Mycroft jerked awake as the smelling salts were waved under his nose.

"You passed out," John explained (as if that weren't obvious), pressing a hand against his chest as he struggled to sit up. "Just lie still for a bit yeah? I need to check you've not got concussion. You hit your head pretty hard."

"Two," Mycroft murmured, blinking blearily about the room in search of the root (or rather, roots) of all his troubles. "There were two of them."

"You're seeing double?" John asked, returning with the first aid kit and a flashlight.

"Yes. Or rather, no, not seeing double. But there were two of them and... my head really hurts."

"You hit it when you passed out," John explained once more. "Now, open your eyes up for me, I'm going to shine this torch into them for a mo. Can you tell me the last thing you remember?"

"I-" he cleared his throat, blinking rapidly as the bright light of John's pocket torch shined briefly in each of his eyes. "I came as soon as you called me. You said it was important, that it had to do with Sherlock-"

"Understatement of the century I'd say," John scoffed.

Mycroft, who seemed to have not heard him, haltingly continued, "Sh-Sherlock was here. And so was Irene Adler. They... they're both supposed to be dead John."

"I know," John hummed. "Funny that, eh?"

"But they were there and they were- they said they were-"

"Twins?" John prompted.

Mycroft groaned.

"Oh god. I didn't imagine it."

"Afraid not," John chuckled, offering the bureaucrat a hand once he was relatively satisfied that he was not concussed. "Like Luke and Leia. Seperated at birth... thank goodness."

"I'm sorry?"

"Never mind. Anyway, yeah, they came waltzing in here about two days ago. 'Hey John, still alive. Did it to save all your lives but do you want to hear something really interesting'."

John rolled his eyes.

Mycroft uttered yet another soft groan.

"I know right?" John scoffed, shaking his head despairingly, a fond smile tugging at his lips. "Same old Sherlock. Anyway, they come in sporting DNA test results, birth certificates and adoption papers going on and on about how they found each other and how they had several bones to pick with you-"

"Me?" Mycroft cried (although if it were anybody else, John would describe it as more of a squawk).

"Yes, they seemed to hold you responsible for it taking so long to come to light."

John couldn't help but giggle as the ever cool, calm and collected Mycroft Holmes' jaw dropped wide open. Having said that, he was essentially a nice bloke, so after a moment or two of revelling in the his sometimes kidnappers distress, he decided to show a little mercy.

"Don't worry," he chuckled, clapping him on the shoulder in what was supposed to be a comforting gesture (it just made Mycroft wince). "I'm pretty sure the fact that you fainted dead away after their big reveal more or less let you off the hook."

"I was seven years old!" Mycroft blustered, having regained the ability of speech. "How on earth could have I known that that woman-"

"Your baby sister-"

Mycroft moaned again.

"I know," John laughed, "I told them that. And I told them to break it to you slowly. Told them they should start by, you know, letting you know that they, or at least Sherlock, was still alive. But do they listen? Of course not. Must be a Holmes thing."

Another choked whine.

"Like bloody bulls at a gate, I'm telling you. I don't know how I didn't see it before to be honest. Last I saw of them they were heading off to give Lestrade a heart attack, arguing over who would be hereforth introduced as 'the evil twin'. I think it's best to leave them to it."

"Two of them," Mycroft moaned. "Twins!"

"Yes, I know."

"No you don't know," Mycroft snapped. "Keeping one of them alive was difficult enough. Now I find out there's two of them! And they're both as bad as each other. One attempted to bring the country down to its knees, the other helped! I inadvertently sent both of them to their deaths, and in return they've both tricked me into thinking them dead for years at a time... right that's it, it's my turn. Drowning is supposed to be a peaceful way to go, isn't it?"

"So I'm told."

"Then drown it is. If it's one thing I need now, it's peace... twins?"