My muse has gone rabid on me. No stories in weeks, and as soon as I get sick, my muse demands a story. LOL. Ain't that how it goes? I'm a huge fan of Terri Clark, and while listening to one of her songs, I stumbled upon this one. It's called If I Were You, and I've absolutely fallen in love with it. So I wrote this. Enjoy, and please remember to review!
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or Terri Clark's If I Were You. But if I did...
SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU
The sun had long disappeared beyond the horizon as Olivia Benson pulled up to her apartment building. It had been another exhausting day of work. Another rape victim, another trial... it never seemed to end.
She parked the car and turned off the ignition. And now she was coming home to an empty apartment. On most nights, it didn't bother her so much. But for some reason, tonight it bothered her.
She was alone.
Finally she pulled the key out of the ignition and got out of her car. The air was chilly, and she shivered, pulling her jacket tighter around herself before shutting the car door.
As she approached the building, she noticed someone standing by the door. Her brow furrowed. Had one of her neighbors locked themselves out? Absently her hand went to the gun at her hip.
The person standing at the door shifted uncomfortably, and as Olivia drew closer, it suddenly dawned on her who it was.
Kathy.
A strange feeling sat in her stomach, and she moved her hand away from the butt of her gun. "Kathy?"
Kathy Stabler lifted her head, and Olivia was surprised by the tears she saw in the woman's blue eyes. "Hi, Olivia."
Olivia finally stopped in front of the other woman. Why in the world was Kathy Stabler at her apartment building? They rarely talked, and the only times they did, they talked about the one thing they had in common: Elliot.
Kathy shifted uncomfortably. "I..." She sighed heavily. "I know we don't talk a lot, Olivia, but... I needed to talk to someone."
Olivia glanced around, then back at Kathy. Her expression was troubled, and it was clear to Olivia that she really needed someone to talk to. She opened the door and motioned for Kathy to follow her. "Come on. We'll talk inside."
"Thank you, Olivia."
You were standin' at my front door
When I came home tonight
And I could tell by the look you gave me
You were needin' my advice
Olivia nodded and led her partner's wife upstairs, to her apartment. Once they were inside, Olivia closed and locked the door. Then she pulled off her jacket and hip holster for her gun. "You want something to drink?" She went into the kitchen.
"No, thank you." Kathy sat down at the kitchen table.
Olivia came back with two bottles of water, and she sat down across from Kathy. "What do you want to talk about?"
Kathy looked down at the tabletop, feeling sick. "I'm... I think I'm going to... to leave Elliot."
A knot formed in the pit of Olivia's stomach. She had heard this from Kathy before, and though she thought Elliot deserved better, he loved Kathy very much.
Kathy continued, "I just... we got married so young. Too young to really know what either of us really wanted out of life. And then we had Maureen, and Elliot joined the Academy..."
The knot grew bigger. "Kathy..."
"I know. It's been over twenty years that we've been together. We have four incredible children." Kathy absently twisted her wedding band, and Olivia almost choked up. "And he's a big part of my heart. But... I think there's more to life... more that I want, that he can't really give me." A tear rolled down her red cheek and splashed on the tabletop.
Olivia cradled her head in her hand. She saw the way Elliot looked at Kathy, as though she was the very breath he drew.
And if Kathy was so intent on leaving, she knew someone who would happily take her place.
You say you want more out of life than he can give you
As a tear rolls down your face
But girl, I've seen the way he looks at you
And I know someone who'd gladly take your place
Kathy blew out a deep breath. "I just... I'm not sure what to do. Sometimes I think we stayed together for the kids." And if they had, what were they going to do when Dickie and Elizabeth graduated high school next year? Have another baby, just to keep a floundering marriage alive for a little longer?
Olivia thought for a moment. "I'm not you, Kathy. I haven't even been able to keep a relationship alive while working this job. I'm probably not the best person to be talking about marriage to."
She took a long drink of her water. "But if I were you, I would go back home."
Kathy stared at her wedding band.
"You have a good man. I know you've always been afraid that he would cheat on you with me, but the fact is, he never has. Because he loves you too much."
The blond woman ran her hand through her hair. She knew that Elliot loved her. She never had a doubt about that, even if he hadn't in high school. He loved her now. But was that enough?
Olivia studied Kathy intently. "He's a good, kind man. And if I were you, I wouldn't wait. I'd go back home right now, and tell him that everything is going to be okay." Because if she had Elliot, she would have someone to love her for the rest of her life.
Kathy looked at Olivia. Her words were honest, and her expression sincere.
"I would never let him go."
If I were you
I'd run back home tonight
Tell him everything's all right
Yeah, I know what I'd do
If I were you
I'd never let him go
I'd have someone to hold
My whole life through
If I were you
Kathy looked at Olivia. Her words were honest, and her expression sincere.
"When I was younger, I used to think that marriage was all I needed to be complete. A good man, a few kids, and a home of my own." Then she had it, and now she was starting to wonder if it was enough.
She really didn't know how good she had it. Olivia took another long drink of her water. Even just to come home to someone who loved her was a desire Olivia wanted so badly to fulfill.
"But lately... it just seems that there's something more out there." She looked at her wedding ring again. "I'm missing something."
Olivia swallowed a snort. "Kathy, I would give anything to have your problems," she said bluntly.
"I'm not so sure..."
"I am. I would be happy to find someone who wants more than just to share my bed for a night."
A one night stand... Kathy had never even experienced one, though she had come close once or twice to giving into temptation.
"You shouldn't think you're missing out on anything, just because you're wearing a wedding band." Olivia set her water down. "You have a great life, and you should be thankful."
"I know I should," Kathy lamented.
"You married young, and you had a beautiful daughter. Maybe you didn't get to experience the thrills and misery that a lot of people do. But you got something so much better than all of that." She had Elliot, his children, and his last name.
You shouldn't think you're missin' out on something
Because you wear a wedding band
'Cause I can't seem to find somebody
Who wants more than just a one night stand
"This single life isn't all it's cracked up to be. I may have more freedom, but I'm almost forty and what do I have to show for it? A good career, but that's it."
"You have a great career, and you could have any man you want." And Kathy had always been afraid that if Olivia decided to, she could easily take Elliot.
"It's not as glamorous as you think, Kathy. I would trade places with you if I could. I'd rather be married and happy, but instead I'm married to this job."
She regretted that, but it was the path she had chosen. She could have married in college and had children, but what was done was done. And she was becoming frustrated with Kathy's complaints about her not getting enough from her amazing life.
"I know my life looks great, but the truth is my kids are practically grown, and my husband spends more time with you than he does with me."
"Kathy, that's not-"
"We both know it's true. And I know that I haven't been the perfect wife or mother."
"You are a good wife, Kathy, but this job... it's hard. And you can't exactly talk to your spouse about it." That was part of the reason that she hadn't been involved in a serious relationship since she started work at SVU. No one wanted to be involved with a person who saw the things Olivia saw day in and day out. And it was one of the things that drew her and Elliot closer together, because they could talk about it.
"It wasn't only the job that Elliot never wants to talk about, Olivia. He just doesn't want to talk at all anymore."
"Then you should try harder."
"I'm almost done trying."
Olivia got up from her seat. "Look, Kathy, I appreciate that you came here for my advice. And I want to help you." If anything, she would do it for Elliot's sake.
"Thank you."
"But if it's sympathy you're looking for, you've really come to the wrong place."
You know this single life I'm livin'
Ain't all it's cracked up to be
So you've come to the wrong place
If what you want is sympathy
Olivia went to the door and pulled her jacket back on. "It may not be what you want to hear, but it's the truth." She gave Kathy a sad look. "Go back home. At least sleep on it. If it's really what you want to do, and you know it will make you happy, then do it."
Kathy looked a little surprised. Maybe Olivia truly did want her to be happy. But if she left Elliot, then he would be free to be with whomever he wanted. And so would she.
"But if you aren't completely certain this is what you want, don't break his heart again. Because there is someone who would gladly step in and pick up the pieces."
A stunned look crossed Kathy's face.
"Don't look so surprised, Kathy," Olivia said softly. "He may not be everything you want, but there is someone else out there who would love him and never let him go."
The blond stared down at her wedding band. Elliot had placed it on her finger over twenty years ago as he promised that she would be the only woman he'd love for the rest of his life.
"Go home, Kathy," Olivia repeated quietly, even though that was the last thing she hoped the other woman would do. In the back of her mind, she almost wished that Kathy would just leave Elliot. But another part of her simply wanted Elliot to be happy, no matter who he was with.
If I were you
I'd run back home tonight
Tell him everything's all right
Yeah, I know what I'd do
If I were you
I'd never let him go
I'd have someone to hold
My whole life through
If I were you
Kathy finally nodded and got to her feet. She knew what she was going to do, what she had to do. "Thank you for talking to me, Olivia." She grabbed her purse.
"You're welcome, Kathy. I'm glad I could help." Even if it meant that she would never be truly happy.
Kathy went to the door, pausing for a moment in front of Olivia.
Olivia watched her, wondering what she would do.
After a moment, Kathy awkwardly patted Olivia's shoulder, then left the apartment.
Olivia heaved a deep breath, then removed her jacket again and hung it up. Kathy was probably going home to reconcile with Elliot, and they would be happy.
She went to her bedroom and collapsed into her bed, then grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight. At least Elliot would be happy. She would never tell him where she thought he truly belonged. Nothing else mattered as long as he was happy.
If I were you
I'd run back home tonight
Tell him everything's all right
Yeah, I know what I'd do
If I were you
I'd never let him go
I'd have someone to hold
My whole life through
If I were you
She didn't fall asleep, and sometime after one, her phone lit up and started to vibrate. Sighing, she sat up and picked it up, expecting a text from someone calling her to a crime scene.
It was from Elliot, and her heart soared as she read the message.
I'm downstairs with coffee. Kathy left me. Need to talk. -El.
She finally smiled and slipped out of her bed, still fully dressed, and replied, I'll be there in a second. -Liv.
She closed her phone, then left her apartment and went to join her partner downstairs.
If I were you
The End.
A/N: Hehehe, I'm a hopeless shipper. And see, I can make Kathy human occasionally. LOL. If you liked the song, check out the video. It's creepy. Terri Clark has brown eyes and brown hair, and her friend has blue eyes and blond hair. If you squint, it's like Kathy and Olivia! LOL. I'm hopeless. Thanks for reading, and please review!