A/N: This is my first time writing for the Harry Potter fandom. I mostly write for Lost, so this is a brand new experience for me. That being said, please review and tell me how I'm doing! Any comment is appreciated.
This is for my friend and wifey, Joy. Thank you for reintroducing me to Ron and Hermione. Love you to pieces!
Disclaimer: Don't own HP or the characters.
I close my eyes and I smile
Knowing that everything is alright
To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?
My breath is on your hair
I'm unaware
That you opened the blinds and let the city in
God, you held my hand
And we stand
Just taking in everything.
And I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony.
We're both flying away.
So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me
And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...
I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony...
We're both flying away.
And I'll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
'til I can bring you home with me
I'll try to sleep
And when I do I'll keep you in my... dreams
I knew it from the start
So my arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
So here we are
On this 18th floor balcony, yeah
I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No, we're not going to sleep
Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony... we're both..
Flying away
-18th Floor Balcony, Blue October
It was late (or early; time didn't really matter anymore) and for once in your life, you were content to do nothing. You weren't bothered that there wasn't a plan, that you didn't know the next step. You were too conflicted, too full of feeling to shut your eyes. Half of you felt like crying, like breaking into huge, heaving sobs, like falling apart, while the other half felt like breaking into song, like going to the highest tower in the castle and screaming at the top of your lungs.
You were stumbling and flying; a paradox, but that was the way you felt. It was like your knees were scraped, bleeding and raw, but your head was in the clouds, making everything just a little fuzzy.
The person lying next to you was the reason for all of this and the only reason you hadn't completely fallen apart. You needed to be strong for him even if with every second, every breath, you felt a little piece of yourself crack more.
You hadn't stopped looking at him since he fell asleep. And it was then that you noticed how visibly tired he was. You could see the faint gray circles around his eyes, and you wondered if you looked just as exhausted. But then again, that seemed like a stupid question. You had both been under immense stress and pressure. And the fact that you had been tortured didn't really help matters. Your eyes flitted over his features noting his slightly sunken cheeks, a constant reminder of the months you had spent in hiding, surviving on the mere basics.
You rolled onto your back and stared at the red drapes over the bed. Even though you had spent six years before that doing the exact same thing, all of the sudden it just felt so foreign, so out of place. Hogwarts just wasn't home anymore; it, like the rest of your life, your world, your parent's world, was tainted, marred by blood and heartache, and you weren't sure it would ever feel the same; if you would ever feel the same. You could hardly imagine how Ron felt. Despite your current proximity, you still felt so far away; you'd hardly muttered a word since you had kissed him.....and then with Fred, you just didn't know what to say. All the customary remarks just seemed so unfeeling and you were afraid if you even brought it up, you might fall apart which was the last thing he needed. A single tear trailed down your cheek and pooled in the crook of your collarbone. You wiped furiously at it, and turned your thoughts to earlier.
You'd both climbed to Gryffindor Tower silently, dragging your feet from exhaustion. You had spent some time with Harry, but when Ginny turned up, you and Ron had wordlessly agreed to give them some space. The common room felt so empty when you entered it even though you and Ron had been alone in there before. Pausing awkwardly on the bottom of the staircase, you gazed into his eyes and wondered if he would look back, but he looked far away somehow, his eyes unfocused, and all of the sudden, like you had mastered Legilimency, you knew where he was. He was at the Burrow, maybe playing Quidditch in the yard or smiling at the loud popping noises emitting from the twins' door. He was in the past, forever fixed there, and you seemed to be ever suspended in the present, soaked in pain and longing. Victory had never been so bittersweet. You turned away quickly as you felt your eyes burn, and slowly walked up the stairs, calling down softly, "Good night, Ron".
"Hermione!", he shouted all of the sudden, "wait." You turned to find him looking rather flustered, and before you could ask what was the matter, he rushed out with it.
"Listen, I reckon I can't sleep alone tonight, and Harry's bloody off who knows where. Come sleep in our dormitory."
You stared at him blankly for a second before realizing your senses. "Okay." You said. It was the least you could do, you tried to tell yourself, but nevertheless you still felt breathless.
You had tried to get into Harry's bed, figuring if he did come up for some sleep, he could just wake you, but as soon as you pulled back the sheets, Ron spoke again.
"Maybe…" He trailed off, clearing his throat. "….um, there's room in my bed, you know if…." His face was taking on the same flaming red color of his hair, but you could hardly blame him as your heart did a little flutter in your chest.
Breathless for the second time in one night, you answered, "alright", kicking yourself for not being more outright. I mean you had bloody kissed him today! 'What is wrong with me?', you thought as you sank into his bed, pulling the covers up all the way to your chin. With your back turned to him, you could only feel him lie down beside you. You held your breath as you felt him move closer, but he stopped abruptly mere inches from you back. You didn't have the courage to turn and face him as your heart hammered in your chest and your body hummed just from the sheer closeness to him. He could surely hear the pounding of your heart, you wildly thought, but there was nothing you could do to stop it. His smell flooded your senses and you felt a sudden ache as you remembered how overwhelmed you had been by that exact scent only hours before. You could practically still taste him on your tongue. And with that you turned, mustering the nerve to just look at him…..but he was already asleep.
You sighed deeply. Lying next to him, you were reminded of how separate you had always been. So close and yet so far. Was this always how it was going to be? Was that kiss just a spur of the moment thing? Did he get caught up in the rush of what he thought might be his last hours of life? You couldn't really be sure; you just knew you wanted to be there for him now.
You turned back on your side, facing him, and felt a pang of sadness when you saw him trembling, his face laden with distress in his sleep. Was he having a nightmare? You wish there was something you could do, a draught you could give him, but the hospital was too busy for a matter such as this. Surely everyone was having nightmares tonight. Then you thought of your mother and how she used to calm you down in your sleep. You weren't sure if you would have ever had the courage to do this when he was awake, but in the dark, you ran your fingers lightly through his hair, brushing back his slightly damp auburn locks from his forehead, and then stroked his cheek softly with your thumb. He relaxed visibly to your touch and even melted into the contour of your hand; a perfect fit.
You didn't dare move your hand, but you extended your fingers and continued to brush away the hair framing his face; it had gotten so long in the last couple of months and you wondered if he would let you cut it tomorrow. After all, you knew some spells, and maybe it would take his mind off things.
Suddenly, he stirred, and you hesitated, lifting your hand off his face (you ached from the loss of contact), but it was that movement that woke him fully. His blue eyes pierced yours, and your heart pounded painfully in your chest as you got lost in his eyes for a second. It was a sea of misery and you shivered as you got wrapped up in his cloud. You tried to bring your hand back to your side, but taking you by surprise, he took it tenderly, placing it back on his cheek and covering your hand with his own. He closed his eyes, sighing deeply, and when he opened them again, you felt the tears building up behind your eyelids suddenly overflow.
You weren't sure he had ever looked at you like that before. His eyes were shining with so much love and adoration, twinkling in the moonlight, that you thought your heart might possibly be swelling. But that couldn't be right, it's not like you could do an Engorgement Charm on your heart….'oh shut up Hermione', you thought.
You stared at each other for what you felt like was hours, balancing trepidatiously on the precipice of your future, but it probably was only seconds before he leaned in towards you.
He kissed you tentatively at first, his lips soft and subtle on your own, as if he was scared that perhaps you had changed your mind. So you responded eagerly, capturing his bottom lip in between your own. He moaned lightly, creating a flame in your belly, and wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer. Your hands moved from his cheeks to the nape of his neck, running your fingers up and down his freckled skin. He began to deepen your kisses, sucking hungrily on your top lip until your breathing grew frantic and hurried. You knew then to break apart; tonight was not the night. Not when you both were still broken.
Pulling apart, you felt a tear escape your eye and gave Ron a watery smile to reassure him. His lips were swollen and bright red, but he smiled faintly in return. Words didn't really have to spoken at that point; you both knew the other was hurting, both for the same reasons, but you were lighter now somehow just knowing that you really had each other. He reached up to wipe the tears off your face with his thumbs, and whispered so softly, you thought maybe it was a figment of your imagination.
"I love you Hermione."
"Oh, Ron!" you said, tears freely flowing down your face as you threw your arms around him. "I love you too."
On the brink of your future, you took the plunge, not quite sure what would meet you when you reached the bottom. But at the moment you were both flying, free falling in the in between. And you realized as you fell asleep in his arms, that there was nothing more liberating than that.
Please review! Thank you for reading.