Wash us. Clean us. Make us shine.
You ll be rewarded well in time.
"That doesn't rhyme," Ianto told the sculpture he was cleaning. It, along with its two companion sculptures, were the ugliest things Ianto had ever seen. It was no wonder this monstrosity had been locked up in a forgotten room in the archives. He'd stumbled across the door to this room by accident when he'd gone looking for the Jalboriam harp and had to move some old shelving to reach it.
The newly discovered door had been locked, but one of Ianto's many keys and a little force had opened it to reveal a small room containing what appeared to be a stone well. As soon as he'd stepped across the threshold, the three sculptures had turned towards him and he'd realized they were heads.
And then they started talking.
Wash us. Clean us. Make us shine.
You ll be rewarded well in time.
"I am washing you," Ianto told the ugly head as he held the bucket under its chin and ran the soapy sponge over its face. This was the last of the three, and the only one still talking, the other two had their eyes closed and were humming.
One last pass of the sponge, and then a change of buckets for a rinse and the third head took on the same silver-blue sheen as the others. Ianto finished up with a soft drying cloth and stepped back, admiring his work.
The three heads turned to look at him, silent and smiling but it was the flash of silver-blue light behind them in the well that drew Ianto forward.
"A job well done," the heads chorused as the light in the well flared outward, blindingly bright. A few seconds later it, and Ianto, were gone.
The heads laughed merrily, then promptly fell asleep.
XXXXX
"It's not a rift spike," Tosh shouted over the alarms and other voices. She worked frantically at her computer, tracing the energy while running a comparison against similar phenomena.
"Ianto's not responding," Jack practically shouted in her ear as he leaned down to read her computer screen. He reached past her to point at the graph of the energy spike. That's a temporal shift and..." he straightened up, reaching for his gun while looking at Owen. "Archives, now!"
"Gwen, keep trying to locate Ianto. He was working close to the center of that spike."
Jack was off at a run, Owen on his heels. Tosh leaned in closer to her computer, typing frantically. In the background, Gwen could he heard calling for Ianto.
XXXXX
He woke up beside a large apple tree, weighted down with beautiful green apples Ianto's favorite. He climbed to his feet slowly, surprisingly free of aches for having been unconscious.
He took in his surroundings, noting the large open field complete with cow ahead and the tall hedge behind and to either side of the tree. In the distance he could see a white shape that was probably a sheep and beyond it a simple farmhouse.
It was a sunny day, pleasantly warm and the apples smelled delicious.
Unable to resist, Ianto reached up and picked an especially nice apple, shining it on his sleeve and smelling it before taking a tentative bite. It was delicious. A minute later he was tossing the core to the ground beside the tree trunk and reaching up for another fruit.
"Eat all you want," a deep, melodious voice urged.
"My branches are so heavy and full. Pick all you can, take all you will.
Around my trunk should go the rest. Be tidy, please, don t leave a mess."
"Doesn't anyone know how to rhyme?" Ianto muttered as he started picking the nearest apples. A long pole propped against the hedge helped him reach the higher branches and soon he had a nice arrangement of apples under the tree and a small pile wrapped up in his suit coat to be saved for later in case it took him a while to figure out how to return home.
He patted the tree trunk once before he left and received a grateful smile for his efforts.
Feeling bemused and wondering if he might happen across a white rabbit with a pocket watch, Ianto started off across the field. He was planning to avoid the cow but she gave him such a plaintive moo that he stopped to pet her.
"You haven't been milked in a while, poor thing." A milk pail stood empty near her left rear hoof. Without being asked, Ianto knelt down, moved the pail into place and milked the cow. She mooed gratefully and didn't seem to mind him drinking his fill.
She butted against his hand and mooed as he patted her one last time before taking his leave.
It was a brisk walk to the sheep, overgrown with wool. He left the animal happier twenty minutes later, half the wool laid neatly on the ground and the other half carried along with the apples. Ianto was no expert, but he knew enough to recognize quality wool. If he was going to be pulled into a well by three ugly heads and end up shearing sheep, he might as well get some nice wool out of it.
At last he reached the house, which was more plain than picturesque. The place had probably been nice once, but now it just looked shabby. Ianto surveyed the weathered barn and overgrown garden before stepping up to the door of the house and knocking.
"Yes?" A wizened old man answered, leaning heavily on a walking cane.
"Good afternoon," Ianto started politely, but the man cut him off.
"You're lost. Need a job. So on, so on, blah, blah." He moved back and motioned for Ianto to enter. "Come in then. You're too tall and you dress funny but I suppose you ll do."
"I'm sorry..."
"Of course you are. They all are. Ugly heads always sending me people who don't know the rules. Come on then, take a seat and let's get this over with."
Ianto sat carefully, afraid the rickety old chair wouldn't hold his weight. When it proved sturdier than it looked, he relaxed, setting his burden down on the table and giving the man his complete attention.
XXXXX
Wash us. Clean us. Make us shine.
You ll be rewarded well in time.
"Oi!" Owen shouted as Jack backed peddled unexpectedly and trod on his foot.
"Quiet," It took Jack a moment to place the oddly familiar rhyme. By the time he remembered what it was, Owen was already examining the well and the three heads.
"I'm not the teaboy you ugly things," Owen waved a damp cleaning rag he'd found at the heads, but didn't get too close.
Jack had a sudden flash of memory and burst into laughter, half collapsing against the wall with equal parts amusement and relief. Ianto was not going to be happy, but at least he'd be back safely, and soon.
XXXXX
It took just under an hour for Ianto to finish his three impossible tasks and tidy the house and grounds. He'd lost a little time making coffee first, but he'd needed it. The old man hadn't objected. In fact, he d practically begged Ianto to make a fresh pot before left.
"I'm supposed to make you choose," the old man said as he opened a cupboard to reveal three small treasure chests. "But anyone who can do three impossible tasks perfectly and make coffee like that deserves the reward so..." He hefted the green chest down and handed it to Ianto with a big smile.
"Don't open it until you get home," he cautioned, taking a small gold key from his pocket and handing it over. Ianto accepted it and the chest with thanks and placed them alongside the apples and the wool in the bag the old man had given him.
"Hate to see you go, lad, but I'm sure you'll be wanting to get home." The man escorted Ianto to the door and waved as Ianto started up the path past the neatly tended garden and immaculate barn. The freshly-painted house gleamed in the afternoon sun.
Ianto petted the sheep and the cow on his way past, then stopped and picked up a few more apples from under the tree, tucking them into the bag before he walked up to and straight through the hedge.
Silver-blue light blinded him for a moment and when his vision cleared, he was back in the archives, standing in the well while Jack hugged him and the three heads hummed.
XXXXX
"Do we get to see what's in the treasure chest?" Gwen asked for the third time. They were in the conference room with fresh coffee and the remains of a late lunch. Ianto's apples were piled in a bowl at the end of the table and the wool was still in the bag waiting transport to an old friend of Ianto's sister who did handcrafts as a hobby.
Ianto glanced over at Jack, surprised to see him as eager as the others to see what treasures the chest held.
"Why are you so excited? You've been through the well." Ianto still couldn't believe he'd spent most of his day in the 37th century version of an amusement park ride; one designed to teach children to be tidy and polite no less.
"I picked the blue chest," Jack said, mumbling the words. "It was filled with rocks."
Ianto bit back a laugh and opened the chest before Owen made a remark. He threw open the lid with a flourish and smiled at the tidy pile of gold.
"You're rich!" Gwen squealed while Owen decided he might have to have a go at that well himself. It was Tosh who actually picked up a piece and realized the truth.
"It's candy," Jack said quickly before she dove into a complex analysis. He took a piece and popped it into his mouth, savoring the taste of a treat he hadn't had in decades.
"Share?" he asked Ianto, leaning in to kiss him before he had time to answer.
"Oi!" Owen protested, reaching over and taking a couple pieces of the candy for himself. It was vaguely mocha flavored with hints of cinnamon and vanilla, but so smooth and light that it was almost like tasting air.
Gwen and Tosh were sampling it too, making noises of delight that were almost obscene.
Owen watched them for a moment then grinned and reached for the treasure chest again, taking a handful of the candy this time. Ianto pulled away from Jack to object but stopped, staring at his reward.
"It's refilled itself."
"Sure," Jack said easily, popping another piece of candy into his mouth before leaning in towards Ianto for another kiss. "What kind of a reward would it be if it didn't?"
::end::