Laudanum
"Will you please see a doctor Cosette?" Marius said one morning, just five months into their marriage.
"I'm not sick Marius; I'm just having trouble sleeping". Cosette told him.
"It's not just trouble sleeping" he said, "You have nightmares almost every night, you wake up crying…." He began.
"I know Marius" Cosette interrupted, "Please don't. It just hasn't been easy for me, with my father"
It had only been a month since Cosettes father died and she had been suffering from terrible grief ever since, at first she had been inconsolable, then she had sunk into depression and now she was suffering from nightmares. She had been able to tell Marius that she kept seeing her father suffering; she said that she was worried he was in a terrible place and that he was being hurt in the afterlife. She told him she sometimes felt guilty whenever she felt happy, as if it was a terrible thing to be happy if her father was suffering a terrible fate somewhere.
"I know" he said softly. "But you're my wife, I love you and I want you to be well. Please, let a doctor come and see you, for me at least, just to put my mind at ease".
Cosette looked at him for a moment; Marius was a good man and a good husband. She loved him so much and this was their first major upset in their marriage so far. She knew she hadn't been easy to live with lately, but she was grieving. If it made him happy though she would relent and let a doctor see her.
"Alright" she said, "For you Marius".
"Thank you" he said, breathing a sigh of relief. He kissed her softly on the lips and on her forehead, she still seemed reluctant about the idea but at least it was a step forward.
A doctor did come to see Cosette; he talked to her, examined her briefly, asked her some personal questions she didn't really want to answer then deferred to Marius for talk of any "treatment".
The problem he told Marius was purely an emotional one and not one he could treat like a physical ailment, as far as the sleeping problem though he did have one solution, and that came in a perfume shaped bottle labelled "Laudanum".
"This drug is a wonder for nervous women" The young doctor told Marius as he showed him how to apply it to a handkerchief. "You let her breathe this in and she'll sleep more peacefully than ever before. She won't have any more nightmares".
Marius was apprehensive about letting his wife take this drug, he had heard about people getting addicted to opium and he certainly didn't want Cosette to become one of those people, but at this point he just wanted her to have a good nights sleep, and himself as well for that matter.
"I suppose it won't hurt to try" Marius said sulkily to the doctor before he left their home, though he still wasn't sure about the whole thing.
Later that night as they settled down for bed Marius insisted Cosette take a little laudanum to help her through the night.
"I don't need it Marius" she told him.
"Please Cosette, it's only a little. Just breathe it in" he said passing her a barely dabbed handkerchief. He didn't want to completely ply her with it the very first time; he felt it was best to ease her into it.
"Marius please…" she began, but she knew he wasn't going to back down over this. And anyway, she thought a night of unbroken sleep would be nice.
"Alright, just a little" she said taking the handkerchief and tentatively placing against her mouth and nose. It was bitter, and strong, but it didn't feel too bad, and as she lay back against her pillow it did seem to have a calming effect on her, whether or not it would help with the nightmares was yet to be seen though.
"Just relax" Marius whispered to her. "Everything's going to be alright". Though she didn't say anything back to him, she just gazed at the candlelight dozily until she fell into a peaceful sleep. It didn't feel right to him, doping his wife asleep, but it seemed to work, and when she woke up the next morning without a single nightmare he thought things were going to get better from now on.
She didn't take the stuff every night, she didn't want to, and Marius didn't want to force her to take it. Anyway, after a few days of peaceful sleep he thought it wouldn't be necessary for her to take it every night, maybe just once in a while would suffice.
He thought that until he was awakened a few nights later by Cosette in the middle of another nightmare. It was pitch black in the room and Marius had no idea what time it was, it must have been very late though as he had to feel around for some matches to bring some light into the room.
He could tell Cosette was having a bad dream as when he lit the candle on the bedside table and looked at her she was visibly shaking, and mumbling things he couldn't make out. He did hear the word "papa" a few times though and it was obvious she was dreaming about him suffering again.
"Cosette, Cosette wake up" he said softly, trying to wake her by shaking her shoulders gently. "You're having a nightmare that's all, wake up".
Cosette tossed a turned a little more in her sleep until she woke up calling out for her father.
"Papa!" she shrieked, breathing hard and panicky
"Cosette, I'm here, it's alright". Marius said touching her shoulder gently, but she flinched at his touched and turned to him, looking at him like she didn't recognise him, which disturbed Marius greatly.
"It's me Cosette, its Marius" He said
"Marius?" she said, suddenly realising where she was. "Of course, I'm sorry. I must have had another nightmare". She said, regaining her composure.
"I know". He said, and he could see her getting upset about the whole thing as she rested against her pillow again.
Marius reached for the bottle of laudanum that he kept on the bedside table as well, and doused his handkerchief in it. "Here, breathe this" he said holding it near her face
"No Marius, I don't need it" she said, trying to push his hand away
"Take it Cosette, don't argue". He said, insisting that she take the medicine, he didn't like feeling like the authoritarian husband, but she wasn't making this easy on either of them.
"No" she said weakly, and with that Marius did something he deeply regretted.
Without thinking he roughly pressed the handkerchief to her face and held it there tightly, he heard her muffled screams of protest but tried to ignore them, even as she vainly tried to push him away.
"Just breathe Cosette" he said, not looking her in the eyes. "I'm sorry, just breathe" and he felt her body go limp as she drifted away into a doped up sleep.
He removed the handkerchief gingerly and felt tears in his eyes, that was a horrible thing to do to her and he knew it. Why did he do it? To make her feel better or so he could get a night of unbroken sleep? He didn't know, but what he did know was that he was sorry.
He gathered his sleeping wife in his arms, still holding the handkerchief in one of his hands and whispered softly to her as she slept.
"I'm sorry, please forgive me Cosette" he whispered sadly and he held her like that for a long time, begging her to forgive him for what he did to her.
"I love you Cosette" he also said, "Your father loved you too, please don't forget that. He was a good man and he's in a good place, you know that deep down. Please try to understand that. He wouldn't want to you be sad all the time, he would want you to live your life".
He kept hold of her for a long time and kept whispering to her until he too fell back to sleep, still holding her and still holding on to the handkerchief.
He awoke first the next morning and remembered what had happened during the night, he immediately felt immense guilt about it as he looked at the face of his sleeping wife. She looked so peaceful, but he knew it wasn't because she had slept well; it was because he had forced laudanum on her.
He looked at the handkerchief he was still grasping in his hand, and the bottle of laudanum still standing on the bedside table and felt so ashamed of himself. Then he knew exactly what to do, there may have been ways to help his wife overcome her nightmares, but forcing drugs on her wasn't the way to do it.
He gently slipped out of bed, being careful not to wake Cosette; he pulled on a dressing gown and then grabbed the bottle of laudanum and walked out of the bedroom. He walked across the landing, down the staircase and out of the front door of his house, throwing the glass bottle against the nearest wall where it smashed into several pieces on the ground. It was still early enough that nobody saw him do it, not that he would have cared anyway if anyone had, it was just something he needed to do right then and there.
He stared at the smashed bottle for a minute not thinking about anything, but feeling glad that he had gotten rid of that horrible drug. After a while he regained his senses and went back into the house, closing the door behind him.
He went back into his bedroom to get dressed for the day and as he was buttoning up his shirt Cosette stirred and awoke finally.
She blinked her eyes open and looked at her husband who was dressing by the large mirror in the corner.
"Good morning" she said softly, still with her head against the pillow.
"Good morning" he replied, but didn't know what to say next, he hoped she wouldn't remember what happened during the night, not that it would make him feel better, it just might make things easier for them. When she spoke the next words though he knew she had remembered.
"Can we talk?" she said, looking at him seriously
"Of course" he said, walking tentatively towards the bed and sitting on the edge of it.
"Marius….." she began, but he cut her off before she could continue
"Wait, I'm sorry about what I did last night". He said "It was wrong of me, it was stupid. I know you won't be able to get through this with me drugging you to sleep. I want you to know I threw that horrible bottle away. I don't even want it in the house. I just hope you can forgive me, because I'm truly sorry Cosette".
Cosette propped herself up on one arm and looked at him with a slight smile. The way she saw it she had three options on how to cope with what happened during the night. She could hate Marius and let their lives get worse or she could try to hurt him by making him feel terrible about his actions, but Cosette didn't want to live that way, so she chose the third option, which was to simply let it go.
"Aren't you tired of being sorry?" she asked him
"What do you mean?" he said, not understanding what she meant
"I mean, we've both been saying that word a lot lately" she said "We're both sorry about a lot of things, we've both made mistakes, and we've both been suffering. But I'm tired of feeling sorry all the time. I loved my father, and I miss him, and I know what happened to him wasn't your fault. I don't want his death to define our marriage, he was a good man and I know he never wanted me to be sad.
"I know that too" Marius said
"I'm going to try harder to be happy Marius" she said "And I want you to try harder too. I don't want to hear the word sorry anymore because being sorry isn't helping either of us is it? I just want us to be happy again".
"Me too" Marius said "I feel like we've been unhappy forever".
"Not forever, just a really long time" Cosette said with a smile
Marius smiled back at her, feeling like things might actually be alright again. "I do love you Cosette, so very much"
"I love you too Marius" Cosette said, and she sat up and kissed him softly on the lips. "And I do forgive you for last night".
"Can we spend the whole day together?" Marius asked "Just me and you? I feel like we've been separated lately. I want to be with you again, like we used to be".
"You don't have work to do?" she asked
"Only paperwork, nothing that can't wait a day". He told her
"Then why not, I've missed you too Marius". She said. "You're right here with me but I feel like you've been away from me".
"Well then today we can start again can't we?" he said
"Why don't we start again right now" she said, with a coy smile before kissing him on the lips again and Marius knew exactly what she meant by that.
"Yes, why don't we" he said happily.
The End
I apologise if this isn't my best work, to be honest I wrote this in one night after I'd had a couple of beers.