Author's words:
First I wish to apoliage for spelling and grammar blunders that you might come across of... English is not my first language so please be patient with me. I do run things through grammar and spell checker before uploading alas... If anybody would wish to help me fix the mistakes that I`m unable to find on my own please give me a holler.
The story's time-line is set after DA2. It begins with destruction of the Chantry in first chapter and continues with fight against Orsino and Meredith in second one, but the third chapter jumps in time about six months after-wards and continues from there and has nothing to do with (at the time of writing) upcoming DA3 that is supposed to carry the name of Inquisition (altrough we will touch the subject of inquisition also).
Although the first two chapters can be heavy to read, and the following ones aren't all about sunshine, butterflies and bunnies, the story in it's essence is one of rebuilding and making new life, not only for Hawke but for many other character's as-well, including some from DA1: Origins and DA1: Awakening. As such Warden and King Alistair, Zevran and Nathaniel will make a come-back, some more permanent as others. Of course you will also be able to read about Fenris, Sebastian, Varric, Isabella, Aveline, Merrill, Justice/Vengeance and Anders included along with a few other minor characters that appear in DA1 and DA2 and have slightly bigger role in here. To addition of those that you already at least heard of, there will also be characters that are not part of DA world that Bio-Ware created but will be part of this fiction.
The line holding all together is certainly a political situation of Kirkwall and few other countries that Kirkwall will eventually ally with or war against. That is closely followed and supported with Hawke`s romances and furthermore dabbles in other ones either, some in greater detail, others in passing.
Some basic -good to know- info before reading this story would be following facts:
-Áine Hawke is a mage
-Carver Hawke is a templar
-Bethany Hawke is dead (or is she?)
-Áine Hawke pursued romantic relationship with Fenris
-Fenris after that faithful night left her
-Áine Hawke pursues romantic relationship with Anders
-Anders is killed after he blows up the chantry (or is he?)
-Sebastian stays and helps in the final fight, as do comebacks as Alistair, Zevran and Nathaniel Howe
-Áine supports the templar side in final battle
-Áine is declared the Viscountess of Kirkwall
-Sebastian heads to take back the throne of Starkhaven
-Áine Hawke and Sebastian Vael have much, much, much to talk about... will they war each other or become ally?
-Will the White Divine let them all be or shall she wage war?
-Did the death of Hadriana and Danarius eliminate presence of the Magisters or they will seek revenge?
-Will the qunari invade?
-Áine (AN-yuh or AW-ne) is from Old Irish aine "brilliance, wit, splendor, glory"; "joy", "brightness", "fasting", "praise", or "radiance".
And that is all you need to know... I hope that the reading before you will be for your enjoyment... if not... well... I am well protected against your wrath. Gray Wardens made sure of that! WINK-WINK! And remeber...rewives are food for the hearts and sould of the writters... and as such very much desired.
Chapter 1:
Harvest of sorrow
The Chantry in Kirkwall was no more. Anders made sure of that. He removed the option of compromise, or so he believed. Meredith and Orsino were both more than willing to play the game that Anders started. Áine Hawke always thought that she would side with the mages if it would come to it. Anders probably believed so also, the others who she called friends were of same opinion. Even her own brother thought she would. But she didn't. She couldn't. She choose to help the Templars even if she didn't agree with Meredith. She simply could not allow the mages who spent their whole lives living in Circle to wander completely free, not realizing that the outside words holds many traps for them to fall in and possibly resort to blood magic. She was forced to choose not between good and evil, but between two evils. The world was not black and white, it came in so many shades that they took your sight away. Meredith was wrong, Orsino was wrong, Anders was wrong, Fenris was wrong...
"You fool," she screamed at Anders. "Compromise was the only thing that would make things right!"
"No," he shook his head at her.
"You are blind! You should have trusted me," she said to him as much with sadness as with anger. "I was trying to,"
He cut her off: "No! You were only one person. At the end they wouldn't listen to you."
"I had you! If you would listen, so would the others... eventually. You should have trusted me, you should have to believe in me," she sighted. "But you took away the only chance that the mages had. You destroyed what little remained. You killed innocents, Anders!"
"We don˛t have time for this," Meredith said. "You need to choose, Champion."
Hawke listened to her friends, but she didn't really heard them. It didn't matter to her what they think this time. Third of them wanted to help the mages, third of them wanted to help the templars, third of them wanted to have nothing with either of side, Sebastian wanted Anders dead. It didn't mattered anymore. They would have to make their own choices when she makes hers, they would either follow her, meet her on the battlefield and fight her or leave. She would not try to convince them one or the other way. Not this time.
"Fine Meredith. I will help you," Áine said gravely.
"You can't do this, Champion! The Circle didn't do this," he waved towards the empty space where the Chantry once stood.
"I'm sorry," she whispered to the mages, ignoring Orsino all together. She held no respect for the man. He was a trouble maker, always adding to the fires instead of trying to quench them. She didn't liked the energy pouring out of him, it felt... tainted... sinister... wrong... She vaguely remembered the words that Malcolm Hawke spoke to her one day: "If something feels wrong, it's wrong." Over the years she found out that it can be taken into the account with living beings also... Anders didn't felt right, and he wasn't... Meredith didn't felt right either, but she would attend to that matter later. Helping the Templars felt right... even if killing all mages felt wrong.
Anders wanted to remove the option of compromise. No... not Anders. It were words and actions of Justice changed into Vengeance. She read Ander`s manifesto and there was Compromise felt in every page, every sentence at the firs half. Only when Vengeance took more and more of Anders away, the Manifest changed into a piece that breathed a -NO COMPROMISE- out of it. She would not allow Vengeance to win. Not this time! She failed with saving Anders, but she would not fail now.
There would be justice and there would be compromise... or she would die trying. She owned that much to her deceased father and sister, to her brother, to Anders, to everybody. She would fight this battle here, but she would try to make things right... she would try.
She was surprised that all her companions stayed at her side, even those who initially wanted to help the mages or just leave them all alone. She could be nothing else than grateful... She considered each one of them as her family, even if they weren't bonded in blood... she considered Anders to be her family also... Vengeance wasn't a family though, he wasn't a friend...
The fight broke out, mages were taken down quickly, Orsino fled, leaving them behind, ordering them to protect him and those few that he took with himself, no doubt to use them as a meat-shield if somebody would try to stop him. Áine was disgusted by him.
Meredith left Áine to deal with Anders as she seen fit, claiming he was one of her companions... He was... and he wasn't...
She approached Anders who sat on a wooden crate, his shoulders slumped as he spoke: "You can't tell me anything that I didn't already told myself..."
She listened to him, that was what she could give him. She said few things not really knowing what she said. She listened to her friends, Sebastian demanding justice, demanding his life. It didn't matter what they had to say. Anders`s fate would be hers to choose, no matter what they wished, no matter what she wished. Anders always knew that he would be deciding about his fate at the end, she realized that now. She knew it also, all along, even if she tried her very best to hide from that knowledge.
Words that Flemeth, the Which of the Wilds, once spoke to her were echoing in her mind over and over and over again. Fall or fly... Áine would do both... She was falling for years now, she started to in the instant that she had to flee from Ferelden so many years ago, with dark-spawn on her tail. Oh yes, she did rise, moved from a shovel in Lowtown to prestigious mansion in Hightown, becoming a Champion of Kirkwall... but she was falling, constantly, steadily... she would be falling some more...
"Join me," she said to Anders, trying with a compromise. "Help me fix this."
"No," Anders answered brokenly: "I can't... I wish I could, but I can't..."
"You can! Just stood up and... and...," she tried but was cut short by Sebastian.
"You can't seriously be considering this! Not after all he did," Sebastian said, approaching her.
She turned her attention to him, wondering how to make him understand, knowing that no matter what she would say... he wouldn't: "Sebastian...," she tried anyhow, she had to.
"No, don't -Sebastian- me, Hawke, not now," Sebastian all but shouted at her, his eyes flaming in desire to avenge the death of Grand Cleric Elthina who was like a mother to him.
Áine sighted, taking her eyes away from his. She couldn't look in them any-longer... his gaze too intense... too demanding... hurt and desperation hidden behind anger and vengeance.
"I cannot believe this," Sebastian said to her. "I wonder, would you be still standing unable to decide if I would be in the Chantry when that maleficar destroyed it?"
She looked back at him. She saw so much pain and agony in his eyes that it crushed her, even if she was already crushed beyond recognition. She could lie to him and say no, sparing him the pain, but she couldn't do that, she couldn't lie. She would still offer Anders a chance to redeem himself, even if Sebastian would be in the Chantry. She would not allow Vengeance to take over her also and drive her hand, no matter how much she would wish to. But Sebastian would not understand that, even if she would try to explain it to him. He was unable to understand it right now... perhaps later... when the fires stop burning...
She wanted to give him an answer that would satisfy him, but she was unable to. She bit back her tears, just standing before him.
She didn't have to say it, Sebastian knew. She took to long to think about it and she could see the pain in his eyes being multiplied. He roughly grabbed her by her shoulders. She could feel his fingers painfully digging in her flesh, disregarding the armor she wore, the heat from his fingers was seeping into her, burning and scorching her just as surely as if he would throw her into actual fires.
Áine raised her hand, covering Sebastian's that were still on her shoulders, unviling to let her go. She wanted to pull them away, escape the fire... but she didn't, she hold them in place, her fingers slightly trembling as they both silently gazed into each-other eyes, sucked into the vortex of their own thoughts, oblivious to the sounds of fighting in the distance, to chatter of their companions, to Anders still siting on the wooden crate with head lowered to the ground, shoulders slumped, awaiting his punishment.
Anders said he can't help her fix what he did. She was sure that he would, if only there wouldn't be Vengeance burning in him, screaming and holding him back. Yes, she was sure that Anders didn't want to die here, he wanted to help but Vengeance didn't allow him to, demanding that the lives are avenged as much as Sebastian did. She understood that now that she was consumed into Sebastian's blues... as his fingers burned her...
She was left only with two options... Either letting Anders go or taking his life.
Part of her desperately wanted to simply took his hand and run away with him. She loved him. She could not deny that, she could not forget it. She wanted to run away from everything... with him. Forget the world and it's injustices and just live a life with him by her side until the old age would claim them. She could try it, but she knew she would fail. Justice/Vengeance would still be with them and the spirit would not allow them that luxury. Anders could not fight it, not alone and not with her, he was far to gone by now. He tried, she knew, and she tried to help him... It was just a dream... one that would never come true.
Even knowing that, that part of her at least wanted to let him run away, even if she wouldn't be joining him. But she couldn't do that. Vengeance would eat away the last bits of Anders and at the end, she wouldn't be letting Anders go, but the spirit in him. The idea of letting spirit of Vengeance roaming free in the world... was terrifying. She could not allow it to happen.
Áine didn't really had a choice... there was only one thing that she could do and she would do, no matter how much it would hurt her doing it. Yes, Vengeance did remove the option of compromise, but not in the way that he blindly thought he did...
She would not kill Anders for vengeance. No! She would kill him because there was no way, and when he would pass away, she would see justice done. As soon as she came to a decision of what to do, a plan formed in her mind.
She let go of Sebastian's hands and he slowly pulled away from her also, turned his back and marched away. Áine Hawke took a step towards him, but stop as he turned around to face her again.
"I swear, I will gather such and army," Sebastian said to her, his Starkhaven accent coloring every words thrown at her: " I will come after you and your precious Anders," but he didn't go yet, he kept standing there , his eyes gazing past her, starring daggers at Anders behind her back.
Áine wanted to laugh at the irony. In all the years they knew each other, in all the years when he was trying to gather an army that would help him get back the throne that was rightfully his... he didn't managed it. The Divine would surely give him the resources to hunt Anders and her down, of that Hawke was sure of, and she found it ironic. But she didn't taunt him, she didn't laugh at the thought of it.
She knew he would hunt down Anders even if it would be the last thing he did, but she also knew he would not hunt down her, no matter what he said. It was pain and anger that spoke out of him. He was gripping tight on the sentiment of vengeance just so that he wouldn't crumble. His eyes spoke to her more than his words did... it was always as such and that didn't changed now.
Hawke in that moment realized more things than she did ever before. Her mind flooded with billions of thoughts at same time and she vaguely wondered if this was how Andraste herself at one point felt.
Yes, Sebastian would surely have his vengeance if she would let Anders go. He would set fires flaming on his path, destroying everything on his path, even his self, until nothing would be even slightly recognizable anymore. No, she would not allow that to happen. He was a good man and she would not allow Vengeance to destroy him also, just as she didn't allow Vengeance to destroy Fenris. It had to stop.
Sebastian gave her one last glance and then turned around, intent of storming away, ignoring the pleas of other companions to reconsider. They didn't matter to him now, not in this. Hawke still mattered to him, but she had nothing to say. Deep inside he hopped she would say something, anything, that would stop him... but she didn't and anger in him was happy for it as it burned even stronger than a moment before. First step that he made was the hardest, the second one was easier, the third one more determined than before, the fourth one started to doubt, the fifth one consumed by hate...
Áine knew she had to stop Sebastian from leaving, somehow. She tried to search for words but they left her. She had nothing to offer him at this time. But she had to do... something.
She made a move, dashed towards him and touched his hand, whispering a weak: "Sebastian...," but the right words still eluded her. It was enough to momentarily stop him, however, and her turned back at her. She saw the anger burning in him, and disappointment, and loose... and she was still unable to speak even if there was expectation somewhere in his eyes also as he looked down at her.
She shook her head a bit, moving her lips and forming even fainter: "Stay...,". He started to form a hard -NO- with his lips, but something that he seen in her eyes stopped him from doing it. "I...," he started to say but she silenced him as she gently pressed one of her fingers to his lips, whispering hardly audible -Don't- to him and he didn't. His eyes filled with confusion as she took his hands in her own and pressed a feather-light kiss on knuckles of each of them before turning around and moving slowly back to Anders.
He still wanted to leave, to stomp away as he planned to, but he could do nothing more than stare after her, wondering... waiting something...
"What-ever you plan to do it, do it fast," Anders said without looking at her.
"I need to know," she started to say but was cut of by him before she could finish her question.
"I tried to stop it, I really did," Anders said, sorrow seeping from his voice: "But I wasn't able to. Justice was too strong..."
"Vengeance, Anders. Vengeance, not Justice," Hawke shook her head.
"You are right... you always were... I should have, I should," Anders hid his face into his palms.
"Yes, you should...," Hawke said.
"I never wanted it to come to this," he replied.
"I know," Hawke said simply and she did knew. "I need to speak with Vengeance, Anders...," Hawke said to him.
"Why would you," he started to question her, confused.
"Because I must. For once in your life trust me as I trusted you," Áine said firmly.
Anders simply nodded. Only a second later, bright light enveloped him: "I am here," the body of Anders spoke in ominous voice as Vengeance took over him.
"Obviously," Hawke sneered at him then taking a moment to compose herself before continuing: "I know what you want me to do."
"It is quite presumptions of you to think that, mageling, but you always did think you are smarter than you really are," Vengeance said coldly.
Hawke laughed at him: " Perhaps. I know you want me to kill Anders. You are Vengeance and innocents here died and will die because of what he helped you do. You want to vengeance be served. It is in your nature to want that and you are unable to stray from it even if your existence in our world will cease to be in doing so. You are unable to compromise. You are unable to continue with your existence if vengeance, your essence isn't completed."
Vengeance snarled at her: "And you will do it! You will serve as this body served. You will avenge these people you claim to be innocent, you will avenge them because that failed chantry brother demands it. YOU ARE VENGENCE`S TOOL, Hawke. You always were and you always will be."
Hawke laughed. She tried not to, but she couldn't prevent it. She knew that all of her companions probably thought she was loosing it, but she didn't, her sanity was still there, her sanity was laughing at the ridiculousness of Vengeance claim, at the obliviousness of the spirit that thought he knows everything.
When she finally found her composure she spoke calmly: "No, Vengeance. You are once again wrong. Yes, I will end Anders`s life, but not for the reasons that you think."
"And how is that," Vengeance asked her with a smirk.
"You have hunted Anders for years, tormenting him, destroying him. You took away his chance to be happy, to live as he deserved to live. It you and only you who have the blood of the innocents in your hand and it is you who will have Anders˙s blood n your hand also. It is you against whom the vengeance should be directed and by the Maker, it shall be," Hawke said, then paused to take a breath before continuing: "I will kill Anders because I love him! I will kill him because I love him enough to see the torment that you so kindly pushed him in. I love him enough to finally rid him of you. I love him enough to give him the peace that he deserves. I will not kill him out of vengeance, but out of love."
"You...," Vengeance started to say but stopped, looking away from her in completely human way, turning his back on her as he said to her: "Either way the vengeance shall be served. Even if you kill him out of love, the innocents will still be avenged..." His answer to it lacked the conviction and Hawke had felt it, she was winning this time.
"No, you are wrong again," she said to Vengeance, her lips curling in cold half-smile.
Vengeance briskly turned back at her: "I am?"
Yes, she was winning. She for once in her life figured something out correctly. It gave her the strength to continue even if her heart was already shattered and stopped to beat.
"You are," she nodded. "You see... Anders will die because of what you did and he will die because I love him too much to see him hurting any longer. But you, you who are the only one to blame for everything, you will be rewarded, not punished. With his last breath you will simply return back to the Fade, a home that I know you wish to return to. Instead of being punished as you should be, you will be rewarded."
Vengeance looked stricken. He realized what she is saying is the truth. Vengeance would not be served, nor would be justice. That was... against everything that he stood for. He could not allow that to happen. She was right, it went against his very own essence.
"What can be done," he finally asked and Hawke knew that the battle was won, at least this one.
"First, you will make sure to give Anders one last moment without interfering with his thoughts. I know that is in your power. You will allow him to think clearly and by himself for one last time. You owe him that much," Hawke told Vengeance.
"It will be done," he agreed.
"Good. Second, you will not allow him to feel the pain when I... when I do what I must. He felt too much pain already," she ordered Vengeance.
"Yes...," he agreed once more.
She moved closer, speaking low enough that nobody was able to hear what she was about to say: "When all is done, I will call you in Fade and you will come before me. You will not fight my will. You will listen as I will say and do as I will ask you to do."
"You seek to control me," Vengeance asked her, keeping his voice low and threatening.
"No, not control. You will experience in at least small part what you did to Anders when you took away his will, when you ordered his body to do as you wanted even if he tried to stop you. You will help me avenging those who died by your hand, Anders included, and the vengeance will be directed strictly at you," she told him.
"That... is still taking control of me," Vengeance objected.
"You will bring your counterpart, Justice, with you and Justice will make sure that our agreement wont be abused by me," Hawke said,
Vengeance thought for a bit before answering: "Then so be it."
"Good. Now leave," she ordered him coldly and he did.
The hardest part was yet to come and Áine Hawke braced for it as Anders came back to himself again.
He looked confused at her: "What,,, what did you... do? I don't hear Vengeance anymore... Is he..."
"No," Áine stopped him softly. "He is still there... I just... convinced him to let you be... at least for a moment..."
Anders looked at the destruction behind him: "Oh Maker... what did I done," he shook as realization hit him fully: "All I wanted was to be happy... to have a beautiful woman at my side and to have right to shoot lighting at fools..."
Hawke smiled tenderly as she sadly said: "You did shoot quite a large number of fools..."
Anders turned towards her, tears running freely from his warm brown eyes: "I had you... and I sundered all away... I'm such a fool..."
Hawke pulled him into tight embrace as she sobbed: "Yes, you are a fool... but I love you regardless..."
He squeezed her so hard that it nearly took her breath away: "I love you, Áine... "
"I know," she whispered to him.
"I'm so sorry... for everything... for merging with Justice... for the Chantry... for hurting you... I wish I could change things..." he said.
Hawke smiled: "The only thing you are guilty of was to trust a spirit... and even that you did out of goodness of your heart," Hawke said softly and kissed him, letting all the love she felt for him to be felt on his lips and he kissed her back.
They slowly released one another. Their time run out and they were both aware of it. Anders sat back on the wooden crate once more. He knew what will follow and he accepted it. Áine was hesitating...
Fenris approached Hawke and softly said to her: "Let me do it instead of you. I promise it will be quick."
She cast a sad smile at Fenris. She knew he is just trying to help her. He never liked Anders and even if Fenris in past often promised to him that he will rip his heart out, she knew that this time Fenris is not driven by vengeance, but out of desire to lessen her pain. She was proud that the ex-slave who was tortured by mage magisters came so far, was able to look over the hatred... She could not allow him to do it, however.
"Thank you Fenris... I know you mean well, but this is something that I need to do alone," she said to him.
Fenris simply nodded and moved away. He understood. He would never say it aloud, but he actually felt sorry for Anders... even if he was abomination.
"For what is worth," Anders said softly,: "I'm glad that it is you..." And he was...
"Me to," Hawke whispered. It hurt her, but this was better than letting someone take out their wrath on him... it was less cruel...
She reached for a dagger sheathed at her hip and raised her hand when strong fingers encircled her wrist stopping her. She looked at the man stopping her with questioning eyes.
"You don't need to do this," Sebastian said to her looking away. He was to far away to hear what she was speaking with Vengeance, but he did heard what she and Anders spoke of at the end. It was... heart-breaking. He was still mad, he still wanted Anders to die for what he did... but the hurt he saw in Áine`s eyes... he was unable to cope with it. She didn't deserved this. He had to stop her.
Marian shook her head slightly: "I must..."
"No... just... just let him go...," Sebastian struggled to say and he hardly believed that he was able to.
"I can't do that. You know it, I know it and Anders knows it also," she objected.
"I canst let you do this to you because of...," he wanted to say -me- but she cut him off.
"It is not your decision to make, Sebastian. It is mine," she said more harshly as she wanted to.
"Hawke...," Sebastian tried.
She simply shook her head: "What you said to me before... it is not why I'm doing this..."
And it wasn't. She knew that and Sebastian knew it also. She was doing it for Anders and he has no say in it. So be it... Sebastian let her hand go free and gave took few steps away.
Hawke half-keeled behind Anders and sneaked her dagger-free hand around him, embracing him one last time. She gently pressed her lips to the exposed skin of his throat at same time as she stabbed him.
Anders didn't feel the dagger that penetrated his back, just as Vengeance promised Hawke. His senses registered only the closeness of Áine hugging him, her lips and breath on his neck. In his mind he knew that she has done it and that he will be dead in few seconds. He didn't felt the poison shutting down his organs and he was grateful for it.
He turned his head slightly and pressed one last kiss on Áine`s forehead before with last breath whispering: "Thank you... for everything..." and then darkness claimed him and he was gone.
Hawke let one single tear to fall. She would mourn the loose later, there was no time now, then she gently eased his body to the ground. She looked at him for one last time and a bitter-sweet smile graced her lips as she seen a small but sweet smile on Anders`s face, his features relaxed in peacefulness. In that moment she knew that she has made the right decision, no matter how much it pained her, no matter how much sadness she felt, no matter how her heart was shattered, no matter... She did right by Anders, and that was what mattered the most.
Áine Hawke stood up and firmly held her staff. It was time to attend to the matters of the templars and mages. She had no doubt that the battle will be hard, but she felt no fear, only determination to see it to the end.