A/N: Another D.Gray-Man fic, I'm starting to wonder where I get all the ideas from, for these fics. Well anyways angsty Rabi-ness coming at cha!(Sugar never did do go for anyone.) Review kudasai(please)!
Heartless
-Rabi's pov-
Bookman is one the one who saved me. He made sure I didn't die, for a price. That price was to succeed him as the next bookman, desperate I agreed.
Who ever knew the burden was so heavy?
Bookman taught me many things, but he taught me the most important thing:
"Just for the sake of recording history, for the sake of advancing. Bookman have no need for a heart."
And I lived by that until I entered the Black Order.
At first it was façade, a mask that I put together, in order to learn things about the exorcists, to befriend them and learn more information. That was the bookmen's goal, which was the whole purpose behind me and Bookman's support.
Why I was compatible, I still don't understand, but whatever the reason, it was a blessing. I met lots of people, and learned many things. That goofy cheerful person, they identified as Rabi, wasn't Rabi. There is no person by the name of Rabi; there is only Bookman's successor.
It was like a split personality, me that was only a by-stander of history, who recorded all. And the other me, that everyone knew and that was friends with everyone. I never knew that I would cross the thin line that separated my two identities '.
I barely remembered when it happened, I was so caught up with having fun with everyone, fighting akuma, and arguing with Bookman, I have forgotten my other personality.
Only did I remember when we sailed to Edo, Allen had lost his innocence, and Linali was heartbroken. I couldn't stand seeing her like that, but what could I do? This is war! And I'm just as upset about losing Allen as she was! But-
"This is war! Just give up and move on!" After my little furious rant, tears streamed down her face as I made her re-live everything she wanted to forget. The glare I received from everyone knew it was certain, I didn't say anything more.
Until Bookman's lecture.
He reminded me why we joined the Black Order to begin with, I thought about it. Bookman was right. We joined just to record the information regarding the war between the Black Order and the Earl of Millennium.
"Bookman have no need for a heart."
We bookman are heartless, we record history for the sake of man and the future. We won't be remembered for what we did as individuals but only as recorders of history not as a whole person. That's what I agreed to do that faithful day.
I agreed to throw away my heart.
But I only lost it; I never really got rid of it.
Then again Bookman aren't human are they? I guess I'm a failure.
The re-awakening of my other self, the reminder of something I wanted to forget. Images of what happened between me and Linali replayed through my head, I smirked at myself.
"This is what karma is, isn't it?" That was my last thought before the akuma attacked me catching my unaware.
Maybe I can't truly become a bookman, I haven't thrown away my heart but mere lost it. Bookman are heartless, after all.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this story, an insight of Rabi's thoughts. Or something like that XD. Anyways I ripped this off, of what episode? But anyways if they're is any spelling/grammar mistakes please let me know. Review kudasai(please)!