Retirement
A Star Wars Story
Chapter One
"The dead haunt me."
"Why do you say that?" Gar'vin knew it was a poor question but the sudden comment from the red-skinned Twi'lek had taken him by surprise.
"Because." She returned to staring out of the window toward the peaks of the distant mountains.
"Because? Because what? Fear, guilt, you see them, you dream about them or you hear them?" He was out of his depths and knew it. He was a healer of the body not the mind and this sort of question as an answer to a question double talk drove him batty. He did not really expect a reply though as he was still recovering from this strange woman's sudden desire to speak. After all, almost three months in the medical annex of the Tython Jedi Temple without saying a single word makes a person wonder if they were dealing with a mute.
She turned and arched an eyebrow. "All of that and more. You are a Jedi Healer are you not?"
The question was one he heard often for you do not see healers built like professional sports stars every day. Commonly he heard that question asked in a tone of contempt, but not this time, this time it was simple curiosity. "Yes I am, my speciality is combat trauma but I do good work as a general surgeon when it's required. Why do you ask?"
"Are the guards still outside the door? Do they wait with chains and force suppressors to carry me away to some dull prison?"
There was something badly wrong here and for the life of him, he could not work out exactly what it was. She was certainly sad and depressed to his eyes. "Guards, what guards? They left at the end of the first day by order of the Grand Master of the Jedi Council. You have not answered my question by the way."
"No, I did not. Very well then, since it seems obvious you do not know who I am. Allow me to introduce myself. I am or was, Darth Nox, of the Dark Council of the Sith Empire and... I am so very afraid, you see I know I am going to die soon." She slumped down on to the bed and stared at the floor.
"Gosh." He was on fine form today he realised. "Err, pleased to make you acquaintance I guess."
Her head snapped up and she grinned, the grin became a chuckle, a guffaw and then a full-throated laugh. It was a surprisingly throaty laugh and caused a few sensations he thought he had trained himself to ignore.
Tears streaming down her face she gave him a glorious smile. "Thank you."
"Thank you? For what?"
"For the first true laugh I have had in years."
"So, do you feel up to talking?" He hoped she wanted to talk about something because if he had to start the conversation it was not going to go well or last long.
She thought on the question for several minutes, several long minutes, which caused him to worry that she had decided to stay silent again. "Yes, but on one condition?"
"Oh? And that would be?"
"Is there a garden around here, somewhere a being can walk in the green and smell the air, somewhere open without nearby walls."
He blinked. It was not that odd of a request and he knew of several gardens that various groups maintained around the medical annex but there was something more to it that a simple need to look at more than four plain walls. There was a subtle something in her voice that captured his interest, a strong yearning quality to it that intrigued him. "Yes, I know of such a place." She was up, standing beside the door before after the first word. The speed with which she moved startled him. "I take it that is a yes?" Grinning to take any sting from the comment he paused, she grinned back and to his surprise the years melted away from her features, especially around her eyes.
"Oh! You might want to lock this away first." She held out a familiar metal tube slightly under thirty-five centimetres long. He took it carefully before examining it closely.
"Beautiful craftsmanship, is that cortosis and electrum inlayed over a mandalorian alloy casing?"
Shock flowed across her face at his words. "Yes it is. You know your sabre designs."
"I love building lightsabers. It used to drive my old Master nuts. There was something about taking a simple weapon and with care; attention to detail and a little artistry produce something that is a little more pleasing to the eye. To make it look beautiful and yet still function at its utmost peak, it appealed to me. Being a surgeon probably helped since we as a rule are all obsessed about precision and attention to the little details. May I?" Gar'vin asked carefully while indicating the power interlock switch.
She nodded. "I... I'll trust you not to cut your fingers off."
There was an enormous amount of tension behind the words of that comment and he looked hard at her trying to divine the reason, he even went so far as to reach out through the Force and try to probe her. He flinched as he hit a wall of pain and grief so intense he felt physically sick for one brief instant.
Adriarnna felt that touch and his abrupt withdrawal. She turned away, but not quick enough for him to miss seeing the tears that spilled from her eyes.
At a lose he concentrated instead on the hilt in his hands, running probing fingers delicately over its surface. In a recess towards the base, he found a curious set of what he at first thought were a set of inset fixing screws. Thinking about it a moment he realised his mistake and marvelled at the idea as the truth came to him. They were fine adjustment controls, inset to avoid accidental changes but still included so the weapon could be more easily tuned and adjusted without requiring the normal near complete stripping down of the shell. Flicking off the lock, he thumbed the switch and gasped at the shimmering orange plasma blade that appeared. He could feel the steady hum of the field modulator circuit and the smooth flow of two power sources.
"A Diatium power cell and something else I think, maybe a discharge energy cell too?"
He watched her turn part way around and nod.
"How many crystals do you use? The hilt is longer than normal so I would guess two at least but without opening it up and looking I cannot be sure?"
"Three, the hilt holds three. When I first obtained the hilt there was only the two crystals inserted but the internal assembly allowed three to be mounted. When I replaced the common synthetic red I added a third, somehow it just felt like the right thing to do."
"An orange blade? It is an unusual colour and certainly beautiful but not at all what I would have expected from..." He bit off the rest of his words.
"From a Sith? Red does seem to be something of a trademark for them but as I said it never felt completely right. Synthetics have their uses but ever since I recovered my great grandfather's darksaber the synthetic red always felt uncomfortable." She rubbed the tips of her fingers over the casing of the hilt in his hand. "This just feels right."
"So which crystal combinations did you use in the matrix chamber?" He asked powering down the weapon and securing the interlock. That safety interlock told him much about its owner; it was a rare addition for even the Jedi to include. He offered the hilt back.
She faced him fully at the gesture. Eyes wide and mouth open, she did not attempt to keep the shock she felt at the simple gesture from her features. "But... but don't you want to lock it away safe?"
The shocked look and stunned question revealed much of her state of mind to him. "Why would I want to do that? There are no guards at your door and while you are dangerous you are not currently considered a danger." He stopped and ran that sentence through his mind again. "It would have been secured long ago, when you first arrived in fact if the Order felt you could not be trusted. Trust must start somewhere."
That produced a penetrating look followed by a long slow nod. She clipped the hilt to her belt but not before ensuring, he watched, as she removed both energy cells. He appreciated the trust she offered in return.
The walk through the annex to the meditation gardens distracted the pair as they chattered about the design and construction of lightsaber's. They started with the types of crystals that amplified and coloured the plasma streams of the weapons before quickly moving on to other esoteric areas of design. Neither noticed the stares of others they passed, some shocked, some amused, some grim and some few stared in open disbelief.
"I can understand your point on the activation stud, but I prefer an interlock now. It avoids the potential for certain unfortunate incidents!" She spoke slowly, considering her words before uttering them.
"But you must see that an interlock means a slow activation of the device, a situation that must surely be fatal in a combat situation?"
"That's correct but then so is having a being untrained in the use of the lightsaber pick it up and press the activation stud by accident. The results can be... Unfortunate." He stopped and stared at her catching through the Force an overwhelming intensity of emotion on her last word, it was so at odds with their earlier excited chatter of a shared interest.
"We seem to have touched upon something that pains you greatly. Forgive me, but I must ask why?" They had stopped before a glass double door beyond which a large garden spread out under the yellow sunlight. He was startled in the act of opening the door by her hand slamming against it.
"Is this what this talk is all about? Discovering my reasons for coming to the Jedi Order, for surrendering to the Republic?"
They were staring so intently at each other, him wondering what had provoked her anger and her in anger, fear and grief that they never noticed the female Jedi walk calmly up to them. So wrapped up in their stares were they that they both jumped at the soft voice that answered.
"We did wonder about that, but then we have the solemn word of the Jedi Master whom you saved on Tatooine that you are not the same Darth Nox who spared his life. He swears that the darkness I see within you is a mere shadow compared to the time of his encounter with you. That one reason alone was sufficient for us to grant you sanctuary, there are other reasons of course but I would like to hear your answer to Healer Gar'vin's question."
They turned and stared at the serene face of one of the most well known of the Jedi Order at that time.
"Grand Master Shan?" He stuttered out, bowing courteously in greeting.
"Grand Master Shan, it has been a long time." Adriarnna nodded deeply in respect before the two women exchanged questioning looks.
Adriarnna spoke first, grasping Grand Master Shan's offered hand gently in a warm embrace. "I grieve for your loss."
That produced a pained look upon Shan's face, an expression that quickly vanished. "You know about that?"
"I do, you have my sincere sympathies."
That produced an even more startled look from both Jedi's as the words came naturally from the lips of the Sith.
"How?"
The Twi'lik turned away to stare through the door towards the distant peaks of the mountains. They both waited for her reply.
"Call it, a mother's intuition perhaps? The information is out there for all to find, though it is not easy, you hide it well."
Gar'vin watched Grand Master Shan's face work through a range of emotions before settling upon confusion.
"Why?"
The Twi'lik pushed the door open and stepped through, they followed and watched as she stretched in the sun before turning back to face them.
"I lost my lover because of my anger. I lost my daughter because of my carelessness. I nearly lost my soul because of the war between us. Of the three, the one I miss the most is my daughter." She stared directly into Master Shan's eyes. "She was beautiful, a free spirit untainted by the brutality that the galaxy inflicts upon many of us. It was a stupid mistake, a stupid, stupid mistake." She turned to stare at Gar'vin. "A child is curious about everything they see or hear. She was watching while I exercised one morning. It was a simple slip, my hand was damp and I was fatigued from the workout, the hilt slipped through my grasp; she picked it up and touched the activation stub before I could react. The blade... the blade..."
Grand Master Shan was there before he could catch the Twi'lik as she collapsed to the ground in open grief.
"Let it out, let it all out. Give me your pain. Don't let it consume you Adriarnna Kallig."
He jerked back at that name, recognising it as one that the Jedi Order had been following for many years. This woman was that Sith! Considered, not one of the most dangerous or cunning in the Empire for there were certainly many that those titles could be applied to but one whose determination and dedication to the Empire had wrought havoc among the many plans of the Republic and whose skills had let her slip through all the snares set by the Order.
"Let it out Adriarnna, let it all out, you are not alone." He watched his mind in turmoil as Grand Master Shan cradled the woman held in her arms and crooned softly with a soothing voice, rocking her shuddering frame gently in her embrace.
The words came as whisper on the wind. "She was my world; she would be everything I was not but better. A new start and I failed to protect her. I killed her with my world, my terrible, ugly world. I failed her, FAILED!" The wail echoed around the garden scaring the birds and small creatures into silence and flight.
"It's not too late. You can start again. You can..."
"Kill me. Kill the Sith who stands before you, the Sith bitch who has stymied the Jedi Order and the Republic so many times, the schutta who the Galactic Republic's Senate has issued an unconditional death warrant for."
Master Shan recoiled in horror, Gar'vin froze in shock at the words and the utterly sincere pleading with which they had been spoken.
"PLEASE! I have caused too much pain in the Universe, too much terror and horror all in the name of the Empire and I have fallen so very far into the darkness that I can no longer see my path. I cannot see the light anymore. Please, I beg of you to end it, to end me."
"No."
"PLEASE!" It was a scream of such intense pain and grief that both Jedi found themselves crying as it rippled outward through the Force. "Look at my true self and tell me no, look at me without this illusion and see the damage the dark side causes." Her appearance rippled and returned, her skin just a fraction lighter, her eyes glowed with a faint red hue but the most significant change was in the face, it was aged, but aged from grief not the corruption of the dark side.
"You are mistaken Adriarnna, badly mistaken for you were never completely lost to the dark side. Have you not gazed upon your reflection in a mirror? Here, look." Grand Master Shan pointed to a reflecting pool and Adriarnna stiffly, reluctantly turned in obedience.
Gar'vin looked closer at her through the force, taking his time and looking with the precision that made him the superior healer he was within the Order. The dark was there, in great swathes and yet it was contained, surrounded by threads of light that bound it, confined it without strain. This woman was not lost yet and then he saw the thing he least expected. Some called it the core being, others the soul but he simply referred to it as the centre. It was so faint he almost missed it, but it glowed with a delicate light, and it appeared so very fragile. This woman, this Sith had walked the dark path for a long time he realised, walked it and not lost sight of the light. The death of her child had finally made her stop and turn away but at enormous expense to herself and now, she stood on the lip of the abyss, staring without fear into its depths. She was but one final step from hurling herself into oblivion to escape the pain. She sought death as a release from that pain and yet that very same pain prevented her from taking that final step.
"This... this is a trick, the decay, the pale skin, the glaring eyes why do I not see them, what have you done to me?"
"I did nothing to you except offer comfort. You have done this yourself Adriarnna, and you have stepped back from the dark side. You walked the path of destruction and stopped. A few more steps and you would have found redemption. Adriarnna Kallig, you have been redeeming yourself in the Living Force. Look closer and tell me what you see."
Adriarnna wiped the tears from her eyes, before turning slowly back to the watery mirror. "It's me but how? The taint is negligible, the last time I looked in a mirror..." The voice trailed off slowly as she reached up hesitantly to feel her own features.
Grand Master Shan stepped quietly back, tapping Gar'vin on the shoulder. He followed her silently away from the woman.
"You understand what is taking place here today?"
Gar'vin looked back at the pool before answering. "Some of it maybe, maybe none of it, I am not sure. All I know is that the Lady Adriarnna is but a step or two from collapse. Physically I would say she has been through hell, mentally I do not know, it 's not my field and I would really prefer bringing in a specialist to consult with but If you want a layman's opinion?"
Grand Master Shan nodded.
"I'd guess she's on the point of a complete breakdown. She is emotionally unbalanced and highly conflicted. She keeps jumping back and forth between mental states; she has a death wish and knows it is for the wrong reasons. She carries more guilt within her than I have ever seen a single person hold onto. At the same time... I do not know but I think she is looking for a path, an emotional escape hatch, something to point the way through it all. The problem is she is in the centre of all the turmoil and overwhelmed. In simpler terms think of her as a child lost in a great forest trying to find the way home, she knows she is lost, she knows there are multiple ways out, but all she can see around her is the trees, not the forest or the path."
A softly spoken voice nearby interrupted them. Gar'vin flinched, Satele smiled.
"I agree, I feel lost, very lost, the question is will you help an enemy?"
"No Adriarnna, the important question is what is it you that you want?" Grand Master Shan countered with a gentle smile.
"Help."
"Is that all you want? Moreover, why do you think the Jedi Order can help you, a powerful and respected Sith? Why would we want to? Why cannot the Empire help one of their best?"
"I... I..." She sank to the floor and stared upwards at Grand Master Shan. "I want... I need help Satele. I want to live again. I need... friends. I have no one else to turn Satele that I trust to do the right thing and I don't know why, maybe because I asked, Master Shan, as for the Empire... I am no longer one of their best. I do not think they see me as one of theirs or even yours now. They forsook me a long time ago when I was still loyal, now all I am is older, maybe a little wiser. Help me, please. "
Gar'vin watched the two women talk, he was aware of a subtle underplay between the two, something that connected them, allowed them to talk as if they were two old friends. As he watched, he slowly became aware of something else, someone else at the very edge of his perception. Carefully he turned around. Seated on a bench a short distance away was the faint outline of another Twi'lek woman, a woman he had never seen before.
"Either you are a force spirit or I am working a lot harder than I think I am."
The spirit laughed easily. "I really did not know if you would be able to see me Healer Gar'vin. It pleases me that you can. Tell me, do you think you can help my granddaughter? She is at a very delicate point in her journey and while I am forbidden from directly interfering I am not above indirect means."
"Hence you're appearing to me. May I ask who you are?"
"Kallig, Sha'larla Kallig, born of Supisy Secura, and I would ask of you to keep my clan name from my granddaughter, at least for now."
"And what do you wish me to do to help her, Sha'larla?"
The spirit leered at him. "I want you to 'bed her'." Sha'larla roared with laughter at the horrified expression that swept across his face. "No, just help her in any way you are willing and able to. Her problems lie in the mind and the heart, Healer. She already walks upon the path to redemption, the loss of her daughter though may make her throw herself irretrievably into the abyss and I will not stand idly by and see that happen."
"You care a great deal for her. For one so far removed from your time."
Sha'larla looked steadily into the face of Gar'vin. "That girl is like looking at myself in a mirror, it is frightening Healer. She has been through hell so many times. She brought my Aloysius peace and redeemed him. She brought Aloysius and me together in the hinterland of the Force. Yes, I care for her, both as a kindred soul and as a daughter. Tell me healer, did you know that every Sith Witch, every Sorcerer has the power to heal as well as destroy? Not that many of them ever bother to learn more than that which they need for use upon themselves."
"I knew they had some minor ability but nothing of any great extent, why?"
"A common ground Healer Gar'vin, a place to start. My granddaughter holds so much knowledge within her it would stagger the Chief Librarian of the Jedi Order. Did you not know that she inherited the libraries of Lord Zash? Ah, I must go before she sees me. Remember my words young man, remember my words."
As he watched, the spirit faded away.
"Who was that?" Grand Master Shan asked, walking towards him. "I was unaware you had the ability to commune with Force spirits, you must be more advanced in your studies than we knew."
He stared at the spot where the ghost had sat for several minutes before turning. Adriarnna still knelt beside the pool, her posture now one of deep meditation. "A worried mother Grand Master, a worried Sith mother." He nodded to Adriarnna. "You calmed her I see, maybe you have hidden talents too Grand Master Shan."
"Maybe or maybe just an understanding and a few more years experience, and Sha'larla Kallig is a woman of great mystery for there is almost no records of her except hints that she was a woman of great power and compassion." She stopped to think upon her next words. "I once found an image of her and Lord Kallig together; it is the only image of her in the Jedi archives that is known to exist. Adriarnna could be her identical twin in appearance." Satele stopped speaking and looked around, enjoying the sights and smells of the garden. She made a decision. "Healer Gar'vin I want you to hand over all but your most pressing medical cases to others and concentrate on Adriarnna. Force knows why but I have the strongest feeling she is meant to be here among us, the why will reveal itself in time."
"Yes Grand Master."
Revised 14th February 2014