Brown Sugar
By: Villainous Vixen
BoV (Bella Point of View)
I was worried. More than worried, I was actually down right terrified. Jacob, my best friend, my sun, the literal only person I really hung out with anymore suddenly decided not to answer any of my calls. It was almost like he completely dropped off the face of the earth. I collapsed heavily into the kitchen chair by the phone, my thoughts running a mile a minute. Is he hurt? Does he hate me? Why doesn't he want to hang out anymore? Was I too broken?
I sighed thinking back to when Edward dumped me in the woods five months ago. I didn't want to be that girl anymore, so dependent on a person I end up losing all sense of self. But it did make me wonder is that what is happening now? Am I falling into the same kind of trap? I found solace in Jake. He was my sunshine when I fell into a very dark place. However, something about that thought sort of scared me, I know I wanted to back off and have some space between us, after all we have been spending a ton of time together as I watched him rebuild those old motorcycles I found.
I realized I may have been depending on him too much to keep my world bright. But even so, three weeks without even a hello still seemed to be a bit much. Maybe I did end up depending on Jacob to get me through my days...maybe I did lose myself...or maybe...after Edward I never really found myself.
"Bells? Are you alright?"
Startled out of my self deprecating thought process I looked up into the frowning face of Charlie.
"Oh, hey dad, I didn't even hear you come in."
He pulled a box of cereal from the cabinet and started fixing himself a bowl for breakfast. He glanced over at me a few times before asking, " How are you doin' kiddo?"
I shrugged, not really able to answer the question. How was I doing? I guess alright, but I still can't seem to stomach looking myself in the mirror without feeling dirty and worthless. Jacob helped with that feeling sometimes, but I'm never going to admit any of that to him. I love Charlie but I feel like he just wouldn't understand.
We fell into a comfortable silence for a moment as He grabbed a spoon from the drawer and picked up his breakfast.
"You know..." He started, looking a little uncomfortable. That had me on edge he usually didn't look like this unless he was going to try to talk to me about personal stuff. I didn't really like talking about personal stuff.
"I talked to your mom the other day."
"Yeah?" I asked dreading that he was going to bring up Jacksonville again.
"She thinks it might help you, if we found you a doctor."
I raised my eyebrow at that, "Why? I'm not sick."
He shifted from one foot and then the other "A psychiatrist."
"No."
"Bells..."
"I'm NOT crazy."
he sighed heavily and suddenly looked very tired. "We're not saying you are crazy Bella, we just think they might be able to help you come to terms with what ever happened out there in the woods. Hell it's been five months and you still won't tell anyone what happened out there."
"No." I stated holding firm in my answer. I still wasn't ready to deal with it. "I'll deal with it my way."
He nodded, not looking very convinced but seemed content to let it go at least for now. Taking his food with him he headed toward the living room. Watching him leave the kitchen I felt a little guilty. Charlie and Renee were so worried about me and they really didn't deserve what I was putting them through.
Charlie paused in the doorway for a moment and with dread I wondered if he was going to end up pushing the issue anyway.
"I almost forgot, there was another animal attack. Found another person dead in the woods."
I frowned a bit startled by the news, "That makes this one the third one this week."
"Yeah, It's a real mess at the station right now. A bunch of us will be working late combing the woods to see if we can hunt the sonofabitch down."
"Well, be careful."
Charlie nodded, "Don't worry about me Bells I'll be fine. You be careful too and don't go into the woods and honestly don't go out anywhere alone for too long. If you go out, go out with friends. While we are pretty sure it's just an animal attack by how we found the bodies we can't rule out a possible murder yet, the attacks are too frequent for one wild animal."
"Sure thing." I replied, unsure how to break it to him that I really don't have any friends.
Charlie seemed satisfied with my answer however, as he continued on his way to the living room, probably to try to catch one sports game or another. I reached for the phone once he was gone.I debated if I should try to call Jake again or not. On the one hand I didn't want to be a pest and I did want some space between us on the other hand it had been over three weeks not hearing from him at all and I felt like I deserved to not be left in the dark about the status of our friendship. Making up my mind I dialed the number to the black residence...
ring...ring...
My fingers tapped nervously on the table top.
ring...ring...
Surely Billy would at least be home? Suddenly I hear the familiar whirring sound of their answering machine picking up, Billy's voice floating out of the phone. "Thanks for calling the Black residence, unfortunately we're not home right now, please leave a message after the beep."
beeeeep.
I hung up frustrated, deciding against leaving a message. In my mind I felt like I now had two choices. I can wait around and try calling again later or I could just go over there and possibly confront Jake if he was actually home.
Making my mind up I got up out of the chair and grabbed my keys off the kitchen table, as I passed the living room I called out to Charlie "I'm leaving to visit Jake!"
"Alright, call if you stay out late!" he called back to me. I shook my head, with my luck they will actually not be home and it would end up being a wasted trip. But I had to know. I wasn't going to let him do what Edward did, I will not be abandoned again. Firm in my decision I was out the door, in my beat up old truck and heading toward La Push. When I pulled up into Jacob's driveway I was startled by the large...very, very large group of men congregated in the front yard.
Nervously I climbed out of my truck. The group of men turned and were staring at me. Hard. One of them even curled his lip up in disgust.
Cautiously I made my way up the steps to the front door, trying like hell to ignore them in the yard. I wasn't sure what their problem was but I knew I was sure I didn't want to find out. When I rang the doorbell I nearly jumped out of my skin when a very large, very angry looking Jacob answered the door.
"Uh, Jake?" I asked my eyes wide in shock and surprise
"What do you want Bella?" he bit out, his tone harsh.
"Are...are you okay? You haven't answered my calls and you're looking...different." I couldn't bring myself to ask if he started taking steroids. He looked like he shot up several inches and was suddenly built like a tank. Something that seemed impossible in the three short weeks I hadn't seen him.
"I'm fine." His answer was short and his glare was intense. This was far from fine.
"What's going on? If you're fine then why have you been ignoring me?" I knew there was a tremor in my voice as I asked but I didn't care. This wasn't the Jacob I hung out with, this wasn't my sun that brought me out of the darkness that Edward left me in.
Jacob was strangely silent for awhile, looking as if he was struggling with something. As soon as I saw the strong set in his jaw and a sort of coldness settle over his features however, it was then I knew he was going to hurt me.
" I don't want you Bella."
"Wha – What do you mean?" My voice was wobbling now as I tried to fight the traitorous tears.
"I don't want to be friends anymore."
"Why?" I asked, nearly choking on the single word.
He stared at me for only a moment before I saw the resolve as he said, "You're not good enough."
Before I could even stop myself my hand flew and I slapped him in the face with all the strength I could muster. I smacked him so hard I felt like I almost broke my hand with the force of the hit. Crying now with a rapidly swelling right hand I sobbed, "You know what Jacob Black? I'm getting really tired of the people in my life saying that. I loved you Jake. But you're being no better than the monster that left me in the woods."
Turning around, I stumbled down the few steps and ran to my truck climbing in it as fast as I possibly can. Not even bothering to look back and glance at Jacob as I hauled ass out of that driveway. I didn't want to head home yet. Not as the mess I am now. I couldn't put Charlie through that kind of worry. Not again.
So I made my way to First Beach even if I could barely see through my tears. Once I was parked I climbed out of my truck and made my way onto the beach. I needed to pull myself together. Finding a nice isolated spot, I sat. My now swollen hand felt numb and I knew I would probably need to get it checked out. I very well could have broken it, but for now I ignored it as I looked out into the ocean and cried over the second boy that ended up breaking my heart.
A/N: First Twilight fanfic in a long, long time. This is my way to get back in the game. I hope you guys like it! This is going to be a HUGE multi - chapter that i will attempt with semi regular updates(I have a cruise coming up as well as mandatory OT but after that I will be gold.) . Let me know what you guys think!
R+R :)
Thank you!