Welcome to my first slash parody. This is so bad that I might just make it a plaque and give it the Worst Fanfiction of the Year award. But, it is intended that way. I've read some terrible slash in my time and I have combined several of the techniques I have seen utilised to make one truly terrible story. I hope you like. I also hope you review. ;)
Harry Potter looked forlorn. Something about his down-turned eyes and furrowed brow enlightened Ron Weasley to the fact that Harry was dejected.
"Harry," he tried. Harry turned away.
"Leave me alone, Ron," he replied, quiet but insistent, his voice echoing the sadness in his soul.
"You know I can't do that Harry, remember?" He put his hand on his friend's shoulder. Harry brushed it off. Then he turned slowly, looking deep into Ron's eyes.
"I'm worried, Ron." Ron nodded. He'd thought as much.
"What is it, Harry?" Ron tried to sound compassionate. Harry noticed Ron's efforts and smiled weakly.
"It's rather embarrassing really," he confided. His voice quivered slightly and Ron could see the intensity building in his companion's face.
"Harry, this is me, Ron, your best friend in the world, your like-minded ragamuffin chum, your red-headed pal of noble birth, you can tell me anything, you know that," he said, overly descriptive in his growing anxiety.
"It's just that-" Harry paused and rubbed his forehead.
"Go on Harry," encouraged Ron, patting his shoulder lightly.
"I, I, I spilt my yoghurt." Ron blinked rapidly, surprised that Harry was able to just come out and say it. Ever since they'd first met four years ago on Platform Nine And Three Quarters he had had a distant spirit and he never let on more than absolutely necessary. It had actually been the basis of their wondrous friendship, Ron had found solace in Harry's withdrawn nature and Harry had enjoyed Ron's continuous stream of one-sided conversation. That was how he knew he could now confide in his friend. Ron took Harry's hand in his and tried his best to look sympathetic. He'd never been particularly skilled at quelling Harry's fears but he saw within his well-developed character justification for his slashable actions and smiled inwardly. Luckily for Ron, Harry remained unaware of his beating heart. Most of the fact in fact, Ron had noticed, Harry seemed uninterested in the fact that Ron's vital organs were functioning in good order. He'd come to see it as one of his quirks.
"That's not all," said Harry, breaking Ron's long-winded train of thought. "I, I spilt it on my pants." Ron failed to conceal his delight and clapped with irreverent joy.