Genre: Angst/Family
The first lie I ever told was saying that my name is Brie Bella. Not because it's not my name- it is- but because it's a name I don't deserve. It's interesting how names can tell such bold-faced lies and never get called on it. They can label us with qualities we'll never have, set us up for things we'll never become. Those who call on me by full name are labeling me with characteristics I have no right to possess-
I am not Strong and Beautiful. I am not Virtuous and Gorgeous. I'm plain as paper on the outside and dull as dishwater on the inside. Anyone who knows me will call me predictable, dumb, boring, shy. Any other good qualities are falsehoods, any compliments are untruths.
I'd go as far as to say that my name should be Dull Fea- Boring and Ugly. That would fit me so much more than the graceful-sounding Brianna Bella, which flows off the tongue like cream.
My twin sister is so much more deserving of the name Bella. And yes, I'm aware of how that sounds, that my identical twin is beautiful while I'm somehow not. I already explained to you that I'm dumb, haven't I? My beliefs are stupid, my thoughts are unworthy. Thinking my twin is better looking than me fits the bill.
Somehow, her full name fits her to perfection. Nicole Bella- Pride and Beauty. And she deserves to have pride in herself, no matter how insignificant the accomplishment may seem to the outside world. She says I never gave a damn about her, but I see her for all that she is, and she sees me for all that I am, even though that's not much. She is the daring to my dull, the intelligence to my idiocy and the princess to my pauper.
I think that when we were created, God had some kind of sick experiment in mind. Decided to take a well-rounded, normal girl and split her into two halves, one baring all the positive traits and the other stuck with the negative. And so Nikki was born first, eager to get away from my mediocrity, ready to show the world that its greatest achievement had come to fruition in the form of a Mexican-Italian angel. It took sixteen minutes for me to find my way out, sixteen minutes for me to realize that my better half was gone. How would I survive without Nikki by my side?
How can I survive now?
But we found each other once again, and I was branded with a lie. I still can't understand how I became so different from Nikki... Why was she given the intelligence? Why was she given the sense of humor? Why did she have to be so greedy- couldn't she leave one thing for me?
Whereas I shrink in next to the wall and avoid everyone's stares, Nikki dominates everywhere she goes. All eyes are on her as she sips carefully from her champagne glass, not a single sliver of red lipstick daring to break away from her mouth.
Whereas I hold hands awkwardly with the man I'm supposed to love, Nikki proclaims all her affections proudly. Bryan and I act more like friends than lovers, giving advice, telling jokes, only exchanging an uncomfortable kiss when the cameras demand it of us. Every love affair of Nikki's is a flash of red, passion and sex and fire that burns so brightly you'd think she'd set the world ablaze. They don't last long, but they're exciting.
And her eyes... Her eyes convey messages of loveliness, the color of dark chocolate, dangerous and seductive. When she looks at you, it's as if no one in the world exists but you and her, and your only purpose is to make those eyes smile, to make those eyes gleam with approval and acceptance...
Which they rarely do for me. I've always thought that if I could spend the rest of my life following Nikki, doing as she pleases, well then maybe... Maybe I can be the remarkable twin for once. Maybe I can make an arena full of people fall deathly silent with my appearance alone. Maybe I can be perfect, just for one second or two. Maybe I can be a queen among the "normals".
No matter what she's said, I've always thought her so much better than me. But I would never admit that.
If I listen hard enough, and pray desperately enough, maybe I can be Nikki for a moment. Just a moment... We have the exact same genetics, after all. The same face and hair, teeth and nails, it just so happens that she wears it better than I do. But why? The grand question still gnaws at me: how did she end up so much better than me?
I guess it's just nature. Good and evil, beauty and atrocity, balancing each other out. That's what I am to Nikki- her balance. Her weaker half. Walking proof of her superiority.
Please review.