The black lion: The tales of Tyrone Lannister
SCENE 1: Casterly rock
Tyrion sat at the table, casting occasional sideways glances at his siblings. He had no idea why their father had called them together. Tywin Lannister was not known for traditional family announcements. Tyrion was about to speak and ask the twins for their take, when the Warden of the West entered the room, and all of Tyrion's thoughts turned to anticipating what his father had to say.
"Father, what is this about?" Asked Jaime. "I'm to escort Cersei to King's Landing. It's not good form to keep the king awaiting his future bride."
"This won't take long, and as it concerns the future of our very house, I suggest you listen very closely."
This got Tyrion's attention, he leaned in close to listen to his father's important announcement.
Tywin cleared his throat and continued. "As you know, with Jaime's appointment to the Kingsguard, House Lannister currently faces a crisis of succession."
"Crisis of succession? Father, I'm right here!" Tyrion said, trying to suppress his rage.
"And due to that fact, I have decided to take extreme measures in securing my heir." Tyrion was unsure as to whether Tywin was ignoring him, or had meant to acknowledge Tyrion in that last statement.
Cersei cocked her head in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
For once, Tywin Lannister seemed to be on the defensive, unsure of the best course. "What I mean, is…..I've decided to adopt."
All three of Tywin's children rose up in surprise, knocking their chairs down in their haste.
"Are you mad? Westeros has no adoption laws!" Jaime cried.
"Which is precisely why, I'm able to do it. The Master of Laws has no issue with it, and the High Septon approves and recognises it, as he will anything when sufficiently bribed."
Cersei, not unlike her brothers, was trying to make sense of the incredible declaration. "So, you found a bastard boy, and named him your heir?"
"No bastard will ever hold the Rock! We are not in a need that dire!"
"So you convinced some noble house to give you one of their children? I didn't think we were that rich." Tyrion japed.
If Tywin was irked by his sons jest, his face did not betray it. "No. I was forced to look for an heir, elsewhere."
Trying to think through his bewilderment and the five glasses of wine he had since breakfast, Tyrion began to piece his father's narration together. Elsewhere from Westeros. Across the Narrow Sea. Unwanted children.
"Oh gods. Did you buy a slave?"
Tywin opened his mouth to speak, but then stopped to reconsider. If Tyrion had not been in pure schok, he would have enjoyed the sight of his father in such a sheepish position. Eventually, Tywin recomposed himself, and began to speak.
"Not exactly, you see…."
An unfamiliar voice echoed through the hall adjoining the dining hall. "DADDY-O!" It rang out, seeming to injure Tywin with it's very loudness. The owner for the voice soon rounded the corner and entered the room. Tyrion's jaw nearly dropped at the sight of the stranger.
He was a young, ebon-skinned Summer Islander, with matted black hair down to his shoulders. His features were wide and expressive, and he stood a head taller next to Tywin. His long limbs and narrow frame made him look far more frail then his exposed biceps suggested he was. He was clad in a black jerkin, not unlike the ones Lord Tywin was fond of wearing. In fact, on closer inspection, Tyrion was sure he had seen his father dressed in the same garment on multiple occasions.
Did he go through Father's wardrobe? Tyrion thought. Tyrion mused at the idea that Tywin loved this Summer Islands youth enough to clothe him from his own supply, but then dismissed the idea when he noticed the mortified look on Tywin's face.
"Everyone, meet your new brother. I couldn't remember his birth name, so I have renamed him Tyrone." Tywin spoke, as if realizing for the first time the extent of what he had done. "I've named him my heir over Tyrion, in an effort to preserve the honor of our house."
Tyrion would have been angered at that comment, but his mind was still attempting to make what Tywin was saying seem believable. He glanced at his siblings, and from their faces he concluded that they, like him, were too stunned to speak.
"Yo, I don't think they get what's happening here. Let me introduce myself, Pop."
Tyrone began making strange noses into his cupped hands. Strange as it was, it was clearly intended to be musical, with a rough melody being formed after a few bars. Afterwards, Tyrone abandoned his noisemaking, and began to recite what Tyrion could only describe has a very hastily composed sonnet.
"Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped turned upside down
Now I'd like to take a moment so we can talk
About how I became the prince of Casterly Rock.
On the west Summer Islands, born in raised
On Jhala is where I spent most of my days
Chilling at the temple, shooting my bow
Riding my boat out to Walano
When a rich ass lord, came to my abode
Said he was the richest man in Westeros
He took one look at me and said "yeah you'll do
You're going to be my heir and a rich ass lord too".
I whistled for a boat and when in came 'round
The deck was rotten and there was kelp on the prow
If anything I could say this craft did suck
But I thought, naw forget it
To Casterly Rock!
I pulled up to the castle by some choppy water
And I said to captain, "Yo, I fucked your daughter!
Looked at my kingdom, from down on the dock
And that's how became the Prince of Casterly Rock.