Disclaimer: I don't own anything MR

It's been six months exactly. Six months since he left us, left me. And in those six months I've cried more than I ever thought was humanly possible. Curled up under the blankets in my room sniffling and trying to hold the fresh wave of tears that were burning my eyes, begging to be released.

I didn't say a word to anyone for the first month after he left. I walked around like a shell of my former self, no longer finding anything to laugh or smile about. Praying that I'd become numb, wondering what it was that I had to do in order to not feel anything anymore.

I had become a professional at fake smiling, laughing without any real passion behind it whenever the flock did something to cheer me up. They knew I was falling apart, just not to what extent.

I felt like I was breaking. Like my insides were completely hollowed out and I was just a walking meat suit. I constantly wanted to fall to my knees and cry at anything that reminded me of him, but I refused to let the flock see me that weak again.

I forced myself to get up, get dressed, be presentable and act as happy as possible for the sake of everyone else. Even though everyday it seemed harder to do. I wasn't myself anymore, the happy, laughing, taking any moment with my family I could get person. Instead, I had been replaced with the more realistic, pessimistic person that I was today.

Hating people more than I used to, and not seeing a point to things anymore. Iggy was getting tired of my mopping around, told me to "buck up and get over it already" but he didn't understand. How could he? He had Ella. No one understood what I was going through… and I was getting sick of people telling me "I know how you feel" or "Everything's going to be fine."

Everything wasn't fine, and nobody knew how I fucking felt. I lost my best friend, my right hand man and the one person who understood me better than anyone. He always knew when something was wrong and always knew the right words to say to make it better, he was awkward and did the randomest things to get me to laugh when I was mad, he was always there to comfort me when I needed it and wasn't afraid to fight back when I started arguments.

No one understood how it felt to lose the one person I counted on most in the world. The one person who made me feel special for once in my horrible fucked up life. And now that person was gone. I no longer had someone to talk to when things got to be too much to handle, or to comfort me when I couldn't be strong anymore and started crumbling, or to act like a complete idiot in order to get me to laugh when I was pissed, or have random meaningless conversations with late because we don't want to stop talking.

What baffled me the most out of everything, was how he would be so okay with the whole thing. Like leaving your family and someone you claimed to love was a normal everyday thing. Did he ever care? Or mean anything that he said? Did we mean ANYTHING to him?! …did I? It hurt knowing that I was slowly breaking and he was perfectly fine. Like it didn't bother him in the slightest, but I was being a weak and pathetic ball of a mess.

They didn't understand that by him leaving he wrecked everything. Everything crumbled and fell apart, leaving me wondering what the hell I was supposed to do now. I no longer had someone to lean on when things go too rough, I was forced to keep my head up and lead the others alone like nothing could touch me.

No one understood that I wasn't the "invincible Max" I played myself off to be. That even I, someone who can kick ass and take names any time of day, have my limits of how much bullshit I could handle. But now who was I supposed to turn to in my time of need? I didn't trust anyone enough to open up, and being a weak damsel in distress just wasn't in the job description.

He had been there for me, waiting every time I needed him, not wondering what was in it for him, but just being there because I needed him to be. But now, I had to learn that I didn't need someone in order to be strong. I didn't need someone to lean on because I was brave and not the weak pathetic person he had turned me into.

"Max?" I turned my head to look at Angel standing in the doorway of my bedroom. She had gotten taller, "Yah sweetie?" she walked in and crossed the room to stand beside me next to my dresser, looking at the letter he left when he disappeared and broke all his promises.

She wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged my tightly, "You don't need him to be strong Max… you have us." I hugged her back and buried my head into her hair. "I know sweetie… that's why I'm still here. I'm hurt right now because he means a lot to me Ang. But eventually… I'll move on, and hopefully go back to the old Max. I just can't be that right now."

"You know… it's kind of funny." She pulled away slightly and giggled for a minute before looking back up at me. "You hate chick flicks more than anything in the world, but yet your love life is the biggest cliché ever." I starred at her for a minute before busting out into laughter.

The rest of the flock came running into the room with worried faces, as I just stood next to my dresser, hunched over with a hand clutching my stomach and tears coming to my eyes. "Angel…. You couldn't be more correct by that statement." I wheezed through laughing.

For the first time in months, I laughed with 100% amusement. I knew I wouldn't get over it, and that it'd be a while before I moved on and became my old self again. And maybe I never would get over him, maybe I'd never have answers to my hundreds of questions, or understand how he could do it and be perfectly fine, maybe I'd be doomed to forever be in love with my ex best friend who I couldn't have and who left me crushed and feeling pathetic. But right now… I just wanted to relish in the moment I was in, enjoying my time with the ones I loved and still had in my life to look out for.

R&R maybe?