Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Angel… nope.
Author's Note: You have to read Can't Save Everyone to understand this story.
It had been 3 days since everything went to hell in a hand basket. Everyone had been monitoring Max a little more closely since that night. Alec and Joshua insisted Max come over every night to get her mind off everything that had gone down. Their 'fun nights' ranged from TV, to movies; to dinner… they even dredged up a few pre-Pulse board games. While they both knew they couldn't exactly erase all the thoughts in her troubled mind or lift the aura of depression that hung around her, at least they could make her smile a little. Alec also put his old Manticore training to use and was also to persuade more of the transgenics to pull their weight. He had been a leader back in the day and had learned how to 'rally the troops.'
Max tried her best to enjoy herself during the 'fun nights,' but those past weeks plagued her thoughts all the time. She couldn't even begin to fathom why she had given in. Alec told her that she had probably gone through 'some kind of nervous breakdown.' It was strange to hear that. Nervous breakdowns were things that happened to other people. People who were really pushed to the edge… like she was. It didn't help that she had to face Alec and Joshua's sympathetic eyes on her all the time.
Maybe that's why she practically jumped for joy when Logan contacted her and told her to pay him a visit tonight. Logan had no knowledge of what Max had done. Despite the fact they still had the virus between them, the fact Logan was blissfully unaware of what had transpired made things actually less tense for a change. That and, Max had to admit, she had really missed his spur-of-the-moment, run-of-the-mill culinary miracles. Canned goods at Terminal City didn't even begin to compete. She knocked on his door, suddenly very impatient.
Logan opened the door fairly quickly… the distance to the door much shorter than when he was in his penthouse apartment. He couldn't hide the wide smile on his face as he greeted Max. He had missed her. "Hey," he said huskily.
"Hey," she smiled back.
"So how's the leader of the transgenic revolution?" Logan teased.
"Hungry," Max replied, walking into his house and straight to the kitchen.
Logan smiled at her brusque nature and followed. "I was hoping you'd say that. I see a Poulet chez Cale in your future." He graciously pulled out a chair for her. Max smiled at his chivalry and sat down, feeling a bit nostalgic. Well, a lot nostalgic. "Wanna help set the table?"
"Sure." Max busied herself with the table, while watching Logan prepare the chicken, vegetables, and the wine glasses with pure adoration in her eyes. He set the entrée and side dishes down on the table, then eyed her suspiciously.
"You okay? You haven't said a word," he coaxed gently.
"I'm fine. Just hungry," she lied as she dug into her meal before Logan could ask any more questions. After a moment, she looked up… thinking of something to say to fill the void. "How's Eyes Only?"
"Well you know, the same… protecting the downtrodden, fighting the good fight, blah blah woof woof…" he trailed off. Now it was Max's turn to raise an eyebrow. She knew her reasons for being evasive, why was Logan avoiding her question? Logan knew she had her suspicions now. He sighed, grabbed the dishes (now empty), and walked over to the kitchen sink; turning his back to her. "Listen…" he started as he haphazardly threw the dishes into the sink. "There's something I have to tell you, Max."
She gazed at him intently. A lump started to form in her throat as she tried to think of a million different scenarios of horrible things that could have happened in her absence.
Logan turned and faced her, propping his arms behind him on the rim of the sink. He bowed his head and nervously scratched his head. He tilted his head up and looked at Max intensely. "They found a cure," he stated simply. Max sighed in relief and a huge smiled formed at the news.
It was mid-morning by the time Max drove back to Terminal City, practically on air. She had stuck herself with the antidote, which would hopefully rid her of the virus once and for all. Logan told her that they needed a full day for her body to totally rid her of the nasty bug and then tomorrow night they could celebrate. Did she dare to be optimistic and get her hopes up again? A possible cure had already come and gone twice now. She had to let herself believe that she would be cured this time. She really needed to feel hopeful about something after all she had been through.
She parked her motorcycle on the stairs and greeted her fellow transgenics sitting at the computer console. "Hello citizens," she chirped. "What going on?"
Alec turned around to face her. "Max, maybe you should see this," he said solemnly, pointing to the television. Realizing the tone of his voice, she bounded up the stairs and watched the TV. It was another KIPH 3 news broadcast… and Max knew immediately this was bad news.
"Reports have come in about a transgenic who brutally slaughtered a local guard at Harbor Lights Medical one week ago," the reporter said. Max's heart pounded in her chest at the news. She leaned in toward the screen, intently. The news segment cut to a man Max instantly recognized at one of the other guards at the hospital.
"I'm not sure which of 'em did it. But you can be sure, it was a trannie. There were three bullet wounds straight to the chest and you gotta admit, only a trained killer could do a job like that," he said, venomously.
The news cut back to the reporter. "So there you have it. Another transgenic killer, here's Senator McKinley to talk about the new threat we continue to face…"
Max turned away from the screen, shaking slightly at what she had heard. Alec grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her away from the other transgenics staring into the TV. "Max? Max, look at me," he ordered in a hushed voice. She forced herself to look at him at the urgency of his voice.
"I was a trained assassin, remember? Manticore's finest? I made sure our tracks were covered. I burned the gun. There is no way they'll ever find out, okay?" he insisted. Max relaxed a little and gave him a tight smile. She was about to thank him, when an enraged Joshua bounded up to them.
"You see? One of us… shot one of them… dead!" he exclaimed, gesturing to the TV. "But you-you wouldn't let me. After he-"Joshua's voice choked with emotion as he ran a hand through his long hair in memory of his unfortunate friend Annie Fischer. He recalled how badly he wanted to kill Ames White after what he did…
"Joshua, look-"Max started.
"You'll… you'll tell them, right Max?" he asked, with pleading eyes. "You find out who did this. And you make them pay," he growled with a dangerous look in his eyes.
"Joshua, I-"she trailed off. Joshua sensed her reluctance.
"You'll do this, you make them pay," he insisted. It was not a question. He nodded and began to walk backwards, away from the control station. "They put us all in danger!" he practically roared, throwing up his hands and marching out of sight.
Max turned back to Alec, who was looking at her with concern. "Well… he took it just like I thought he would," she quipped.
"Hey, he doesn't have to know. Just give him the whole 'lay low', 'things'll get better' speech. He'll get over it," he babbled, elbowing Max.
"I have to tell him," she stated. Alec raised an eyebrow at her. She looked back at him. "He should know." With that, she decidedly walked back in the direction she had seen Joshua leave.
"Max! Bad idea! Baaaad idea!" he shouted back to her, waving his arm. Sighing, he stuffed the hand into his pocket. "Well… no one listens to me anyway…" he muttered.
Max found Joshua back at his apartment. He was slumped over at the couch, his head in his hand and his eyes cast to the floor. A blank canvas sat unused, while art supplies were scattered in front of him. She saw his forlorn expression and approached him nervously.
"Hey, Big Fella."
"Not in the mood to talk, Little Fella," Joshua whispered into his hand.
"Look Joshua, there's something I need to tell you," she began as she gingerly placed a hand on his shoulder. She bowed her head and bit his lip slightly. "I know who did it. I know who killed the guard…"
Joshua looked up at her and placed his hands on the arm of the sofa. "Who?" he insisted, excitedly. "Who?"
Max pulled her hand off of his shoulder and put it by her side. She bowed her head and nervously began to play with her hands. Then she gulped and looked into Joshua's eyes. "I did it. I killed him."
Joshua looked at her, shocked to his core. He pulled back into the chair, taking in her words. He pulled his hand through his hair again, his eyes glistening. "You-you did it…" he whispered. "You were the one who stopped me! You said I couldn't… that-that they'd never stop hunting us!" he yelled, his voice rising in indignation as he threw her words back at her.
Max crawled back slightly, in fear of the giant, angry dog-man in front of her. When she found her voice, she realized she was yelling back in desperation. "I know… I know what I said! And I'm sorry. Really. I didn't mean it… they killed my sister. They-they" she stammered.
"Get out Max," Joshua said in a low voice.
"Joshua…" she squeaked.
"Get out!" he yelled, pointing at the door. Max did as she was told.
Alec frowned as he found Max in her room, buried in her work again. He had to admit that he was feeling slightly miffed at the fact she ignored his advice again. He contemplated the fact that, for all the times he screwed up, he felt was usually right when it came to telling Max what to do. Hell he could make a mental list about all the time he was right. Telling Max it was too dangerous to be with Logan, telling her that thievery was a natural, viable, and better alternative to simply working for a living, he could go on… But underneath his arrogant sense of self-righteousness, Alec was feeling pretty bad about all the shit Max was going through. He decided it couldn't hurt to try to help soothe things over with Joshua.
He walked casually into the door of his apartment, noting a downtrodden dog-man sitting on the couch and staring into space. "Go away, Max," he stated, as if in a trance.
"Hey, do I look like I have long hair and say too much slang?" Alec jested.
Joshua took note Alec and walked from the armchair to the couch with his back facing his roommate. "Not in the mood to play, Alec." Alec pursed his lips and looked around the room. He spied Joshua's canvas and saw that he had painted another masterpiece. "Hey, what's this? Joshua #568?" he asked, playfully.
"Max," Joshua stated, looking up from his spot on the floor. He rose and ambled up to the drawing. He pointed to the top of the painting, which was a streak of white paint. "This is good. Innocence," he explained. He trailed his finger down to the bottom of the canvas. This part was smudged in black and red. "This is bad. Evil. Hate," he finished his voice low. Alec eyed the piece, taking it in. He pointed to the middle of the painting.
"Why's some of the white part smudged with the black?" he asked, though he felt he knew the answer.
"Hate. It creeps in and started to take away the good," Joshua said, grimly. Alec swallowed at his friend's words. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and turned to face his despondent friend.
"Look Josh, that painting… it could be anyone. It could be me, hell, it could even be you," he argued.
Joshua nodded. "It's harder… when you're surrounded by hate," he agreed.
"Yea well, you know what the difference is between you and Max? There are a lot of chances… so many chances we take. Sometimes it's a bit harder to avoid all the black stuff. Hey, I could've just killed you that one time, remember?" he reminded Joshua as he recalled the time he almost killed him to retrieve his barcode for White. "Some people... they get faced with a lot more chances. And I think if that person, with all the black there, all the temptations, still keeps trying for the white, then that should count for something, right?"
Joshua understood Alec's words and nodded. He studied Alec a moment. "You love her," he stated.
Alec was taken by Joshua's words. For once, he was speechless.
The sky had just begun to change to a deep tint of blue and Max began to prepare her motorcycle. She needed to make a few repairs before visiting Logan tonight. It wasn't that she was careless with it really, but a motorcycle can only handle so many high speed chases without needing some TLC. Alec hung back in the distance as he watched Max tune up her Ninja. Why was this suddenly more nerve-racking than taking down a Familiar?
At last he took a breath and walked toward Max. He was thinking of something witty to say, when oil began to pour over Max's face. She immediately began cursing and pounding on the tank. Alec tried to cover his mouth, but he chortled anyway. Max scooted out from under her bike and rose to face Alec.
"Something funny to you?" she challenged as she reached for a washcloth.
"Yeah, no… it's a good look for you," Alec teased. Max wiped her face and sighed.
"What do you want, Alec?"
"Nothin'… nothin'… just curious about what community service act you've been conned into now," he fabricated, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"Curiosity killed the cat, Alec," she retorted. He raised an eyebrow in response. Max stayed silent, gripped her handlebars, and mounted her bike. Then she pulled out her glasses and looked down. "We may have found a cure," she said into the glasses.
Alec couldn't help but feel… irritated. Her persistence at the whole virus-thing was, to his mind, beginning to become just ridiculous. After all their failed attempts, all Logan's brushes with death, you'd think she'd know when to call this thing quits. And what exactly did Logan have that he didn't? Alec realized he knew the answer to that.
Logan was all about fighting for the downtrodden, helping the less fortunate. He put his life on the line to help others… willingly even. He was a hero, even a saint at times. For all the times he had helped protect others, Alec knew what Max still thought of him. It wasn't just Ben, the 'brother' she had killed. It was Manticore. Darkness. And Max wanted to get away from Manticore more than anything.
But, he reasoned, she couldn't. It would always be with her. No matter how much she tried to run, deny it, or cover it up with good deeds. That, he realized, is what he could offer her. An understanding that Logan could never give her. Mustering up his courage, Alec stood in front of her bike and grabbed her handlebars before she could press the gas.
"You didn't tell him, did you?" he said coldly.
Max sighed and pulled at her brake. "No."
"Why not? You told me… hell you even told Joshua," he challenged, pacing in front of her. "Aren't you guys supposed to be… y'know… lovers? Kindred spirits and what not?" he asked, rolling his eyes at the last part.
"Not that its any of your business, but there are things about me that I don't really want Logan to know," Max stated through clenched teeth.
"Yea sure, that makes sense," he nodded. "I mean you at least told him about Ben, right?" he pressed, shrugging his shoulders.
Max said nothing.
He felt a little surprised at her response and gauged her reaction. She suddenly looked very perplexed and solemn. He frowned slightly and walked beside her. "Max… you know that's part of who you are," he told her softly, as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
Max's expression changed and she suddenly became volatile, slapping his hand away. "I told you me and Logan are none of your business," she fumed. She revved her engine and took off before Alec could say anything else.
Pieces of their conversation whirled through Max's head as she drove to Logan's house. She vehemently tried to push his words out of her mind or at least rationalize any good arguments he had made… He's wrong. Logan and I are fine. There's no reason to complicate things. We're going to be together and things will be like they've always been. She shook her head as she climbed up the porch and knocked on his door.
"Hey," Logan said with a smile as he opened the door.
"Hey," she smiled back at him. She jumped a bit as lightning cracked behind her, giving off a loud, reverberating peal of thunder.
"Whoa, you better come in. Looks like its really coming down. We better get you into some dry clothes," he suggested, noting her appearance.
Max had hardly noticed the rain as she was driving up to Logan's and she was surprised to see that she was soaked. From her hair down to her boots, she was dripping water. Wondering how she could have been so unaware of the weather conditions, she shrugged off her jacket onto the couch. Boy, now she really did feel cold. She looked over to see Logan attempting to start a fire nearby at the fireplace. After a few moments, he was successful and stood in triumph.
"Ahhh, that'll keep us warm," he announced, proudly.
Max sat on the arm of a nearby chair, rubbing her hands together to keep warm. Logan noticed she looked cold and walked up to her. "Here," he said, taking his hands in his and rubbing them together to generate body heat.
She smiled at first, then her eyes became wide as she remembered the bug between them. "Logan!" she cried, standing abruptly. Logan stumbled backwards as he was reminded of the virus too. He put up his hands to calm Max.
"It's okay! It's okay! Now… we wait…" he offered, noting their recent attempt to get rid of the virus. He sat down on the couch opposite to her chair and they stared at each other with frightened looks in their eyes. After a few minutes of fidgeting and looking terrified, Logan stood and walked to the kitchen. "I'm-I'm going to distract myself…" he stammered.
He walked over to the kitchen and began to stir the pasta sitting on the stove. Then he turned to see Max standing behind him. He knew what she was thinking. The effects of the retro-virus were instantaneous and Logan wasn't exactly keeling over on her. They were… cured. "Logan," she said softly.
Logan didn't say anything. He walked over to her, gently held her face in his hands and kissed her. After a second, Max returned the kiss, pulling him in closer. They pulled away for a moment and laughed. Then they began to attack each other with their mouths. The momentum was a bit too much and they tumbled onto the couch. They began grasping and pawing at each other like wild animals, desperate for the intimacy that had eluded them for two years. "I love you Max," Logan whispered as he began kissing her neck.
Now should have really been Max's turn to say "I love you," but suddenly the conversation came back in her head. What if… what if Alec was right? If Logan really knew what she was, would he still love her? What if everything he was telling her, everything he was doing for her, to her... was all because of a lie? At that thought, Max gently pulled away from him and stood up. A bit startled, Logan pulled upright and looked at Max quizzically. "Max? What's wrong?" he asked, feeling a bit hurt.
"Logan… there's something I have to tell you," she said, wringing her hands.
"Max, whatever it is… we can worth through it. We're together. You don't have to worry," he smiled as he began to approach Max, misconstruing her reluctance for a fear of intimacy.
"You don't even know what I'm going to say," she replied coarsely, her eyes suddenly glistening. Logan's frown disappeared. Max looked down, no longer able to meet Logan's eyes. She turned her back to him and gestured at the television set. "Seen the news lately?" she said, a little tongue-in-cheek.
Logan knew the allegations made by the guard on KIPH 3 were serious and a threat to the whole transgenic movement. He scratched his head as he tried to think of a way to allay her fears. "It's alright, Max. You'll find whoever did this and…"
"I did it," she stated simply. She nervously gazed up to see his reaction.
"What?" Logan said, clearly feeling uncomfortable at how the conversation going.
"You heard me, I killed that guard," she said, a bit more harshly. "It was easy. Straight to the chest, just like they taught me."
Logan's brows knitted in concern for Max. He knew she had probably done it to save her family… and that it was killing her inside. "Max, it's okay. She was your sister," he comforted her, drawing her inside a hug. Max accepted the hug for a moment, and then she angrily shoved him backwards.
"No, no, you don't get it! You can't understand this! I did it. It was cold. It was efficient. And-and I was happy to do it, okay?" she blurted as she walked in front of Logan, drawing him backwards.
He gulped; suddenly feeling nervous as Lydecker's words came flooding back to him. They were designed to kill. Coldly...efficiently...and happily. Max saw the look in his eye. He was fearful, shocked, even disgusted. As she felt the pain rip through her chest, she decided to continue. "And guess what? He's not the only one I've killed," she confessed, her hands shaking. "You were right all along, Logan. I am a genetically enhanced killing machine. I even killed my own brother for god's sake.' At those last words, Max felt hot tears dripping down her face. Her anger began to soften as she turned away from him.
Thoughts whirled through Logan's head as he took in Max's words. He felt guilt at the name he used to call Max so long ago. He felt sympathy for all the pain she had gone through. And yes, he couldn't help feeling fear and uncertainty from what he had learned. What could he say to her? "Max," he started, fumbling for his words.
"Just… just stay away from me, Logan," she whispered, her voice choked with emotion. She fled through the door before he could stop her. Logan started to follow her, when he felt a spark on his legs. He realized, in horror that his exoskeleton was malfunctioning again. He collapsed to the floor, helpless to go after the fleeing X5.
Max swiped at her eyes as she tried to stop the tears from flowing. She wheeled her motorcycle alongside her, racked with self-pity and wondering how the evening could have possibly gone worse.
"Put your hands in the air!" a voice bellowed. She heard the click of a gun behind her and complied. "Max Guevara, you are under arrest for the murder of Matt Richardson."
Max sighed in exasperation. She just had to wonder, didn't she?