FADE IN:
EXT: A CHICAGO STREET - AFTERNOON
We see the Griswald station wagon driving at a very fast pace.
INT: THE GRISWALD STATION WAGON - AFTERNOON
We see CLARK is driving; ELLEN is in the passenger seat. RUSTY and AUDREY are in the back seat together.
ELLEN
Clark, slow down. The store will still be there when we get there.
CLARK
It's not that, Ellen. If we don't get there, all the good decorations will be gone.
RUSTY
Dad, do I get stuck taking out the knots in the lights again?
CLARK
No, Russ. We are getting a whole new set this year.
(Eyes widen with a smile)
EXT: A CHICAGO INTERSECTION - AFTERNOON
We see that there are four Santas at the interesection and one is coming towards Clark's stopped vehicle.
INT: A CHICAGO INTERSECTION - AFTERNOON
CLARK
Oh, Jesus, we don't have time for this.
ELLEN
Now, Clark, be nice. It's for charity.
Santa knocks on Clark's window. Clark rolls down his window, and grabs a quarter.
SANTA
Would you like to make a donation to the Salvation Army?
CLARK
I got you covered.
Clark puts the quarter in the can.
SANTA
Mr., could you feed your family on a quarter?
Clark grabs a second quarter and puts it in the can.
SANTA
A fancy car like that, and all you can spare is another lousy quarter?
Clark grabs a dollar and puts it in the can.
CLARK
Really, that's all I can spare.
SANTA
That's a really nice brouch you are wearing Miss. How much did you pay for it?
CLARK
Ellen, give the man your brouch.
ELLEN
Clark, it's a family heirloom. My great grandmother brought it over from Germany.
CLARK
That's all we can spare, Sir.
SANTA
I used to have family heirlooms. I used to have a family. I had the wife, the kids, the house with a picket fence.
EXT: A CHICAGO INTERSECTION - AFTERNOON
The light on Clark's side has turned green, and people behind him begin honking. Clark is getting fed up.
SANTA
Then, one day, one sad and desperate day I lost it all to the bottle.
(begins crying)
Oh, dear God.
(looks at Clark's family)
You all should be very grateful.
CLARK
I have to go.
SANTA
Gee, it seems like only yesterday...
CLARK
Sir, could you step away from the car please?
ELLEN
Oh, Clark, look at him.
CLARK
Ellen, we have things to do.
SANTA
I wish I'd never touched the stuff.
CLARK
(sighs)
Okay.
Clark rolls up his window and Santa's beard gets caught between the window and the hood of the car. People are driving around Clark honking and yelling. Clark drives on. We see that the beard is still lodged between the window and the roof of the car. The beardless Santa is behind crying into nothing.
PAN TO:
EXT: SAINT NICK'S WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
The Griwalds park the car and get out. Clark doesn't noice the beard in the window, but we see it clearly. There is Christmas music playing very loudly throughout the parking lot. They look at the store from afar and see animated 6 foot Santas and Elves saying "Ho-Ho-Ho, Merry Christmas". But none of them are doing in in sync. We see a 18 foot pink metallic tree on the roof of the store, it is almost blindingly lit. And it turns and glitters. Clarks eyes about pop out of his head with delight. The kids look bored. And Ellen is smiling. This is indeed the place for her husband. They walk up talking about the store.
INT: SAINT NICK'S WAREHOUSE - AFTERNOON
Clark freezes at the entrance and is boggled by the decorations, all are huge and loud and bright and tacky.
CLARK
It's beautiful. Everything in here is so... beautiful.
ELLEN
It's very... cheerful, Clark.
RUSTY
Yeah, Dad. It's not as bad as I thought.
AUDREY
I hope nobody I know sees me here.
CLARK
Well, kids, what are we waiting for? We'll meet back at this point in an hour.
Ellen pecks her husband on the cheek and pokes at his dimple in his chin.
ELLEN
Remember, Clark. Don't go overboard. We still have presents to buy.
CLARK
Heck, me? No way, Ellen. When was the last time I ever went overboard?
ELLEN
We're not going over that again, Sparky. In an hour.
CLARK
Alright.
The kids and Ellen all walk away and in seperate directions.
CLARK
I don't know where to begin.
BUD
Hi, how ya doin'? Bud Nelson here, ready to help you pick out anything your little heart desires. Now I can see your a man of great taste so I am going to do you a favor. I will tell you all our best products and what they can do for you. For instance, say you want a yard Santa with his 8 tiny reindeer? Why in hell do they need to be tiny, right? Right?
CLARK
I - I
BUD
Right!! They don't have to be. We have reindeer here that go up to be 10 feet tall with a 15 feet tall Santa. And it can be yours for a low down-payment that fits your means. Would you like to see it?
CLARK
Sure.
BUD
Follow me.
They walk off.
PAN TO:
Ellen is looking at some very simple tiny ornaments. She is holding each one very delicately and inspecting them. She loves one in particular and keeps hold of it.
PAN TO:
Rusty is looking at some snow mobiles, and some suped up sleds, he then sits on a big snow mobile and pretends he is driving it. A manager comes along and asks him to not sit on the merchadise.
PAN TO:
Audrey is trying to not be noticed by sitting in the Santa's cookie and cocoa bar. She notices a boy that is sitting like her away from his family. He spots her looking at him. And proceeds to come over to her.
DAVE
Hi. I'm Dave.
AUDREY
(giggles a bit)
I'm Audrey.
DAVE
How'd you get stuck coming to this fun house?
AUDREY
My dad gets crazy sometimes about Christmas.
DAVE
Yeah, I know what you mean. You see that man over there by the 6 foot nutcracker toy?
AUDREY
Yeah.
DAVE
That's my Dad.
AUDREY
I'm sorry.
DAVE
So like I said, I understand. How old are you?
AUDREY
15.
DAVE
I'm 16. Wait until your dad shops for a car for you.
(Sarcastic)
That was real fun.
AUDREY
So, where do you go to school?
DAVE
I go to Meremec High School.
AUDREY
I'm right down the street at Kilmore High.
DAVE
So, do you want a cocoa or a cookie?
AUDREY
That would be nice.
DAVE
Okay, be right back.
PAN TO:
Clark is still shopping with Bud. And Bud is taking notes on a order form of everything Clark wants to buy.
BUD
Now , right up this ways we have rooftop merchadise.
They walk up some stairs which is still an open view to the lower floor. Clark spots something he has to have. It a blinking Santa Claus that appears as if he is climbing into the chimney. He has a bag of toys and it all makes music.
BUD
Ah, you see our most popular item, I see. That is our Claus's sack down the chimney model. He does everything. Blinks with lights, and plays music and here listen to this.
He waves his hand across the Santa.
TOY SANTA
Ho! Ho! Ho! Better be good, better not pout, if you don't stay away, I will shout. And you have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.
Suddenly, music comes from Santa that plays "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas".
BUD
See, it's a motion detector with a bit of home security added measures. People love this around Christmas, and believe me, if a robber were to hear that, they wouldn't bother coming in.
CLARK
I love it. Add it to my list.
PAN TO:
Ellen and the kids are standing in the entrance waiting for Clark. Ellen is holding a small brown bag in her hand. Rusty is looking at his watch. Audrey is holding a piece of paper with Dave's number on it and looking dreamy.
RUSTY
Mom, where's Dad? He's an hour late.
ELLEN
I don't know, Russ. Audrey, did you pass your dad anytime while you were shopping?
AUDREY
Mom, you know Dad, and no, I didn't.
ELLEN
Well, we'll wait ten more minutes than I am having him paged.
INTERCOM VOICE (V.O.)
The Store is closing in five minutes. Please make your selections and bring them to the check out lane.
PAN TO:
Clark and Bud are still shopping.
CLARK
Do you have any of those lit-up signs for the yard? Like "St. Nick stop here." or what not?
BUD
Do we?! Of course, right this way.
INTERCOM VOICE (V.O.)
The store is now closed, please if you haven't checked out, do so now.
BUD
Here they are. All lit up for you to pick.
CLARK
Wow! I have to get back to my family, so I will take one of everything. They look amazing!
BUD
You got it.
Bud jotts it down on his pad that is very long.
INTERCOM VOICE (V.O.)
This is a page for Clark Griswald. Can you please meet your family at the front enterance please. Thank you.
CLARK
That's me.
BUD
Why don't we go check out then? Ready?
CLARK
Oh, bit of a problem here, Buddy.
BUD
What's that Clark?
CLARK
I don't know how I am going to haul all this to my house.
BUD
Not a problem.
Bud calls on intercom.
BUD
Johnny, Michael, please assist gentleman at checkout.
Bud and Clark walk down to check out.
PAN TO:
Ellen sees Clark finally.
ELLEN
There he is, kids. Wow, he didn't get anything???
RUSTY
Maybe he's mellowing out in his old age.
ELLEN
Something isn't right here.
CLARK
Hi, honey! Hi Kids!
ELLEN
Didn't you buy anything, Clark?
CLARK
Did I buy anything?? Wow, you should see it. But I am keeping quite. Don't want to ruin the surprise! Let's just say we'll have the best looking house in Chicago, Ellen.
ELLEN
Uh-Oh.
They all walk over to checkout where Bud has already begun calculating Clark's bill total.
Johnny walks up to Bud.
JOHNNY
We have it loaded up, Bud. Where are we taking it?
CLARK
Just follow us.
ELLEN
Clark? Take what? Why are they following us?
BUD
Okay. You're total today comes to $3,452.89.
BONG! Clark almost collapses.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD STATION WAGON - EVENING
Clark is driving onto their home address street. Ellen is still yelling at him.
CLARK
Would you take it easy, Ellen. I know what I'm doing.
ELLEN
Just so you understand that your Christmas bonus is going towards that bill.
CLARK
Yes, yes.
He spots something in his driveway before they pull up to the house.
CLARK
Why is there an RV parked in our driveway?
ELLEN
Oh no. Be nice, Clark.
CLARK
No, oh no. Not again.
Eddie is standing in his pajamas with his hunters cap and dress shoes at Clark's door ringing the doorbell as Clark pulls in.
CLARK
Please tell me this is a nightmare.
ELLEN
Be nice, Clark.
Eddie spots Clark pulling in the driveway. He waves and his pajama bottoms fall down a bit. He doesn't even notice.
CLARK
Let's say hi, before our neighbors spot him half naked from the waist down.
Clark stops the car in the driveway as the haulers stop in the street in front of the house.
EDDIE
Hi, Clark.
CLARK
Hi, Ed. Just a minute. I'll be right with you.
Clark turns to Johnny and Michael and tells them...
CLARK
Just load it all into the garage.
Ellen shoots Clark a nasty look. Then turns to her Cousin-In-Law.
ELLEN
Hi, Eddy.
Eddy hugs her and tries to kiss her but she dodges it.
EDDIE
So, Clark. Whatchya got in the truck there?
CLARK
Oh, just some decorations. What are you doing here, Eddie?
EDDIE
We just had such a nice time last year, we thought we'd come back. Are you surprised, Clark?
CLARK
You could say that, Eddie.
EDDIE
Well, let me get the family on out here to meet you again. They fell asleep an hour ago when you wouldn't answer the door.
CLARK
I wasn't home, Eddie.
EDDIE
Yeah, I figured it was something like that.
CLARK
But you were standing at my door ringing the doorbell Eddie.
EDDIE
Yeah, I figured what the hell? Catherine! Kids! Come on out here and see your Uncle Clark!
They all walk out and "Snots" jumps out as well. He runs to Clark's leg and begins humping him right away. Eddie ignores it.
EDDIE
You remember Snots? He just really loves you, Clark.
CLARK
No, Snots! No! Stop that!
EDDIE
Remember, Clark. Just let him go.
Clark consedes and lets the dog finish.
CATHERINE
Hi, guys! How you all doing?
ELLEN
Catherine, hi!
(looks down at her belly)
Catherine, are you expecting again?
CATHERINE
You know Eddie. Welfare is a big bread winner in our house and they like it when you have a big family.
ELLEN
How nice.
(looks at Clark, Clark shrugs)
CLARK
Hi, Catherine.
CATHERINE
Hi, we were going to call, but you know Eddie.
CLARK
I do.
EDDIE
Yeah, and if you remember, this here is Ruby Sue, and her brother Rocky.
CLARK
Hi, kids.
ELLEN
Oh my Gosh, Ruby Sue, your eyes are crossed again.
EDDIE
Yeah, that happened just a few hours ago when we was comin' through town. I hit the breaks, and she went flying.
(laughs)
Who knew?
ELLEN
Did Rusty's lip fungus clear up?
EDDIE
Sure as hell did.
Ellen leans in to hug Rocky.
EDDIE
Now, he's got a case of them body lice.
Ellen backs away very quickly. Clark sees that Johnny and Michael are bringing in something very very large that seems to be about 13 feet tall. He quickly tries to save his neck with Ellen by inviting Eddie and the kids in.
CLARK
So, Ed, what are we standing out here freezing our butts off, come on inside!!
ELLEN
Clark.
CLARK
Egg Nog inside. Come on, everyone.
EDDIE
That sure is nice of you, Clark. I'd be obliged.
Everyone is pushed into the house by Clark.
EDDIE
So, where's the egg nog?
CLARK
Get it yourself, Eddie.
Clark walks back outside to assist the gentlemen that are hauling in the decorations.
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - EVENING
ELLEN
I'll get it for you, Eddie. Come with me.
Eddie follows Ellen into the kitchen. Ellen pulls out the Egg Nog out of the fridge.
EDDIE
Mind if I have a taste?
ELLEN
What??! Oh, the egg nog. Sure, go ahead, Eddie.
Eddie cups his hands and spoons up the egg nog bare handed and slurps it from his hands. Ellen is in the middle of getting cups down when she notices. She quickly hands Eddie a cup.
ELLEN
Oh, Eddie, not like that. Here, have a cup.
EDDIE
Oh, it doesn't bother me none. I figure why waste a dish, right?
Eddie starts going for another handful, but Ellen stops him.
ELLEN
No, really, it's no bother.
Ellen force hands Eddie the cup.
EDDIE
Ok, I didn't come to impose, though.
ELLEN
Really, it's my pleasure, Ed.
Catherine steps in the kitchen.
CATHERINE
Wow, your house is so nice. I really miss our house.
ELLEN
Yeah, we are really blessed. But I see you have a new model of your RV out there.
EDDIE
Yeah, well we were runnin' thin on that older model. Time to move up in the world. Don't want people thinkin' we was hoosiers.
ELLEN
I understand.
EDDIE
We got a 1976 now. We are real cozy in that one.
ELLEN
That's nice.
EDDIE
Don't you go fallin in love with it though. We're takin' it with us when we leave here after the holiday.
ELLEN
Yeah, so you aren't staying with us for a month.
EDDIE
Nope, four. I was talking about that Easter holiday.
ELLEN
Gee, Ed. Why the long stay?
EDDIE
Well, you know that management job I was holding out for?
ELLEN
Yeah.
EDDIE
Well, it didn't come quick enough, and we have no place to go. I hate to impose, but ... well, ...
ELLEN
That's alright. We understand Eddie.
Clark walks in.
CLARK
Well, everything's unloaded. Ready to decorate.
ELLEN
Clark, did you know that Eddie is going to give us the pleasure of his company for four months?
BOING!! Clark faints.
EDDIE
Hmm, must be workin to hard. That's why I always say Carpe Dam.
ELLEN
Oh, Eddie. Clark?
She tries waking up her husband.
EDDIE
Why don't you try some of that snortin' salt?
ELLEN
Eddie, seriously.
EDDIE
I knew this one guy that snorted that salt, and couldn't pee for three days.
Clark wakes up.
CLARK
Honey, I was having this horrible horid most insane nightmare. It was terrible.
Eddie peaks over Ellen's shoulder and waves.
EDDIE
Howdy, Roomie!
CLARK
What in the hell...???!!!
ELLEN
Clark, don't get so worked up. We'll discuss it later.
CLARK
Where's my egg nog?!
ELLEN
Clark, you don't want the ... well, nevermind, here you go.
She hands him a cup of egg nog.
EDDIE
Yeah, I tested it for ya. It is MMMMMM--MMMM Good!!
CLARK
Thanks, Edward.
He takes a sip. Then notices Eddie's hands are covered in egg nog. And Eddie is licking them.
CLARK
Spill some on you, Ed?
EDDIE
Nope, this was when I was sipping it through my hands.
Clark spits out the egg nog in his mouth and throws the cup into the sink.
CLARK
Good Lord, Eddie! What is your problem?
EDDIE
Hmm?
ELLEN
I think we are a bit tired from our long day. How about we all say goodnight. The rest of the family will be here tomorrow.
CLARK
Ok, goodnight. You too, Ed.
EDDIE
Don't you kids worry about us. We will be just fine. Brought my ice skates for your pool!
Clark goes like he is going to attack Eddie, Ellen stops him and they turn around and go upstairs.
CLARK
For our pool??? Ice Skates??
ELLEN
He's just kidding, Clark. Don't take everything so seriously. Let's go to bed.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING
Audrey, Ellen, Catherine, and Ruby Sue are in the kitchen making food for the family's arrival.
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING
Outside in the garage, stands Eddie while Clark and Rusty pull out some very big and heavy decorations. Rocky is playing with "Snots" in the front yard.
CLARK
Rusty, hand me that Reindeer over your shoulder.
Rusty tries to lift it but with no avail.
RUSTY
Dad, it's like 50 pounds. I can't grab it.
CLARK
Okay, Eddie, can you help Russ out a little there.
Eddie is looking out into no where. Not paying attention.
CLARK
Okay, Russ, let me get over there.
He walks and lifts his legs over things to get behind the stuff and gets himself trapped behind everything when the family pulls up. Clark is stuck.
EDDIE
Clark, fam's here.
CLARK
Thanks, Ed. Picked the right time to wake up out of your coma.
EDDIE
Yeah, no problem Clark. You'd do the same for me.
CLARK
Rusty, move that reindeer now out of the way. I have to park the cars.
RUSTY
I can't Dad. I told you.
CLARK
Eddie?
Eddie is back in his coma.
CLARK
ED!!!??? Can you help me?
Eddie turns around, and walks towards Clark. He grabs a strand of lights and picks them up.
CLARK
Thanks, Ed. That helps.
Clark Sr. and Nora walk up first to see Clark stuck in the back of the garage.
CLARK SR
Hi, son! What you doing back there?
CLARK
Can you please lend me a hand, Dad? I can't get knuckle-head to help me.
EDDIE
Did you hear that, Russ? He called you a knuckle head.
(He laughs)
Clark Sr moves the reindeer that is blocking his son. Clark moves out into the open air. And breathes a sigh of relief.
CLARK
Thanks, Dad.
CLARK SR
So, how are ya, Son??
CLARK
Just fine, Dad.
(Turns to mom)
Hi, Mom.
He hugs her.
NORA
Clark! It's so good to see you.
Clark Sr and Nora say hi to Rusty and Eddie, but words are inaudible.
Now, Art and Francis are up the drive way. They walk past Clark even though his hands are outstretched for a hug, and they walk to Eddie.
FRANCIS
Eddie, dear! How are you?
EDDIE
Everything's dandy! Did you see my new wheels?
FRANCIS
No, I will have to go see them in a minute. I just wanted to see how you were.
Clark jumps in.
CLARK
Hi, Francis.
FRANCIS
Oh, hi, Clark. Where's my grandbabies?
RUSTY
Hi, Grandma.
She kisses and pinches his cheek, and he quickly wipes them off.
ART
So, Clark. What you storing in there? The North Pole?
CLARK
I just got some decorations you know, for the whole family to enjoy.
ART
That'll be the day.
He turns to Eddie.
ART
Eddie, how's life treatin' ya boy?
EDDIE
Can't complain. Clark has offered me a place to stay for a few months, didn't you roomie?
CLARK
Something like that. I'm doing the parking. Keys, everyone?
They hand Clark the keys and head inside. Everybody goes inside except Rusty and Clark.
CLARK
I drive the caddy.
RUSTY
Again?
CLARK
Until you get your license.
RUSTY
Oh alright.
PAN TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING
Everybody is talking at once, of course the older ones are talking about pains and whatnot again, and everybody is greeting each other without the ability to make a voice out.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - DAY
Eddie walks in on the kids who are all seated in front of the television set. The kids look bored. They flip to "It's a Wonderful Life".
EDDIE
Whatchya kids watchin' here?
RUSTY
"It's a Wonderful Life"
EDDIE
That, it is. But whatchya all watchin' here?
RUSTY
No, Uncle Ed, that's the name of the movie "It's a Wonderful Life."
EDDIE
Well, I'll be damned! Didn't know there was such a movie called that.
RUSTY
Do you have television?
EDDIE
Yeah, what's your point?
RUSTY
Nevermind.
EDDIE
Well, you mind if I have a sits down and watch it with ya?
RUSTY
Nope.
PAN TO:
The movie is wrapping up, and Eddie is crying on Rusty's shoulder.
RUSTY
Uncle Ed?
EDDIE
I never knew that about bells.
RUSTY
Are you alright?
EDDIE
Yeah, just one thing though.
RUSTY
Yeah?
EDDIE
Why is it called, "It's a Wonderful Life"?
RUSTY
I have to go help my Dad.
Eddie is still sobbing.
EDDIE
It's a wonderful life, indeed.
The TV starts playing it all over again.
EDDIE
Oh, another movie.
TV (V.O.)
We now continue our three day non-stop marathon of "It's a Wonderful Life"
EDDIE
Hmm, looks good.
PAN TO:
Clark is finishing up using his nifty nail light string gun. Where it shoots it into the roof from afar. This was a brilliant manuver by Clark so as he doesn't trip on them like last year. Suddenly, as he is shooting the nail gun into the last row, it strikes the soul of his boot and he freezes.
CLARK
What the...?
Clark tries to free himself but to no avail. He has obviously nailed his boot to the roof. He finally pulls his foot out of the boot that is stuck to the roof still.
CLARK
Dammit anyway! Russ!!
Rusty comes around the front corner of the house.
RUSTY
What is it now, Dad?
CLARK
Hand me that Santa Sacks Down the Chimney.
RUSTY
K.
He brings it up to his dad on the ladder.
CLARK
How's this thing work? Well,...
He posts the Santa on the edge of the chimney and it does look as if he is climbing into the chimney.
CLARK
Cold, Cold, Cold.
His feet are freezing without the boot obviously. And he begins trying to balance on one foot while plugging in the Santa Alarm.
CLARK
So cold, so cold, so cold.
He finally gets it hooked up and comes down the ladder as swiftly as possible.
Rusty is at the bottom of the ladder.
CLARK
RUSS!!
RUSTY
Right here Dad.
CLARK
Oh, there you are. Go inside and get me my other boots.
Rusty heads inside, as Clark "Ooh's" it to the garage to grab another prop. It's the 15 foot Santa with the 10 foot tiny reindeer.
Clark begins to put them up, but as he puts one up, the others fall over. When he puts them up the others fall over.
CLARK
Dammit anyway! Russ??!!
Rusty comes out with the boots.
RUSTY
Here you go Dad.
CLARK
What took so long.
RUSTY
Eddie wanted to know what "It's a Wonderful Life" was about.
CLARK
Oh, for God's sake. Here, Russ hold up these reindeer.
RUSTY
What's wrong with them?
CLARK
I don't know, they keep falling over. Everytime I get one up the others fall over.
RUSTY
Did you put the weights in these lids here?
CLARK
What lids?
RUSTY
Dad, did you read any of the instructions?
CLARK
What instructions?
RUSTY
Here.
He shows him the instructions.
RUSTY
(continuing; pointing at the paper)
You have to put these weights in the lids.
CLARK
I knew that, son.
Clark grabs the weights for the reindeer and they stand very tall. VERY tall. He does the same for Santa. They're yard is almost completely invisible by the statues covering them.
CLARK
Okay, now we need the carolers and the elves and the nutcrackers and the snowmen and the signs.
RUSTY
Where are you going to put them, Dad?
CLARK
Not to worry, Russ. Not to worry. I know what I am doing.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - NIGHT
Clark is putting the finishing touches on the yard ornaments. He turns around to go get the family and finds he has no way to get to the front door. There is no path and the yard is covered in decorations. So, when all else fails, he hollers...
CLARK
Hey, everyone!!! Come on out to see the decorations! Oh it's BEAUTIFUL!!!!
He climbs over some of the statues and finally gets to the street.
Everybody comes out to the front, and everybody must dodge the decorations in the yard by squeezing past the front enterance heading over to the driveway and walking into the street.
Finally everybody is out in the street in front of the house.
ELLEN
Clark? What is all this?
CLARK
Just wait, Ellen. Just wait. This is incredible! Just wait.
ART
You can't even see the damn lawn, Clark. What idiot covers his front lawn.
CLARK
Just wait till you see it lit, Art.
FRANCIS
(is drunk again holding a martini in her hand)
See, kids, what happens when you waste your resources. Looks horrible.
CLARK
Okay, everyone. Drum roll, everyone.
They give the same amount of drum roll that they did last year.
Clark plugs in the lights, and everything begins moving and lighting up and blinking and singing and it really is like the North Pole.
CLARK SR
It's beautiful, Clark. Just beautiful. Way to go, son!
CLARK
Thanks Dad. You deserve it.
NORA
Oh, Clark, it's so very... animated.
(pause)
I love it, Dear.
CLARK
Thanks Mom.
Clark hugs his parents in gratitude then moves on down to hear praise from his inlaws.
ART
You spent how much on this Clark.
CLARK
Thanks for picking this to remember me by, Art.
FRANCIS
It's very cute, Clark.
(hiccup)
I like it very much.
(belch)
Eddie and Catherine are next.
CATHERINE
It's lovely, Clark.
EDDIE
Oh my God, Clark.
(pause)
I'm missing that new movie, "It's a Wonderful Life."
CLARK
Eddie, before you go, tell me what you think?
EDDIE
About what?
CATHERINE
The decorations, Eddie.
EDDIE
What decorations.
CATHERINE
Eddie...
CLARK
That's okay, Catherine. Eddie, you better go inside and watch that movie. I hear it's really good.
EDDIE
Thanks for the review. I think I'll go check it out.
CLARK
You do that, Ed.
Eddie scurries inside as to not miss anything.
ELLEN
Oh, Clark, it looks... just like... the store we went to.
CLARK
Thanks, honey.
AUDREY
My God, Dad, what will people think?
CLARK
I'll tell you what they'll think, Audrey. That it is the best damn house they've ever seen decorated for Christmas!
RUSTY
I love it Dad.
CLARK
Thanks, son.
Suddenly the volume on one of the statues is getting louder and louder and louder.
Everybody begins holding their ears it's so loud.
CLARK
What the...?
ELLEN
Clark!! What is that???
TOY SANTA
HO! HO! HO! You better be good!! YOU BETTER NOT POUT! IF YOU DON'T GET AWAY, I WILL SHOUT!!!
This repeats louder and louder as the family is trying to yell over it.
PAN TO:
INT: MARGO AND TODD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Margo sits up out of bed, eyes wide open. And Todd gets up at the same time and they bump heads. They yell over the noise.
MARGO
Todd!!?? WHAT IS THAT???
TODD
I don't know!!!
Margo looks out window.
MARGO
It's that TOAD!!! He has some toy on his roof making all that racket.
TODD
Want me to call the police?
MARGO
Oh no, this is too perfect. He is going to nail himself this time.
PAN TO:
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - NIGHT
ELLEN
Well, Clark, do something!!
Clark is on the roof now, trying to locate a volume button.
CLARK
I can't find the volume button!!
ELLEN
Then just turn it off!!
CLARK
Dammit!! C'mon!! Shut up you stupid Santa!
Clark finally has had enough and he kicks the Santa off the roof it falls down into their pool in the back yard, we hear a couple of muffled "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas", and then finally it stops.
Eddie comes out.
EDDIE
Will you all stop all that racket? I can't hear my movie!!
CLARK
It's off, Ed.
EDDIE
Ok then.
He walks back inside.
CLARK
Well, time for bed.
ART
I'll say.
They all head inside.
PAN TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - ELLEN AND CLARKS BEDROOM - LATE
Clark and Ellen are in bed reading seperate magazines. Ellen puts down her magazine and kissed her husband.
CLARK
What's that for?
ELLEN
Well, Clark. I have to tell you something.
CLARK
What's that?
ELLEN
Well, I told the girls earlier that I would take them out shopping tomorrow. Which means you have to take the guys.
CLARK
No way, Ellen. You can't make me.
ELLEN
Oh, Dear, I believe we have a score to settle. Remember a three thousand dollar score?
CLARK
Ellen, are you serious? I got stuck shopping with Eddie last year and I had to buy his dog food and he crushed my lightbulbs, it wasn't pretty.
ELLEN
You owe me one, Sparky.
CLARK
Oh, alright. How long do we need to shop for? Five, Ten minutes?
ELLEN
If you can get me and the kids and your family and my family done in five or ten minutes, then do it.
CLARK
I can...
ELLEN
Clark!! You spent two hours at one store a few nights ago and spent over three thousand dollars, and you are going to take five or ten minutes shopping for your family?
CLARK
Ok, Ellen. I get your point. Good night.
He kisses her and they turn off the lights and go to sleep.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING
The Ladies are pulling out in Ellen's minivan. The guys are in the car except for Eddie. Clark is looking for his cousin in law.
CLARK
Rocky, where's your Dad?
Rocky shrugs, but doesn't say a word.
CLARK
EDDIE??!!
Eddie comes out.
CLARK
What the hell took you so long.
EDDIE
You ever hear of "A Christmas Carol"?
CLARK
Yeah.
EDDIE
They're showing that one on the other channel. What is it? Some sort of monster flick?
CLARK
Yeah, that's it Eddie. Get in the car, we're late.
EDDIE
Late for what? I thought we were going shopping?
CLARK
We are, Ed. Let's go.
Eddie gets in the car and they drive off.
PAN TO:
Eddie is talking about his plate in his head in the car to Clark. Clark is in the Driver's seat, Eddie is in the passenger's seat and the others are in the back of the Clark SR.'s van.
EDDIE
Yeah, see they paid me to go through these series of radiation tests to my plate...
CLARK
Really, Eddie?
EDDIE
See, that's how come I forget things now and then.
CLARK
That's a shame, Ed.
EDDIE
Yeah, see they paid me to go through these series of radiation tests to my plate...
CLARK
Eddie, you just said that.
EDDIE
What's that, Clark?
CLARK
Forget it, Ed.
EDDIE
Yeah, been doing that a lot lately.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: BLUE MOON RESTAURANT - DAY
The girls are all seated around a table and chit-chatting about their gifts they have bought so far.
AUDREY
I got Dave a watch that tells time in all the different time zones.
ELLEN
That's nice, sweet heart.
Ellen suddenly stops talking and notices a waiter coming towards them. He is breath-taking to Ellen. She sees him in fantasy him moving in slow motion and handing her a rose, asking...
FANTASY DIEGO
Hello, madam. You're wish is my command, my dear.
(Kisses her hand)
FANTASY ELLEN
(Suddenly speaks with a southern accent)
Oh, my, Diego. Why I just don't know what I would wish for.
Reality hits in when Diego asks...
DIEGO
Good afternoon. May I take your orders now?
ELLEN
(With southern accent)
Oh my.
(Clears throat and returns to normal voice embarrassed)
Yes, we will start with the soup of the day. Then I think we have agreed on the ham quishe.
FANTASY DIEGO
Anything you want, baby!
Back again to reality.
ELLEN
Huh? Oh, dear, it's a bit stuffy in here?
DIEGO
I can adjust the temperature to your liking if you wish.
ELLEN
Oh, no, that won't be neccessary. Thank you.
Diego smiles a winning smile and walks away.
AUDREY
Mom?? What was that about?
FRANCIS
(Mumbling to her daughter)
You should have married a man like that.
ELLEN
(ignoring her mother's comment)
I don't know what you are talking about Audrey.
AUDREY
You're voice. It didn't even sound like you.
ELLEN
Don't be silly. I will be right back. Need to powder my nose.
Ellen walks off towards Ladies Room.
AUDREY
Powder her nose?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE MALL - AFTERNOON
The guys are all in different areas of the department store.
Clark is being followed by Eddie like a little lost puppy. Rocky and Russ are trailing behind. The Grandpas are off somewhere else in the store that we can't see as of yet.
CLARK
Russ, what do you want to get your mom?
RUSTY
I don't know.
CLARK
Why don't you take Rocky over to the kitchen ware to pick out something for your mother.
RUSTY
Ok, Dad.
The boys walk off towards Kitchen Ware.
EDDIE
What are we doing, Clark?
CLARK
We're shopping Ed.
EDDIE
No, I know that. I mean, where are we off too?
CLARK
Eddie, I am going over to lingerie. You go wherever you need to go.
EDDIE
I wouldn't mind coming with you, I could use some new boxers.
CLARK
Women's lingerie Eddie.
EDDIE
So?
CLARK
Okay, come on.
They walk over to Lingerie. As Clark gets closer he sees her. She has her hair pulled back but it's her. She is helping a customer on the other side of the counter.
EDDIE
Clark, you got your eye on that guy over there?
CLARK
Eddie, you are hopeless. That's a good friend of mine. Her name is Mary.
EDDIE
Are you sure Clark? I think I see something that looks like a man.
CLARK
What's that, Ed?
EDDIE
Well, ... Hmm...
(Laughs)
CLARK
Oh, Ed. Let's go say hi.
Clark's eyes get more and more wide as they walk up to Mary.
CLARK
(continuing; knocks on glass counter)
Tis the season to be Merry, Mary.
Mary turns around. But it isn't Mary. It is indeed a guy. His hair is pulled back. And he is obviously very flattered by Clark's opening line.
DANNY
I can be Mary, if you want me to be Mary. Hi, Tiger.
CLARK
Sorry, thought you were a friend of mine.
DANNY
I can be your best friend, stranger.
(wink)
CLARK
No, that's quite alright.
(points to wedding ring)
Married. Yeah, till death.
DANNY
(pouts)
Oh poo! Well, if things don't work out, ... well, you know...
CLARK
Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.
Clark and Eddie walk away.
EDDIE
You serious, Clark?
CLARK
No, Ed. I'm not gay.
EDDIE
Should have warned you. Along with my failed memory lapses, I have over perfect vision.
CLARK
Thanks for picking now as the time to tell me, Eddie.
EDDIE
Well, just thought you should know.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: ELLEN'S MINIVAN - AFTERNOON
Ellen is day dreaming while she is driving the ladies home.
FANTASY DIEGO
Oh Ellen, please say you won't go.
FANTASY ELLEN
I won't!!
They kiss in her fantasy and begin taking off their clothes when Audrey steps in.
AUDREY
MOM?? MOM???!
Ellen shakes out of it.
ELLEN
WHAT???!!!
(realizes her tone)
Sorry, sweetie. What's wrong?
AUDREY
You have driven around our block like five times. Are we going to pull in our driveway soon?
ELLEN
Oh, yeah. Just looking at the other house's decorations sweetie.
They pull into the driveway and all exit the minivan.
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - AFTERNOON
They all walk into the house with their bags and boxed gifts.
At this time the guys are pulling into the driveway and they get out and bring in their shopping bags.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Clark is putting the finishing touches on the Christmas Tree, then the star at the top. The tree is artificial. One he got from the "St. Nicks Warehouse" store. It sprays out a very fine scent of pine into the living room every few minutes. Clark shows this to his family.
CLARK
Look, now wait a minute.
It sprays the perfume.
CLARK
Everybody sniff the air.
Everyone sniffs. They are not impressed, except Eddie.
EDDIE
That's pretty nifty, there, Clark! Can I get one of those for my john?
CLARK
Sure, Ed.
RUBY SUE
Uncle Clark?
(she tugs on his sweater)
CLARK
Yeah, sweetie?
RUBY SUE
Can Rocky and I go play in the snow?
CLARK
Sure, if it's okay with your mom and ... your dad.
EDDIE
I think I will head on out there with them, Clark. I'm dying to show Rocky here how to write his name in the snow.
CLARK
That's great, Eddie.
Eddie and the kids go outside. Clark turns to his wife.
CLARK
When are we picking up Uncle Louis and Aunt Bethany.
ELLEN
Tomorrow at 6 from the airport.
CLARK
Maybe I should get my sleep while I can.
ELLEN
Okay, Sparky. Sleep tight. I'll be up in a little while.
CLARK
Night, sweetie.
Clark goes upstairs to go to sleep. While the others are sitting down to watch a movie in the living room. Eddie and the kids are still outside playing in the snow.
PAN TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - ELLEN AND CLARKS BEDROOM - NIGHT
Clark is just getting settled in bed, when he hears Eddie singing "Jingle Bells" outside pretty loudly. Clark tries to ignore it, and go to sleep anyway.
It doesn't work so he puts a pillow over his head. Now, he hears the kids joining in with Eddie. It is very loud. Clark huffs and puffs and finally gets up.
He walks to the top of the stair case, and hollers for his wife.
CLARK
Ellen??
No answer.
CLARK
Dammit!
Clark decides he must be the one to stop it. He goes downstairs and looks out the front door and can't find them.
He passes the family in the living room. They are all very into the movie on tv, and he walks towards the back of the house. Then, he spots it through the back window.
Eddie is ice-skating on Clark's pool. Literally. With the skates and everything.
CLARK
(continuing; hollering through glass)
EDDIE!! EDDIE, GET OUT OF MY POOL!!!!
He walks outside.
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - NIGHT
CLARK
Eddie, what the hell are you doing???
EDDIE
Oh, I'm sorry. Did you want the first crack at it?
CLARK
Eddie, you're ice-skating on my pool!!!
EDDIE
Yeah, I figure what the hell? Can't swim worth a shit, but boy can I skate.
CLARK
Eddie, get out of my pool!
EDDIE
Well, okay Clark, but I gotta tell you it aint much fun skating on the lawn.
CLARK
Eddie, what in the hell are you talking about?? Have you completely lost it?
EDDIE
You know, people ask me that question almost everyday.
CLARK
Okay, Ed, c'mon, before the ice breaks.
EDDIE
Oops, got some grass on my skate. Let me just shake it off here.
Eddie begins tapping his skate onto the ice on the pool to get the blade of grass loose.
CLARK
No, Eddie.
Suddenly, the ice breaks and Eddie falls in. He is in the shallow end none the less, but is screaming his head off.
EDDIE
Oh, Clark!!! You got to get me outta here, I can't swim!!
CLARK
Eddie, calm down.
Clark walks over to him.
EDDIE
If I don't make it Clark, tell the kids and their mother that I love 'em.
Clark steps into the freezing water that is only about 3 feet deep where Eddie is standing.
CLARK
C'mon, Eddie.
EDDIE
My legs!! I can't feel my legs. Oh this is the big one, Clark. Don't let me die alone. Stay here with me.
The back door light burns out.
EDDIE
Ugh, things are getting dark. I can hardly see you now, Clark.
Clark puts his arm around Eddie for added drama that Eddie obviously wishes for. And walks him out of the pool.
CLARK
There you go Ed. See? Nothing to be afraid of.
EDDIE
My God, Clark! You saved my life! How can I ever repay you?
CLARK
Don't mention it Eddie.
EDDIE
Hmm... You don't want me to mention it huh?
(ponders it for a minute)
Okay, you got yourself a deal!
CLARK
That's great, Ed.
EDDIE
Whew. That was a close one, though.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT: THE GRISWALDS HOUSE - FRONT STEPS - EVENING
Clark and Ellen are helping Uncle Louis and Aunt Bethany into the house.
AUNT BETHANY
Are we at Walt Disney World, Clark?
CLARK
No, aunt Bethany, those are Christmas Decorations.
AUNT BETHANY
I want to ride the tea cups, Clark.
CLARK
We will, Aunt Bethany.
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - THE ENTRY WAY - EVENING
CLARK
We're here!! Russ, Audrey, come in and help out, will ya?
Rusty and Audrey walk in to take things from their great aunt and uncles hands.
Rusty grabs Aunt Bethany's present she is holding.
AUNT BETHANY
Help!! Help!! Police!!
ELLEN
What's wrong, Aunt Bethany?
AUNT BETHANY
This boy is robbing me!!
ELLEN
Oh, no, Aunt Bethany, that's Rusty. Your great great nephew. He is going to place your gift under the tree, okay?
AUNT BETHANY
I don't want it outside. I want it in here.
ELLEN
Okay, Aunt Bethany, we'll put it in here.
UNCLE LOUIS
So, Clark, what's with the signs in the front lawn?
CLARK
Just to add to the holiday spirit, Uncle Louis.
UNCLE LOUIS
Uh-huh.
ELLEN
Aunt Bethany, why don't we go into the dining room. Dinner is about to be served.
AUNT BETHANY
Congratulations!
Ellen looks puzzled at Clark and Clark shrugs.
ELLEN
Thank you.
AUNT BETHANY
I wish that your Uncle Louis could have been around long enough to see the day you got married.
UNCLE LOUIS
I was here when they got married, Bethany!!
AUNT BETHANY
Where is the baby?
ELLEN
What baby, Aunt Bethany?
AUNT BETHANY
Audrey?
ELLEN
Well, she's around here somewhere.
UNCLE LOUIS
She just took our things, Bethany! Jeezus!
ELLEN
Let's go into the dining room and get seated, huh?
AUNT BETHANY
Oh, this is a lovely dining hall.
ELLEN
No, dining room and let's go into it.
AUNT BETHANY
I should?
ELLEN
You should.
Aunt Bethany and Ellen walk into the dining room.
UNCLE LOUIS
So what's the matter with you?
CLARK
Nothing, Uncle Louis. Want to go sit down for supper?
UNCLE LOUIS
Don't tell me what to do.
Uncle Louis goes into the dining room with his wife.
RUSTY
Dad?
Rusty is walking back in with a package.
CLARK
What is it Russ?
RUSTY
I think Aunt Bethany did it again.
CLARK
What's that, Russ?
RUSTY
She wrapped up an animal, but I think this one is a dog.
CLARK
How do you know?
The box barks.
CLARK
Shit!
Ellen walks in.
ELLEN
What's the matter? We're all waiting.
CLARK
Ellen, Aunt Bethany wrapped up her dog!
ELLEN
She doesn't have a dog.
CLARK
Well, she does now, it's in the box, here.
ELLEN
Well, open it up.
Rusty opens the box and it is a tiny little chuaiua.
Ellen looks at it's tag.
ELLEN
His name is Sammy. Uh-oh.
CLARK
What?
ELLEN
He isn't hers Clark. He belongs to this Mrs. Dempsy.
CLARK
Great. We'll call her after dinner.
ELLEN
There is no phone number on the tag Clark.
CLARK
Well, what do you want me to do about it then?
ELLEN
Hey, don't be bossy with me, mister.
CLARK
Okay, Russ put him in the kitchen while we eat.
PAN TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
The table is set, everyone is seated and Clark is standing above the turkey ready to carve with a knife in one hand and a fork in the other. Everybody is chit-chatting and not paying attention again as Clark chimes on his water glass.
CLARK
Folks! Folks! Since this is Aunt Bethany's 81st Christmas I think we should have her lead us in gra...
ELLEN
(shakes her head)
Clark, why don't we have someone else do it this year.
EDDIE
Let me Clark! I know a great prayer!
CLARK
Anyone else want to say grace?
EDDIE
C'mon Clark.
CLARK
Okay, Eddie. Go ahead.
EDDIE
Everybody got their hands folded?
EVERYONE
Yes!
Eddie gets down on his knees at the table.
EDDIE
Dear God, I want to thank you first of all for making sure the shitter didn't back up like last year. I want to thank you for my life... oops, sorry Clark. Mums the word on that, God. Speaking of which, I would like to ask you for a few things if you just don't mind. First of all, I would like a new plate for my head. I don't think this one is working real good. Catherine rubbed me... well... down there and I got this awful gas. I began farting and it lasted all night. I know that has something to do with this damn plate. I would also like my memory to come back to normal.
(pauses and looks at Clark)
Did I already say that?
CLARK
No, Eddie.
EDDIE
Okay, well then there is that memory thing, and I kind of would like a new RV for Christmas if you can spare one of those nifty new ones for me. I also want a new leisure suit. I think this one is getting a little dated here.
Clark clears his throat.
EDDIE
Am I missing something Clark?
CLARK
(embarrassed)
No, Ed, you're doing fine.
EDDIE
I just want basically everything you can spare me God. You know I am not a big one in the work force, so if you could just start handing things over, that would be great, God.
CLARK
Amen.
EDDIE
Okay, Clark, you can take it from here.
CLARK
Amen.
EVERBODY ELSE
Amen.
Aunt Bethany is snoring. Until Uncle Louis wakes her up.
UNCLE LOUIS
Bethany, for God's sake, we are eating! Wake Up!
CLARK
This turkey looks fantastic, Ellen!
ELLEN
Thanks, we didn't burn it this year! That's for sure!
CLARK
That's great.
He serves everything.
They all silently are eating until Aunt Bethany springs up saying...
AUNT BETHANY
(singing)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow, Way up High, There's a Land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
CLARK
Thank you Aunt Bethany, for providing the entertainment.
AUNT BETHANY
(singing)
Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
CLARK
Thank you Aunt Bethany.
UNCLE LOUIS
Oh, Jesus, Bethany, not Judy Garland again.
AUNT BETHANY
(singing)
Where troubles melt like lemon drops and way above the chimney tops is where you'll find me.
Suddenly her song is broken by a loud CRASH. Suddenly Snots is chased out of the kitchen and onto the kitchen table by Sammy the little dog. Sammy is barking and Snots is shaking on the top of the table.
CLARK
Godammit, Anyway!! Eddie, get your dog off the table!!
EDDIE
He's just hungry Clark.
CLARK
He's shaking Eddie. That little runt chased him up here. Everything's ruined!
EDDIE
No, no Snots. Get down.
The dog is still frozen.
EDDIE
Didn't work, Clark.
Clark tries to pull on Snots collar to force him off the table but the dog growls and shows his teeth to Clark.
CLARK
Great. He's scared of a 2 pound rat, but I can't get him off the damn table! Russ, get that little dog outside.
RUSTY
Okay, Dad.
Russ picks up the little dog and puts him outside. Snots is still on the table.
CLARK
Get down, Snots!
Snots begins urinating on the table.
CLARK
Eddie, get your damn dog off my table now!
EDDIE
Okay, Clark.
Eddie grabs the turkey whole. And puts it up for Snots to see.
EDDIE
Here, Snots, got a nice juicy turkey waitin' for ya!
Snots gets off the table and eats the turkey on the floor.
CLARK
That's great, Ed. The one piece of food that wasn't ruined is now being fed to the dog.
ELLEN
Clark, calm down.
CLARK
I'm calm, Ellen, I'm calm. Let's all go out to eat then. C'mon everybody. Hurry up before Birney's eatery closes up.
Everybody gets up to get ready to leave.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: MARGO AND TODD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Margo is standing with binoculars at the window.
MARGO
Todd? Todd??
Todd is napping on the sofa then wakes up as Margo is calling him.
TODD
What, Margo?
MARGO
Come here!
(Giggles)
This is TOO perfect!
TODD
(yawns)
What is?
MARGO
The Toad is leaving with the entire white trash clan!
TODD
So?
MARGO
Now is our chance!
TODD
Chance to do what?
MARGO
We are going over there and swiping every single lame tacky decoration that Toad has up.
TODD
Don't you think that's a bit juvenile?
MARGO
Maybe for us, but it will kill him. They're gone! C'mon!
TODD
Okay, Margo, if we get caught, you take the wrap.
MARGO
We won't get caught! They're lawn decorations, Todd.
They leave.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD STATION WAGON - NIGHT
Clark is in the Driver's seat and Ellen is in the passengers seat with Audrey and Rusty in the back seat. The others are in the cars behind them. They are pulling onto their street.
ELLEN
You really shouldn't lose your temper so easily Clark.
CLARK
Yes, I know, Ellen.
He spots his house and notices the front lawn is bare. All of his decorations have been stolen.
CLARK
What the .....?
ELLEN
What, Clark?
CLARK
Where are they??!!
ELLEN
Where's what?
She notices them missing now too.
ELLEN
Oh no!
CLARK
Where the hell are my decrations???!!!!
ELLEN
Clark, don't get worked up now.
CLARK
Goddammit!!!
Clark parks his car in the driveway. And the others park behind him. He walks into his front lawn with his jaw dropped.
CLARK
I don't believe this!! Every single God Forsaken Decoration is gone!!!!!
ELLEN
Clark.
CLARK
What in God's name happened here??!!
EDDIE
Clark, you havin' a 'Coon problem?
CLARK
That's nice Eddie! Where the hell is all my shit??!!!
ELLEN
Clark, we'll find it.
CLARK
Of all the rotten, no good, stinking, bullshit assholes!! Who the hell would take over 3,000 dollars worth of Christmas decorations???!!!!!!!???
CLARK SR
Now, son, we'll still have a good Christmas.
Clark ignores his Dad and continues.
CLARK
I want to find the theiving, lowlife, maggot ridden, flesh eating, two faced, bird shit, asshole, backstabbing, inmature, cowardly, dope fiend, worm infested, cow-brained, shithead, slimeball, sack of turkey vomit and send their asses off to jail for Christmas Day. Ho-ho-ho, where's the J.D.?
Clark storms off and into the house. The family stands stunned. Then finally follows him into the house, all except Eddie who has had a brilliant idea.
Eddie starts snooping around the yard and then stops to urinate in the next door neighbors yard, so as to not piss of Clark anymore than he has been. He begins writing his name with his urine.
EDDIE
E - D - F - no, that's not it.
He scrathes the f out with his urine.
EDDIE
E - D - D - I - E. Ah, there we go. Beautiful artistry.
He spots something just to the left of his name.
EDDIE
What's this?
He picks it up and it's the strand of lights that he helped Clark out with in the garage.
EDDIE
Hmm... How'd these get over here?
He sees some little fragments of garland and lights and follows the trail up to Margo and Todd's house. He peaks in their window. He sees Margo laughing with Todd as they are stuffing the decorations into a room.
EDDIE
Mm-Hmm! Clark, you are going to LOOOVe me this Christmas!
Eddie knocks on the door.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Clark is filling up a scotch glass with Jack Daniels Whiskey. And takes a very large swig of it, then makes an "Eww" face.
CLARK
Mmm- that will do the trick.
Ellen comes up to him and takes the rest of it away from her husband.
ELLEN
Clark, may I speak with you a minute. Alone?
CLARK
Ellen, anything you have to say to me can be said in front of the whole family. I mean it doesn't get much worse than this.
ELLEN
Okay, well, let me remind you for the second year in a row...
CLARK
That this was all my idea? Again, let me remind YOU, that I am well aware of that, honey.
ELLEN
Clark, your Christmas bonus will be here tomorrow and it will cover the damages to the lost decorations. And we can get new ones. They will probably even be on sale after tomorrow.
CLARK
Ellen...
Suddenly there is a KNOCK at the door.
CLARK
Now, who in the hell is that?
Clark goes to the door to answer it.
EDDIE
Howdy, roomie! Got you a dandy Christmas gift this year, Clark.
Police begin walking up the driveway.
CLARK
What'd you do this year, Eddie?
EDDIE
Oh, they're not here for me, Clark.
CLARK
No, Ed?
EDDIE
You'll see.
(laughs)
Two police officers are at the door now, unimpressed.
POLICE OFFICER #1
Are you Mr. Clark W. Griswald?
CLARK
Yes, sir.
POLICE OFFICER #1
I hate to even ask you this. We believe your next door neighbors have robbed a Christmas theme store.
CLARK
What?
POLICE OFFICER #1
But this guy, here, who claims to live here, says all of that stuff belongs to you.
(laughs)
I don't know if I should arrest him or not for false information.
CLARK
Uh, no, Officer. Did this set have about 30,000 lights and signs and 15 foot tall Santa with elves and reindeer?
POLICE OFFICER #1
Well, I'll be damned! All of that is yours?
POLICE OFFICER #2
I told you, Harry. You owe me five bucks!
POLICE OFFICER #1
How'd you know that, Leroy?
POLICE OFFICER #2
We were here last year. Isn't that right, Mr. Griswald?
CLARK
Yeah, so where is it all?
POLICE OFFICER #1
It's over in the neighbor's yard getting photographed for evidence. Would you like to press charges?
CLARK
Nah, none of them are damaged are they?
POLICE OFFICER #1
No, don't believe so.
CLARK
Nah, then, don't worry about it. We'll go get it.
POLICE OFFICER #1
You know, those neighbors of yours are real pain in the butt.
CLARK
Yes, I know. Margo and Todd have always been a little off. We like to keep the children away from them.
POLICE OFFICER #1
Good thinking. You have a wonderful Christmas!
They begin to walk off.
CLARK
You too!!
EDDIE
Well, roomie, want to grab your shit?
CLARK
Okay, Ed. RUSS!!
RUSS
Yeah, Dad!
CLARK
Come help Ed and me get these decorations back.
RUSS
Dad, does this mean we have to put them up again?
CLARK
Yes, it does, Russ. Yes it does.
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - EVENING
Clark, Eddie and Russ are heading over to Margo and Todd's front yard to grab the decorations. On there way over, Eddie warns them...
EDDIE
Now, watch your step. I pissed my name over here in this here snow.
CLARK
Thanks for the warning, Ed.
EXT: MARGO AND TODD'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Eddie waves over to Margo and Todd who are standing on their front porch snarling.
EDDIE
I best warn you too. I done pissed in your yard! Sorry, but when you gotta go, you know?
Margo huffs and pulls Todd along with her into the house.
EDDIE
Was it something I said?
Eddie and Clark and Rusty begin dragging the decorations back into Clark's yard.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LATE
The House is back in tact. All decorations are up.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATE
Clark is finishing up the traditional Christmas story of "The Night Before Christmas".
CLARK
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good Night!
The kids beam.
CLARK
Now, it's time for everyone to tuck into bed so Santa can show up with the presents.
EDDIE
Oh, Boy, that's something, Clark!
Clark smiles at his dumb cousin-in-law.
The kids rush upstairs to hop into bed along with Eddie. Catherine follows her husband.
ELLEN
That was really sweet, Clark. We should head to bed ourselves.
CLARK
Okay, you head on up there. I'll be up in a few minutes.
ELLEN
Night, Sparky!
CLARK
Goodnight, Ellen.
CLARK SR
Goodnight, son!
NORA
Yes, don't be up too late now.
CLARK
Night, mom and dad. See ya in the morning.
NORA
Aunt Bethany, Uncle Louis, ready for bed?
AUNT BETHANY
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
NORA
Shh, Aunt Bethany, the kids and Eddie are trying to sleep. Let's do the same, huh?
AUNT BETHANY
Shhh!
UNCLE LOUIS
Well, goodnight, Clark. I guess you didn't spoil everything like last year.
CLARK
Night, Uncle Louis. Merry Christmas.
They walk upstairs. Clark turns around and sees that Art and Francis are asleep on the sofas. Clark wraps a blanket around the two and walks upstairs.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - DAWN
Eddie wakes up first and runs downstairs. There are TONS of presents around the tree. Just a mountain of them. He smiles and laughs and heads back upstairs to wake the family.
EDDIE
CLARK!!! RUSS!!! Everyone!! Santa came!! He really did! I am not bullshittin' either!!
Everyone moves it on down to the living room where Eddie is waiting impatiently.
CLARK
Merry Christmas, everyone!
EVERBODY ELSE
Merry Christmas!
The kids start digging in, before Clark stops them.
CLARK
Hold on, there kids.
Eddie is still digging in.
CLARK
Eddie, please...
Eddie stops.
EDDIE
Sorry, Clark.
(laughs with kids)
CLARK
Okay, this is how we do it. Just like last year. We all go around opening each other's presents one at a time.
EDDIE
Let me go first, Clark. I got you all some great gifts! I can't wait to see the look on your faces.
CATHERINE
It's not much, really. And I am not even sure what Eddie got some of you.
CLARK
Okay, everyone, one at a time, open Eddie's gifts.
RUBY SUE
I want to open mine first.
CLARK
Go, ahead, Ruby Sue. But remember just Ed - I mean your dad's.
Ruby Sue lunges into her presents from her dad. Eddie is giggling like he has the best kept secret.
Ruby Sue opens them and they are a set of Jacks, and a board game called "Candy Land".
RUBY SUE
Thank you so much, Daddy!
EDDIE
You're welcome, Ruby Sue. Thought you'd like that!
RUBY SUE
It's more than I ever dreamed of.
EDDIE
Okay, Rocky, why don't you take a crack at it.
Rocky doesn't speak. Just opens his gifts which are a yo-yo and a Checkers board game. He smiles and hugs his dad not saying a word.
EDDIE
I knew you'd like it, son! Okay, Catherine, your turn!
CATHERINE
Oh, my! I wasn't expecting anything this year.
EDDIE
Yeah, I splurged a bit for ya!
CATHERINE
Oh, well let's see what's in here.
Catherine opens her gift and pulls out some bondage leather and a whip. She blushes and tries to hide it.
EDDIE
Hold it on up so everybody can see, hon!
Catherine shows it for one brief second and everyone looks shocked, then she quickly hides it away.
CATHERINE
Thank you Eddie.
ELLEN
That was real nice, Ed.
EDDIE
Just wait till you open yours.
(wink)
ELLEN
Mom, Dad, why don't you go ahead and open yours from Eddie.
ART
Oh, Ed, you didn't have to get us anything.
EDDIE
I know, I just had a little extra government income that I am not reporting, so I splurged a bit.
They tear into their present, and it's a hammock.
FRANCIS
Oh, it's just lovely, Eddie Dear. Thank you!
ART
Yeah, thanks Ed.
EDDIE
My pleasure, folks!
CLARK
Audrey, why don't you open yours now from Eddie.
EDDIE
Yeah, I put a lot of thought into yours, there Audrey.
AUDREY
Okay, thanks, Uncle Ed.
Audrey opens it and it's a Betsy-Wetsy doll. No matter that it's about 10 years too young for her.
AUDREY
Thank you, Uncle Ed.
EDDIE
You like that, kiddo?
AUDREY
Yes. Thank you.
CLARK
Russ, why don't you go next?
RUSS
Okay, Dad.
He tears into his and pulls out a blank VHS cassette tape.
RUSS
Wow, what I've always wanted, Uncle Ed.
EDDIE
You don't even know what it is yet. You know that movie we was watching a while back?
RUSS
"It's a Wonderful Life"?
EDDIE
Yeah, now sees here, I recorded it for ya! It's on that tape, do you believe that?
RUSS
Yeah, I believe it, Uncle Ed. I really do. Thank you!
EDDIE
Well, seeing as how we have a history of our little bonding time with that there movie, I thought you'd like a copy.
RUSS
Thanks, Ed.
EDDIE
Clark, it's your turn.
CLARK
No, let's see what Ellen got first. Ellen, honey, your turn.
ELLEN
Oh, my.
(smiles bashfully)
Ellen opens her small gift to find that there are some panties inside with huge letters saying "EAT ME" on the front of them.
EDDIE
Yeah, those there are edible!
ELLEN
I see that, Ed. Thank you!
Ellen looks at Clark disgusted and Clark shrugs his shoulders.
EDDIE
Between you and me, Clark. Those are Mmm-Mmm-good!!
CLARK
Thank you, Ed.
EDDIE
Well, now's your turn. But you'll have to close your eyes. I snuck out and did this in the middle of the night.
CLARK
Okay, Ed.
Clark closes his eyes.
EDDIE
Now, you have to walk a-ways so I will lead ya! I want the whole family to come out and see the expression on your face. Come on out everyone.
Eddie leads Clark to the front door and everyone follows still a little groggy.
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING
The family makes it out in front of the garage and Eddie stops to pull up the garage door.
They all freeze at the sight. On Clark's Station Wagon is a pair of Moose antlers on the hood. They obviously have been spray painted to resemble Gold.
EDDIE
Okay, Clark... You ready to open your eyes?
CLARK
Yes, I am Edward.
(smiling)
EDDIE
Okay, look!
Clark opens his eyes...
BOING!!!!!!
He is very infuriated but doesn't try and let on. Through clinched teeth he mutters...
CLARK
Thank you, Ed.
EDDIE
Now, don't you go touching it alot right now. Their still a little wet. Painted 'em gold for ya! Thought you wouldn't like it otherwise.
CLARK
Thanks so much, Eddie.
ELLEN
Why don't we all head back inside where we can finish opening the rest of the presents.
Everyone including Eddie walk inside, Ellen stays behind with her hubby for a moment to inform him.
ELLEN
We'll call down to Bob's Autorama tomorrow. He'll take them off.
She walks inside and Clark lets out a scream into the air.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
(Time Lapsing: The Family is digging in to the presents. We stop when it's Clark's gift giving time.)
CLARK
Okay, everyone got my gifts?
EVERYONE
Yes.
CLARK
Ruby Sue, you want to go first?
RUBY SUE
Oh can I Uncle Clark?
CLARK
Sure, go ahead, sweetie.
Ruby Sue opens her gift and it is a Cabbage Patch Doll. Her eyes widen with delight.
RUBY SUE
Thank you, Uncle Clark! Thank you!!
CLARK
You're welcome, darling! Hope you like her. She comes with adoption papers and everything.
EDDIE
Really, Clark?
CLARK
Yeah, Ed.
CLARK
Okay, Rocky! Why don't you rip into yours, see what you got.
Again, Rocky says nothing. But he opens his present. It is a mini-kareoke machine.
CLARK
Now, you can show off your voice a bit more.
Rocky doesn't say anything but smiles and is excited.
EDDIE
That will come in real handy when the boy starts talking.
CLARK
That's the beauty of it, Eddie, he can sing instead.
EDDIE
Well, I'll be damned. Is that what that's for?
Clark ignores him.
CLARK
Okay, mom and dad. Your turn.
NORA
Oh, let the kids go first, Clark.
CLARK
No, you go first. I can't wait to see your faces light up.
They open it and it's a brand new VCR. They gasp with delight.
CLARK SR
Wow, Son! That's so nice. Thank you!
NORA
Yes, dear. Thank you very much. You didn't have to do all that.
CLARK
I wanted to, Mom. Hope you two enjoy it. And there's something that goes with that, folks.
Clark goes behind the sofa, and grabs some VHSs. They are all neatly labeled.
CLARK
These are all of our family home videos. I had them transfered onto VHS so they would keep and you could watch them any time you'd like.
Nora and Clark Sr. Startle with delight. You could swear you see a trinkle of a tear in Clark Sr.'s eyes. They all hug speechless.
CLARK
Hope this brings you much joy and happiness.
NORA
Thank you dear.
CLARK SR
Thanks, son.
EDDIE
How'd you do that nifty labeling, there Clark?
CLARK
I took the insert and wrote on it Eddie.
EDDIE
Wow, I thought they were bumper stickers. I put mine on the RV out there.
Clark ignores him again.
CLARK
Okay, Catherine, your next.
CATHERINE
Oh, my, Clark. You didn't have to get me anything.
CLARK
Ahh - it's something that will be of a lot of use, I'm sure.
Catherine opens her gift and inside is a book with every possible baby name in it. It's the size of a phone book.
CATHERINE
Oh, wow. Thank you Clark!
EDDIE
What do we need that for?
CATHERINE
Eddie, this book helps us pick out names for our babies.
EDDIE
Oh, well, now, that WILL come to some use.
CLARK
I am sure it will, Eddie.
EDDIE
Yeah, see we get paid more the more pups she pops out.
CATHERINE
It's very thoughtful Clark, thank you!
CLARK
You're welcome, Catherine. Eddie, you want to go next?
EDDIE
No, I am a firm believer that the best is saved for the last. So, I will just hang on here a little longer, if you don't mind.
CLARK
Okay, Ed. Kids, ready? Russ, your's is in the garage. Everyone, let's go back on outside.
Everyone grunts a bit. But get up. Russ is first one out, and the others follow.
EXT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - MORNING
Clark opens the garage door and fumes a little again about the antlers. Then pulls out the gift for Russ. It's a riding snow-blower with a ribbon on it.
RUSS
Aw, wow! Dad?? IS that for ME??
CLARK
Yes, it is son!
RUSS
Can I ride it?
CLARK
After the presents. Okay, everyone, back inside!
Everyone heads back inside.
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
CLARK
Audrey, you ready, sweetheart?
AUDREY
Yeah, Dad.
She opens her present and inside is her very own cordless telephone.
AUDREY
Oh, my God, Dad! Thank you!
CLARK
That's not all. In your room, you hook that up and you have your very own telephone line for your very own.
AUDREY
(squeels)
Thank you, Dad! Can I call Dave?
CLARK
After Eddie and your mom open their gifts.
AUDREY
Okay, Dad. Thank you.
Audrey jumps up and hugs and pecks a kiss on his cheek.
CLARK
Okay, Eddie. You're turn.
EDDIE
Oh, really Clark?
CLARK
Yes, I thought this may help you move up in the world a bit.
EDDIE
Oh, wow, Clark? Really? It's some new clog shoes, aren't they?
CLARK
No, Ed, open up and you'll see.
Eddie opens his first gift. It's a business suit.
EDDIE
Wow, Clark? You sure this is for me?
CLARK
Yeah, Eddie.
EDDIE
Wow, now when I take that trout fishin trip this spring I will be the best dressed guy in my johnny boat.
CLARK
That or you could try getting that management job with it?
EDDIE
Oh, no use for that, now Clark. I just moved up in the world.
CLARK
Okay, Ed. Why don't you open the other gift?
Clark looks at Ellen. This time, Ellen shrugs her shoulders.
Eddie opens his second gift. It is a Picasso painting.
EDDIE
Damn, look at her!!
CLARK
Now, see Ed it's supposed to look like that.
EDDIE
I'll say!! She is hot!!
CLARK
Glad you appreciate it Eddie.
EDDIE
Catherine, you think you could pose like this in your new gift?
CATHERINE
Oh, Eddie.
CLARK
Okay, Ellen. Now is your turn. Open yours up.
ELLEN
(laughs bashfully)
Okay.
Ellen opens the small box first. Inside is a pair of diamond earings.
ELLEN
Oh my Lord, Clark. Are these real?
CLARK
I should say so, Ellen. Do you like them?
ELLEN
Oh, they're beautiful! Thank you so much!
Ellen puts them on and shows them off.
CLARK
One more, Ellen.
ELLEN
Ooh, I must have been good this year.
EDDIE
You too, huh, Ellen?
Ellen opens up her second gift. Inside is a memory book that Clark had made up of their lives before and together. Ellen gets teary eyed.
ELLEN
Oh, Clark. This is the most special thing you have ever done for me.
EDDIE
Wait till he gets those panties on ya!
CLARK
Ed.
Clark turns to Ellen. She lands him a great big kiss and hug.
ELLEN
Thank you.
Ellen wipes tears away and smiles at the family.
CLARK
You're welcome, sweetheart. How 'bout some breakfast, everyone?
DISSOLVE TO:
The Griswalds are finishing up their Christmas breakfast when the door bell RINGS.
CLARK
I know what that is.
He gets up from the table and the others follow him as he gets to the door to answer it.
MESSENGER
Are you Clark W. Griswald?
CLARK
That's me.
MESSENGER
This is for you. Sign here, please.
Clark signs for the envelope and takes it inside.
CLARK
Thank you, sir!
MESSENGER
Thank you! Merry Christmas!
CLARK
Merry Christmas.
Clark shuts the door. The family is waiting anxiously and Clark opens the envelope. He stops dead in his tracks. Then eyeballs the side of him, wickedly.
ELLEN
Well...?
CLARK
Well... it's a ...
ELLEN
Yes?
CLARK
It's a bread of the month club.
ELLEN
Oh, no!!
EDDIE
Clark, it's the gift that...
CLARK
I'm kidding. They tripled my bonus!!
Ellen squeels, and the others cheer. Ellen jumps to hug Clark.
EDDIE
So, no bread, Clark?
CLARK
No, Eddie! You know what we are going to do?
ELLEN
What?
CLARK
We're going to celebrate!! Call everyone you know everyone! We're throwing the biggest Christmas party this street has ever seen tonight!
EDDIE
I don't know anyone, Clark.
CLARK
That's okay, Ed. We'll call enough for ya!
Audrey runs upstairs to her room. Ellen gets spacy for a moment then runs into the kitchen to dial a number.
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
Ellen dials a number and speaks into the phone.
ELLEN
Can I have the number for The Blue Moon Restaurant?
DISSOLVE TO:
INT: THE GRISWALD HOUSE - EVENING
Everyone is ready and dressed up. Even Eddie is wearing his new suit, but kept his hunter's cap on. The doorbell RINGS the first time. Everyone is very excited.
ELLEN
(too enthusiastic)
I'll get it!!
She opens the door and several of Clark's co-workers enter, they all say hi and give their coats to Eddie. Eddie takes them and flops them down on the stairs. Snots comes right in and lays on them.
CLARK
Merry Christmas, everyone! Glad you could make it. Make yourself at home. Drinks are in the den.
They all scatter about and talk amongst the others, and Clark's family.
At this time, the doorbell rings again.
ELLEN
(too enthusiastic)
I'll get it!!!
She runs to the door and the police that were there the night before and their co-workers enter and say "Merry Christmas, Ellen".
CLARK
Hi, boys! Help yourself. Drinks are in the den.
The police rush into the den and disappear.
The doorbell RINGS again.
ELLEN
(too enthusiastic)
I'll get it!!
She answers the door and there stands Bud with his shippers Michael and Johnny.
ELLEN
Oh, hi! Merry Christmas! Come on in.
CLARK
Hi, Bud! How's it goin'?
BUD
Hi, there Clark! Your decorations look incredible out there.
CLARK
Thanks, Bud. Help yourself to food and drinks. They're in the den.
BUD
Thank you, Clark. I think I will take a look at what you have done here first with the decorations.
CLARK
Yeah, you did a good job.
The doorbell RINGS again.
ELLEN
(enthusiastic)
I'll get it!
She answers and it's Todd and Margo.
TODD
Hi, Ellen. Margo has something she would like to say to you.
MARGO
I'm sorry for taking your husband's decorations.
ELLEN
Oh, that's okay. No harm done. Did Clark invite you?
TODD
No, actually...
EDDIE
Hi, Todd! Glad you could make it!!
TODD
We wouldn't have missed it.
MARGO
Yes, it's quite...
(pauses)
charming.
Margo eyes Eddie in his new suit.
MARGO
You clean up real nice, Ed.
EDDIE
Thank you, Darlin'.
MARGO
Maybe we could go out for a walk later?
EDDIE
Nah, I told Clark I'd take coats.
MARGO
We'll see about that.
Doorbell RINGS!
ELLEN
Clark, could you get that?
CLARK
Honey, I am showing Bud the decorations.
ELLEN
Okay.
She answers the door and it's Dave, Audrey's boyfriend.
DAVE
Hi, Audrey invited me. I'm Dave.
ELLEN
Oh, yes, hi, Dave! Come on in. Audrey!!
Audrey steps in.
AUDREY
Hi, Dave. Come on in.
The kids walk into the living room.
The doorbell RINGS again.
ELLEN
Clark??!!
CLARK
Ellen, I am busy. Can you get the door please?
ELLEN
Okay.
She gets up, very unenthused. And answers the door.
It's HIM! It's Diego and he has brought a date. We have seen her before. It's Mary from last year when Clark was shopping.
ELLEN
Hi, Die - go. Wow, and you brought someone. How lovely.
DIEGO
Yes, this is my fiance, Mary. I thank you so much for inviting us.
ELLEN
No problem. Come on in. Clark, this is Diego and ... I'm sorry what's your name?
Mary turns around and Clark sees her and freezes in his tracks.
CLARK
MARY!!
MARY
Hi, Clark! I didn't know this was your party. How do you do?
CLARK
Fine, great, everything couldn't be better. Did you see that Honey? Mary is here.
ELLEN
Who's Mary? How do you know Mary?
CLARK
She help me shop for you one year.
MARY
Last year.
CLARK
Last year. Was it that recent? I could have sworn it was longer. Would you care for a drink or some snacks?
DIEGO
We really can't stay long. We are on our way to get married.
CLARK
Wow, Mary is getting Married. That's just .. well that's just great. Isn't that great, Ellen?
ELLEN
It's fabulous! Diego, I wish you a wonderful life.
DIEGO
Thank you!
ELLEN
And you too, Mary.
MARY
Thank you.
Eddie rushes in yelling for everyone.
EDDIE
Clark!! Ellen!! Everyone!! Come quick!! Down in the basement!
CLARK
(to Ellen)
What now? What could he have done, he has only been unsupervised for a few short minutes.
EDDIE
You won't believe this!!
They all go downstairs, and see that Rocky and his sister are singing "Jingle Bell Rock". Rocky isn't doing much, but words are exiting his mouth.
Catherine runs to her children and hug them smiling and squeeling with delight!
Eddie walks towards Clark.
EDDIE
Can you believe this? My son, the mute is singing! I don't know how to thank you Clark.
CLARK
Don't mention it Eddie.
EDDIE
Again, the not mentioning it thing. Hmm -
CLARK
Eddie, you are impossible.
EDDIE
Yeah, but you gotta admit, you love me!
CLARK
That's right Ed. Now go watch your son sing!
EDDIE
Thanks, Clark!
Eddie walks over to his son and everybody begins joining in by singing with the kids. Ellen kisses her husband in the back of the room. And pecks the dimple on his chin.
ELLEN
You did it again, Sparky!
CLARK
Thanks, Sweetheart! Merry Christmas!
ELLEN
Merry Christmas!
Ellen joins the others. Clark stays behind and watches his family. Then says to himself...
CLARK
It's a wonderful life indeed!
FADE OUT:
END CREDITS.