A/N: I've been working on this for ages, somewhere in the middle of doing Lock Down. I stopped after about 10 pages because I hit a block, but now I'm having another go.
This is inspired by the song 'Congratulations' by Blue October.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Twilight and its many characters – it all belongs to the wonderful Mrs. S. Meyer - even Edward and Jacob.
I know, I cried too.
- x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x -
Congratulations
- x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x – x -
Jacob POV
I walked slowly, my best friend Bella at my side as we followed the small dirt track through the bright green forest unusually illuminated by the rarely-visiting sun. The birds chirped and the soft scamper of paws belonging to the little forest creatures chased after us and never seemed to leave. The sun's soft rays hit the ground at scattered intervals as it tried to find a way through the dense foliage above us. All of this together made this whole trip all too cheerful. And I didn't like that. It would make it so much harder to give Bella the bad news.
Ah, Bella. My own personal ray of sunshine. She always had a smile and a fresh load of laughter just for me. She was clumsy, shy, slightly insecure, but she was also a naturally happy, caring and loving person. She had been my best friend since we'd both been in diapers, and now 20 years on we were as close as ever. She was the one reason why I'd delayed this inevitable trip.
I looked down at her beside me. My 6 foot 5 inch frame completely towered over her delicate 5 foot 4 inches. Her arm was linked through mine to give her a bit of support over the tricky tree roots she was convinced were put there on purpose just to spite her. Her contented face was, for once, looking around at the surrounding plant life instead of looking at her feet. This was a bit dangerous for her, and sure enough her foot got caught in a particularly large root and tripped her up. Reflexively, my other arm flew out to catch her before she became acquainted with the floor. Bella gazed up at me, blushing, with her big brown eyes exuberant and grinning gratefully, all the while brushing her long chestnut colored hair out of her face. I tried to smile back, but it was too forced to get past her scrutiny. She'd already been suspicious that something was up, but this was the icing on the cake.
"Jake, I know something's wrong. Will you please tell me? Maybe I can help." She spoke quietly as if she didn't want to disturb the peaceful calm the forest gave. I smiled sadly at her and shook my head.
"This isn't something you can fix. The thing is... It's just... I feel like..." I sighed. "I don't know how to tell you," I confessed, though it sounded more like in defeat. She grinned as she often did when I didn't know how to phrase something, but there was something amiss with it, and I couldn't place what it was.
"Just spit it out, Jake. It's okay, I'll understand, whatever it is." She put a slight emphasis on the 'whatever'. I realized that this needed to be said sat down - or maybe I was just trying to procrastinate. Whichever it was, I was glad for the distraction to try to order my thoughts.
"Let's find somewhere to sit first and then I'll tell you." I smiled weakly. Her eyes tightened imperceptibly, but she silently agreed.
We walked a little further before coming across a fallen tree just off the trail that would keep us out of sight should anyone else decide to take an early morning stroll. We negotiated our way through the thick brambles and shrubbery and sat down facing each other on the uncomfortable bark.
"Okay, so what's this about?" she asked bluntly, laying her full attention on me. I blew out large breath that I didn't know I'd been holding. I decided the worst thing I could do was cushion the blow. It needed to come straight out; no beating about the bush. I looked into her trusting eyes, and that was a big mistake. This was going to hurt me as much as it was her, and there was nothing I could do to change that. I couldn't look at her anymore. I turned my head to where the trail lay.
"I'm moving away," I said in a rush. I still couldn't bear to glance her way, so I concentrated harder on distinguishing the various pieces of rock from the many sticks and dead leaves. The silence was deafening, and I suddenly felt the need to explain myself further. "I've had enough of Forks and La Push. I'm going to go traveling; I want to see more of the world. I don't have any ties here since Dad died, and now I want to make something of my life. There's so much I have seen; haven't done, and if I want to do anything, then now's the time to do it while I'm still young." I paused, and still Bella said nothing. I chanced a look at her. She was struggling to maintain a blank expression. Every few seconds an emotion would flash across her face, but before I could decipher what it was, she'd composed herself. Eventually I couldn't take it any longer.
"Bells, please say something," I pleaded. Her silence unnerved me. Suddenly, her eyes filled up with tears, but they didn't fall; she wouldn't let them.
"You don't have any ties?" she whispered, hurt written plainly all over her features, but her eyes were the clearest of all. I'd always said that her eyes really were the windows to her soul. It was as if Shakespeare had written that especially for her. I'd loved that quality. But now, I wished she didn't have it; it was worse than her screaming at me.
"Bella, you know I care about you-" Bella cut me off.
"Do I?" she asked softly. The pain was unmistakable in her voice and it cut through me like a knife blade.
"Yes, you do," I said firmly, trying so damn hardto not to let my own voice waver, to show how much this was affecting me. I felt like I was going to split into two should I leave: half with me, half with Bella. But I would try to help her. If I made it look easy, then maybe she wouldn't find it so heartbreaking herself to let me go. "But I can't stay here any more, not when so many opportunities have opened for me. I have to follow this and see if it leads me anywhere. This has to happen. Please understand that."
Her unshed tears finally spilled over. She closed her eyes tightly and turned her head away from me.
"I'm sorry," she said thickly. "I shouldn't act like this. It's not like we're going out or anything." Something in her offhanded manner made me think she very much wanted to be going out. But the thing was, as much as I cared for her, it was only a sibling love. She continued, in a somewhat emotionless tone, "I'm happy for you, Jake. You deserve to live life to the full, something that's difficult in Washington, right? And it's something I can't give you, no matter how much I want to. It's selfish of me to want to keep you here, so I want you to go. I'd come with you if I could, but you won't want me as unwanted baggage."
"Bella-" I wanted to interrupt, to tell her it wasn't an excuse to get away from her, that she would still be my best friend and nothing would change that, and the only difference was that I wouldn't be here any more. But she wouldn't let me.
"No, Jake. Let me speak. It'll be good for you, a chance to run from all your responsibilities you have here. And who knows? Maybe you'll find that special person you've been looking for. I hope you do. There's just one thing though, Jake." She looked at me for the first time throughout her speech
"Anything," I stressed. It was the least I could do. It made my heart ache to think I couldn't do more to make her feel better.
"Don't forget about me. Please, just don't forget about me. These past years have been better than I could've imagined just because you were there being my personal sun." That's funny - that's the exact thing that she is for me. The corners of my mouth curled up ever so slightly, but it could hardly be called a smile. "Wherever you are, think of me. And if you aren't busy for a minute or two, send an email or write: whichever. Just...remember me."
I nodded. "I won't forget you - I don't want to forget you. And I will write whenever I can, I promise." She shook her head at that
"Don't promise, Jake. It's a big word with a lot of meaning. It might not happen." She sighed heavily and wiped her eyes. "When do you leave?" This was the one question I was dreading the reaction to.
"Tonight." Her eyes widened and she gasped audibly.
"What?You're leaving tonight? Why didn't you tell me?" she cried reproachfully. I had the decency to look ashamed.
"I didn't want to make a fuss," I muttered, becoming interested in the moss starting to grow at the base of the tree trunk.
"But this hardly gives me a chance to say goodbye!" she whined sadly, the tears flowing quicker.
"I know but I wanted our last days to be happy, not full of sadness that we might never see each other again," I explained, but saying the words was agony. Saying 'our last days' and'might never see each other again' tore unceremoniously at my heartstrings. I didn't know why I was reacting so harshly to this. Our relationship was purely friendship, nothing more. Unless this was what it felt like to say goodbye to family.
"Well it's too late now anyway. What time?" I didn't need to ask to know what she meant.
"My flight to New York is at nine, so I'm leaving at 3 o'clock."
"Three o'clock?"
"I'm going from the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, which means a four hour drive. Plus you have to be there two hours before."
"Oh," was her simple reply. "And what time is it now?" I shook my sleeve back and looked at my watch.
"It's almost noon." My heart thumped. Three short hours left.
"So little time," Bella murmured. Her eyes had completely lost their twinkle, leaving the brown look unusually empty. I didn't like it.
"Yeah," I responded, so softly it was almost a sigh. My shoulders sagged
"What do we do now?" she asked quietly.
"I still need to pack a few last minute things," I suggested. "You want to help? You don't have to."
"I might as well. We've only got the next three hours together after all." She sniffed, lifting a hand to wipe her nose.
"Yeah, let's go. Bella?"
"Mm?"
"Can you drive me to the airport? I don't want to leave my car there, and it's four extra hours together..." I hinted. She smiled her proper, eye crinkling smile that helped me think that maybe she would survive after all.
- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -
We pulled up outside the airport just before seven o'clock in Bella's new little blue Toyota Yaris after her beloved red Chevy truck well and truly died almost year ago with no hope of resuscitation. Charlie and I had put our cash together and had bought it for her 20th birthday only a couple weeks before. I'd been expecting her to throw a fit as she usually did when anyone tried to spend any amount of money on her, but I'd been pleasantly surprised.
- x
I stood out at the front of Charlie and Bella's house, leaning against Bella's 20th birthday present, a blueToyotaYaris, as I waited for the birthday girl to show. It was the perfect gift after her Chevy croaked it only a month before - or at least, Charlie and I thought so anyway. We were just a little worried about Bella's reaction as it was a well known fact that she didn't take to extravagant presents all too well.
The morning was cloudy, but pleasantly bright. The clouds were too light for rain, but there still wasn't any space to allow the sun to peek through. I sighed impatiently, running a hand through my bedraggled hair - a habit I'd picked up somewhere - as I willed the door to open. At last it did, showing a blindfolded Bella with a cautious Charlie behind her, ready to catch her at any moment, being the not-so-graceful butterfly that she was.
She was wearing a pale purple V-neck top with a pair of light blue jeans and sneakers: typical Bella wear. The blindfold looked to be a tie of Charlie's that had been fashionable in the '70s. Her hands were outstretched in front of her, already on her guard in case she fell. She was protesting loudly at Charlie, saying how unnecessary all this was, and how she didn't want any presents. Charlie blatantly ignored her, continuing his steady path to where I stood, Bella only managing to trip once or twice.
"You ready, Bella?" I asked her when she was stood by me.
"Jake? What're you doing here?" The surprise was very evident in her tone. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
"You didn't think I'd miss your birthday, did you?" I said.
"Well, no, but-"
"But nothing. I'm here, Charlie's here, and so is a present that you're not allowed to return. Accept it graciously please, and at least try to look like you like it."
She pouted unhappily. "Fine."
"Are you ready?"
"Yes." I could see she desperately wanted to say 'no'. I grinned. Charlie untied her blindfold and I stepped aside, allowing her the full view of her new car. I'd even tied a big red ribbon to the hood for added effect.
"Happy birthday, Bella," I said with a smile, slinging my arm around her shoulders. Charlie stood at her other side trying to gauge his daughter's reaction. Her eyes were wide and her lips were parted slightly.
"For me?" was all she said.
"For you," Charlie replied. "What do you think?"
"I love it!" she exclaimed happily, rushing towards the driver's side and hopping in. The keys were already in the ignition, as I'd done earlier. She didn't start it up; instead she just inspected the interior with an awed look on her face. She then gingerly fingered the steering wheel before eventually switching on the ignition. It rumbled softly, making hardly any noise. Her face lit up like fairy lights on a Christmas tree. She stumbled quickly out of the car and pulled the both of us into a rib crushing hug.
"Thank you so much! I couldn't have asked for anything better!" My grin was now so huge my jaw was aching.
"Hey, Bells, you're welcome," Charlie answered gruffly. "Now go take it out for a spin. I'll see you later." He maneuvered himself out of her grasp and jogged back into the house.
"Where do you want to go?" she asked me.
"Anywhere you want to." I smiled at her, and she smiled exuberantly back.
- x
We'd ended up just riding around, enjoying each others company, before relaxing at First Beach. I smiled sadly at the memory, and got out of the car, grabbing my luggage out of the trunk before entering the airport with Bella at my side. We walked hand in hand to the check in. My luggage went on the conveyor belt and we made our way to security, which was where we would have to part. We hadn't spoken except for a few words of small talk either way, so when we had to stop it became a little awkward. We stood opposite one another, hands held together loosely. Bella had tears streaming down her cheeks, but she made no noise to indicate that she was crying.
"Don't cry, honey," I said quietly, wiping gently under her eyes. I could feel my own eyes start to sting as I watched her. "I always come back; you know that." She nodded weakly, sniffing. "And we'll keep in touch. I'll email, phone, text, and even write letters if I have to. We'll still be best friends, right?"
"Yeah," she croaked. "Still best friends. Forever."
- x -
We were sat up in the new tree house in Bella's back yard that Charlie had built for Bella and I to play in having been prompted and helped by Billy. At 7 years old, we already had our parents wrapped around our little fingers. Bella had her toy china tea set up with us, and proceeded to try and force the 'tea' down my throat.
"C'mon, Jake, drink it!" she wailed, forcing it into my hand, but I absolutely refused.
"No. It's sissy stuff. I don't want to drink it."
"Please, Jake." She pouted. "Just this once?" She started trying to push the cup in between my lips. I pushed it away forcefully.
"No! I'm a man, and men don't drink tea, they drink beer!"
"There's beerinthe tea?" she tried optimistically.
"Don't be stupid! Everyone knows you don't put beer in tea - you put beer in coffee! Duh!" I rolled my eyes. It was soobvious!
"But Jake..." She sniffed, and her bottom lip wobbled. Ooh, she knew I hated to see her cry.
"Bella, don't cry."
"But you won't play with me, and that means you don't like me!" she cried.
"No! I do like you, I just don't like tea parties!" I protested, but it was only half-hearted.
"Would you prefer a juice party instead?" she asked. I sighed.
"No, I wouldn't." She sniffed again.
"Jake?"
"What?"
"Are you my friend?"
"'Course I am." It was silly of her to think otherwise.
"Are you mybestfriend?" Her big, brown, watery eyes were downcast and unhappy, expecting the worst.
"Do you want me to be?" She thought about that, and then wrinkled her little nose.
"It depends. Do you have cooties?" I frowned.
"I don't think I do. Do I?" I asked worriedly. I didn't want cooties. What if they didn't go away? But Bella shook her head.
"I don't think you do either. So you can be my best friend, if you'd like," she said hopefully.
"Okay. I'll be your best friend." A delighted smile lit up her whole face and she launched herself at me, wrapping her small arms around my neck. She pulled away soon after.
"Forever?"
"Forever," I repeated.
"Does that mean you'll drink the tea?" I sighed, defeated.
"Yeah, I'll drink the tea."
- x
"Keep your chin up, Bella. I'll be back before you know it," I said, continuing to try to reassure her while fighting my own tears.
"Yeah, I know. I'm just being silly," she said thickly, hurriedly brushing away a few more stray tears.
"You're not silly." I smiled slightly. "I'm gonna miss you, Bells." My voice was soft and full of emotion, showing just how hard it was for me to say goodbye. This brought on a fresh bout of stronger tears from Bella who couldn't stop a sob from escaping. She wrapped her arms tightly around my middle, burying her face into my chest.
"I'm gonna miss you, too, Jake." Her voice came out muffled, but it was clearly hurting her to let me go. I stroked her thick hair and wished I didn't have to leave her in this state, wished I wasn't going at all.
"Promise me something," I said suddenly. "Promise that you won't drive while you're still crying, but also promise me that you'll stay safe. I don't want to hear about any accidents while I'm away, especially as I'm not going to be there to protect you. Please stay safe," I pleaded, allowing the desperation to seep into my words.
"Yeah, I promise. And don't you forget about me."
"I could never forget about you, Bells, no matter how hard I try." A single tear fell from my eyes before I could stop it, but I would not allow myself to cry properly. I had to hang on for Bella's sake, and Bella's sake alone. "I'll call you when I land in New York, 'kay?" I felt Bella's head nod against me before she pushed herself away, and looked over at the large clock hanging in plain view for everyone to see.
"You'd better go; your flight will be leaving soon. Bye, Jake," she said emotionlessly, though her tears were falling thick and fast.
"Bye, Bells." I leant down and kissed her cheek, inhaling her sweetly scented skin, before turning and heading through security. I didn't look back. It would've made it too hard if I had. Instead, I allowed the crowd to carry me forward to my terminal and wait for whatever my future had in store for me.
- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -
My eyes snapped open in shock as the loud voice of the pilot crackled over the intercom.
"...be arriving inNew Yorkin approximately 15 minutes. Please replace your seat belts and remember to collect all your belongings before you leave the plane..."
I yawned and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes wearily; I must've fallen asleep on the last leg of the journey from when I changed flights at Chicago, and I was not ready to wake up. I sleepily checked my watch and groaned. It was 3.27 am and I was exhausted. I'd only decided to do the overnight flight because I'd wanted to spend one last day with Bella, who hadn't left my head from the moment I'd walked away from her. I sighed sadly, looking out of the small circular window beside me but finding it pointless as there was nothing to see. Instead, I became absorbed into my thoughts, oblivious to the other passengers as they rustled bags and woke their family members, friends, or neighbors to prepare for touchdown.
A little while later, the intercom crackled once more, this time making me jump slightly in my seat.
"We are now arriving at La Guardia International Airport,New York. Thank you for flying with United Airlines. We hope you enjoyed your flight..."
I tuned out the rest; it wasn't important. I scooped up my iPod and headphones along with the few magazines I'd brought and dumped them into my small carry-on bag. The plane landed, bumping and bouncing to a steady pace at the end of the runway. It parked up and we were finally allowed to leave. A couple minutes later I was walking down the steps of the plane and briskly set off into the airport towards the luggage carousels.
I stood watching with waning concentration for my two large black suitcases with florescent yellow and green ribbons tied to each handle. It was a trick I'd learned from Bella when we'd gone to Phoenix for a vacation. I smiled forlornly as I saw them both coming my way on the conveyor belt.
- x -
Bella fidgeted excitedly next to me as we waited for our luggage to come through on the carousel. We'd been given airplane tickets toPhoenix,Arizona, to visit Renée, Bella's mom, for two weeks as a present for graduating from high school from Charlie and Billy.
"Bella, please calm down!" I laughed. "Anyone would think you needed the toilet!"
She didn't hear me. Instead, she jumped and started shrieking, "There they are! That's them, look! Grab 'em, Jake!"
I rolled my eyes, but looked over to where she was pointing. Two silver cases, one small, one large, were coming our way but that wasn't what made me stare. It was the bright assortment of multi-colored florescent ribbons attached to each handle. There was pink, blue, green, yellow, red, orange...
"Yours?" I asked, grinning. She just giggled. As they came our way, I grabbed them and put them by Bella. We then spent a good ten minutes trying to locate my own cases.
"You see? This is why I made mine noticeable. It saves time!" Bella said impatiently. "I hope you've learnt your lesson."
Having to stand with a hyperactive Bella as she repeatedly told me off for not thinking ahead definitely helped me learn my lesson: never travel with Bella.
- x -
But now, thinking back, I wished wholeheartedly that Bella was here, traveling with me, only I knew I had to do this alone. It'd help me get over my father a bit more, and who knows? Maybe once I'd seen it all by myself, I'd be able to do it all over again with my best friend. After collecting my bags and lazily dumping them on a luggage cart, I negotiated my way out of the airport which was harder than it sounded because it was busier than you'd expect at almost four in the morning. Outside was an array of cabs, some dropping people off, others picking them up. Towards the front of the line was one dropping off a family of four, the two parents juggling a few heavy cases and two sleepy children that couldn't have been older than six. Deciding to take that cab and help the family all at the same time, I walked over.
"Here, take my cart," I said quietly, hauling my cases off. It seemed wrong to talk loudly for some reason, even though everyone was awake.
"Are you sure?" the father asked, though he didn't look like he was going to turn it down. The mother had one child in each arm and looking dangerously close to falling over under the weight.
"Yeah, you look like you need it more than I do," I replied, smiling.
"Thank you," he said gratefully, already loading it back up. I gave him a hand with his bags and then put my own in the cab's trunk.
"Have a safe journey," I said politely as they began to walk, albeit awkwardly, towards the airport.
"You too," he replied, lifting a hand in farewell.
I climbed into the cab and gave the guy the address of the motel I'd previously researched. I was only staying a few days in each place before moving on and I'd been saving up for years, knowing that there would come a time when I'd do this. It was exciting and nerve-wracking, but at the same time there was that feeling of something being missing. I already knew though that that something was Bella. I remembered that I'd told her I'd call her, and mentally I calculated the time back in Forks: it'd be just after 1 am.
- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -
The next day I awoke in my room to the bright light of the New York sun streaming in though the thin curtains. Rubbing my eyes and groaning loudly in annoyance, I checked the digital clock on the little nightstand beside me: it read 10.30 am in red neon figures. It was later than I'd planned to be up, but considering the time when I'd stumbled into bed, I deemed it acceptable. It also meant it was 7.30 am in Forks. I figured I might as well call her now; Charlie would already be up, and I doubted Bella would mind being awoken so early. I grabbed my cell from the table and sat up in bed while stretching out each of my limbs. Yawning, I dialed the house and waited.
"Hello, this is Charlie Swan," Charlie's gruff voice answered.
"Hey, Charlie, it's Jacob," I replied.
"Jacob! How are you?" He sounded pleased.
"I'm fine, thanks. I just wanted to let you and Bella know that I landed safely bright and early this morning," I said.
"That's good, I appreciate you telling me."Since my dad had died, Charlie had stepped in as a sort-of adopted father, though I'd always considered him as such. I'd often given Charlie updates of my whereabouts whenever I'd gone out, just as I would have done with Dad. It was automatic.
"Charlie, do you think I could speak to Bella please?" I asked, almost hesitantly.
"Of course, I'll go get her. She'll love to hear from you, I'm sure," he said, filling in the silence as I heard him clomping up the stairs and opening the door to Bella's room. Then, faintly through the receiver, I heard him say, "Bella? Bella, Jake's on the phone. Would you like-" Charlie was cut off as a strange scuffling sound drowned him out before Bella's breathless voice entered my ear.
"Jake?"she said hopefully, though still slightly groggy from having just woken up.
"Yeah, Bells, it's me. You okay?"
"I'm fine, Jake. You just landed?"
"No, I arrived a few hours ago, but it was too late - erm, early? - to call," I said.
"Oh," she said. "What are you going to do today?"There were many things I wanted to do here before I moved on, but I preferred not to plan ahead, instead just seeing where the day took me.
"Um, I don't really know. I was thinking of going to the Rockefeller and then Central Park."
"Don't forget to take lots of pictures!" she said, reminding me of a present she'd once bought for me a few months after she turned eighteen, one that she was probably subtly hinting at.
- x -
"You know how I got a scrapbook and camera for my eighteenth birthday?" Bella asked rhetorically. "I've decided to get you one too - a scrapbook, I mean. I didn't have enough for the camera as well," she said, giving a small laugh. I was a little puzzled as to why she'd bought it for me in the first place though, and I asked as much.
"Because there's going to come a time when we go our separate ways," she said matter-of-factly, but there was a slight twinge of sadness mixed in. "You'll need to have something to help you remember all our fun times together and your life here in general. It's like preserving your memories, making sure they don't fade with age." I could see her point, but I wasn't sure; it was an activity I could see a grandma doing. "I'll give you some photos that we've already taken, but you'll need to take some yourself, get ones of the guys on the Rez." She looked at me expectantly, not comprehending my reluctance. I sighed inwardly.
"Okay," I agreed, though it was more to save an argument. I'd just let it lie and hope she'd forget.
"Great!" she said happily, giving me a wide grin that made me feel slightly guilty. Subtly changing the subject, I asked if she wanted to go watch a movie that night.
- x - A few weeks later - x -
"Jake, have you taken any photos for your scrapbook yet?" Bella asked in an absent-minded tone as she flicked through a book. We were sat in her room, idly doing our own things and just generally enjoying each other's company. My eyes widened in surprise and guilt; as well as hoping she wouldn't bring it up again, I'd forgotten the whole thing by pretty much the next day. The scrapbook was currently hiding under my bed after I'd accidentally tripped over it, if my memory served me right.
"Oh, uh, yeah, they're just being developed," I lied hurriedly, not being able to look into her eyes.
"You'd forgotten, hadn't you?" she said. Out the corner of my eye I could see her eyeing me with equal amounts of suspicion and disappointment. It wasn't something I wanted to admit to, especially seeing as how she'd thought I'd like it.
"No," I said. She sighed unhappily.
"You can't lie to me, Jake, you're awful at it. When you do, you won't look at me and you always look incredibly guilty."
I faced her fully then, shame written across me as plainly as if someone had scribbled it on my forehead with a Sharpie. "I'm sorry, Bella, it just completely went out of my head."
"Do you even have a camera?" she asked doubtfully.
"No," I replied, defeated. A mischievous glint suddenly lit her eyes.
"In that case you can borrow mine. You can't get out of it then," she said triumphantly. I realised that this was one of those things that I was going to have to endure whether I liked it or not. "Here," she added, reaching into the top drawer of her nightstand and pulling out her camera. "I expect a reasonable number of photos by the end of the week. You can start by taking one of us right now." I couldn't help but chuckle as I took off the protective case and turned it on. Plonking myself down on the bed next to Bella, I held the camera out in front of us and made a face, and just as I pushed the button, Bella caught sight of me and burst out laughing. I laughed with her, especially when we saw the image on the digital screen. It was a full-frontal of me with my tongue lolling out and my eyes crossed while Bella was half turned towards me, clutching her stomach as her face was crinkled with mirth.
- x -
For the rest of that week and for a long while afterwards, we took numerous amounts of photos, and even years later we'd continued to steadily our scrapbooks full of memories. I'd even packed it to come with me.
"I won't, Bella. I've brought the scrapbook and I'm going to keep adding to it," I reassured her.
"Good,"she replied, and I could hear her smile. "I can't wait to see them all." I sighed softly. I was amazed at how much I missed her. My heart literally ached with longing.
"I can't wait either," I said. "I'm sorry, Bells, I'm going to have to go now," I added regretfully, conscious of the time.
"Yeah, okay. Love you,"she said gloomily.
"Love you too, Bells, I'll call you as soon as I can," I promised. I really, really didn't want to hang up, but I knew I had to and there was no point delaying the inevitable seeing as it would only get harder.
"Bye,"she said quietly, and hung up.
Distractedly, I climbed out of bed, got ready, and went out into the city, my thoughts revolving around Bella the whole time.
- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -
Every week I moved on to another city, and each time I found it harder not to just jump on a plane and go back home, back to her. I'd always assumed that the more time you spent apart, the easier it would become to stay away. It wasn't true; I found it becoming more and more difficult. The hardest part of the whole thing was finding out that your memory did actually fade when there weren't any reminders to keep it alive. All I had was my scrapbook which helped, but it wasn't enough. The gap in my chest was becoming bigger and bigger with each passing day, and not a moment when by when I didn't think of Bella. There was always something around that made me think of her: a flash of blue, a swish of long brown hair, the sound of a lovely tinkling laugh. I knew there was a reason behind this feeling; it didn't just spring up for nothing, and whatever it was, it meant something. I'd never felt this way before. It was foreign; it was unnamable; it was indescribable.
What I did know was that I needed Bella and I couldn't be without her. She was my home, my life.
- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -
Flicking open my cell, I dialed the Bella's number for the first time in almost seven months. After the first few weeks, when traveling had stopped being so new and exciting, I'd begun to fizzle out calling her because the feeling I'd had terrified me in its unfamiliarity. Then my schedule had picked up, and the flow of emails had gradually stopped. Our contact now was non-existent, but that was all going to change when I told her how I felt. Waiting for Bella to pick up the phone was nerve-wracking and I found myself pacing up and down next to my rental car in the parking lot of a McDonalds. The line picked up.
"Jacob?"asked Bella's soft voice, utterly astonished.
"Um, yeah, it's me. Hi," I said lamely, too much distracted by the fact that I was talking to her to come up with a better reply.
"Why the hell are you only calling now?"she said angrily. I cringed, though I knew I fully deserved it.
"I'm sorry, Bella," I said, remorse saturating my tone. "It's just..." I sighed heavily. "Bella, I'm on my way to Forks. I'm about an hour away." I heard her sharp intake of breath.
"You're coming home?"she whispered.
"Yeah, I, uh... I have something to tell you," I said slowly, gripping the roof of the car with my other hand that wasn't holding my cell and squeezing my eyes shut.
"I have something to tell you too," she said quietly. Her tone confused me a little; it sounded wary, careful.
"Can I meet you somewhere? How about First Beach?" I asked.
"In an hour?"she clarified.
"Yeah," I replied. "I'll let you know if I get stuck in traffic or anything."
"Okay,"she said, "I'll see you soon. And...Jake?"My heart jumped at her familiar use of my name.
"Yeah?"
"I've missed you."
"I've missed you, too." More than you know, I thought. I couldn't wait to see her again.
- x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x - x -
I pulled up next to First Beach after an hour and ten minutes. I all but flew out of the car and down the beach, heading in the direction of what had become 'our' tree where I knew she'd be waiting. Driving through Forks had been strange - everything was familiar, yet there were a few small changes that you'd only ever notice after a long absence, but it somehow felt like I'd never been away.
Just ahead, I saw a lone figure standing at the waters edge, watching as the small waves licked over their feet. Even at this distance I knew it was Bella. Her wavy brunette hair hung loose around her shoulders and fluttered in the air as it rode along the wind. Her arms were wrapped tightly around herself, bracing against the cool air. With each step nearer, my heart pounded harder, so much so I thought it would explode out of my chest. I was now stood directly behind her; she hadn't heard me approach.
"Bella?" I said softly. Startled, she whipped around and almost tripped over her own feet. Automatically, I reached out and grabbed her arms to steady her.
"Jake! You know not to sneak up on me," she said reproachfully. She raised her head then and I finally saw her face. She was even more beautiful than I remembered with her large, doe-like brown eyes, plump pink lips that were now curving into a smile, and a sweet natural blush on her cheeks. Something about her though absolutely glowed. It was like she shone with some inner light, and it drew me in even further than I already was. Suddenly she jumped up and wrapped her arms tight around my neck, holding on as if her life depended on it. I wrapped my own around her small waist and buried my face into the crook of her neck, inhaling her familiar scent of strawberries and freesias. After a moment, I reluctantly let her go.
"Do you want to go to our tree, or would you rather go for walk?" I asked, nerves once again beginning to tingle their way through my body.
"Let's sit down," she said, smiling. Oh, how I'd missed her smile, the way it lit up her whole face, infectious in its happiness. Taking her hand, I led her to the tree and we sat down amidst its sticking out roots.
Is that seat taken?
Congratulations
Would you like to take a walk with me?
"Bella, I - I want to tell you something," I started. My mind was racing so fast I couldn't distinguish one thought from another. "I don't really know how to say it, I just know that I need to." My words were coming out quickly now. "I know we've been apart for ages, and things have happened and changed, but there's one change in particular that's happened to me." I'd begun to repeat myself, so I took a deep breath and looked at my hands, which were tightly clenched on my lap. A small hand came over, resting on top of them. As soon as I felt her silky skin, I immediately began to relax, my fingers flexing and my shoulders loosing their tension.
My mind it kind of goes fast
I'll try to slow it down for you
I think I'd love to take a drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart.
"Jake, do you want me to give you my news first?" Bella asked me lightly. "While you try to gather your thoughts?" She gave a little chuckle, no doubt because stumbling over my words was one of my traits she found endearing. I didn't know why I found it so hard to say; three small words, that was it. And yet, so much meaning was contained in them, too much for eight letters. I love you...
"Yeah, go on," I said, smiling weakly. "The long drive has messed up my head."
Her already happy expression grew tenfold. "I'm getting married!" she squealed excitedly.
"What?" I gasped as all the air flew out of my lungs. I felt as if I'd been punched in the stomach as I suddenly felt empty and drawing a breath became impossible. My ears were ringing and I felt cold all over. Bella was getting married. To someone who wasn't me. She loved another man.
My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me... (hu, hu, hu)
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me... (hu, hu, hu)
"His name's Edward Cullen, and we've been together for six months - he proposed to me a few weeks ago. Look," she said happily, thrusting out her left hand for me to see. On her third finger was a beautiful solid gold ring with the traditional engagement cut of three diamonds representing past, present and future, the center stone slightly bigger than its two neighbors. It was obviously expensive, much more than I could ever afford. I couldn't believe how I'd missed it.
I plastered a fake smile on my face, trying desperately not to show the hurt and pain that was roiling inside me like a tornado, doing just as much damage as the real thing. Her happiness shone like a beacon on the darkest of nights, and I was suddenly and violently jealous that it wasn't because I'd come home, even if she hadn't loved me.
I came to see the light in my best friend
You seemed as happy as you'd ever been
My chance of being open was broken
And now you're Mrs. Him.
"Congratulations, Bells, I'm really happy for you," I said weakly. On any normal day, Bella would have noticed immediately that something was up, but she was too wrapped up in her own little bubble to see, or maybe she just didn't care. "You got a date set?"
"It's August thirteenth," she replied dreamily. I almost choked on my shock; that was two months away. She'd been looking at her ring and twisting it around on her finger with a faraway look on her face, accompanied by a smile that could melt stone hearts, when she slowly lifted her head to look at me. "I'd really love it if you could come, and...would you be my man of honor?" she asked hopefully, with a touch of amusement on her face.
"I..." I sighed. How could I say no? As much as I wholeheartedly wanted to pass and not watch the love of my life walk down the isle and say her vows to another man, I couldn't say it. It would have broken her heart, and why bother breaking hers unnecessarily? Mine was mangled enough for the both of us. "Yeah, I'd love to."
My words they don't come out right
But I'll try to say I'm happy for you
I think I'm going to take that drive
I want to give you something
I've been wanting to give to you for years
My heart.
Bella laughed, a loud, genuine, exuberant laugh, one that came from every cell in her body. She once again threw herself into my arms, whispering thank you's in my ear. She pulled away and grasped my hand in hers, squeezing it tightly.
"I'm really glad you're home, Jake. I've missed you so much, my own personal sun." She laughed again. "Will you stay here for a bit? At least until my wedding. And I can't wait for you to meet Edward, I'm sure you'll get along great!" I highly doubted it; I already hated the man with a hot, searing passion and I didn't know a thing about him.
"Yeah," I said quietly, looking down at our entwined hands. "I'll stay."
My heart, my pain won't cover up
You left me... (hu, hu, hu)
My heart
My heart won't take this cover up
You left me... (hu, hu, hu)
"I can't believe you're really here," she continued in an amazed tone. "I wasn't sure if you were ever going to come back. We'll have so much fun organizing everything too. It'll be just like old times," she said. It'll never be like old times,I thought, too much has changed.
"Just like old times," I intoned. "I'd best be getting home, lots to sort out and stuff..." I trailed off and stood up. Bella stood up a few beats after, looking disappointed.
"Yeah, I suppose," she said. "Can I see you tomorrow?"
"Sure," I said, though I knew it'd be like adding salt to an open wound. She grinned.
"Great! I'll call you, 'kay?"
"I'll look forward to it," I supplied dully. "Well, bye, Bells."
"Bye, Jake," she said, standing on tiptoes to give me a kiss on my cheek. Where her lips touched, my skin burned like wildfire, only reminding me further of how I could no longer have her, couldn't even persuade her to be with me. She'd left me, and that was the end of it.
And I can't change this
I can never take it back
But now I can't change your mind
(You left me)
And I can't take this
I can never take this back
But now I can't change your mind
Can't change your mind
(You left me)
Can't change your mind
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)
(You left me)
Climbing in my car, I drove blindly, not seeing nor caring where I was going. When I felt the first tear slide down my cheek, I pulled into a small lay-by. As the second tear followed, I rested my head my head on the steering wheel and pressed my eyes shut tight, willing the tears to stop. When a sudden chasm opened in my chest, a hole wrenched apart so roughly I thought I'd break, the tears flowed thick and fast. The sadness welled up inside, flooding the abyss with loneliness and pain, so dense that it weighed heavily, so much so I wouldn't have been surprised if I fell through the floor of the car. I didn't want to feel this way, Bella's happiness was all that mattered, and yet I couldn't help but feel broken, rejected. I just wanted it to end.
Go way
Make it go away
Please.
A/N: Whew, 19 pages! A record for me, I think. I hope you enjoyed it so show your appreciation by dropping a review : )
Thanks for reading!
Emma xox