Disclaimer: I don't own the boys
Night terror
I remember my first night in Ma house. I woke up screaming covered in sweat. I was ten year old and use to sleeping with a box cutter under my pillow. It made me feel safe even if it didn't guarantee I was safe. Bobby was still live with Ma so I shared a room with Angel. Bobby and Jerry had there own rooms across the hall. The first night I tried to be quite didn't want to wake Angel. I'd know him six hours didn't want him to hate me. I muffled my screams in the pillow. I was wide awake but the scream still came. I was like that a lot back than. Sometime I'd scream so hard I couldn't breathe. The doctor called it night terrors. There was a reason for them. He didn't want to look to close. No one wanted to look to close except Ma. She the one that got me out the house. She talked the judge out of sending me to juve for knifing that kid. Promised she'd keep me out of trouble if they let her keep me. So they packed my up and ship me off to her house. No one told me I'd be having company. Brother three of them older. They didn't seem to mind me. I felt reasonably safe. I dreamt that night the usual dreams. There not really dreams more like memories I try to shut out. I woke screaming so hard I couldn't breathe, tears blurring my vision. I lay on the bed screaming and trying to catch my breath muffling it all into the pillow. There was a hand warm and solid on my back. I snatch up my box cut rolled over ready to fight even if I was pretty sure I would lose. It was Angel he help me sit up and hand me a glass of water. I got half it down before it came back. The tight desperate feeling in my chest the room got to hot. I bit down on my lip to keep from crying. He took my hand and led me out to the porch. He sat with my for over an hour till our finger where frozen. than he took me inside and tucked me onto bed. He never asked questions.
I was 15 the first time I had sex and wanted to. I got home late got chewed out by Ma went to bed feeling giddy and slightly guilt for staying out late, making Ma worry. I woke up screaming the way I hadn't screamed in years. Ma came in to the room eyes wide. She rubbed my back and it wouldn't stop. The screams keep coming. I remember I scream so hard it felt like my chest was caving in on itself. I couldn't catch my breath. Jerry came into the room with a glass of water. I couldn't stop scream long enough to swallow. Ma warped herself around me and held on till the screams died down. She held me close, sing songs, stocking my hair. I feel asleep crying empty. So fucking happy to be empty no screams left. I woke up to find Angel watching me. He gave me a notebook and told me to write. I started writing, couldn't stop. I spent most of that day and the next filling up the book. When it was full, we drove out to visit Bobby. We burn the green and white marble notebook in a trashcan out back. Afterwards I sat on Bobby bed and cry forever. It was okay because my brothers where there and they held me forever.