask is on
as she bats her eyelashes and smiles,
smiles at her single, yet successful father (Daddy's little Blair Bear),
her professors and prospecting Yale scouts,
at her blonde and clueless Prince Charming (her future King),
at her minions
(actually, she snarls at her minions to keep them in place),
playing her role
flawlessly.
However…
Behind closed doors,
glares at herself in the mirror;
Medusa withers
in comparison.
Head face-down
on the porcelain throne.
She is vulnerable,
hates that about herself.
Oh,
how far the Queen has
F
A
L
L
E
N
If only her subjects knew…
Across a bridge…
a Brooklyn loft –
coffee, Marlboros, a guitar and vinyl records,
first-edition novels of Hemmingway and Faulkner.
He,
a recluse with his boho-chic plaid flannel,
prickly five o clock shadow,
pen in ear and Moleskine journal in hand,
and undeniable wit that
infuriates yet appeals.
He
is the only one
who truly knows
Her.
Because he hides too.
Hiding behind books,
crisp pieces of lined paper,
and hopeless romantic clichés.
His way with words
hides his own insecurities; critiques and attacks others.
With the exception…
of her.
He watches the Queen
from across the courtyard
day in and day out; this
imaginative romance
with his muse, which fills
countless notebooks
and his heart.
He wants to make her see
she is enough.
The cracks within perfection
need not be masked, as imperfections
are the real masterpieces.
For that, the Queen will both
hate and love
him.
Someday, he will show her…
though only a pauper, he is her true King;
they will rule their monarchy
together – Manhattan and Brooklyn.
By the end of the poem, Blair Waldorf is bawling her eyes. The poem is the best gift she's ever received.
End Flashback
"I still read that poem."
Dan wants to remember that time. He wants to reminisce. But standing here… standing right here, right now with Blair. He just can't. He needs a drink… actually more like 10. God, he needs to stop feeling so hollow over her.
Dan stares out at the street. The faint sounds of the taxis and the twinkling of the streetlights keeps his attention away from her. Blair's aware of this and is about to call him out on it before he interrupts.
"Do you ever regret him…Chuck?"
"Choosing him or leaving him?"
"Either."
"Leaving him – never. Choosing him… depends on the day."
He's silent and simply nods. He gets it. Her first love… it's complicated but he gets it. It's the same with him and Serena. The heart is our greatest strength, yet also our most hopeless weakness. He takes a moment before addressing her again.
"And today?"
She mulls the question over, but before she can answer, Dan abruptly starts walking away. He never turns around as he speaks once more.
"Nevermind… I don't want to know. This was a mistake. Goodbye, Blair."
Blair might've gotten the first word in, but Dan took pride in getting the last.
Blair and Dan managed to avoid each other for some time afterwards, and don't meet again until the following summer at a gala that Eleanor set up at The Plaza.
Dan
Blair was standing there in the middle of the floor, wearing a backless, black V-neck dress, talking with another woman, with a flute of champagne in her hand. As she glides her heels across the floor, it's like nothing's changed. Tonight, she commands the room with her beauty and gracefulness; every eye is on her, including mine.
I watch her disappear and I silently curse as my feet follow Blair on their own accord. I don't know why… but I blame the champagne. By the time I catch up to her, she ends up in another room that's attached to a balcony.
With her back towards me, I drink in the sight of her. I was stunned. She stands outside, alone on the balcony, looking up at the moon. She stood there with her arms wrapped around her body as if protecting herself. The warm summer night brought a mild breeze that blew through her hair. She kept trying to pull a finicky strand behind her ear but struggled and bit her lip in frustration. I used to always help with that.
"I know you followed me, Dan." Blair continues to stare outside.
I take the extra steps to meet her. Those few steps felt like miles.
"It's been awhile. You look really beautiful tonight." Her cheeks color the same way they used to. The simple act draws me to her even more.
I wrap my jacket around her frame as she starts to shiver. Although the touch was innocent, the simple gesture meant everything – it provoked so many raw emotions.
"What brought you out here?" She purred, sounding sincerely interested.
"Same as you. Too much small talk and champagne. I wanted to admire the moonlight as I cleared my head."
She nods in understanding but says nothing. For a moment, we stand together in silence, breathing lightly. We dared not look at each other but stared up at the moon and all the pretty stars with our many thoughts filling our heads. For a moment, everything melted away and it's just the two of us. Even under the dark night, slips of moonlight illuminate and highlight her face so that I could still partially see her through my peripheral vision. After some time, we head back inside, but not towards the ballroom. We stay in the room, which is far enough from the ballroom that it provides privacy, but not far enough that we are unable to hear the faint rhythm of music. Once we are inside, Blair hands back my jacket. As I shrug the coat on again, I realize the fast music has ended and Adele's "Hello" is heard.
"Dance with me?" I ask with an outstretched hand.
Blair hesitates.
"Dance with me."
No waiting for a response this time, I take her hand and pull Blair towards me. My grip is firm but she instantly relaxes and in turn, lays her head on my shoulder.
Hello, it's me
I was wondering if after all these years
You'd like to meet, to go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal ya
But I ain't done much healing
We revolved around the spot for a minute before Blair whispers into my ear, "Since when did you stop having two left feet?"
"I've learned a few things… but some things never change." Soft words. Dramatic impact.
"No," she agrees. "They don't."
Blair laughs. A really loud, genuine laugh.
Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles
As my fingers find the skin on her back exposed by the cut of her dress, Blair sucks in a breath. My fingers absentmindedly trace a path across the bare skin of her back, making her shiver a little. I don't break my gaze at her but I can tell she's fighting the urge to look away because everything is suddenly feeling intense.
"You know what I won't ever forget?" My voice is deep and rumbles against her ear.
She shakes her head.
"This. You."
She makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a chuckle and a sniffle. Silence spoke louder than words.
Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore
Blair
Hello, how are you?
It's so typical of me to talk about myself
I'm sorry, I hope that you're well
Did you ever make it out of that town
Where nothing ever happened?
It's no secret
That the both of us are running out of time
I want to struggle out of his hold, to maintain some distance, but his arms are wrapped around me. He's pressing me to his chest. Oh, this is where I want to be. Finally. I rest my head against him. This is home. He smells of coffee, waffles, body wash, and my favorite smell – Dan. With him it's easy, natural. I always felt safe. Protected. We could dance like this, and I could feel his heartbeat and watch the pulse beating at the base of his throat. The warmth of his embrace in the darkness was mine to keep. This can't go on much longer. I know that. It doesn't have to end just yet though. In this moment, I could pretend.
So, hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore
Ooooohh, anymore
Ooooohh, anymore
Ooooohh, anymore
Anymore
Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times to tell you
I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried to tell you
I'm sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore
After the song ends, we continued to dance for a few minutes even though the tempo of the music has changed. I could stay like this for eternity. It seemed like eternity as we just stare at each other.
"So… this is what it feels like to rule our Monarchy," I mumble before I even process what I just said.
His face changes at the recognition to my reference. I know that poem is a soft spot for him, just as it is for me.
It's a moment. Dan bows his head down and leans forward to kiss me.
I want to… I really want to, but I can't, so I pull away.
I choose to run from him. The voice in the back of my head keeps saying "Stop running… all you get is a safe emptiness." But dammit I was scared. Scared of making the wrong choice. Scared of making the right choice. Or… scared of not knowing the difference between the two.
After managing the maze of the Plaza floor, I anxiously await for the arrival of the elevators before Dan catches up to me. If he even ran after me.
The elevators are too slow.
"What are we, Blair?"
"Dan… If a relationship can be summed up in a single sentence, it will never survive."
Yeah, it sounds hollow. I wish I had a better answer. I enjoyed our match of minds in the good old days. I always made Dan crazy with my whacko arguments and impassioned speeches. At this point, I was already itching to fall back into those old habits, but I wouldn't allow that to happen. It wouldn't do anyone any good, least of all, myself.
Ding.
Finally. The elevator reaches the floor and opens. We remain unspoken until I step in and face Dan. I willed for those damn doors to close before either of us could do something stupid, like our drunken encounter the last time we were in an elevator.
"Goodbye, Dan." I murmur.
"Blair… I…. g…goodbye," he says softly, and he looks of a man in agonizing pain, reflecting how I feel inside. I tear my gaze away from him before I try to comfort him.
I could just picture his hand coming between the steel and pushing them away, like Superman, as if he were pushing away all of our issues. But that never happened as the elevator doors finally shut, whisking me down to my own personal hell.
When it does, I sigh and mutter "What is it about elevators?"
As soon as I get up to the penthouse, I cry myself to sleep. By the time the sun is up again, I can't bring myself to get up for the day. I don't even move until I hear my phone vibrate. I neglect to check the caller ID. I should've checked.
All I heard was his faint voice.
"Hello…?"
Added rap verse:
What would you do
If you was me I was you
Would you move on
Go and find someone new
I know it hurts, believe that I'm hurting too
I guess I can't Hide it as well as you
(Look) I woke up next to the baddest bitch I've ever seen
But even then All I could think of was you and me
My friends tell me "Anth homie, just let it be"
Unless they've been through it
They don't know what the fuck I mean
So please girl tell me what do I do
Cause I know that nobody's perfect
But I'm perfect for you And girl you're perfect for me
That's something you couldn't see
I tried to show you but what was the point if you won't believe
Now tell me why did you leave?
Do you not love me no more?
See I can hide all the pain But what remains is the scars
I was the best I could be
I know that I have my flaws
But I gave all that I had
Spent more than I could afford
I spent five thousand dollars on a ring to call you my misses
And you still had the nerve to say I gave no commitment
There was no way that I could save ya
Three years is what I gave ya
And then you leave me and go find a new man three weeks later
My sister thinks you cheated and honestly I don't blame her
Cus moving on that quick is way too strange of a behavior
And I bet that he's happy cus he sees you posting pictures
But dawg I bet my life she thinks about me when you're with her
He don't want you like I want you
He don't need you like I need you
He don't see you how I see you
He don't breathe you how I breathe you
And you know it So tell me what the fuck you see in him
We both know that you still love me so you shouldn't be with him
You should be with me
Right here in my home
Right here all alone
Making love until the morn'
You love how I turn you on
And one thing that I love and hate the most
Is people always change but the memories don't
And lately I can't even eat
Lately I've been feeling ill
When you cannot sleep at night
That's when you know shit is real
You don't even need a gun
You don't even need a pill
If you ever wanna die
Fall in love and you'll get killed
AN: Thanks! Should I keep going?