Hikaru and Kaoru were inseparable, right?

Wrong.

That's what Kaoru had thought too, for the longest time, for fifteen years. Then, all of a sudden, this new person came into their lives and broadened their world, and then Hikaru was ebbing away from him, slowly but surely. They'd slept together since they were infants, but now Hikaru wanted his own room. They'd worked on homework together since they started school, but now Hikaru went to study groups without him. They'd eaten together every day of their lives, but now Hikaru spent that time with Haruhi.

Haruhi. There was the problem-not that Kaoru didn't like Haruhi, because he really did. It was just that…Hikaru was his. He always had been. But now he wasn't, and it killed him inside. They were still twins, but now they were two different people. How had this happened?

But Kaoru knew how, and he hated himself for hating his predicament. He was the one who had urged Hikaru out of their little nest, wanting what was best for his brother, for the one person he loved more than anything. He could never tell Hikaru that, though, never ever. He knew how his brother would react, and he didn't ever want to put himself through the pain he knew it would bring him. It was better to be in the nest alone, always able to hope that Hikaru get tired of this game and come back someday, than to sabotage all his chances and end up jumping out of the nest all together, to fall to the ground far below. Sometimes, he wished he could. Sometimes, he wished he could go to the bridge across Shimeji river and leap over it. It would only hurt for a second.

He couldn't though. He knew Hikaru still loved him, even if only in a brotherly way, and it would tear Hikaru apart not to have his twin anymore. So instead he did the only thing he could do to alleviate the pain-he wrote. He never told anyone, but he was actually quite a good poet. It felt so good to write it all down, to get it onto paper and out of his tortured heart, where it could fester all it wanted and never hurt him more than it already had. When Hikaru was away he sat at his desk and picked up an old quill pen he'd specifically asked for for his birthday. It made him feel more real.

I want to ball this paper up

And throw it in the trash.

I want you to find it sitting there,

With all my words so brash.

I know that it could never be,

I know that I shouldn't try,

But having you look at me by day

Leaves me lonely and aching at night.

I wonder if you'd ever read

These painful words I write,

Or will I still and always be

Forgotten by your light?

But I never put this where you can see,

I light it and watch it burn-

I know that I could never bear

Your stern and impassioned scorn.

And there Kaoru stopped writing. That was the end of it-of that one, anyway. There was more, there was always more inside him that he longed to set free. He dipped the pen in the ink bottle and wrote more.

I've felt your eyes upon my face,

Caressing me like silk and lace,

But can you see the residue trace

That I'm bubbling up with tears?

I've seen your hands clasp down on mine,

Seen you smile the way the sun shines,

But can you see the obvious signs

That I'm bursting with my fears?

You've known me all my life and yet

You still don't seem to see

The darkness that I hide from you

Deep down inside of me.

And another.

Your eyes are golden as ripe wheat,

Your chin as strong as stone,

Your hair the color of sunset

And your hands are like my own.

Your brow is creased by laughing lines,

Your mouth turns up with mirth,

Your legs are long as summer's end,

We are two linked by birth.

Forbidden is my misty eye

And taboo my longing heart.

I've yet to send these notes to you,

I doubt that I will start.

Still I gaze upon your face

And feel a grasping tug

As we playact what I wish most-

I'll never have your love.

Another.

A haiku is right

For speaking of your brilliance

And my broken heart.

One more.

I drown in the Nethersea,

The only light your shining face

As I fade out of consciousness.

I wish I could have but one taste

Of your no doubt glorious heart.

I want to bite into its flesh

And rip out hunks of skin,

I want to make it part of me,

And be damned my mortal sin.

We would begin to go back to where we start.

Your perfection is unequaled,

And though we are identical I know

That I could never be the beauty

A blot of ink stained the page in a sporadic, chicken-shaped splotch as the door opened. The maid? It wasn't the maid.

"Hikaru! What are you doing home so early?" Kaoru asked, quickly slamming his hands down on the paper and not caring if the ink rubbed onto his palm as he stood. "What's wrong?"

"Haruhi and I had a fight," Hikaru said heavily. "She wants to leave me."

"Leave you? You're together?" Kaoru asked, choking.

"You couldn't tell?" Hikaru looked up at his twin in genuine surprise. "I thought you could, since you're the smart one and all. I should have told you. Sorry."

"It's okay," Kaoru squeaked. It wasn't okay.

"It's just-she said she wants to leave me for Tamaki. She says she was just using me, like a toy. I'm not a toy! She's a toy! That's all she is! So why-so why-?" Kaoru barely heard the next words. "Why does it hurt so much?"

That night, after Hikaru cried himself to sleep in Kaoru's arms, Kaoru burned his poems. Hikaru could never see them, never ever. Still, for a second when Hikaru had come in he'd hoped, somehow, that he would. That he wouldn't hate him, that he would accept him and love him the way that he loved Hikaru. But that would never happen.

He watched his words go up in flame, and told himself he was only crying because of the smoke.