WHO IS WORSE?
Disclaimers: I don't own Once Upon a Time or The Addams Family.
I realize that to a lot of people, Snowing and Morticia and Gomez would seem like strange OTPs. They are very different couples, after all. But they do have some similarities. Most important to me being that they are both married and have children. But also, the obvious similarity is the subject of this story.
Also, this is a crack fic/comedy. It's not meant to be serious, so I have no idea how or why Emma and Wednesday would have met, or even where they are having this conversation.
Also time period: For Once Upon a Time, post season 3A (assuming Emma never went to New York and the others never returned to the Enchanted Forest.) For Addams Family, teenage Wednesday, assuming she actually attends high school.
Emma Swan shook her head. "No, seriously kid, my parents are the most physically affectionate parents in the world!"
Wednesday Addams shook her head calmly. "That's only because you haven't you haven't met my parents yet."
Emma groaned. "I don't think more than a couple of days pass before I see them making out!
Wednesday shrugged, again disturbingly calm. "At least your parents are kissing on the lips, even if they do it a lot, though. My father is always covering my mother's arm, neck, and every other body part you can think of. Somehow, it's worse than on the lips, because it's so much more sexual."
Emma shuttered. "Yeah, well, speaking of sex, I actually walked in on my parents! Honestly, I still don't understand why it didn't occur to me what they were doing that day! Tacos! Seriously!"
Wednesday shook her head, still frighteningly calm. "Well, you only walked in on them once then. I can't tell you how many times I've interrupted my parents' sexual intimacy."
Emma still wouldn't give up. Her parents were the worst displayers of PDAs ever, and she would prove it. "Well, they use every excuse I can think of to kiss each other. When they've defeated an enemy, which I admit they do a lot; when they've been separated for any period of time; when they're about to start fighting an enemy, or even when they're just practicing! It's kiss, kiss, kiss. And I they're not all little kisses, either."
Wednesday scoffed. "Okay, but at least your parents' turn – ons don't affect you personally. Do you know how hard I had to fight my guidance councilor from taking French class last year?"
Emma's arguments stopped short for a second. "Excuse me? French? What does that have to do with anything?"
"My Father gets extremely turned on when he hears French. Especially coming from my mother. So if I were to take French class in school, it could cause problems I would rather avoid. One, I'd end up speaking French at home well I was studying, and I don't want to make my father more amorous than he already is. Second, I'd end up thinking of sex every time I heard it in class! Yeah, definitely no French class for me!"
Emma nodded. "Yes, I can see why that would be a problem for you. But my parents affections can cause problems for me, too. I'm the sheriff in Storybrooke, so I have to take on a lot of the same bad guys my parents do. It makes seeing them kiss unavoidable."
Just then, Emma's parents Snow White and Prince Charming AKA Mary Margaret and David ran up to her and gave her a big hug. "He's gone, Emma! The sea monster is gone!"
"Your mother hit him pretty good with her arrow," David commented, sounding proud.
"And your father slashed him pretty good with the sword, too," Mary Margaret added, sounding proud as well. Then they looked at each other and began kissing extensively.
Emma looked at Wednesday as if to say, See what I mean? But just then a tall, thin woman with black hair and a man with dark hair and a mustache walked up to Wednesday. "Hello, darling. Isn't this a marvelous little town?"
"Perfect for a vacation?" The man asked.
"Of course, it's way too colorful in my opinion, but C'est l'vie," the woman shrugged.
The man launched himself into the woman's arms and began covering her body with kisses. "Tish! That's French!"
Wednesday looked at Emma in response. They both looked at both parents. Then they said at the same time, "Let's call it a draw."
So apparently, the Addams Family went to Storybrooke for a vacation. Don't ask me how they broke the barrier spell, because I have no idea. Like I said before, crack fic/comedy.
Hopefully some of you liked that. I don't usually write straight comedy, so I don't know if it's any good. But I thought of the obvious similarity between two of my favorite couples, and I thought it would be really funny to have Emma and Wednesday talk about it.