Fandom: Big Time Rush
Pairing: KendallxLogan
Rating: T
Warnings: Rated for language, malexmale
Disclaimer: If I owned this BTR would air on the same channel that hosts Queer as Folk. And I'm sure you can guess why.
Summary: After a heated argument between Kendall and Logan, Kendall leaves suddenly. For being the glue-that-holds-them-together, he's sure doing a crappy job of it. But just because you can't see someone, doesn't mean they're not there. kogan
Author's Note: At last! My very first (and possibly last) multi-chapter story for these delicious boys and this glorious fandom. I love them so fucking much; it was only a matter of time, even though I'd written off multi-chaps because of time management, or lack thereof.
_
Chapter 1
It was a Tuesday night that it happened. Most interesting things don't ever happen on Tuesdays, except for this night, when it did. At precisely eleven forty-eight (give or take a few minutes) Logan Mitchell woke up for an abrupt sleep in apartment 2J. It was very quick, and a little bit startling, going from one form of darkness to the other in such a short span of time. His eyes flew open, right into his pillow, and his heart fluttered erratically, as if his body was angry at being woken up so rudely by his mind. His muscles twitched under his covers, slightly.
Whoa.
This was not interesting, or even unusual, because lots of people wake up in the middle of the night abruptly from their slumber.
No, the only thing entirely interesting about Logan's problem was he couldn't get back to sleep. Not even a little.
And the other interesting thing was it had been already occurring, you see.
"Really…again? …Third time this week." The brunette huffed quietly to himself as he rolled over in his bed, several times, fighting with the comforter as it threatened to strangle his legs. When all his squirming was said and done, Logan found himself on his stomach, staring angrily at his headboard, as if it were the cause of his sudden bout of insomnia.
It wasn't of course, and this only served to make Logan grumpier as the digital clock on his cell phone read eleven fifty. And then twelve fifteen. Twelve thirty. One. Two.
Logan groaned into his pillow, trying to stifle his sounds so he didn't disturb Kendall, who was sleeping one bed over. Logan paused in his insomnia misery for a moment. That's right…Kendall.
Lifting his face from the fluffy pillow, Logan peered into the dark across the room, where Kendall lay. He couldn't see defining features; but Logan knew he was sleeping like he always was. He could picture it perfectly, Kendall, supine under his covers, stretched out to his fullest extent with one arm laying on his stomach and the other at his side. Sometimes, one of his long legs would flop over the side of the bed and if he rolled just right Logan knew the blonde was in danger of falling clear out of his bed because his long leg would drag him down. His head would perfectly positioned on his pillow, his slanted blonde bangs falling back off his forehead and away from his rather large eyebrows. Kendall sort of hated them; but Logan thought they were the sexiest thing on this planet. Logan didn't need any sort of light to see Kendall's face perfectly. It had been the last thing he fell asleep to and generally the first thing he woke up to in the morning.
Aside from Kendall's bushy caterpillars, there was his eyes, hazel and brilliant and sparkling, with a spattering of several shades depending on his mood. Logan liked to think he had seen every shade they could be, from his gentle warm browns he shot lovingly at his family to his livid, wicked green-spattered gaze to anyone who dared cross the tall blonde's path. From his position across the room, Logan could see Kendall's pointed nose lifting to the ceiling, and the distinct bend in it from the two times it had been broken, once during a hockey game and last time during a fight he'd furiously picked with Logan's tormenter back freshman year. Along with his eyebrows, Logan loved that crooked nose. His lips, god, Logan was glad he was lying on his stomach when he thought about those lips of his and the things Kendall could, and had, done with them. With their soft color, Kendall's full bottom lip that often got punctured by his canines whenever he smiled sneakily from a new plan that was sure to get them in trouble. How they curved evenly no matter how he smiled, unlike Logan's own stupid warped smile. Kendall was perfection in human form. James was gorgeous, yeah, but Kendall was…what was it Hawk had called him? The ultimate package? Oh yeah.
All those odd angles, imperfections and bumps and crooks of Kendall's body were as familiar to him as his own-and made him feel worth something for once.
The smaller boy's face grew warm as he thought of his boyfriend. Kendall had that effect on him, turning the boy into a walking, stuttering, lip-licking jumble in a sweater vest and khakis. God, he was such a klutz, he didn't need any more excuses.
But Kendall, him and Kendall didn't just have romance, they had friendship. They'd been best friends since pre-k. Probably before that even, knowing Mama Knight and his own mother. They'd seemed to have a predestined relationship, friendship or otherwise-Logan couldn't honestly recall a time when the cocky leader of Big Time Rush wasn't present in his life on way or other. There was just…Kendall. Then James. Then Carlos.
Logan could even remember meeting James the first day of first grade; he smiled at the memory, thinking back to a time when Kendall was small, and he was well, smaller, and James wasn't such a drama queen and had come up to Logan and offered to play with him the first day.
At first, Kendall had been jealous of James. No, scratch that, Logan thought with a frown. Kendall had been protective of Logan. Kendall had no qualms with sharing the smaller boy-and he loved meeting new people himself. But let someone rough Logan up, just a bit, and Kendall was on them like black on an eye.
Out of anything else to do, and more of reflex than anything, Logan glanced at his phone's screen again.
Four twenty three. Holy shit…I've been awake all night again! Suddenly, Logan felt tired. But not a restful tired that indicated sleep was going to come to him soon. This is the third all night I've done straight! I…I gotta sleep!
Well, Logan thought glumly as he bunkered down under his sheets and tried to persuade his mind to stop spinning, In any case, I guess one more night of no sleep couldn't do…too much damage.
What's the worst that could happen?
Logan's mind, however, did not settle down and let him sleep. In fact, Logan found himself staring at the window across the room and right above Kendall until their clock went off at six a few hours earlier.
When Logan got up and inspected himself in the mirror, he flinched. Oh. Maybe three nights was too much, because the guy staring back at him was all dark circles and sunken eyes and pale skin. And looked dead beat down, too.
Well, paler than usual, in any case. Logan stretched one his bottom eye-lids down as he once-d over his reflection. Bleah. I look like shit.
"Hey man-woah, you look like shit." Kendall poked his head into the bathroom door, flicking his gaze over his boyfriend.
"Thank you, Kendall." Logan snapped over his shoulder, suddenly very irritable over his lack of sleep. "Good morning to you too." The brunette shouldered past Kendall, knocking into the blonde intentionally and continued getting dressed. Kendall grimaced sheepishly, held up his hands in defense and not another word was said between the two.
When they got to Rocque Records, Gustavo threw them into dance practice without even a hello. The only thing he told them was they could expect harmonies for double however long it took them to get the new choreography down this morning.
"So in other words," Kendall said over the groans of his band mates as they slouched into place, "If we take three hours learning these steps we have to spend six hours on harmonies?"
"Yes. SO GET TO WORK!" Gustavo shouted, leaving no room for arguing because he'd slammed Studio B's door into Kendall's face.
Actually, it seemed like no one of the band was very lively that morning, but Logan was certainly the least lively one of them all at this point. He nearly nose-dived several times into the cappuccino he'd gotten on the way to the studio, looking so ill that Kendall kept casting worried side glances at him, checking him over each time for any visible disturbances to pin Logan's fatigue and crankiness on.
This, like everything else in the world at the moment, only served to grate on Logan's nerves even more. Like whenever he got flustered or angry, his sarcastic tongue appeared.
Usually the guys were used to it. They enjoyed it, even, Logan was smart, and when he showed it off they felt proud for getting the shy boy out of his shell.
But as the day wore on, and boy did it wear on; Logan was starting to get angry. And oddly angry, like he felt like he might explode. When he lashed out at Kendall, though, things started going downhill faster than Carlos in a shopping cart slingshot.
"Congratulations, dogs, you did it in four hours. Do you know what that means?"
Kendall opened his mouth to argue, and James and Carlos all clapped their hands over their leader's mouth, fearful of getting more punishment in return for Kendall's attitude.
"HARMONIES! EIGHT HOURS! NOOOO BREAKS!"
This time, everyone groaned.
Eight hours later, it was seven thirty at night; Logan felt sweaty and achy, hungry, thirsty and tired all at once. This time, he was pissed enough that he left it show.
This time, Kendall confronted his boyfriend.
"You okay, Logan?"
"Fine." Logan muttered. He sipped his water, and didn't miss those caterpillars bunch up worriedly. Behind him, Logan watched James stretch the kinks out of his back, and tired to focus anywhere but Kendall's hurt gaze.
"Are you sure?" Kendall pressed. Logan's eye squeezed shut in annoyance. He didn't need this right now. He felt trigger happy as it was.
"Yes. I'm. Fine."
But Kendall persisted. He was only worried, maybe a little over-protective of Logan, but who could blame him, after all? The boy looked like he was going to drop any minute, and that scared Kendall so much more than angry Gustavo breathing down his neck for singing off key.
"Jesus! Kendall, let it go, seriously. It doesn't matter."
"It does matter if you're sick, Logan!" Kendall dodged the door Logan almost slammed on him as he left the recording room.
Logan growled and fisted his hands in his hair. "I'm not sick, alright? Fucking hell….leave me alone, Knight." Kendall stopped in his tracks like a stricken puppy.
James and Kendall shot a look of confusions, Kendall's eyes giving away a slight hurt tone.
"I was just asking." Kendall's voice cut through the tension like a whip, his tone stinging Logan's heart. Dammit, this was the last straw.
"Fine. Fine. You want to know what's wrong with me?" Suddenly, Logan was ten feet tall and green. He rounded on the tall blonde and stalked at him, shoulders tense. Out of the corner of his eye, Logan saw Carlos place his helmet on his head and edge between James and the wall. His anger spiked from the adrenaline coursing through his system as his mind tried to keep up with his body and movements.
"Lots of things, Knight. We have a concert in two days, I don't have the notes right yet, I don't have the choreography down, I clearly can't get a grip on myself and it'll be all my fault when we get fired because I can't do shit!"
Logan's brain flew into over-drive, his vision even spun a bit. He swayed on his feet as fatigue took its toll.
"And even better-I forgot our anniversary didn't I, which was fucking icing on the cake, Kendall, believe me, because while I'm ruining James' dream, I also managed to let the first real relationship I've ever had work out start to go to hell, which was fan-fucking-tastic of me, don't you think?" Logan screamed. Three days of sleepless nights and suffering in silence, and no amount of caffeine was going to control Logan or relax him.
"Maybe if we didn't date this wouldn't happen-no, correction! I know it wouldn't happen! We're better off single, Kendall.
"You're better off not in my life!" Logan jabbed Kendall's chest with his finger, his rant ending with aplomb. The statement rang around the walls for several movements.
Kendall's eyes narrowed. "You don't mean that."
Logan stared back, jaw set, eye grim. "I sure as hell do."
For several seconds, the world went still. That must be it, Logan realized, because that was the only explanation for the absolute utter quiet in the room. He was pretty sure no one was breathing. Either Carlos or James had taken a sharp intake of breath when Logan had last spoken, he hadn't seen which, only heard it. Now his other friends were silent and still, eye blown wide and James's mouth slightly parted. Carlos was chewing his bottom lip so hard it looked like he might break skin a minute.
And then there was Kendall, across from him and maybe five inches away, pleading with him, an odd glint in his eyes.
But Logan, tired and cranky and now, actually really mad for no reason at all (and that served to make him madder, actually) remained resolute and stubborn before Kendall.
Kendall stared at Logan, and it dimly dawned on Logan he'd ever seen this color of Kendall's eye before. He looked like he wanted to punch Logan, or cry or grin like it was all a joke. Or do all three things at once.
Logan watched Kendall's emotions flash across his face and almost felt a pang of guilt until, suddenly, Kendall spoke, his voice deeper than usual as he moved past Logan, giving the brunette a wide berth and heading for the studio door.
The blond glanced back, forlornly, at the shocked James and Carlos and, once last time, at Logan, Kendall's gaze pitiful and his head hung low-and, god were those tears in his eyes? Logan's heart sank-Kendall turned way and said one last thing as he left.
"You want me gone? Fine Logie…I'm outta here."