A/N Hello dear readers! Welcome to my first TMNT fanfiction! This is the first story in my arc (which as I continue to write my yet be multi-parted but it's yet to be fully decided) and if you enjoy what you read here and what to find out more I urge you to check out Part 2: Changes. It's still in the works, but so far I am pleased where it is going. Anyway thank-you so much for reading and for the record I do not own TMNT!

Part 1: What Is Strength?

Chapter 1

"Way to go Raph!" Leonardo yelled at me across the room.

Here we go again I thought. We had just returned from patrol and it wasn't exactly a success. We did manage to seriously kick some Purple Dragon ass, but Mikey had gotten pretty badly burned in the encounter. Don was in his lab cleaning and dressing Mikey's burns as Leo and I faced off. "It wasn't a total loss, we totally aced those Dragon Scum!"

The blue-banded turtle advanced towards me, "Are you serious? What part of that fight would you consider "aced?" Was it the part when you ran off on your own again? Before we could scout that warehouse and discover it was stockpiled with ammunition and explosives? The insanely flammable explosives? The ones that burned Mikey? Or maybe you're referring to your inability to follow my orders? Because if it's not any of that I would love to know what qualified as "aced!""

"Get off my shell Leonardo!" Leonardo bristled at my use of his full name. The gloves were starting to come off now, "It wasn't that –"

"Don't you dare say "it wasn't that bad!" Mikey could have been seriously injured! We – you – got lucky this time. You always get lucky but I got news for you: one day your luck will run out and we'll have to pay the price for it – Raphael!"

Oh that was it. Leonardo had been really pushing my temper these last few months. Ever since Master Splinter mysteriously disappeared, after we finally defeated the Shredder, my anger had been boiling near the surface. I first had to put up with their reluctance to start searching immediately because we needed "a plan." Well I was patient – to the extent I could be – and restrained myself from taking this city apart brick by brick in order to find Splinter. Like a good mutant turtle I kept my head down and actually followed Leonardo's orders. After that first week he finally settled on a "perfect" plan and the search began. A slow, tedious and unfulfilling search.

Yet I still held back and followed his direction. For a whole month we spied on gangs (including of course the Dragons) and the remaining fractions of Shredder's Foot Ninjas. We spied, surveyed and stalked, but still took no real action. Leonardo said he wanted to keep a low profile for both our safety and Master Splinter's safety. He was worried if we started bashing some heads looking for real answers we might get ourselves in danger or risk angering Master Splinter's captor thereby endangering Splinter. At first I believed Leo, but as time went on and we yielded no fruits for our labour I knew we couldn't keep passively sneaking around. Besides Leonardo is always talking about doing the "honourable" thing – what honour is there in spying and sneaking around?

It was time that I started talking things into my own hands. A little one-on-one "friendly" interrogation usually got tongues wagging. However, only two weeks into my new strategy, before I got any real leads, Leonardo – that spying, sneaking snoop – got wind of what I was doing and tensions started to reach an all-time high. The last three days have seen more sparks fly between us than I think we've ever had. Leonardo refused to let me leave the lair on my own anymore and started using Mikey and Don to help keep tabs on me. That didn't stop me though. I knew how to get around them – or I thought I did. Tonight the three of them somehow managed to keep track and follow me. That's when this whole mess turned into Mikey getting torched.

When the fight first broke out it was just me and the Dragons. Things were going great. The Dragons thought since it was just me they could easily take me down in hand-to-hand combat, but when my brothers entered the fight (since they saw me surrounded and thought I was a goner on my own) one of the newbies freaked, pulled out his gun, and started firing randomly. The shot that almost nailed Mikey instead hit a crate full of explosives and you can figure out the rest. Needless to say I had no idea the place was packed full of the stuff but thankfully we still managed to get out before the whole place blew up like the fourth of July. Still if Leonardo had managed to keep to himself none of this would have happened!

"Shut up Leonardo once again you don't know what the hell you're talking about! I make my own luck! I don't need to hear your bullshit on my luck running out because it doesn't work that way! Oh but I forgot Fearless Leader needs a plan for everything. Bet you couldn't even get from your bedroom to the bathroom without making a plan first!"

I then shoved him out of the way as I made to head to my room. Leonardo became rigid and hissed "At least I'm not pretending to be stronger than I am by purposely getting myself hopelessly outnumbered in fights just to prove a point!"

I froze in my tracks, "What did you say?"

He turned and our eyes met. I could literally feel the lightening jump between our glares, "You heard me Raphael. You're weak. That's why you never tell us where you're going because you know you're about to get the shit kicked out of you and don't want us to see. Yet you fail to see that if all four of us fought as a team you'd get your ass handed to you less."

I was dead silent. I didn't dare speak and I suddenly had the massive urge to look away, but he was too close to the mark and if I did or said anything wrong…

I heard footsteps and knew that Don and Mikey were now at the doorway of Don's lab looking in our direction. Yet, neither Leo nor I moved. Too much was at risk. Leo surveyed me and I saw that look of understanding sweep through his eyes. Damn it, Leo did always know me better than I ever wanted to admit. I suddenly realized that while I was holding my breath Leo began to subtly relax. He knew his victory was at hand. Crap. Don't say it…. "No it's more than that isn't it? You're afraid aren't you?"

He laughed and I know he saw me flinch. He paused, but still didn't waver, "That's it isn't it? You're afraid that if we follow you on one of your suicide missions and are not strong enough to save yourself you will put us all in jeopardy. After all, if you can save yourself what hope is there of you possibly saving us?"

It was like a punch to gut. I felt the air fly out of me and a shiver of ice run through my spine. I didn't respond. I bolted out of the lair as fast as I could, but I felt Leo's gaze burning through my shell and didn't need to read his my mind to know he was thinking: bull's eye.