Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z. I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. I just own an old laptop and a lot of free time.
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Claimer: If you saw this on InsaneJournal, then you were looking at my InsaneJournal. 3 I'm thousandsticks on there.
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Authornotes: Watch out for possible falling spoilers for DBZ and/or FMA, and references to DBZ the Abridged.
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Sometimes there are worse things than being dead.
Bardock used to think that it was worse to work for Frieza than to be dead; now he was pretty sure that being a dog of the military ranked right up there with it. In fact, he was sure that having automail ranked up there as well, but that might as well be a case of "there are worse things than being crippled by your attempt at forbidden alchemy."
He'd fallen into the same routine under the command of Roy Mustang: get up, go to Central, give a report of his progress into his alchemy research (He had chosen "practical combat uses of alchemy" so he could at least have an excuse to destroy things.), try to find information on Tora and Shugesh, play a round of chess against Hughes, go back to the military dorms, go to sleep, and have nightmares of Frieza. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Occasionally things were shaken up by the precognitive abilities given to him by the Kanassan he'd slain so many years ago. Otherwise, his new life was endless ennui interrupted with Roy Mustang's innuendos. He almost wished that the powers that be in the universe hadn't given him this second shot at life, but there wasn't much he could do about King Yemma forcing him through one of the desk drawers--and the Gate of Truth.
He'd abandoned most traces of his old life. The scouter had been replaced with a pair of wire-frame glasses because he'd lost the scouter anyway. His armor? Replaced with the standard military uniform of the Armestrian military. His old abilities? All-but-unused, in favor of alchemy. The only things he'd kept as a symbol of his old life were the blood-stained headband that had once been Tora's armband, his crimson armbands, his old body, and the friendships he'd developed with Tora, Shugesh, and Fasha. Sometimes he almost wished he could have hijacked a different body, but that was another story.
And today was just another day.
"Miniskirts! When I'm the Fuhrer, there's going to be miniskirts as far as the eye can see!" Roy suddenly blurted. It was the same thing he'd heard a million times since he joined the Armestrian military and ended up in Central; he had his feelings that Roy wanted to be Fuhrer for more than that, but Roy constantly brought it up.
Again with the miniskirts? The saiyan's eye ticked before he suddenly yelled. "Well, then the female soldier in that one must have a huge ass!"
"Oh no he didn't!" Havoc blurted.
"Oh yes. He did." Hughes stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
A jet of fire sailed by Bardock's ear. Roy gave a displeased frown. "Out of line, Major."
"Out of your damn gourd you megalomaniac nymphomaniac." The saiyan shot back.
Maes Hughes had long since questioned his sanity; how he put up with these two fighting every day was a mystery. Maybe one day the colonel would snap and incinerate that bespectacled hothead's automail? Or perhaps one day the major would finally get tired of calling that miniskirt-obsessed nymphomaniac names and leave Mustang's blood spattered over his own automail? He contemplated, but said nothing. It was best not to get in between his best friend and his favorite chess opponent.
"Colonel! Urgent news from the Fuhrer." Riza Hawkeye had stepped in just in the nick of time. It wasn't too far from the truth that she had news from the Fuhrer.
"I'll deal with you later, irontailed monkey." Mustang grunted, taking Riza into his private quarters with him.
The saiyan gave a completely deadpan expression. "Like you dealt with the other three hundred thirty-seven times?"
Hughes laughed behind him before patting him on the shoulder. "Looks like someone needs some Elicia-therapy."
"Only if you want to see the Kakarrot Special." Bardock laughed.
He had to admit it--he had it pretty good, seeing as he'd died and went through King Yemma's desk drawer to get here. He wouldn't tell Maes Hughes about that. It's not as though Hughes would believe that the Gate of Truth led to King Yemma's mahogany desk drawer.
"I thought the other day you'd show me the Raditz Special." Hughes smirked.
Bardock shrugged. "I've got two sons, so I might as well milk them both for what they're worth. After all, Raditz was the perfect little warrior, and Kakarrot's a hero in the making."
"Right." Hughes said, fishing out a few photos of Elicia. "Look at her! Isn't she the cutest little thing you've ever seen? She's wearing Daddy's glasses!"
Bardock laughed. Now he remembered why he lived in this world: Maes Hughes made him smile with his kind demeanor and these silly photos of Elicia. After a few photos, he chuckled softly and laughed gently.
"Let's play chess, Maes." He suggested.
Hughes gave a smile. "I thought you'd never ask."
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After a few turns, Hughes found himself cornered. His king had the white bishop, the white knight, and the white queen in range. No matter where he moved, he would be put in checkmate. Bardock was good--a brilliant strategist who could beat him at chess without batting his eyelashes. He hesitantly moved his king back.
A gloved finger touched the knight first, then settled on the bishop. Bardock gave a faint smirk before reverting back to his serious countenance as he moved the bishop into place. With a throaty whisper, he spoke only one word. "Checkmate."
Maes Hughes could feel his glasses sliding down in astonishment. "Again?! You're good..." He had to admit it--he was in awe of Bardock's chess-playing skills.
The saiyan stood up from his seat and saluted Maes Hughes. "You played well too, Maes." He then removed the glove to reveal his automail hand and let his automail tail swish to the side slightly. Hardly anyone knew of this except himself, the Colonel Roy, the Lieutenant Colonel Maes, the automail-smith that had crafted the limbs, and Tora. Hastily, his flesh hand pushed his wireframe glasses up on his nose.
Hughes gave a cheerful smile, glancing up to the other man. "Wanna see a photo of my darling little Elicia?"
Bardock gave a more peeved look now. "Do I really have a choice in the matter?"
The two were suddenly interrupted by the footsteps of one of the other soldiers in Central. She stood with a firm poise, arms at her side as she gave a stern look.
"Get back to work." Riza frowned to Maes Hughes. Her eyes then glanced to Bardock. "And Steel Will--Bardock--Colonel Mustang needs to see you in his office."
The warm blood in his veins suddenly turned to ice. Was this revenge for the earlier outburst that had started the argument between the two men? He supposed he should get it over with, lest it haunt him like his nightmares of Frieza. Slowly, he stepped into Roy's office, his eyes doing what they could to avoid his fellow State Alchemist.
The colonel was sitting in his seat, the back turned away from his desk and the door. As soon as he heard the footfalls of the saiyan alchemist, he spoke. "Major Son? Come here."
"Yes sir." Bardock said with a bit of deference now; he knew when not to disrespect his commanding officer. Saiyans didn't traditionally have surnames--he'd taken his surname from the visions he'd had of his son Kakarrot, who the old man and the other beings in the visions had called Son Goku. Goku had seemed like a strange surname to him, but Son sounded normal. That was his surname now.
Roy turned around in his seat, smirking. "You're going to Resembool, you lucky bastard." Suddenly, his face fell into a more serious state. "I need you to meet up with a man called Tora Mato. We have reason to suspect that he has performed Human Transmutation at some point in the past." Here, Roy slid a file folder with a photo of Tora toward Bardock, who picked it up.
"Understood, colonel." Bardock spoke, running his finger along the photo now. Tora hadn't changed much, it seemed. 'Tora...my friend.' He then tucked the folder under his arm, turning around, his eyes hazing over. It had been quite some time since he'd last seen Tora, and understandably, he missed the guy. He wouldn't let another see the tears that misted his eyes. After all, a soldier, especially a saiyan soldier, never cried.
Roy quirked a brow. "You act like a sentimental fool."
Roy's words had fallen on deaf ears. Bardock's coal-black eyes stared off into space, memories rising to the surface and feeling every bit as real as his visions of the future. His mind whirled back to the day he'd last seen Tora--nay, the day he'd last seen both Tora and Shugesh--the day the three had attempted human transmutation to bring back Fasha.
Sometimes, there were worse things than being dead--like remorse.