A knock sounds through his apartment and he knows without even getting up who it is. He sighs as he gets up from his recliner wondering if she ever thought that maybe he wouldn't be home when she made these surprise visits or that he might have someone over here with him, and by someone I mean a woman, in his bed. As if, he hasn't slept with another woman since she showed up after yet another fight with him and they kissed in the door way of his apartment.
He kind of hates her for making him love her so much, and for making him into this horrible person he has become because she's married with a daughter. Finn deserves it though because he called dibs on her when they were like freshmen and shit. Still though he already stole and impregnated on of his girls so Puck's not all that sure that the revenge is warranted.
He was supposed to just be a way for her to forget that her marriage is a complete and total failure and she was supposed to just be a way to get him off but somewhere along the lines he kind of fell in love with her and it became less about the sex and more about laying with her afterwards and running his hands through that chestnut hair while told him about her week or about the latest fight with Finn that always ends with her leaving with their daughter in tow.
Leaving and coming to his house so Puck and fuck Rachel's sadness away.
Yeah it's fucked up because the moment they put the little girl to bed in the spare room he takes her on the closest flat surface.
But you know what? Fuck Finn, if he didn't have to make it so damn hard for Rachel to just be herself and be happy then he wouldn't be in this situation. If he hadn't been so damn stupid then Rachel's never would have come to him so it's all Finn's fault.
That's what he tells himself as he takes the sleeping two year old from her arms and lays her down in the bed while going to his own bedroom to do extremely dirty things to the child's mother.
When they lie in bed later that night he forgets all about how he's supposed to hate her and can only remember the reasons he has for loving her. Which are much more evolved but just as meaningful as his reasons when he was five years old. Yeah he had loved her that long, since they were kids playing in his back yard long before his father left him and long before he gave her the first slushy facial.
She's talking to him about how the Tony nominations are going to be announced soon and she's so sure that her show is going to have a few, she doesn't even mention that she thinks she's going to get nominated just that the cast of New Beginnings is extremely talented and she wishes all of her coworkers well. He loves that she's not all about herself anymore, that she can recognize someone else's talents without having to put them down even if it is just a little.
"What did he do this time?" Puck ask quietly because even though he tries to pretend he doesn't care, he does.
"Noah… please…" she begs him not to bring it up because they are in this happy little cocoon and she doesn't want it to be ruined.
"Tell me I want to know." He whispers so she just nods and tells him about the lipstick on his shirt that doesn't belong to her and that he spelt like perfume she would never wear.
"Why do you care?" He asks even though he already knows the answer. He wants to hear it though so he can hate her again.
"I still love him Noah." She says so quietly that he almost doesn't hear her, almost but he does and so he goes back to hating her even though he knows the next time she shows up on his doorstep he'll go right back to letting her use him.
She's lying when she tells him that she still loves Finn but he doesn't know that so it doesn't really matter. She's not a Broadway star for being a bad actress after all. Honestly she loves Noah. More than she ever loved the freakishly tall husband of hers. Part of her is sure that she will always love Finn because he gave her the most important thing in her life but she'll never be in love with him anymore.
So if she doesn't love him then why is she still with him? Finn is a wonderful father much more than she could have ever asked for but sometimes she wonders if she left him if he would still be such a wonderful father. She's seen it with all of her friends they divorce and he all but disappears, she doesn't want that for her daughter. So she stays in an unhappy marriage where he's cheating on her and she's cheating on him for Riana.
She hates herself for what she's doing to Noah, using him to fell something in her sad excuse for a life is wrong. She knows she stringing him along basically saying that sex is all he's good for, but to her it's more than that he's really her best friend. He's the only person she can really talk to, and yeah most of what she says is complaining about Finn but when she's not venting about him he listens to what her plays are about and how she doesn't know if she should leave Broadway for the big screen once she gets her Tony.
He listens to her patiently while he runs her fingers through her hair knowing that it calms her down, helps her sleep. Finn doesn't even know what her favorite color is, or her favorite musical much less what calms her down. Hell he's never even seen her perform in New Beginnings, Noah's been to several of her performances.
To be fair though Finn doesn't really know how to love her the way he should. He hasn't really grown up much since they graduated high school. He's still the guy who ignores her to play video games but randomly for like five minutes plays the role of a wonderful husband but those moments are so fleeting and far between that she tends to forget they exist.
When they are there though she thinks that she can maybe love him like she used to.
"I love you." Puck whispers it post orgasm when his brain is all mush and instantly he regrets it because even though he does love her, and she loves him (He knows it even if she denies that she does) it isn't something they ever say out loud like ever. Now he knows he's fucked up when Rachel stops breathing for a second and doesn't look at him while she rushes to get dressed.
"Rachel shit I'm sorry I didn't mean it. Come back to bed." He says softly but she shakes her head and all of a sudden he's pissed no actually pissed doesn't express what he is. He's livid, this back and forth thing she's doing is getting real old real fast.
"Fuck Rachel stop pretending like you don't love me." Puck growls as he grabs her wrist.
"I'm not pretending because I don't love you Noah I love Finn."
Now he's even angrier than before, she can say it as man times as she wants to try to convince herself but he knows the truth he knows that she hasn't loved Finn in a long time. Long before even Riana was born. He pulls her to her roughly but kisser her as gently as he can because he's trying to prove a point here damn it and thrusting his tongue down her throat won't do him any good. When he pulls away they are both breathless and Rachel looks a little dazed,
"Tell me you didn't feel anything Berry." he kind of feels like a pussy with all this talk of feelings but he doesn't care. He's dealt with her shit for a year and now he's done.
"I- Just because we have amazing chemistry doesn't mean we would ever work." she says breathlessly.
"I love you noting else matters." He whispers in a way Finn has never said to her and it makes Rachel want to cry,
"Why?" She asks and he can see the tears welling up in her eyes it's enough to make most of his anger disappear.
"Why not?"
And now she's angry because there is a whole list of reasons they would never work in a real relationship that's pages, and pages long starting with the fact that she's married.
"Let's say that I tell you right now that I love you. That ever morning I wake up and Finn is the one next to me in the bed I'm disappointed. That I wish I wouldn't have married him and chosen to be with you instead when you asked me? And then what Noah?" She asked throwing her hands up in the air as she started pacing around his bedroom.
"I tell you that I am so, so in love with you and then what happens? I tell Finn that I've been fucking his best friend for over a year, that I'm leaving him so we can be together. You know I have a daughter right? I mean you realize that a relationship with me isn't just me it's Riana and me. It's a long probably ugly divorce, and a two year old and me."
Puck takes her hands in his and kissed her on the cheek and then the nose, and then the lips. "I love Riana she's an amazing little kid, and I can wait out your divorce because I am in love with you."
"I don't get how you can though." Rachel said and if it was possible she looked even sadder than before, than he had ever seen her. "My own husband doesn't love me, or my mother the one person genetically engineered to love me doesn't love me how can you? I'm horrible to you, and I'm crazy I know I'm crazy."
Puck smiles in spite of the lump in his throat, "I just love you Rach, crazy and all." it kind of breaks his heart that she thinks she doesn't deserve to be loved and at the same time it makes him angry that Finn has someone like her and he doesn't thank god everyday for her.
Rachel just shakes her head. "Why did you have to ruin everything?" She asks before she rushes out of his bedroom.
A/N: Just a little something that wouldn't leave me alone, don't worry fans of my faberry fic there should be another chapter up sometime tomorrow night. As for this one it's going to be a two shot so expect another chapter sometime within the next week or so. Anyways leave me lots of reviews to let me know if I should continue this!